Balance
The night before we left Missouri to return home to Alabama, a 12+ hour trip, thankyouverymuch, both of my children decided that sleeping was for sissies and that screaming their lungs out was what all the “cool” kids were doing. Tate took the first shift with Carson, trying to calm him. After over an hour, I reluctantly went in to rescue Tate since I could hear the tone in his voice getting angrier by the minute. He seemed both relieved and irritated by my rescue attempt, but I think just my presence helped to settle both Tate and Carson.
I was able to return to bed, and Tate finally got Carson to sleep about an hour later and returned to bed. Literally within seconds of lying down, Ella started fussing. I heard Tate mutter “DAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMIIIIITTTTTT,” under his breath, and since he’d just spent the last two hours with Carson, I got up with Ella to calm her. She finally fell back to sleep after what seemed like four hours, but was probably something like 20 minutes.
Being a person who desperately needs her beauty sleep, I was so incredibly pissed when after about 30 minutes, Ella decided to wake up again. This time I muttered something (NOT under my breath) about throwing her out the window and letting her fend for herself.
“At least it will be quiet in here and we can finally sleep,” I huffed.
Sensing my obvious frustration (Tate is quick like that), he offered to take this shift with Ella. Unfortunately, she wanted only Mommy and Mommy’s boobies to fall back to sleep. I ended up feeding her and getting her back to sleep around 3 AM, an hour before our alarm was set to go off.
Both Tate and I were exhausted on our drive home. Even the tiniest of irritations could have sent each of us over the edge. Somehow, we were able to take turns having our own tantrums while the other remained calm, cool, and collected.
Tate and I seem to know how to balance the other’s mood. He (usually) seems to know when I’m at my wit’s end and ready to snap. Even when I adamantly deny needing a break, he’ll take over kid duty or cooking duty or whatever duty, and let me simmer down. The same thing is true when he is obviously about to lose it. I sweep in, take over, and give him the much needed break. Often, I feel somewhat resentful when I have to be the sane one, since I spent the majority of everyday attempting this sane facade. I suspect he feels the same resentment when he’s just returned from a stressful day at work and immediately has to take over when he walks in the door and finds me teetering on the edge of chaos.
Somehow we maintain this completely necessary balance. We’re a good team, Tate and I.
A 12 hour drive (and not a very exciting one either!) with two little ones and no sleep?! OUCH!
It’s a good thing that you’re a great team - hope the kids are sleeping better now that you’re back at home!
I know what you mean… for as much as I bitch that OE’s as bad as another child, he has come to my “rescue” a few times when I don’t think I would have lasted 2 more minutes without snapping.
How do single parents do it?
Ouch that sounds painful. Luckily we didn’t drive anywhere for the holiday. Kids + cars + long drive = pain. Sounds like you guys are a great team though.
The balancing act of parents/spouses is really great, isn’t it?! My DH and I also carry that ever-so-delicate balance between us! It’s the only thing that has kept us sane!!
you and tate are very very lucky indeed.
It’s so nice when a couple meshes like that. It’d be better if the kids slept, but you know…
We made the same AL/MO trip, but ours was only 9 hours. Even that was about 8 hours too long.
Yay for teamwork! I’m afraid we’d earn a big fat “N” for “needs improvement” in that right now.
Yay for teams!
I have a good one too.
Oh-I’m glad you made it home safe and sound!
-HH
A positive post about the husband? That was so sweet. I have to admit, I have a decent one too.
That’s fantastic - I feel the same about Scout - I felt no guilt at 222 am this morning when I popped the baby off (after an hour of off and on nursing (which is a whole other story) and handed him over)
We get 9 hour bliss at Christmas - we’re considering the leave here at 7pm and drive all night - since we’ll have a grandparent to take Alex when he wakes up -
I don’t even understand how you make the drive with two kids and no sleep! That’s amazing! I guess being such a good team helps! Glad you all made it home safe and sound!
I’m a transplant from KC to STL! It’s amazing that when I am so close to totally losing it, my hubby jumps in and takes over just in time, and somehow when he has no patience left, I suddenly have all the patience in the world. Very rarely (thankfully!) are we both drained at the same time. That is when you know you are part of a great team. He handles lack of sleep much better than I do, however. Prime reason why #3 may never happen.
This is so hard. It’s good you all can sense these things out. Some couples aren’t so good at it. We are batting maybe 70/30 on it (70% of the time we get it right).
12 hours in a car with kids, BLESS YOUR HEART!! (Had to go country with that) I completely understand throwing the kid out the window. I still have those feelings from time to time.
hubby needs his sleep, i need my sleep, we don’t do well on nights like that. he REALLY doesn’t do well. you guys sound like you have learned the balance, we still haven’t …he tries to help and that part is good. but he doesn’t sense when i need him to just stop the joking(he makes jokes to lighten people’s moods) I on the other hand need to simmer in silence and get over it, joking makes me feel like he doesn’t understand that i need no TALKING. then he gets m ad b/c i am cranky ???
What a sweet tribute to the state of the binky household. And, Tate should be proud that in addition to discussing the smelly frogs in his pants, you also share the good things & give him props.
You and Tate are a damn good team. The visual of Tate muttering “DAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMIIIIITTTTTT” makes me chuckle. Lord knows we’ve all been there, said that.
Ahhh, the family vacations you’ll always remember.
I remember those car trips with small kids…it was NEVER FUN…it's amazing how wonderful they are now….!!!!
That is a pretty good “balance” to have, especially in situations like the one you described.
I can’t even imagine making a 12 hour drive on no sleep!
Our trips to visit family are also 12 hours. We always leave when the first child wakes up in the middle of the night. Luckily that has always been around 3 am.
Good job surviving the drive without killing each other!
You guys deserve a medal of some sort - 12 hrs in the car. YUCK. We’ve only made it 3 hrs with our 2 - not sure how we did that even.
Hmmm, my last two posts have been about sleep, too. SOmething’s in the air….
The kind of thing strong marriages are made of . Yeah for couples that balance one another!
Sounds like a good team to me!! That takes practice too so good for you two!
The fact that you had such an exhausting trip and ended the post with what a good team you and your husband are, shows how strong your marriage is.
I especially get the part about denying you need a break. Why do we do that?
It’s true, though. I do it all the time.
I must have the coolest kids ever.
oh no…i hate when kids tag team like that! we’ve had nights like that, but the boys do what they can to plan them for weeknights…you know, when hubby has to get up early to go to work, so i end up being the one up all night with them!
you’re lucky to have a man like Tate. Carlos and i have the same kind of thing going. i have to say, he has gone above and beyond the call of duty…my ppd has made me lose my cool a bit easier than usual…
I am glad you two balance out! Mine will just let me take care of things till I snap, then yell at me for snapping!