Time
I watch the clock. 5:30? Why hasn’t he called? I want him to call. I need a break.
When will this stage pass, sleepless nights, colic, “no”, throwing food on the floor, naps chaining me to the house…
Next summer Ella will be walking, it will be easier.
Next year Carson will be, I will be, Tate will be…
I’m always waiting.
It seems to be such a shame that I’m not enjoying the moments more. I know I should savor these times, not wish them away.
When it comes to the concept of time, I’m always at odds. I wish it away, yet I wish for it to last longer, too. Now that we’ve had children, Tate and I have such little time together. Yet in the evenings, I find that it’s hard to switch gears from “Mom” to “wife.” I don’t know how to go from covered in spit-up and washing dinner off little hands to adult conversationalist and lover.
There’s never enough time to just be me.
The ability to make time for everyone, Carson, Ella, Tate, friends, seems impossible. I don’t know how to balance everyone’s needs. I joked yesterday about needing help. But really, it’s not a joke. I’m tired. I’m having trouble keeping up.
I’m always overextended.
I miss the days of being childless and carefree. Planning my days however I felt, not planning around meals and naps and bedtimes. I miss going out to dinner, having nice clothes, being the other half of a great couple, and driving fast with the windows down and music blaring. I wished this time away, wanting children. Wanting to be truly grown up.
Well here I am grown up. So lucky to have a wonderful husband, healthy and beautiful children. I have everything I ever dreamed of having and more. But, why am I not finding the contentment I’d thought I’d have?
Is this IT for the rest of my life? Making meals, wiping butts, calming tantrums, getting up in the night, disciplining, always waiting for the next thing.
Or is THIS it? Watching my kids grow and flourish, encouraging them, making them feel loved, going to baseball games and dance recitals, crying on their first days of school, remembering to savor the here and now.
Either way, I don’t know where I fit. When do I get to be me?
*****
On a somewhat related note, check out my recipe blog for a delicious recipe from Impostor Mom, Spicy Honey-Glazed Chicken. Mmm, mmm, mmm. Delicioso.
When my kids were little, I felt the same way. Believe me…it does get easier. As the kids get more self-sufficient, you don’t feel like you’re being pulled every which way (as much).
That’s my experience anyway.
Wow. This sounds like something I could have written, not as well as you have, but the same feelings.
I kept looking forward to Liam being older than 3 months so that maybe the colic would go away. And now he’s almost 4 months and I almost wish it back - if only to have a newborn again to hold against me. It seems that I spend most of my time wishing something was over, or looking forward to the next things, only to then look back and say, “I miss that.” I remember in HS I couldn’t wait for it to be over - then I couldn’t wait for college to be over. What! What was I thinking - those were some of the easiest and most fun years. And now, yes, I’m grown up also, something I always looked forward to - but I just want to play and have fun and not think about who pooped when, who needs to sleep, how I’m going to get them to sleep, etc. etc. etc.
I think our kids are close in age (I’ve got an almost 3 year old and a 4 month old - both boys). So hopefully, next summer will be easier and we’ll be able to “enjoy the moment” as they say.
Oprah did some show on this a few months ago and it just pissed me off because At That Moment, Liam was crying/trying to nurse and Quinn was calling from the bathroom, “Mommy, I’m all done. I went poop.” In otherwords, “Come wipe my ass.” Yes, enjoy the moment, Oprah. That episode and the one that teaches you to read your babies cries - both just didn’t sit well with me.
Sorry for the long post - just wanted to let you know you’re not alone.
It feels interminable but the stage passes in a heartbeat. Be easy on yourself.
Last night, while bouncing the baby back to sleep (3rd time’s the charm?) I was thinking about exhaustion. Some nights I’m physically exhausted - I can handle that. Some nights I’m emotionally exhausted - I can handle that. Then there’s nights, like last night, where I’m Mommily exhausted. Where I sit there and just think “When the #%#@ do I get to stop being a Mom for just a little while?!”
