I’ve been thinking alot about Motherhood and blogging and how I think that I rarely point out the positives. To be honest, I didn’t start blogging to gush about the “good” stuff. I really needed a place to moan and groan. As Mothers we know that there are days that we wish would just end. We have had enough. We have too much on our plates.
There is a lot on our plates in terms of motherhood. The guilt, the sacrifices, the worry, questioning if we are good enough, the unreasonable standards to which we are held, and about a zillion other things that they forgot to mention in the Now That You’re a Mommy manual. (Actually my manual was written in some language from an obscure Brazilian rainforest tribe and I’ve had the damnedest time getting it translated.)
In the beginning of my new, fumbled, awkward steps into motherhood, I was angry with all Mothers out there. I felt betrayed and so unbelievably alone. Other Mothers told me that it would be “hard”. Well, making a souffle is hard. So is taking an Anatomy final. Everyone failed to mention the specifics of how hard it would be. It might have been helpful to know that I might think of sending my son back to wherever he came from during those first few weeks (alright months). A heads up on the isolation one feels would have been dandy. Maybe a little information regarding a total adjustment of your identity would have been in order. It was as if I’d been duped.
So, yes, there are negatives. There are some truly defeating days. Why then, did I want to become a Mother again? Why do I not jump off the Bayway on those bad days? It’s because there is nothing better than those great Mommy moments. Because even with all the difficulties and challenges, I would NEVER dream of giving this up. Because sometimes I feel like my heart is going to burst from all the love I have for my precious little Peanut and Petunia.
From that first moment, that moment when there were two! pink lines, I was a Mother. Then there’s the very best moment of them all, that instant when you see your baby for the very first time. YOUR baby. Nothing in this world will ever compare to that one instant.
I’m proud to belong to this exclusive club we call Motherhood. I guess the failure to mention the specifics of what happens to YOU once you become a Mother is just part of the initiation ceremony. Only Mothers can truly understand another Mother. Maybe it’s good that we tell Mothers-to-be the good stuff and selectively leave out the undesirable information. Maybe we do tell and Mothers-to-be are unable to comprehend the magnitude of our experiences.
So here I am, sixteen months into this Motherhood gig. In May, I get to do it all over again. I know that I have so much to look forward to AND I know that I have a lot to dread. But mostly I get to have those moments that I yearn to have again. I get to figure out how to keep my heart from exploding from the love of two babies. I am lucky.
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Can we tell the mothers-to-be that some mothers don’t even get that joyful instant when you see your baby for the first time? Or do I need to still keep that under the rug?
By The Queen of Shake-Shake on 03.12.07 1:04 pm | Permalink
I don’t think it’s that mothers don’t tell mothers-to-be the real scoop, I think it’s that mothers-to-be can’t hear it until it happens to them. I’ve had a few friends who heard me thrash and moan and threaten to give the baby up for adoption–and then when they had their babies, they claimed no one ever told them how hard it would be.
By Swistle on 03.12.07 2:06 pm | Permalink
What a great post. I talk about this a lot — this feeling totally betrayed — I called it “The False Advertising of Motherhood.”
It’s really one of the only things in life that you really can’t get fully until you’ve done it.
And you’re right. Anything is easier than this.
But, for the most part, I wouldn’t trade any part of it in for the world (okay, except the ‘roids — I’ll give those away for free).
By kristen on 03.12.07 8:28 pm | Permalink
I found your site through Swistle and I love it! The first picture on this post made me cry–whomever took it caught such great emotion… it is wonderful.
I think for me, it was that many of the books/blogs/whatevs, even the ones that said “you will be in poopy diapers up to your eyeballs for three years” failed to mention the excruciating minutae that makes up mommyhood (and is likely the stuff that makes us want to throw our kids out the window). For me, it isn’t the tantrums or watching Elmo tapes over and over again that make me go insane and contemplate sending my child to her grandparents until she is 18, it is picking up toys, vacuuming 8 times a day, piled up laundry, and not taking a shower for 2 (ok, maybe 4 days)that really sends me over the edge. It’s great to know that there are others out there that are in the same boat.
By coffee stained on 03.13.07 1:43 am | Permalink
It’s the best and the hardest thing ever, isn’t it?
By Oh, The Joys on 03.13.07 12:53 pm | Permalink
ok, so i am still reading your blog–i think i have become a blog stalker–no way, this can’t be happening to me too! Somehow i can relate to all you have tosay and you express it so well. This one made me tear up. I just might have to add you to my “go to girls” blogroll
By ed's girl on 03.14.07 7:30 pm | Permalink
When I got pregnant the 3rd time around, I dreaded the idea. NOT the idea of a new baby, a new person to love and to love me… but these first 6 HORRENDOUSLY HARD weeks that I Knew were coming. No one else could understand what I meant - no one, except of course, other mothers.
I blog about the hard times too- motherhood IS HARD… hardest thing we’ll ever do… and the best, isn’t it???
Congrats on #2 - I wish you the best!
PS - I found you through Motherhood Uncensored’s post from today
By Dawn on 04.02.07 1:20 pm | Permalink
Such a beautiful post.
Yes, other mothers say it’s hard but they don’t tell you to what degree. And then as new mothers ourselves we continue to perpetrate the myth that parenting is difficult, but not impossible. I suppose we want everyone to join our club and not be scared off.
By Mrs. Chicky on 04.02.07 1:59 pm | Permalink
Congrats on the perfect post!!!!
Speech!Speech!Speech!!
By SuburbanOblivion on 04.02.07 2:43 pm | Permalink
That was beautiful. Almost makes me want to have another child. Enjoy these moments while you can because the older they get, the more you really do wish you could send them back!
By Dana on 04.02.07 5:13 pm | Permalink
That was a great post and that new mom picture says more than any of your words.
By Housewife on 04.02.07 6:29 pm | Permalink
Great post and really so true.
I think mothers-to-be, and I was the biggest offender of all here, think that they will somehow be better at it than the mothers who are trying to warn them.
It really does take BEING a mother to understand.
Thanks for the link! My stat counter has a cramp today from all the activity.
By Michele on 04.02.07 7:19 pm | Permalink
A well-deserved Perfect Post! You say what I have thought many, many times and written a few times, as well.
When I think about the paradoxical nature of motherhood, I’m always reminded of that old Army recruitment commercial where the slogan is “The hardest job you’ll ever love” It’s so true…
(And thanks for the linky love. I never knew you’d linked to me or I would have thanked you sooner
By Izzy on 04.03.07 3:45 am | Permalink
Here from Petroville - congrats on your perfect post!
I must agree with an above commenter - I didn’t have this rush of love that everyone told me about when I first saw my daughter - I had an emergency c-section and was tired and just glad she was out of me and I just wanted to sleep - and I was GLAD someone had told me I might not feel it immediately. It definitely comes, no question about it, but it wasn’t instant for me either.
By TrueJerseyGirl on 04.04.07 5:16 pm | Permalink