We’re all friends here, right? I’m just going to go ahead and lay it all out for you. Due to a cough that won’t just won’t. facking. go. away, I’ve realized that I’m incontinent. Since Amy (Amalah) (whom I adore and would secretly like to marry if it weren’t for those pesky polygamy and same-sex marriage restrictions) wrote about peeing her pants, like totally PEEING HER PANTS, I feel like I can now tell you of my plight.
Her post made me feel validated. I pee MY pants, too!
Her post was about when she peed her pants when she was over 30 weeks pregnant, which alone is reason enough to pee your pants. So MY peeing my pants when I’m not even 1 day pregnant, just 11 months post birth, is pitiful. And gross.
It all started a few weeks ago when I came down with a cold, courtesy of my germ schmeared children. The cold started out in my head, then it moved to my chest, thus beginning bouts with nearly gag-inducing coughing fits. Each time I cough, I pee. Cough, pee. Cough some more, pee some more. Cough, cough, cough, pee, pee, pee. Sometimes it’s just a little pee, other times it’s not just a little pee.
I try, oh do I try, to keep from peeing myself. Whenever I start to cough, I contort my body and legs in such a way to hopefully make up for the obvious lack of musculature DOWN THERE. Even my contortionist attempts aren’t working, though. If I know I’m going to cough, I stand up so that I don’t pee all over the couch or where ever I happen to have planted my ass. In the past several weeks, I’ve changed my underwear more times each day than I change Carson’s diapers.
Am I really telling you all this?
I’ve consulted my trusty family physician (Google again) and she tells me that I should be doing kegels or that I have a bladder infection and will probably die a horribly painful, drawn-out death characterized by wiry nipple hair, tumor-like zits, and impotence at the hands of evil bladder bacteria.* So DAMN, either way I’m screwed. A painful death or more exercise, I don’t know which is worse. It’s not as if I even have time to fit more exercise into my already very full days. I mean, seriously, I have two very huge thighs and a pillowy gut that need prompt attention and can’t fit any exercise into my day. Adding kegels to my “workout routine” falls in the “unlikely as hell” category.
I did really tell you this. **head shakes in disbelief** Validation, people. Validation.
*slight exaggeration.
Toni
April 2, 2008 at 6:01 am
*blushing* I am 15 months post partum and still do this if I sneeze really hard or laugh really hard. I blame it on pregnancy, not infection.
Toni’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Brother & Sister Love
Nadine
April 2, 2008 at 6:22 am
That sucks! I hope it goes away.
As for kegels, you can do that while you’re doing something else. It’s not really exercise. You can even practice on the toilet. Good luck!
Nadine’s last blog post..The noice that brings silence at cooking time
Melani
April 2, 2008 at 6:31 am
My kids are 9 and 11 and I still have this problem. Kegels-smegels–I’ve been doing them for years. I just have to make sure I go to the bathroom every 30 seconds when I have a cold.
Sandi
Twitter: SandiBeech
April 2, 2008 at 7:11 am
I would laugh..but then *I* would pee my pants, too
Mary
April 2, 2008 at 7:21 am
You aren’t alone!
This all started for me after I gave birth. It’s has gotten better but on occassion it still happens. My doc told me to do the kegels. I go the bathroom A LOT. At the slightest feeling of a full bladder……….I’m in there.
Mary’s last blog post..28
Sadie
April 2, 2008 at 7:24 am
I’ve had a touch of incontinence since DC was born 10 YEARS ago. For me it mostly happens when my bladder is just slightly full (not enough to NEED to go) and I cough or sneeze or laugh really hard.
I haven’t gotten Poise yet…but my case is starting to get worse. Maybe we should make a Sam’s run, no? *lol*
Sadie’s last blog post..Terminology Tuesday
AndreAnna
April 2, 2008 at 7:25 am
At 24 weeks pregnant with baby two, it has becoming a running joke in my house to have an extra pair of pants on hand, because inevitably, when I sneeze, I pee myself.
My daughter now says “damnit, DID IT AGAIN!” when she sneezes, it happens THAT much.
AndreAnna’s last blog post..Up your nose with a rubber hose, Mr. Rain
Annie
April 2, 2008 at 7:29 am
I have had this when I was pregnant, and maybe once since Jay was born – another rite of motherhood passage I guess.
Sarah
April 2, 2008 at 7:35 am
Five years post-partum and I’m right there with you! Thank you for writing about this because it’s not a topic you can really bring up at lunch with the girls. LOL
Sister Honey Bunch
April 2, 2008 at 7:52 am
Oh, honey, I know what of you speak. My doctor (not google) told me to kegel as well. ~sigh~ Yeah, I jumped right on that idea.
