I’ve taken to grocery shopping late in the evenings, after the kids are in bed. Walking up and down the aisles, enjoying my solo jaunt and searching for much needed items like Spotted Dick and Ovaltine, I’m always surprised when I see people shopping with their children that late in the evening. Since my children go to bed between 7 and 7:30, I guess I assume that everyone does things in their house the way I do them in mine.
Both Carson and Ella get up between 6 and 7 every morning, regardless of what time they go to bed. They may as well go to bed early, I say. Personally, I cannot imagine my children going to bed any later than 8 since it’s an absolute MUST that I have my own, childless time in the evenings. I’m certain that without those two glorious hours before my own bedtime, I’d be a very disturbed human being, complete with glue eating and conversations with imaginary hippos.
So when I see people with their kids, especially young kids, at Meijer at 8:30 at night, I find it odd. And I wonder how they manage, parenting so late into the evening. Aren’t they tired of their kids? Don’t they know their kids should be in bed? Don’t they want their own time?
cue announcer’s voice, “The role of Judgy McJudgerson is being played by Jennifer today.”
Of course all this judging has made me rashy (I feel guilty when I judge others, please forgive me) and wondering when you all put your kids to bed. If you put them to bed after 8, why?
No judging from me, promise. I’m truly curious how everyone handles bed times. Also, no judging or superior parenting struts from anyone else…please refer to my comment policy in my right sidebar if needed.
The Poo hits the sheets at 8 p.m. – and she usually falls asleep by 8:30. We had to back it up from 7:30 b/c she wold stay awake for an hour anyways. Plus, if I get her down at 8, she sleeps later.
But DUDE. I hear you. Some days I am LIVING for bedtime.
I put her down around 8PM. I work full-time so I get to spend from 3PM until 8PM with her. My husband works the “late shift” which is 9AM-6PM so he would hardly get to see her if we put her down earlier than that. I can’t imagine going to the grocery store with her anytime after 6PM though…she would have a meltdown, from 7 until 8 is pretty much just winding down snuggling and reading books.
my kids are in bed at 6:45, 7:45 and 8. but sooo many of friends’ kids are in bed 9, 9:30…i totally don’t understand it! there’s no possible way i’d be able to function without my evenings!
I get off work @ 5. Normally home by 5:30. Daddy picks up BooRat from K and is normally home around 5:50-6:00. IF I’ve remembered to pull something out for dinner, it’s it’s almost always ready within 20 min of their getting home. Dinner, bath follows. BooRat is almost 6. Bedtime around our house is *usually* 8:30, with the exception of Tuesday nights – that’s when he and Daddy snuggle in bed and watch “Deadliest Catch”
Works for us !
Babyhead goes to be usually when we do at 10:30. If he goes to be earlier he will get up earlier…sometimes WAY earlier…at 10:30 he is pretty much guaranteed to sleep at least until 8. See…I am an insomniac and it takes a long time for me to get to sleep anyway…so I would rather have my sleep in the morning then have him sleep early…me struggle to get to sleep until around 2am then have him wake up a mere 3 or 4 hours later.
Now, granted I do not KEEP him up that late…he does quite often go to sleep earlier on the couch or in his bed, whatever he prefers…but usually no earlier than 9…anything earlier I can’t deal with in the morning. However, he rarely takes naps (he hasn’t since he was 18 months…not by MY choice, by his own)…if he does take a nap it takes me until midnight or later to get him to go to sleep….so I am happy with no naps as well.
I know…we are weird.
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Hi Ari! Glad to have you as a new commenter.
I think that that this is what this is all about, it’s what works for people. If 5 PM works, then great! If 9 PM works, that’s great, too!
Thanks Candy, for your honesty about admitting judging those who miss daddy time!
For us, my husband understands my need for time, but he also understands that the kids are not fun to hang with much after 7:30!
Sandy, you’re not weird, you’re just doing what works for your family.
When my son was napping (a very long two years ago) he would go to bed at 8PM since he didn’t wake from his nap sometimes until 5PM. Now, we put him to bed at 7PM, but he doesn’t normally fall asleep until 8PM. If we kept him up with us until 8PM he’d be a complete mess, so this is what works for us.