I know how you feel, With my 1st group, I wished they would grow up and let me have my life back, just a little. Then I got my 3rd baby, 10 years after the 2nd, and I wondered how I did it the first time around. It gets better, I promise!!! Have a little fun….you’ve been tagged. (Thought you might need a little “fun” about now.)
Ahh… this is why I drink. Ha.
I think it might be human nature to wish for the next thing, to long for what we don’t have. Every day I get into my car and go to my job. I leave my son with a stranger so that I can make the money. And it breaks my heart every single day.
Every evening I think about how it will go with my husband when he gets home. “oh, I missed you honey, I love you.” But it ends up being, “Dammit- you forgot to put soap in the dishwasher.Again.”
It’s difficult to enjoy the seconds that we do have alone. (At least it is for me.) Because they are so very fleeting. It’s moving moving moving away from me, every second. Every day. It doesn’t help that I’m a worrier by nature.
I read a study that says people who are married with children are happier people in the long run. But in the trenches they are more unhappy. Ironic.
-HH
I understand and I think every mom has been there…especially stay at home moms because we have NO time away from our kids. Sometimes I wish I could get a job just to get some time away…
However, try to think of it this way. It will NOT be this way forever. They will not be small forever, they will not need to be fed or wiped or washed…one day sooner than you think they will be independent and not want you in the area of the bathroom door when they bathe, will insist that they can make their own food, grabbing the keys and running out of the house before you can tell them you love them, will run off to college or marriage and leave you in their dust.
It is hard not to wish the time away especially when you are exhausted. It is natural to want something easier than what you have…but think when it does get easier and the sleepless nights are gone and you no long have to prepare food for 4 people, you will be wishing this time back…wishing for the time when your children would ask you to sit with them and read, wishing for the time when you could all sit down to dinner (or a semblance of it).
What you have now is not permenant. It is temporary and so very fleeting. Keep telling yourself that and eventually you will stop wishing so much for it to hurry up, but to stay a little bit longer.
I so relate to this. As a Mom it is always so easy to take care of everyone and everything else and to not take time for us. I realized yesterday that I have been trying to get by on the bare minimum of help so as not to ask too much of others, but that means I have been asking too much of myself.
I know the feelings all too well. It took until my youngest was three before I started to feel like me again. And she just turned three in May. So, just now am I able to go out and be ME again and NOT feel one ounce of guilt. There is light at the end of the tunnel. And I know now that it is SO true when people say, “Enjoy these moments; they don’t last long!”
You have expressed my feelings 100 times better than I could have myself. I have been this way my whole life.
BTW I love the live traffic feed!
I completely understand! I feel pulled in so many directions, and often find myself wishing for the kids to be older so I don’t have to deal with all of this.
I want to tell myself to enjoy the moment because we won’t be having any more kids and I’ll someday miss them being this small, but I’m too overwhelmed to really enjoy it right now. I wonder if nursing school was the right thing to do with two kids so small right now, but I can’t turn back now.
I guess we just need to not be so hard on ourselves and let go of the guilt. Easier said than done, of course, but at least without the guilt, it’s one less thing on our minds!
I remember those days quite well even though it seems like ages ago. I remember being up in the middle of the night and thinking “when will I be able to get a full nights sleep again?” and now I wake up sometimes in the middle of the night and wonder when exactly it was that they stopped needing me to comfort them when they had a bad dream.
This, too, shall pass and you will think back to this time and remember only the good things and not how tired or frustrated you were. It’s kind of like childbirth. You don’t truly remember the pain because of all the joy that came immediately after. Hang in there.
Damnit woman, you’re in my head again!
Stop that..it’s creepy.
I love this post! I couldn’t have said it any better. Time is a double edged sword, you want it, yet you want it to go away.
I had a whole big comment for you here then my computer took a wee turn to itself and lost it!
