I remember the day Tate told me he’d been offered a position in the Backwoods, AL plant. We were sitting at Subway on Eldorado in Decatur, IL. He had emailed me at work to see if I wanted to meet for lunch. Since he didn’t ask me to lunch often, I was thrilled, thinking what a romantic gesture this was.
This day also marked my 12th week of pregnancy. I’d been keeping my secret from all of our friends and coworkers, and had planned to share our big news with everyone that week.
Looking back now, life seemed perfect, idealistic. Everything was truly right with the world. We were living only two hours from family and friends. Our house was our dream home in a dream neighborhood with dream neighbors. Everyone was friendly with one another, stopping to chat on evening walks, discussing the Cardinals or the Cubs, our green (or brown) yards, the weather. We knew everyone’s kids names. I also had a job that I truly loved, finally working in a school where I’d made friends and felt respected.
And best of all, we were expecting a baby.
So that day, when Tate told me that my perfect world was going to change has stuck with me. I remember the details of my surroundings as I heard him say the words, “they’ve offered me an opportunity in Backwoods.” As I sat eating my sandwich in the booth by the door in back by the soda machine and bathroom, I cried. Even as I type this, I can feel that lump in my throat, the burning of tears. Choking back the shock, I didn’t want to immediately start crying, but my words were forced. “Alabama?,” I managed to say, as tears began to fall. I remember barely being able to swallow the mouthful of food. At some point in our conversation, I said, “but we’re having a baby. What about our baby? What about me?”
We told our families that night. They were as devastated as I was. I tried to be enthusiastic, tried to see this as yet another adventure, tried to see the positives. It’s hard to be excited when your perfect world is crumbling around you.
If I had it to do all over again, I wouldn’t have been as supportive of the move. Had I realized just how difficult it would be to raise children so far from any family, I wouldn’t have agreed to move hundreds of miles away. It all still feels incredibly unfair.
***********
Stay tuned for the next installment where I’ll discuss our first impressions of Alabama and share our horrific moving story. I know, you’re at the edge of your seat.
***********
Just one more day to ask me a question. I’ve only received 3 questions so far and my ego is irreparably bruised. So if you’d like to play along, pu-uhleeeeeeze email me at playgroupie at gmail dot com.
Technorati Tags: Alabama, relocation, Decatur, IL
I AM hanging off my seat for the next installment ;0) I could feel your pain.
I’m telling ya, the “VDog Interviews the Binky Bitch” sounds pretty good right about now, doesn’t it?
I could cross-post it on my blog, heh.
a big move while pregnant and to a proverbial Backwoods? brave, brave girl …
and, I’d ask a question, but I’m too new around here to know what’s already been said! raincheck?
yeah, I can comment….I am on the behometh desktop, I wonder if that matters. I usually am on my laptop when I am having problems!
anyway, that is exactly how I have felt every time we find out we are on our way to a new duty station….Me: what do you mean we are moving to Alaska….Oklahoma….California….Kansas….Texas” I could go on and on!
As for a question: Do you miss working?
Im on the edge of my seat….
I can’t imagine what it’s like to live so far from family. The reason we are moving is to be closer to Carlos’ family…it’s been hard enough dealing with the boys and their “issues” here, and they are just on the other side of the city.
My family lives 3 hours away, and I find that incredibly hard. I talk to my mom on the phone everyday, I email my brother at least a few times a week…but it still isn’t enough.
I’m almost scared to read about your horrific moving story!
I can’t wait to read it. I’ve always fantasized about moving to the South. Maybe you will cure me of my longing.
Love your writing….could you hurry it up a little with the next installment? I'm about to fall off the edge here! lol
Poor thing, I know being away from family is nearly the hardest thing to do when raising a family. One day you'll catch yourself in mid-conversation claiming that home is Backwoods Alabama…it'll catch you off guard…but you'll feel all warm and fuzzy when you realize…you're home!
Just hang in there!
Sad! We lives far from family for our first child’s first year, and didn’t like it.
wow. I’m so behind on your blog. This is a great thread and I can’t wait to hear the next installment.
I always wondered why people would move there…
HA! Only kidding. I’ve never been, I have no clue what it’s like…
I don’t think I would have done it either, but now, i would love to move away.
Thanks for sharing your story. I look forward to reading more!