My two year old is in bed around 7:30pm. Sometimes it may be a little later, but he is definitely ready at 7:30.
My four year old is a different story. We have struggled with bed time since she was an infant. Sometimes I can get her in bed by 8:00pm (which is her bedtime) and other days it is a struggle that lasts much longer.
They are both up between 7-7:30am.
That said, wind down time in our house starts right after dinner. Sometimes we will take a walk, or read or play quietly….but then it’s bath and bed.
You wouldn’t believe what others do though. We have a neighbor that has a little girl who is about 7. She knocks on our door for my daughter at 8pm at night! Unbelievable!
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When Eeyore was younger he would sleep later if he went to bed earlier. Like, some nights? He was in bed at 6pm and wouldn’t get up til 8 or 9. I tried to make that happen once a week.
Now that he’s 8, he goes to bed at 10 every night (but reads in bed for about half an hour) and gets up on his own between 7 and 8. Cindy-Lu usually goes to bed around 8:30 or 9 and usually wakes up around 8. If I try putting her to bed before 8, she just wakes up that much earlier. Last week I put her down at 7 and she was up at 5. Not doing that again. Ever.
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Oh – I’m SOOOO with you. On every single point you said. People think we’re freaks b/c our kids go to bed so early.
On Friday I went to the mall shopping – and I was surprised by 2 things:
1. People (adults) were out at night. Shocking.
2. People were out at night with small children.
And if my kids didn’t go to bed early, I would be in an asylum. And I don’t say that lightly.
No matter what time they’re in bed, they’re up b’n 6:30 and 7 and for the love of their mother and her sanity, they go to be early.
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8:00 and it is night night time…
Sometimes later on the weekends and in summer. Like when a group of our friends come over and they have kids as well.
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Testify, Sister. I’m all about the early bedtime. For a long time, my daughter went to sleep at 6pm. This shocked our families and neighbours but I think they were secretly jealous. Now that she’s two, bedtime has moved back to about 7ish depending on the day. It’s nice to have time to take her to the park after supper but Mom n Dad really need their Mom n Dad time, if you know what I mean.
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I’m with you. I want the kids in bed at 7:30 PM every night. They get up at 7 AM, whether they go to sleep at 7:30 or if we are somewhere special, like Disneyland, and they don’t get into bed until 9 PM. I don’t understand those people at Target at 9 PM at night, the ones with the crying, eye-rubbing children.
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Since I forget that other people’s lives go on beyond 8 PM, I’m also shocked when I see ADULTS out at night. I remember when my nights didn’t even START until 10 or 11.
Mom n Dad time…OH YEAH. I know EXACTLY what you mean.
Bow chanka bow bow!
(Although I sometimes, okay OFTEN, hide to avoid Mom n Dad time.)
My 5 year old is in bed between 7:30 and 7:45. She doesn’t always fall asleep right away…sometimes its 8:15 or so until she closes her eyes. The rules are that she doesn’t have to go right to sleep, but she does have to stay in bed. She is often so tired and she doesn’t even know it.
I had/have a book that I live by….Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I don’t even loan it out anymore, for fear of losing it.
You always hear parents say that their baby has a “fussy time”…its because they should be in bed asleep.
7:30 for my almost-4-year-old and the 1.5yr old (though we may up that to 8 soon). With two “active” (read: insane) little boys we desperately need those quiet hours in the evenings.
I know a family with kids around the same age as ours who let their kids stay up until 11 or later. I can’t even fathom that and find it more than mildly disturbing.
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When I was working I had my oldest in bed by 7 or 7:30 because we had to be up early.
Since I’ve stopped working, and since oldest switched to afternoon Kindergarten, and we don’t have to be up early, they are in bed between 8-8:30.
Three year old is asleep when his head hits the pillow, six year old is awake looking at books or drawing until 10 some nights. He has a hard time getting to sleep, but the rule is that he has to stay in bed quietly, which he does.
They both get up between 8-8:30 in the morning.
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My nieces go to bed at 8pm. I’m with you on the early bedtime.
