In a move very unlike myself, I actually began my
torture running program last night. Something about publishing my plans for my tens of readers (and my
jiggly, cottage cheese ass) really motivated me.
It’s only been about twelve hours since I ran, but I’m wondering if it’s normal to be very aware of the fact that I have knees. I’ve always known of their existence, but now it’s as if I can feel them all the time. The same goes for my ankles and hips.
Mostly it went well, although several times while running, I felt myself cursing. Since I was listening to music, I wasn’t sure if I was saying these words loudly enough for my very religious neighbors to hear or if was was merely muttering them under my gasps for air.
I began worrying that my neighbors could hear me, which actually had the positive effect of making the
torture time pass more quickly. It occurred to me that I was probably going to need a T-shirt printed with this message (in case the neighbors were listening to my curse-laden pants)to wear while running…
Front of shirt
I’m not cursing when you hear me yell “JESUS CHRIST”…I’m just loudly asking for His assistance up the hill.
Back of shirt
I am cursing when you hear me yell “Oh F*CK ME, NOT ANOTHER F*CKING HILL”
That should appease my religious neighbors, doncha think!?!