I understand how it feels to raise kids so far from family. We are facing a similar issue – moving away from here, where I’m settled to a more exciting, but more expensive part of Florida. The decision has not been made, but it’s rumbling on in the background – I try to pretend it’s not there!
I’ll email you a question
Oh Jen,that’s so sad. Now I feel really bad for being so happy you came. It may not help but you’ve made my living down here so much better.
I know EXACTLY what you mean. EXACTLY. Can’t wait to hear the rest … and I’ll think of a question for you. My brain is sluggish what with all the preschool …
We’re a 13 hour drive away from both our parents and it is horribly difficult for me. Here I am in Virginia, I’ve been here for 3 years now, and Michigan is still “home”. Plus the grandparents are missing all the fun first year stuff. :-/
I know how hard that is. We were both in the Army and in Ft. Knox KY when we got pregnant the first time. We were 5-6 hours from my family and it was hard…but not as hard as it got later. The day our 2nd child turned 9 months old we were on a plane to Germany. Our 3rd child was born in Germany…Now we are back in Alabama with family just an hour away…
Wow, I don’t know if I could have moved that far. We live a little over an hour from our parents and *most of* our siblings. I can’t imagine living farther now that we have a child. I can see why that’s been so hard on you.
That sounds awful. I’m so happy my husband doesn’t have the type of job where he gets offered positions in far away lands. I can’t wait for the
next installment – and I hope you guys get to move somewhere closer to family soon.
I had to do that 6 times, so i know exactly how you feel. Always longing for home.
On the bright side and looking back (as always), it really is a good experience and I think it makes your marriage and your lil’ family much much stronger.
Im exactly in the same boat. Were 5 hours away from any kind of family whatsoever. All we have here is coworker friends. It’s not quite the same as family. I can’t wait to hear the story as I have a pretty good one to. I’ll leave that for a post on another day.
I’m trying to think of a good question to dazzle you..
Wow.. I'm ready to read more… Don't keep us hanging long:) hahah
I know how being so far feels. It sucks like nothing else. I feel like my family doesn’t know my son all that well. It’s been the biggest ongoing fight in 8 years of marriage.
Ugh, I’m sorry it’s been so tough. I really don’t know how I would do things if I was so far away from family – although I may get the chance to find out if we end up moving for Grad school. Not with new babies though, that’s way harder than moving with big kids, I’m sure.
Oh, honey. I KNOW. We live, at closest, three and a half hours from family. We made our last big move last October, the weekend I found out I was pregnant with Baby O. Now? I’m JUST FINALLY getting a support group here. But friends are busier than grandparents and it’s hard to not be near my dad and mom. (ok, my dad)
I wish I lived in AL. Just for the fact that you’re there. Also, the housing. Cheap, affordable, housing. And sunshine. Ok. Now I’m just talking myself in to it.
Now wait– being away from family is AWFUL, but don’t blame it on Alabama. You’d be miserable anywhere you were far from family I hope, and certainly our crazy politics are entertaining, if not exactly progressive, and the yummy lima beans etc are priceless!
I’m here, and Zoot, and apparently Shake-Shake– why are we not getting together?
Are you way down in LA?
Reach out and touch your fellow Ala bloggers, honey! We’re here for you!
I want to hear the moving story too. I already believe it.
I’m impressed you didn’t just duct tape him to a chair for the duration.
Questions huh? Somehow I missed that. Ok, lets see….
1. Do you have siblings? Are they younger or older?
2. Is two it for you?
3. Last book you read that did not come from the preschool section of the house.
4. Who the hell designed your header, cause I need them. I hate my site.
I’m in AL too, and far from family as well. I have a BIL 3 hours away, but the rest of the family is 8-16 hours. Sometimes it sucks, and I could definitely use the help (especially now!) but sometimes it’s nice to be far away.
In true Alabama spirit, “Bless your heart.” I wish I could just give you a hug!
Sounds like a traumatic experience. I admire your courage. I am thankful to have family very close. I can’t imagine being a parent without family there to lean on.
Can’t wait for the continued story…
Please warn me if there is going to be an semblance of Alabama bashing in this series.
On a serious note, I can understand being so far away from family. That is not easy.
I don’t know how you did it…I can’t imagine moving so far away and being pregnant. Waiting for the next installment:)
The closest I’ve ever been to Alabama is watching that Reese Witherspoon movie. And unless Josh Lucas is going to be greeting me when I cross the state border, I think I’ll take your word for it and stay away.