But there are nights when they stay up too late, but it’s hard to get everything done some nights. Especially when they don’t get picked up until 6. Doesn’t happen often, but when it does it sucks. I can only imagine what it would be like to have it that way. You almost have to keep them up too see them. I guess that’s why people have their kids in the store that late.
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7:30 for the 19 month old and 8:00 for the 4 yr old.
i love the early bedtime, it gives hubs and me special time together and allows me some quiet time before I go to bed.
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We put The Boy down anywhere between 7:30 and 8:30, depending on his nap situation and how tired he is when it gets to be bedtime.
He gets up at 6 every day no matter what time we put him down. Also, I need the time to myself before bed.
I have been to the grocery store at 8 or 9 and see kids there. Or at restaurants. And we do have a couple of friends whose kids stay up until 10 and then they sleep in until 7 or 8 (they are home schooled so they have this option).
I say whatever works for your family is what you should do.
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My kids are 10, 7, and 11 months old, and the children MUST go to bed at 7:30!!! I’d be a crazed lunatic without my child-free time too. They’re not crazy about the early bedtime, especially since Indiana adopted daylight savings time to be in line with New York (are they F****ing kidding me??), but they are up at 5AM, so like it or not, they’re usually tired out by then. There’s nothing like going to sleep when the sun’s shining and waking up before the birds do. Arrrggh!
wow…how do you all do it??
i get the girls in bed by 8:30 (reading books) and lights out by 9:00 or 9:30…depending upon how everyone is cooperating!
but, often the oldest doesn’t fall asleep before 10:00 or 10:30! she has a really difficult time relaxing to fall asleep…i think her mind is always working – hmmm, wonder where she gets that?
for me…the later bedtime and downtime together is best because i work full time and my husband is a pilot – so, often not home. it gives me a chance to give the girls mommy-time and make up for daddy time too!
and the girls easily sleep until 7 or 8…
i am guilty of bringing the girls out late to the store a few times (when husband is gone and we are completely out of something)…but totally agree that i judged everyone else there too!
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I am one of those disorganized all over the place losers with cranky kids in target at 8pm. But my husband gets home at 7, and while I could go to wm alone, I don’t want to. MOST of the time my kids are good, but then again my kids will throw a tantrum at target even during the middle of the day, so I can’t win.
He gets home at 7, we eat dinner “late” and then they get to play with one toy till daddy can’t stand the screaming anymore and then they go to bed. When he’s not around, those buggers are IN BED by 7!
I just do whatever works for me. I get a lot of stares, but I just don’t care.
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I have just recently started reading your blog, and have enjoyed it.
I am offended enough by your assertion that all children ‘should’ be in bed before 8:30p.m. to delurk.
My husband and I are both night people and always have been. I spent countless hours as a child lying awake in bed after having been sent there at 8.
My two-year old has inherited her parents owl-like nocturnal gene as well. If she were to go to sleep at 7, she would treat it as an evening nap, awake at 8 or 9, and not go to bed for the night until 1 in the morning.
Rather than struggle with her and be faced with a CIO situation while the sun is still shining through her window, I follow her own sleep cues. Lately, she will literally tell me when she is ready to go to bed, or at the very least bring me her blankie or ask to be rocked, etc. etc. This usually happens around 10-10:30. Then she sleeps till 9 in the morning. So call me crazy, but I think she’s gonna be ok…
I am still very strict on bedtime. When they were little it was between 7 and 730. Then it moved to 8-830. It now will STAY at 830 with lights off by 9 (They do their reading in bed).
My kids never got up QUITE that early, so bedtime was a bit later for us, but I always think “WTF” when I see kids at the store at 10pm.
(I DO NOT take my kids to the grocery store unless totally unavoidable, so good call for you.)
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The three-year old gets to bed at 8:00. The six- and eight-year olds get to bed at 8:30. The oldest gets up at 7:15, the younger two get up anywhere between then and even *gasp* 9:00, so I don’t feel the pressure to get them to bed earlier anymore.