Sister Honey Bunch’s last blog post..Staying Connected
jen
April 2, 2008 at 7:59 am
my name is jen
and i pee when i cough really hard too.
kegels…are you kidding me…i can’t even remember to get to the bathroom enough so that i don’t pee myself.
thank you for validating ME.
jen’s last blog post..mamamamamamamamamama
Devan
April 2, 2008 at 8:01 am
LOL
Let’s just say I understand…
Devan’s last blog post..Baby post!
Irene
April 2, 2008 at 8:03 am
Wow, thanks for letting me know I am NOT the only one. Great timing!!!!
My youngest is approaching 3 and I still have this problem. I attribute it to 3 kids in 6 years. Who knows. All I know is that I had a nasty case of bronchitis a few weeks ago, and that horrible cough caused me to suffer this embarrassment way too many times than I care to count.
Irene’s last blog post..Look at this crazy coincidence!
mep
April 2, 2008 at 8:11 am
Oh, I feel your pain. I had a ten day cough back in February and the incontinence was ridiculous. When I am finished having kids, I am going to figure out the surgical options ASAP. There are these corny radio commercials in Chicago that involve women talking about peeing their pants and then advertising “an easy fifteen-minute procedure.” I have no idea what such a procedure involves or what it might cost, but I want it.
I reference my own incontinence in this post:
http://nottobrag.blogspot.com/2008/02/field-trip-minute-clinic.html
By the way, I’m a new reader to your blog and loving it! Thanks for being so candid and so funny.
mep’s last blog post..I don’t think the answer is “bachelorette party.”
CourtneyRyan
April 2, 2008 at 8:19 am
Oh I have this to look forward to too?
Y’all are making me rethink this wanting kids thing…good thing there’s no potential daddy at the moment or there might be problems!
Love the fact that you’re willing to write about this stuff!
CourtneyRyan’s last blog post..Alabama Update.
tommie
April 2, 2008 at 8:22 am
having two kids in a mere 16 months will do the same thing to you. I can do the contort thing and get by….MOST of time.
Is this in the “What to expect the first year” book?? Because I swear no one ever told me this!
tommie’s last blog post..home is where you hang your heart
heather
Twitter: Heather Engel
April 2, 2008 at 8:30 am
I had the cough thing too and that is when I discovered I also pee my pants. Just a little, but a cough or sneeze and oh…
I read somewhere that in Europe postpartum moms get to go to a physical therapist where they get taught how to “exercise” and get tested to make sure its working! I’m not sure which is worse.
Anyway, not only do you get validation but you and Amy get the “you have balls award”. Before this week, I pretended it wasn’t happening and didn’t tell ANYONE.
heather’s last blog post..a new strategy to be a better person
LifeAsIKnowIt
April 2, 2008 at 8:34 am
Another lovely side effect of child birth.
For me its the sneezing that does it…
LifeAsIKnowIt’s last blog post..Going Green
Mandy
April 2, 2008 at 8:39 am
I think it’s safe to say that SEVERAL people are going to validate this one! I like that Jen said it like it was an AA meeting. ha!
Here goes,
My name is Mandy, and I too pee my pants.
Oh, and Kegals, schmegals.
Jean
April 2, 2008 at 8:48 am
Kegels they do a body good.
Jean’s last blog post..Party Like Its 1999
Jean
April 2, 2008 at 8:48 am
Kegels they do a bladder good.
Jean’s last blog post..Party Like Its 1999
Karly
April 2, 2008 at 8:48 am
Eh, I do that too. Kegals always SOUND like a good idea, but I just feel weird sitting here, reading blogs, and flexing my hoo-ha muscles.
Karly’s last blog post..Cleatus Is Great And All But…PMS!
Jess
April 2, 2008 at 9:13 am
Yeaah. I know that problem. The other day I went to a yoga class and after sneezing, well just sat on the floor quietly, trying to figure out how bad it was. The instructor looked at me sympathetically and said, “pushed it a little too far that time huh?” Yes. Yes that’s my problem.
Jess’s last blog post..Because love is heroic
The Milk Maid
April 2, 2008 at 9:35 am
10 YEARS post partum + 18 months post partum and I’m still a part of the weewee brigade. And don’t believe the kegel bs- I can crack a walnut with my vajingle and I still spray like a plant mister when I sneeze. Or cough. Or pick up heavy objects. Or wear tight pants. We wont even discuss the trampoline incedent.
The Milk Maid’s last blog post..School, Part 2
Queen of Shake Shake
April 2, 2008 at 9:40 am
Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer.
Did you learn nothing from my ben wa purchasing experience?
Seriously. I think perhaps a belated birthday gift to you from me is in order,no?
Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..Howdy Neighbor!
Burgh Baby's Mom
April 2, 2008 at 9:43 am
Hey! Me too!