I get what you’re saying - and I’m there, many times.
Lately though, I’ve taken my project management skills out and dusted them off and have started tackling the stuff that overwhelms me head on, and I’ve scheduled time for myself. Moms nights out, and sneaky trips alone to the bookstore for coffee and a browse really help me.
With all the medical concerns over Baby J’s hearing lately, and my constant worrying about it - I found myself looking at him and worrying more, instead of enjoying him for the happy, content, and normally developing baby that he is! So I’m tackling all these ‘ologists’ head on, too and that is helping me.
As much as they love us, and as sensitive as we like to think they can be, husbands just don’t get it sometimes, and mine is more than happy to take over when I tell him ‘I’m outta here’! But I have to do it because if I wait for him to realise I need that break - I’ll go right up to breaking point, and maybe a little beyond.
My point is - you need to carve that time out for yourself and make the ‘me’ time happen.
Go round those other Alabama crazy mommas, and the even crazier Gulfport one up and get out for a good laugh!
No hon, this is not it.
I remember feeling the EXACT same way when the boys were that little. The mom’s nights out, an afternoon away…those snippets of time I snatched when they were babies, it was never enough. As soon as I stepped back in the door, I slipped right back into “Mom” and all of the demands…and “Heather” was gone again.
It does get better and you’ll be able to have more ME time…look at me! But I know when you’re living the life of a mom of tiny ones, the idea of ME time some day..when they are older..doesn’t help much.
So just go ahead and feel like wishing the time away when you need to wish it away. I mean shit, motherhood is not even half glamour & glitz we thought it would be. Why wouldn’t we wish it away a lot of time? And then, when you feel like, wish for it to slow down. All of it, the good and bad, is just part of being a mom.
Love ya!
I think we all feel this way at some time or another. It’s so easy to say, “enjoy these moments before they’re gone.” But how do we do that? We wish we would have enjoyed the childfree couple time before it was gone, but we wished it away. And you know as soon as we wish away these precious years when we’re “Mommy” and we know all and can fix anything, we’ll be on to the next stage wondering where our babies went.
My family moves. A lot. And every time, I think, “this time will be different. I’ll keep my house clean. I’ll make friends. I’ll be the perfect mom, wife, and person.” But it never is, I never do, I never am.
I keep thinking I’ll have time to be ME again when I’m 40 and the kids are grown. But I probably won’t, and I’ll probably miss my babies.
It’s so hard to stop looking across the fence at the next bit of grass that will be ours. I’m not sure how to do it, but I know we need to.
Things here are finally shifting from dread to joy…
It will come.
Oh God do I know how you feel. I wonder if the feelings ever pass.
I can relate. I wish I felt more fulfilled as a mother. I’m not sure what the answer is.
Okay, so this is really not meant to be a downer response, so I hope it doesn’t come across that way
This year, when I found out that I have a very high genetic risk for breast and ovarian cancer (mouthful!!!) I stopped and evaluated all the important stuff. My aunt died at 42, my mother got cancer at 40, and my g-grandmother died at 38. I had the same feelings as you state in your post - 1 and 5 year old at home - but now I just seem to be looking at things differently… I try to take it one day at a time and enjoy all of the little stuff that seemed to almost annoy me before… I think it’s figuring out how to make your own situation work. Life is so short! And I just want to enjoy it (even at this stage). I don’t want it just to pass by until I get to when the kids are older. I hope that you find a way to make your current situation fit into your dream situation (at least a fulfilling situation)… I know I’m working on it too 
{{{HUGS}}} to you, my friend.
me too - can’t write more - baby screaming (again)
I could have written this post. Somedays it’s like drowning in a sea of neverending “stuff” to do, places to be, and responsiblity.
That’s not to say that I don’t love my kids.
I just didn’t think that THIS was being a grown up.