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Great post. Going through DGM links. My two (aged 4 and 2) are in bed at 8 sharp. The same people that take the kids to friggin’ Wal-Mart at 10:00 PM are morons. Sorry. They are.
My 12 YO goes to bed at 8 PM on school nights because she has to get up early in order to get to school by 7 AM. My step-daughter has an 8 PM bedtime at her mom’s house too. It’s only the weekends or vacation that we let them stay up later.
My parents and my in-laws take turns babysitting the 4 YO and 11 MO during the week. Sometimes they will let the two kids take 3 HOUR LONG naps, typically from 2 PM- 5 PM. I usually have to wake them when I get there to pick them up. Fortunately, the baby will still go to bed by 8-9 PM but my 4 YO doesn’t get sleepy until it’s REALLY late. She’ll usually stay up with whoever is awake last, myself or my husband. And even when we put her down to sleep, she’ll lay there for a long time, wide awake, quietly talking to her doll. We’ve tried to discourage our parents from the long naps but they say that when they try to wake the kids up earlier, they either fall back asleep or are really grumpy. Sometimes I get lucky and the kids might have SKIPPED their naps or only taken a short one and I’ll have everyone in bed by 8 PM. That is HEAVEN, right there!
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Seriously I could have written this post word for word because I think and feel the exact same way. Both my kids go to bed at 7:30 every night. Every day, around 5:30…I can think to myself…only 2 more hours of the bouncy house fun zone. Then mama can crash! I know, to each her own….but if my kids were up after 8, I believe I might self-destruct!
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Madness babes are 13, 12, 10, 8 and 6 .. so they all now have 8:30 bedtimes. Madness herself would go to bed at 8:30 if it wouldnt land her in divorce court… but anyway… I personally think 8:30 on school nights is too late for the youngest two babes on account of they dont go to SLEEP till more like 9:30 or 10:00 because they share a room and stay up GIGGLING ALL NIGHT!! Just last night I threatened to start putting them to bed at 7!!! and tonight.. I JUST MIGHT!
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(Madness doesnt take her children out ANYWHERE after dark very often .. if at ALL… on account of … the world is a scary scary place that isnt FIT for children). Seriously.
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I am completly shocked by the early bedtimes! I would have loved to get any of mine down by those times. My 8 year old has lights off at 10, asleep by 10:45. She gets up at 6:30 and no nap. I could put her in bed at 8 but she would still be up til 10:45! My two older ones also had lights out at 10:00. During the summer and on weekends she stays up later, usually asleep by midnight or so. I am so jealous of these bed times, I wish I had a couple of hours at night to myself.
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We shoot for 8 too. If it’s 8 my boys will sleep 12 hours. If it’s 9 when we put them down, they’ll sleep in till 9 blissful a.m. I guess they don’t care when the 12 hours start as long as they get it… I do find that I shoot harder for the 8 bedtime than my hubs; his nerves have not had all day to be frayed into little bits like mine, so he’s not as eager to get them down as I am.
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No name calling please. Please refer to my comment policy. Just sayin’
Also, just want to say that I’ve learned a lot reading these comments and *get* why someone might be out late with their kids. As a commented earlier, I think that people have to do whatever works best for their family.
Lastly, I have ALREADY apologized for judging in my post, so I’m not going to again. And I’d like to remind you all that seem offended by my judging, I HIGHLY suspect that you have judged someone’s parenting choices at one time or another, too. The difference here being that I chose to admit it in a public forum and realize that by admitting it this way, I’m opening myself up for criticism. Shall be posting about judging again tomorrow, too much to say in my own comments section.
Ok, one more thing…just reminding you all to keep it nice.
Mine are 3 and 4…they are both in bed, asleep by 7:45, 8 at the latest. They get up between 6;30-7 every day. The three year old will nap maybe once a week. But for the most part, they do an hour of quiet time after lunch.
I used to do my shopping at night. When they were nursing, it was about the only time I could get away. I swear I had kids attached to me for almost two and a half years! (The 4 year old had only weaned a couple of months before the 3 year old was born!)