Except. I had a c-section.
Crap, I can’t blame the kid when I pee my pants.
Burgh Baby’s Mom’s last blog post..Today’s Forecast: Windy with a Chance of Daffodils
Rhea
April 2, 2008 at 9:49 am
I remember thinking I was never going to be right “down there” again after giving birth. My biggest problem was when I got sick and threw up…I would pee my pants. Talk about insult to injury!!
A little exercise down there will definitely help.
My grandmother couldn’t jump on a trampoline with peeing her pants…I know, grandma’s shouldn’t jump, lol.
The things they don’t tell women about childbirth!
Rhea’s last blog post..One-Eyed Remy Longlegs
Sandy
April 2, 2008 at 9:50 am
You know…when I was pregnant with Babyhead I sneezed and peed myself in the middle of the grocery store. It was’t much, but I had big package or toilet paper (talk about irony) to kinda cover myself until I could get out of there. From then on I wore at the very lest panty liners.
This pregnancy I was puking so much that I did really pee myself quite a few times…thank goodness it has been here at home, but I have a pile of laundry from all the underwear and pants/shorts I have peed on. When I was sickest I wore an actual pad so I wouldn’t have to run out of the bathroom and find more clothes.
LOL
OH, and the kegels…don’t think of it as exercises. Think of it as a way to make sex better. Yep. If you do them you strengthen not only the muscles that keep your pee from leaking, but also the pleasure muscles…you can even try them out during sex. *wink wink*.
Trust me on that one.
Sandy’s last blog post..I think there is a basketball in there…
Jodi
April 2, 2008 at 9:52 am
Oh my gosh! This is so funny! The other day I was walking around and had to sneeze … so of course, I stop, cross my legs to prevent any accidents and in the process, crack up my neighbor who is over and sooo knows how it goes.
AMomTwoBoys
April 2, 2008 at 9:59 am
Once again you come up with something SO VERY EMBARASSING, which, happily for me, is something I would know NOTHING about. Really. That’s NEVER* happened to me. And I can’t even imagine how embarassing it must be for you.
*at least today
AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..But Is It Right For Me?
Deb
April 2, 2008 at 10:06 am
After my second pregnancy I had a moment where I considered sewing my vejayjay (spelling? probably) shut. I just figured it’d be easier than peeing myself all over town.
Deb’s last blog post..Big Blogger Bonanza (I mean that metaphorically)
Swistle
April 2, 2008 at 10:18 am
Okay, I will make a little confession too, and it is that I don’t know how to do a Kegel. I’ve been taught, and I’ve heard the whole “stop peeing—that’s the muscle,” but I don’t think I’m able to FLEX that muscle, like on PURPOSE.
Swistle’s last blog post..Day Sadness
Edge
April 2, 2008 at 10:29 am
Wow I’m really late on this one. But my wife suffered with this one even after she gave birth to #3. I got a call one day that started, “Bring me a bag of underwear, I’ve peed on myself.”
Waaaay after childbirth it got worse and moved to not pooping and peeing when she sneezed. So a visit to the GYN said, “You need a vaginal hysterectomy”. Thanks be to God. TOTALLY solved the problem. I have now been replaced on the Christmas card list by the GYN.
Unless you are going to have more kids, take the uterus out.
~Jef
Edge’s last blog post..My Experiment Is Over
Jen
April 2, 2008 at 11:01 am
If you find a great personal trainer to work with on the Kegels, let me know!
Jen’s last blog post..Conversations Overheard in the Car
Carrie
April 2, 2008 at 11:03 am
It was a big joke around the water cooler at work about the peeing and coughing. And at all ages and stages of motherhood. You are so not alone.
My biggest personal memory is from when I ended up in the hospital while 26 weeks pregnant with passing a kidney stone. I kept having to pee every five minutes, but only teeny tiny amounts–and then I kept vomiting, too. Of course it was while I was hooked up to the wonderous morphine IV that I felt the urge to pee AND vomit at the same time. I ran to the toilet, but I couldn’t decide which was more urgent. I finally gave in to my stomach–and ended up peeing all over myself whilst vomiting in the can. And of course the nurse walks in while I’m feverishly trying to clean myself and the floor up. NOT one of my most favorite moments–but at least I CAN laugh about it now!
Carrie’s last blog post..Random Thoughts on a Spring Birthday
rubialala
April 2, 2008 at 11:04 am
You are certainly not alone. Try kegels and you can do them while doing other things (I’m doing them right now!), but they don’t work for everyone I guess. I will tell you a horribly embarrassing story to ease your mortification.
