Last night Tate and I had a misunderstanding. Not a dish-throwing kind of misunderstanding, or anything like that, I just misunderstood something he was advising me to do.
See, I have this toenail malady that has resulted in the upper half of my toenail almost falling off. (Sorry, folks, no pictures, please.) Tate suggested that I put some “semen salve” on it to make it better.
Rolling my eyes and annoyed at Tate’s obviously lame attempt to get himself some action, I shot back at him, “you want me to put some sort of penis liquid…on my toe? Because this penis juice has such healing properties, right?” Seriously, how ridiculous a way to try and lure me into bed.
Tate, rolling his eyes and now annoyed with me informed that he had not said “semen salve” but rather he’d told me I needed “Sayman’s Salve.”
I was skeptical. I’d never heard of this supposed “Sayman’s Salve.” So Tate consulted with Google and found a mere 1,730 results for “Sayman’s Salve.”
Huh? I did not know of this salve advertised to be…
“a skin protectant for the temporary protection of minor cuts and burns, chapped and chafed skin. It includes petrolatum and zinc oxide as active ingredients.”
Nowhere in the list does it say anything about magically healing my toenail, but still better than my original impression of this salve as being some sort of wonky sex attempt.
Since Tate loves being right (even more than me), he told me I should “post this on my blog” where you all will surely have heard of it.
You all completely let me down on the Ovaltine disagreement, but I’m confident I’ll win this one. You’ve never heard of this stuff, right? Please tell me I’m right. I fear if I lose, I’ll have to uh, pay up (if you know what I mean.)
you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff…..
fidget
November 6, 2007 at 7:57 pm
My husband would advise penis liquid, only he’d claim i needed it orally rather then topically. Damn horny husbands
fidget
November 6, 2007 at 7:58 pm
ps Vicks vapor rub seems to cure lots of weird toe crap.
MH
November 6, 2007 at 8:03 pm
No, I’ve never heard of it! But, I did get asked, when I worked at Sear’s, if we sell Butt Salve (it was spoken by a toothless man in the worst of south-of-Springfield accents) I believe he was referring to Boudreaux’s Butt Paste. Maybe this would be a compromise between semen salve and Sayman’s…
Shelly Overlook
November 6, 2007 at 8:30 pm
Never heard of it. I also would have also thought as you did that his attempt to “help” you would ultimately mean a little something for him in the end.
Mamma
November 6, 2007 at 8:38 pm
Nope! Never heard of it, but did once think a friend told me she and her husband were trying caraway jelly. I told her I didn’t think I’d like that very much seeing how I hate caraway seeds. Um nope. K-Y Jelly.
Good luck with the toe thing.
Jerseygirl89
November 6, 2007 at 8:43 pm
I have never heard of it either, but I hope it works. (BTW, Hubby has actually tried the “semen salve” thing on me before, so I totally don’t blame you for thinking that)
Mom Chatter
November 6, 2007 at 8:54 pm
I think you’ve won this one!! I’ve never heard of it either!
OH… and good luck with the toe “thing!”
Nap Warden
November 6, 2007 at 8:56 pm
Nope, never heard of it…
What did we ever do before Google???
Miss
November 6, 2007 at 9:26 pm
Holy shit you get a lot of comments.
And no. Bag Balm, yes, but not this shit. Sorry Tate!! You might have gotten more “yes” votes with Semen Salve!
tommie
November 6, 2007 at 9:26 pm
Nope, never heard of it.
Christine
November 6, 2007 at 10:08 pm
Nope, never heard of this one! I just tagged you today. Hope you can play!
Sarcasta-Mom
November 6, 2007 at 10:21 pm
Nope, never heard of the stuff. We use the magic salve Bag Balm. Get some of that for your toe
justmylife
November 6, 2007 at 10:29 pm
Never heard of it, honestly!! I don’t blame you for the misunderstanding, husbands are always trying some lame thing to “get lucky”!!!
Smiling Mom
November 6, 2007 at 10:48 pm
Holy Comments Batman!!
Nope, not here. Is it like a rash cream or something? Maybe you can use it on Ella or Carson’s diaper rash?
I hear that tea tree oil helps with toe nail fungus.
Heather, Queen of Shake-Shake
November 6, 2007 at 11:05 pm
Never heard of it!
Preppy Mama
November 6, 2007 at 11:15 pm
I’ve never heard of it! But that does sound like a lame attempt my husband would make!
courtcourt
November 6, 2007 at 11:23 pm
I can honestly say that I’ve never heard of it.
And everyone knows that the best remedy for a toenail fungus is a full body massage. By a professional. Rinse and Repeat. (Wink wink)
Steph
November 6, 2007 at 11:44 pm
Never heard of it!
Veronica
November 7, 2007 at 12:47 am
I think you win. I have never heard of it, although I wonder what it would be like as a nappy cream?
Avery Gray
November 7, 2007 at 1:17 am
Never heard of it.