I don’t know what I would do if I had to live far from my family. It really must be so tough for you.
Jane, Pinks & Blues
I am waiting for the next installment… *taps fingers impatiently on table*
I cannot even begin to imagine how hard it is to raise kids without family around!
Now I can’t get “Stars Fell on Alabama” out of my head. Thanks.
:0)
Good luck with everything. And as one in Huntsville, AL, it’s not that bad!
I understand it will be rough moving away from family and being in the beginning stages of pregnancy. Where exactly is this “Backwoods” Alabama anyways?
I really feel for you- I seriously am not sure how we would have managed this pregnancy, with all its random health complications, without both our families. I pretty much hate our home state, and the town’s nothing special, but I wouldn’t want to move in a million years. I give you props!
Ooh, moving while pregnant=no fun. We moved to Ireland in November for what we thought would be a 2-3 year stint building a pharmaceutical plant but ended up being moved back home six months later, extremely pregnant, to the Texas summer heat (after acclimating to highs of 50 degrees every day). We had no idea how difficult it would have been to have a baby thousands of miles away from family. So thankful we got sent home, even though it was disappointing. I feel ya. new to your blog, btw, and love it!
We live 20 minutes from my family and I complain that’s too far constantly. Although if we lived any closer I’d probably be complaining about that, too. I suck.
I can’t imagine moving while pregnant. Oh wait. I can. I did. We had to move out of our house at the end of my pregnancy with Elise because we were renovating our house and unexpectedly needed to move out. Ugh. (Damn hormones!)
Anyway, as much as I love being close to my family, sometimes we’re a little too close. I wish I had the kind of with my family that you have where you actually miss them if you don’t see them.
Oh honey, am I feeling you on this one!!! We moved across the country from our families for R’s job. Right as we started trying to get pregnant. I so totally understand how hard it is to raise a family in a place where you don’t know anyone and have no family to lean upon. To say it sucks doesn’t even begin to describe it. For us, it will never end. I suspect we’ll move every 2-3 years – oh joy. Although I have actually said I did NOT want to live in Alabama. Ever. But now that I know you’re there…
You should gather your things and head over here to the ATL (yes, you have to say THE). I will be your friend and it’s not backwoods. Much.
I bounced over here because I like the title of your blog, but this is a great post. Considering that I am in and from Georgia and grew up about a mile from the AL line (not there any more)this really made me giggle. But from another point-of-view, life would stick living away from family. They do make for great sitters.
I hope things liven up some and if you do get near ‘the’ ATL let me know and I’ll meet you there for coffee. We aren’t too far from there.
Can’t wait to read the next installment.
I hope your story ends happily. I can’t imagine being pregnant AND moving to a far away place…how hard! Cab’t wait to read the rest!
I can’t think of any questions! Oh, the pressure!
Ah, man. We are contemplating a big move ourselves and now you’ve got me worried! And, I live somewhat near Decatur! What’d ya hafta go and move for??
i moved to florida when i was five months preggers with a 20 month old. I was trying to be laid back mama, “have baby will travel” girl. I look back now and can’t believe what I went through. I knew nobody, left my fam, and had to start all over. Including finding an ob/gyn!
I AM on the edge of my seat.
keep em coming!
can’t wait for the next installment!
It IS hard to raise kids far away from family. I never realized the importance of being relatively nearby family until we had kids.
You took the news better than I would have. I think I might have flipped out, then refused to go. We specifically moved back to our city to be close to our parents when I got pregnant. I can’t imagine being so far away from family and friends with a new baby.
Looking forward to the next installment.
Maybe it is because I am an AF wife, but I am thinking moving isn’t a big deal. It’s an adventure, right??
I don’t have any questions…My brain is kinda shot from this week babysitting. I haven’t been able to really get on the computer to do more than turn the damn thing on much less read and write to people before a fight breaks out over trains. *sigh* I am trying to catch up with everything…
I feel your pain with leaving family and raising children. I am 800 miles away from my family though I am lucky enough to have his family close…I still get homesick though.
just had to comment on your title and how much i love “Red Dirt Girl” by Emmylou…since i assume it’s a quote, non?
and moving…i moved HOME at 12 weeks pregnant. the other way around would have been really hard.
So with you. I became a mother 3500 km away from my family (3000 from my inlaws) and it sucks. I cannot wait to leave this place. Only 10 months and 3 days to go!!