I had given birth the day before and I was sharing a room with a girl. My mom and husband were there with me, too. I was in a lot of pain (duh) and had avoided getting up at all costs. Finally, I decided that I had to go to the bathroom badly enough that I would attempt getting up. I stood up with the help of my husband and then pee started to fall out of me. I had absolutely no control. So I was peeing all over myself and on the hospital room floor in front of my mother, my husband, and a complete stranger. I was like, “What do I do?” and my husband says, “Just stop!” It was the first time I truly had the urge to punch him in the face and tell him to STF up. When it was all over, and there was a lot of pee because remember I had been holding it to avoid the pain of getting up, I went to the bathroom to clean up as much as I could and my mom and husband cleaned it up. My mom explained to me why that happened and totally comforted me and tried to make me feel better. It was truly a humbling experience.
rubialala’s last blog post..Stickers From Mickey
OHmommy
Twitter: OHmommy
April 2, 2008 at 11:20 am
LOL. I had to call my BF in the middle of her work day to ask her if she too peed her pants while sneezing. I guess it is normal.
Relief
OHmommy’s last blog post..terrible, horrible, no good, VERY bad day
Judi
April 2, 2008 at 11:22 am
Ok, so this isn’t funny. I can’t remember having a problem too much after the babies, but now that I’m older…well, that’s another story. Was working in the yard last week and had a couple of beers (cause that’s what you do when you do yard work). When I finally decided I couldn’t wait any longer I raced inside and danced all the time I was pulling my *wet* pants down. First time for me and very humbling. Note to self go more often lol.
Judi’s last blog post..I WON!!
Alison
April 2, 2008 at 11:37 am
I still do this…my kids are 3 and 13 months. I have a friend whose kids are 14, 11 and 8- she still does it!!
Alison’s last blog post..Night Terrors
Rosie
April 2, 2008 at 12:02 pm
OH yeah. I pee all the time – cough, sneeze, laugh, wait too long to go…. My daughters are 11, 9, and 3. I’ve been peeing my pants upwards of 11 years.
Sexy, no?
Rosie’s last blog post..Date Night
Jerseygirl89
April 2, 2008 at 12:19 pm
I’ve was told that lots of orgasms can take the place of kegels. When I explained that orgasmic sex wasn’t really a priority at that point, my friend handed me a vibrator. I’m just sayin’.
Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..Fantastic Book
Loralee
April 2, 2008 at 12:20 pm
I notice a total difference in bladder control from baby 2 to baby 3.
It’s horrible. ;s
Loralee’s last blog post..I HATE THAT!
Shelly
Twitter: shelly_overlook
April 2, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Yet another thing to add to the Men Have It So Easy pile.
Shelly’s last blog post..Confession
Mommy Daisy
Twitter: mommydaisy
April 2, 2008 at 12:48 pm
My baby is 2 years old. And I *ahem* have this problem too. It’s not an issue most of the time, but if I get coughing (like you) it happens the same way. I just dribble most times, so I just put a little pantiliner in my panties when I know it might be an issue.
Mommy Daisy’s last blog post..A is for Ailment
Mrs. Flinger
Twitter: mrsflinger
April 2, 2008 at 12:56 pm
HAHA. Honey, fourty-four people above me say YES WE PEE OURSELVES.
And even as a C-section, I do it, too. What’s my excuse?!
Mrs. Flinger’s last blog post..Friendships
Megan
April 2, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Bring on the google search! One of my earlier posts was about wetting the bed when I had a dream about going to the bathroom. It is now my top google search. Apparently there are a lot of people who wet the bed… or pee their pants! Welcome to the club.
Megan’s last blog post..Worst. Dinner. Ever.
Angie
April 2, 2008 at 1:12 pm
I’m telling ya, when Eve was punished for eating the forbidden fruit, even God didn’t realize the trickle down effects of child-bearing.
KEEP BELIEVING
Angie’s last blog post..We choose to laugh
Sarah @ Ordinary Days
April 2, 2008 at 1:16 pm
We should have a “Kegel Carnival”! A day when we all post kegeling, when, where, and who was there but wasn’t the wiser as to what we were doing! It’ll totally beat out Works For Me Wednesday!
Sarah @ Ordinary Days’s last blog post..Why I Am Up At 4:45 AM
MamaGeek
April 2, 2008 at 1:19 pm
May I suggest some Depends?
They work. I kid, not really, just a lil’ bit.
MamaGeek’s last blog post..Testing The Waters
Amy
April 2, 2008 at 2:14 pm
I have no idea how to go a kegel.
I have two kids and a vague concept of what a kegel is, but no idea how to perform one.
I did read recently that women who live in the Far East and use squat pots (Google it) don’t have to do kegels, apparently the process of peeing in a squat pot is enough to strengthen your kegel muscle. AND apparently you can purchase a squat pot conversion for your standard toilet. Maybe that’s the answer.
Amy’s last blog post..Suck On What?