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Mine ALL (even the 7- and 9-year-old) go to bed at 7:00. Which ends up often being more like 6:50, because OMG. The older two are allowed to stay up and read or do quiet things (workbooks, puzzle books, talking softly to each other, even playing quiet board games), but they have to be IN THEIR ROOM.
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I am SO FAR from a “good enough mother” to be able to be judgemental about ANYONES parenting .. but I must say Ive always felt bad for the wee ones who are out at the store (or anywhere) at night. But then again.. thats prolly just because I myself would rather be home in bed.
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I stay home, so by 8:00 I am done. I want to be alone, even if I am scrubbing a toilet or folding clothes. Our kids generally go to bed at 7:30, but we have to go up and remind them that its bed time a few times, so they fall asleep around 8:00 or so, waking up around 7:00am. In the summer, we cook-out more and play more outside, so bed time could be later, but they crash hard so its nice! My kids are 3 1/2, 2 1/2 and 10 months. The wee one goes down about 6:45!
Bedtime on most nights for the girls is no later than 7:30. Now that’s BEDtime…nobody said they went to sleep *lol*
But yes, I need adult time.
Now, DC is 10, so his bedtime is 9-9:30 most nights…but he’s generally a quiet kid. He doesn’t run around the room half nekkid and screaming like a banshee.
I’m in total (judgmental) agreement with you. Kids do NOT need to be out until all hours (yes, 8PM is “all hours”) of the night. I think it’s assinine. It stresses parents and kids alike. My bedtime was 8PM until I was 10. I hated it, but it was. My kids will be no different.
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Okay, first, Good God. 91 responses. Jennifer, seriously. Stop being so popular and writing good stuff.
Second, I just read something that said that the cutoff time for a good bedtime is 9. I’m sure one of the 90890 comments above me says that, too.
Finally, my kids go to bed around 11pm.
Kidding, they are in bed between 8-9, though we’ve been pushing it back 1/2 an hour at a time, trying to hit 7:30-8. I think I learned that from you. Because, yeah, they wake up at 6:30 in the morning even if they went to sleep at midnight.
Don’t ask me how I know that.
Velveteen Mind – Megan’s last blog post..A Few Loose Strings from my Threadbare Mind
I’m a huge believer in the importance (and comfort) of routine, so I’m a stickler for consistent bedtimes.
Mine are 5 and 3. We start reading stories around 7:15 and they’re tucked in by 7:30 to 7:45 p.m.
I make exceptions — relatives visiting, a social outing, vacation, etc… but otherwise, only an emergency would send me to the store with kids in tow at 9 or 10 p.m.
My guess is that a lot of the late-night shoppers are single parents who don’t have any other options.
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Nevermind. I see now that you have so many comments because you were being a judgey judge face and talking smack about a bunch of bad parents. I think you also called someone a whore and that they shouldn’t make their kids work the corner with them.
Or something like that. I don’t have time to read all of these comments. I like your green replies, though. I’d use that, but I try to stay out of my comments. It gets rough down here.
Damn! I think someone just smacked me. Who the hell is down here?!
Velveteen Mind – Megan’s last blog post..A Few Loose Strings from my Threadbare Mind
I’m sorry some people don’t get what you meant. I could not agree with you more. And, when I’ve gone out with hubby to dinner in a rare night out, I am shocked to see kids eating dinner at 8:30 or 9. Mine was 6:30-7am until about 2..and gradually, as I have wanted to keep naptime (gotta have naptime) it’s gotten a bit closer to 8. I’m fairly certain nap will be going bye bye before long…and then it will be 7 once more. I need the me time to just watch trash tv and drink heavily.
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While I totally agree (I crave my kid free time) who’s to say what time the kid-free time starts?
I think it can start whenever it works for a family! For me, I can barely keep my eyes open much later than 9:30 or 10, so I MUST have kid-free time start early.
I didn’t read judgy, I read PUSHY!
Mine usually knocks out around 9:00. He copes well with Mommy and her glass of wine time and usually, we wind down together by watching TV or something.
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Thing 1, age 12, goes to bed at 9.
Thing 2, age 6, goes to bed at 8.
Mom, age we are not going to discuss, goes to bed right after thing 1. I need my beauty rest.
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