Amen, honey! I struggle to find the balance for being thrilled that another day has passed and bedtime is here (let Mommy-time begin!) and feeling guilty because I am not savoring each and every single poop/whine/tear/screech-filled moment. I chose this job, right? So why do I always feel as I should be enjoying it more?
Oh, Jen. I do understand. And, I totally sympathize/empathize with you. I have been freaking out about the new two hours of time I’ve acquired now that I’ve quit exercise & now deep down it may mean even more tv, which breaks my heart a little bit. Cause, two hours more? Ah, egads. That’s lots of time in two year old speak. And, I should be grateful to be home & able to see my child in all phases & not paying someone 4.50 an hour to do it badly, but there are these days. I get it.
I should just print this post up and tape it to my forehead. Instead all I can muster is, “Ditto, ditto, ditto.” I love this blog.
I think we all feel this way…unfortunately all the time. Don’t we always want something else? Isn’t the grass always greener on the other side, so to speak. But my philosophy is I can find something right now to be thankful for. And that thing might always change, but as long as I have something to feel good about I feel better about things…at least for a few moments.
I’m at the other end, married but childless… wondering if/when I should decide to give up my 8 hours of sleep a night and laid back schedule. Hmmm.
You sure have a lot of sympathetic ears (eyes?), though, judging by the other comments here from moms who feel the same way!
In a few years, if/when I have kids, I will be frantically looking for this post so I can find someone to relate to, I am sure!
Jane, Pinks & Blues
I find myself sitting up later and later at night, just so I can have a little “me time.”
And I’m secretly relieved when my husband goes to bed before I do — again, because I have so little time alone.
End result: I feel equally guilty and sleepy each morning.
I feel the same way much of the time and I only have one.
oh, sweetie! I had one of those days last week (and I only have one - you’re superwoman with three!). It passes, she smiles, you get kisses… but damn it would be really, really nice to get to sleep in just once.
Same page, same page, same page. If you find an answer, could you shoot me an email?
wow! you hit a chord with that one. what always amazes me is how it can switch so quickly from awe and intense love to wanting to put your fist through a wall.
as paul simon sings…
“these are the days of miracles and wonder, don’t cry baby don’t cry don’t cry….”
I sing that to my kids and to myself!!
I wrote a post like this a while ago. I feel like I am always waiting for something.
Maybe it would be different if we lived closer to family that could HELP us out.
you need to get a sitter. it is imperative.
I hope you get to be you right here. At the very least. Because I like who you are here, in your words.
Girl! I could have SO, totally written every word in that post! I know. You really hit on my current struggles. I don’t want to wish this time away, however…when will… Oh yeah. Can you imagine how many other moms out there are struggling with the same feelings. Losing themselves in all this. We have to make a conscious effort to savor every moment. It is not easy. But if we don’t the time slips by. And then it’s gone. My last post touches on this exact thing, how I lost this with my first child. Now she is gone. I have two new beautiful children I make a hard effort to savor. To really breath them in. It goes so quickly…I have learned to remind myself to be content in the moment. You are providing a great foundation for your family. You are building little people. Every invested second will yield immesurable return. But, you are not alone. Not in the way you feel. It’s how you deal with it that will matter to them and ultimately to you.
It does get easier as the kids grow. I mean, we adjust to being a mom, to finding our Mom-groove. And as you adjust to living in Alabama, things will be easier too. I thought I would NEVER- NEVERRRRRRRRR!- like living here in Tiny Town. Now I love it. Love.
At least we have each other… and blogging… right??
You are not alone. you really aren’t. *hugs*
I’m so with you! I have not advice, but I will offer a {{{hug}}}.
I have 4 children, I long for the days when they were small. I remember saying when are they going to grow up? It seemed as if they were little forever.. Well its here, where did time go.. 2 married with children, 1 at boot camp and one in the tenth grade.
Enjoy every moment of their precious lives you are blessed that you can be home with them. I wanted a career.
