In a move very unlike myself, I actually began my torture running program last night. Something about publishing my plans for my tens of readers (and my
jiggly, cottage cheese ass) really motivated me.
It’s only been about twelve hours since I ran, but I’m wondering if it’s normal to be very aware of the fact that I have knees. I’ve always known of their existence, but now it’s as if I can feel them all the time. The same goes for my ankles and hips.
Mostly it went well, although several times while running, I felt myself cursing. Since I was listening to music, I wasn’t sure if I was saying these words loudly enough for my very religious neighbors to hear or if was was merely muttering them under my gasps for air.
I began worrying that my neighbors could hear me, which actually had the positive effect of making the torture time pass more quickly. It occurred to me that I was probably going to need a T-shirt printed with this message (in case the neighbors were listening to my curse-laden pants)to wear while running…
Front of shirt
I’m not cursing when you hear me yell “JESUS CHRIST”…I’m just loudly asking for His assistance up the hill.
Back of shirt
I am cursing when you hear me yell “Oh F*CK ME, NOT ANOTHER F*CKING HILL”
That should appease my religious neighbors, doncha think!?!
Send one of those shirts my way once you get ‘em made. M’kay?
You sound like me!
Our neighborhood is very hilly so my walking stays mostly confined to a couple of relatively flat cul de sacs near my house.
I once went walking with a newly met neighbor and had to just tell her I’d meet her at the top of the hill. Or I could try to keep up and die.
Which was really just an excuse to get her *very* religious ass away from me so that I could also say “Oh F*CK ME, NOT ANOTHER F*CKING HILL”.
Just move a little farther north and we can walk and cuss all we want! And my jiggles & cottage cheese will make you feel oh so much better in comparison – you may even just give up walking!
It doesn’t appease your religious readers.
Great job for getting out there!! I have been working on trying to start jogging myself — trying to ease in so I will keep it up instead of quitting since it is too hard. It is nice to know there is someone else out there too.
Send me a shirt, too, please. I have the same neighbors. & the same lack of enthusiasm.
AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
ROFLMAO
Sounds like an awesome plan to me! Should smooth things right over.
I would buy one in every color!
rotflmao
me+running=killmenow
I walk, and save everyone the hassle of laughing.
I LOVE This.
I live in the white trash ghetto so I think my neighbors would get a kick out of it. You’d probably make tens of dollars with your idea.
Yup, you will be the t-shirt queen!
Girl, you KNOW what happens to me on a treadmill and I still h a t e to run.
’nuff said.
I would so buy one of those shirts! I think you need to invest in one of Casey’s special treadmills. I know if I had one of those, I would have the body of a model.
You could make a fortune with a shirt like that. I don’t run – and I would buy one.
That’s hilarious!
Maybe if I had one of those shirts I could muster up the energy to go for a run myself.
I like your shirt!
I am feeling the exact same way as you are- and having the same thoughts while running too.
I think this is helpful, no? To know that a WHOLE BUNCH of bloggers are limping around today as well?
Well done!
PS. I managed to time my first run so that the last segment of running happened on the biggest hill. Technically, I was running, but it must have looked like I was imitating a slo-mo runner, or something. Honestly, I could have WALKED faster.
If I ever decide to run, I’ll have to buy one of those.
PS–You already have 17 comments. Must have more than 10 readers you superstar!!
I love it! Please send me one of those t-shirts once they’re made.
Oh wait I don’t run, I’m still a lazy ass!
Please don’t hate me, but I had lost all my pregnancy weight about 2 weeks after Lucy was born. I have since found some of it again, though. Too much ice cream, I’m thinking.
Anyways, I am very impressed that you are starting to run. I also LOVE your t-shirt idea.
And, I only run when chased.
I love it. You could manufacture it in sizes like “You Tiny Bitch” up to “Why Do You Think I’m Running, Jackass?”
You and Swistle make a good team–your t-shirts, her sizes. Watch out eBay!
you should sell those on seemommyrun.com I swear they would sell like hotcakes. I’d buy one for sure.
lol, great post.
NOW I’m really feeling guilty for not running though. You have hills and I have none and still don’t want to do it.
I’m a religious prude, and -I’m- laughing my head off.
I’d order one, but I totally hate running with the hatred of a thousand snakes.
I hate running. HATE it. Blew off the half marathon I had paid for because…I hate running.
I’d buy that shirt; I’ll wear it while biking. Even though there are NO hills here where I live.
Wow, you’re running! Way to go. I can’t run because I eventually (after like two minutes) get the taste of blood in my mouth. Weird…. Maybe you could use a treadmill without hills?
I can’t even imagine running in our heat, and I’m sure northern Virginia has nothing on Lower Alabama! Very impressive.
I’d like to place an order. Since I have no plans to run unless something is chasing me, maybe you could custom design an everyday shirt. Something like, “Shut the f*ck up and don’t look at me.” or “Can’t you see I have enough issues already?!?”
I’d be a walking disclaimer, so when I come unglued no one can hold me responsible. I love it.
I keep thinking about taken up running, but then i realise it would mean giving up my wonderful naptie freedome and change my mind. Good luck
Can’t believe you’re running in the icky heat we’re having… Good for you!
I love the shirt by the way- I’d wear it to the gym for sure…