If only my legs, thighs and stomach were not covered in post pregnancy flab, I could easily be mistaken for Pamela Anderson. Easily. Well, I would also have to have blond hair, a tattoo on my upper arm, plumper lips, and be Canadian. But other than that, I could totally pass for Pamela Anderson.
I have Pamela’s boobs. Or maybe I have Dana’s? Either way, my boobs are HUGE.
These monstrosities seem to be growing everyday. I just purchased new size E nursing bras, I even tried them on in the store. Now they are too small. Am I going to have to go and buy a size H bra to keep these enormous tatas in control?
And the leaking! Oh my goodness the leaking! Instead of the worthless nursing pads I’ve been using, I think I’m going to get a pillow off of my bed and strap it across my chest with some duct tape. Sure it isn’t the most attractive solution, but it’s not as if I’ve been personifying a runway model recently. Breastmilk stains down the front of my shirt are not the must have item for the summer.
The only shirts that cover my ample bosoms are my old sorority T-shirts from college. Actually, I bought some new nursing shirts, and like a fool, I bought them in size small. I did wear one of my new skin-tight shirts on an outing yesterday, hoping that it would stretch out with a little wear. No such luck. I did, however, get ogled by a bunch of dirty old men and several masculine looking females.
If Playboy called right now and offered me the cover, I’d be forced to take it. One day I will want photographic evidence that these boobs actually existed. And really, it would be so fun to fill out that very academic survey Playboy publishes on their playmates.
Like, oh my gawd, my name is Jennifer!!!! Puppies, kittens, and bunnies are soooooooo cute!!! My favorite color is yellow because that’s the color of the sun!!! I wish for world peace and for all the children of the world to have tricycles!!!! My ideal guy would be totally sweet, rich, and know how to bake!!!!! Ooh, ooh, ooh…I forgot!! I like rainbows, too!!!!
(Stay tuned for the Google search results I get from this post.)