Are you looking for a new career?!?!
Do you want to work in a casual work environment with friendly people?!?!
We’re currently hiring the following full-time positions:
Must be willing to ominipotently know about my husband’s disdain for things such as cilantro and “old lady food.” Duties will include breakfast, lunch, dinner and two snacks, keeping kitchen tidy, putting away dishes in the dishwasher due to the employer’s irritation at having to do this task.
Duties to include scrubbing (especially the bathrooms as they haven’t been really cleaned in ages), dusting, vacuuming, baseboards, cobwebs, sweeping, mopping (the need here is DESPERATE). Most important duty will be to keep the dog hair soiling to a minimum, which will require removal of said dog hair several times per day from all surfaces of the house.
Must be willing to care for two
drooling, smelly, lumpy adorable, sweet-natured basset hounds. Duties include (but are certainly not limited to) letting the dogs in and out several times per day, walking the dogs, bathing the dogs when they’ve rolled in something dead, clipping their toenails, and keeping their ears clean (inside and out).
Duties will include at least one load per day. Must be willing to wash the employer’s ONE PAIR of jeans whenever they are soiled by peanut butter hands or spit up. Stain removal skills are a plus.
Must be willing to explain every single purchase made on Debit card and explain reason for going over the grocery budget. Duties will also include sitting in line at the bank to deposit ENORMOUS checks from BlogHer ads, reconciling the checkbook, making budget, paying bills, and filing tax returns.
This is a very important position. Must be willing to run to the grocery store without notice, make beer runs, take vehicles for scheduled maintenances, and any other piddly errands as deemed URGENT! AND NECESSARY! by employer. Hot, muscular body, bedroom eyes and a dashing smile a plus! Shirt NOT required.
Must have extensive knowledge in flowers, shrubs, and grasses and the ability to make things grow in sandy, nutrient-depleted soil. Again, a hot, muscular body, bedroom eyes and a dashing smile are a DEFINITE plus! Shirt is also NOT required.
Scientist specializing in cloning
Must have the ability to clone the employer (Jennifer) so that she can be relieved of some of her duties and have time for
blogging the children. Cloned Jennifer will be responsible for making doctor’s appointments, remembering birthdays, making certain the diaper bag actually contains, you know, diapers, shopping for pants and shirts that actually fit the REAL Jennifer and not tell her what size they are, and wifely duties *ahem*.
Salary is very competitive and commensurate with what the finest SAHM’s are being paid!!!!