I don’t have any answers for you. SOmehow I’m sure you’ll find them eventually. But I just wanted to let you know I was here, listening.
I feel ya! I don’t have any advice because I’m currently living the same situation, but I can definitely send some long distance support your way in letting you know that you’re not alone!
I can relate on the baby up half the night.. AND I home school 1 of my kids.. What a GREAT POST!! It is great that we can express our feelings out loud to others!!!
Hugs hun , i completly relate - unless you have been there you cannot understand just how tough being a mother is. Its never ending and so demanding. It will get better though
Jen,
I feel exactly the same way. … and then 20 years later I went and had triplets. Just like the song says, “What was I thinking?”
It’s hard to have ‘me’ time. I sometimes feel like there are two of me, maybe three or four of me. We all have different roles. I’m Mom, I’m Wife, I’m Grandma, I’m Employee, I’m Nuts!
In all honesty, and I’ve never confessed this. As much as I love my kiddo’s, I am scared to quit my job and stay home. I’m scared I won’t be ‘Me’ anymore. I’m scared I won’t have ‘Me’ time. I feel like 8 kinds of guilt for feeling this way … so I drudge on daily, just surviving until they’re older and things are easier.
In my case, since I have older kids, I know that soon a time will come that I won’t feel like the world is on my shoulders and I’m the one piece of thread holding this family together. They will get older. More independent and maybe I’ll still remember who I am!
Then I look at these little kiddo’s that God gave me when I was almost 48 years old, and think, “wow, I’m blessed.”
Tanya
(The Dairy Wife)
It’s already been said over and over, but you hit the nail directly on its head and slammed that baby into whatever it is you’re hammering.
I love this so much, I must linky linky to my blog so others can read it as well.
Sorry I’m late to the comment party.
I don’t think there’s a mother alive that couldn’t have written this post. I know I certainly could have. I think we just need to stop feeling guilty (I don’t know about you, but I definitely have enough guilt) for wishing this time away, and accept that sometimes it just plain sucks.
And I rarely feel better when people assure me that things will improve. I know they will, but when you’re in the thick of it, that’s of little consolation (at least, that’s what I find).
I hope you get a chance to go out and get some me-time soon. I’m thinking of you.
I so could have written this exact same post (just not as well.)
My husband and I are constantly having to remind each other to live in the now. Not in the “In a couple of years…” because there’s always something, isn’t there?
(but it does get easier -just the tiniest bit all the time - so hang in there!)
well as you know i feel the same EXACT way. maybe it is the season change or something that it is creeping into us at the same time.
I wrote about this before too–always wishing the time away and before you know it, you no longer have a warm, snuggly infant….(yeah, that’d be me having a little baby lust).
IT DOES GET EASIER.
Oh, Jennifer. It gets easier - and harder - as they get older. Hang in there. Wish I could babysit for you.
I’m so spent from mommyhood right now! Oy.
Sending you LOVE!
I love you. I swear to god, we are the same freaking person. I think I wrote something (half as good) in my archives. Or, wait, a few days ago. On paper. Whatever. I swear to you, I know. YOU KNOW I know. I’m there. I have no answer. I just wish I lived closer.
exactly. it’s driving westward into the sun…
I’ve actually written about this on my blog and called it a time that feels like “watching water boil.” Or, paint dry …
I have my days of wondering if this is all I will ever do, sit around and wait and watch and TRY to keep the peace.
I feel this way…..and I only have one!! I really identify on having a hard time switching from mommy to wife. My husband is such a trooper…
*sniff*
*tear*
I feel ya.
It does pass. My kids are now 4 and 6 and life is starting to return.
Tomorrow it will be different.
Exactly.
Yeah, it’s a perfect post all right. It describes me perfectly. I guess it describes a lot of us that way.
So many of us feel the same way. As for me, it has gotten easier as the kids have gotten older and more independent.
Just know, for sure, that you are not the only mom who has ever felt this way. You’re not even in the minority.