Spray some Windex on it. It’ll leave a streak-free shine!
amanda
November 7, 2007 at 1:32 am
I am a nurse and have never heard of it……
Mrs. Fussy Fussypants
November 7, 2007 at 1:37 am
Nope!
Mommy Daisy
November 7, 2007 at 1:37 am
At 71 comments, I can’t help but notice the majority of people here haven’t heard of it. I’m glad that I’m not in the dark, because I have NEVER heard of it either. And I’m not just saying that, even though I totally would so you can win this time. I, honestly, have never seen/heard of it.
the new girl
November 7, 2007 at 1:38 am
I LOVE these quizzes. I ask the same type of settlement questions of my beloved readers also.
I have never heard of the stuff.
Evah.
Jean
November 7, 2007 at 2:01 am
As usual I’m fashionably late to this party. I had to read this one out loud to hubs cause this totally sounds like us in a nutshell, from the misunderstanding to the ploy for sex. No I have absolutely never ever heard of this stuff. Hopefully your free and clear to pay the pauper on this one.
Kelly
November 7, 2007 at 2:04 am
The semen salve, I’ve heard of…Sayman’s,no.
Every time I have a sore throat, my husband always says, “I’ve heard protein is good for that,” wink wink. I would have assumed exactly what you did!
Too damn funny!
mpotter
November 7, 2007 at 2:22 am
absolutely have never heard of it~
Lisanne
November 7, 2007 at 2:57 am
Hi there! My friend Christina N. told me about your blog. She said that you just recently bought the Canon S5 IS … we did, too! How are you liking it so far? I’m Lisanne, and I have a blog over at bathtubjunkie.net. Nice to “meet” you!
Henny Penny
November 7, 2007 at 3:00 am
I’ve never heard of it either. Looks like fancy Vaseline to me.
T.
November 7, 2007 at 3:29 am
I’m a pharmacist – never heard of it.
(80 comments – that’s insane!!!!)
Devilish Southern Belle
November 7, 2007 at 3:43 am
Sorry, Tate. I’d never heard of Sayman’s Salve; I’ve been using Dr. Burt’s Res-Q ointment ever since I found it for the stuff Sayman’s is good for.
The Dairy Wife
November 7, 2007 at 3:49 am
Jen,
never heard of it …. BUT, I’d make him a deal. If he puts it on there, then make him massage it in …. without gloves! lol.
Tanya
cate
November 7, 2007 at 4:01 am
nope…never heard of it!
Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You
November 7, 2007 at 4:18 am
NOpe, not here either LOL
Not Afraid to Use It
November 7, 2007 at 4:22 am
You are TOTALLY going to win this one. I’ve never heard of it. Make sure he pays up big time! LOL
magnolia mama
November 7, 2007 at 5:07 am
Never ever heard of it.
Bananas
November 7, 2007 at 6:28 am
I’m with you on this one… totally never heard of it.
theotherbear
November 7, 2007 at 11:40 am
I have never heard of this stuff.
Would it be rude if I suggest some kind of anti fungal treatment?
the dragonfly
November 7, 2007 at 1:05 pm
I’ve never heard of it, either…
Secret Agent Mama
November 7, 2007 at 1:44 pm
Never heard of it, but I shall look for it. My hands are always dry and cracked and icky. Maybe this will be my miracle cure and if it is I will post a special THANK YOU to Tate!
nell
November 7, 2007 at 2:59 pm
Sorry Tate, I was with you on the Ovaltine, but this time – no idea, never heard of this stuff.
andi
November 7, 2007 at 4:10 pm
91 comments? Holy sh*t girl! You have arrived! Anyway, I’ll add my name to the chorus of never having heard of it. Then again, we may not even have it up here in the Great North, so my opinion may not count.
Phoenix
November 7, 2007 at 7:49 pm
Nopes, Nevah.
Rachel
November 7, 2007 at 8:33 pm
I have never heard of this, nor has MY very own know it all hubby, so there!
Although had this conversation occured in my house, you can be damn sure it would have been semen he’d said 
LOL!
Funny stuff woman.
Christina
November 8, 2007 at 2:21 am
Nope, never heard of it.
(Wow, did it get crowded in here or WHAT? Some party you’re throwing!)
yertle
November 8, 2007 at 6:17 am
Never heard of it either.
Laura McIntyre
November 8, 2007 at 11:10 am
Nope never heard of it either, might be being from overseas helps though
dawn224
November 9, 2007 at 1:31 am
never ever heard of it.
Heather, Queen of Shake-Shake
November 9, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Hey…bring me a slab of this stuff tomorrow. I want to put it on my toe nail.
jenica
November 10, 2007 at 8:31 am
i haven’t heard of it at all. but for a non-kinky ointment that REALLY works use this:
http://www.unbeatablesale.com/mshl2005.html?utm_source=froogle4&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=MSHL2005&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=MSHL2005
i swear by it! i recently lost my thumbnail completely in an unfortunate screendoor accident. this stuff has HEALED it completely.
so are 101 responses enough to win the issue?