In the two and a half years that we’ve been parents, we have only used a babysitter once. Sure we’ve left the kids with my in-laws on several occasions, but haven’t really used the services of a real live-zitty-braces wearing-angst ridden-sexual experimenting-text messaging-teenage babysitter. I think that living far from family and never really having any help with the kids has made me skiddish when it comes to trusting other people to care for my kids.
To be honest, I’m scared to death to leave my kids with someone. Some of my fears are valid. What if something bad happens while I’m gone? What if she hurt my children? What if she wasn’t paying attention while the kids were eating and one of them choked? What if, what if, what if…? My brain could explode from all the what ifs.
Some of my fears aren’t really fears at all, but rather my controlling personality taking over. I honestly feel like I’m irreplaceable and that no one else can do my “job” like I can. A babysitter couldn’t possibly know how I hold Ella just so before laying her in her bed to go to sleep. A babysitter won’t know what Carson is asking for and he’ll end up crying for three hours because she didn’t read the penants on his wall before he went to bed.
Writing that OUTLOUD makes me realize I need to get over myself. I also realize that I need time away from my kids, and not just on the weekends when Tate is home. An opportunity to go on a date with my husband would be wonderful, too.
I’ve been given the numbers of two potential and highly recommended babysitters. Actually, I’ve had their numbers for weeks and have yet to work up the nerve to call either one. I’m not sure what to even say if I were to work up my nerve. “Um, hi. Could you come over so that I can meet you and reassure me that you’re not going to inappropriately touch my child or shoot up heroine in my bathroom? Maybe you come over at 10:30 so we could meet? No? Why? Is that the time you’re meeting your dealer or your pimp??”
I do think that interviewing a potential babysitter is necessary, but the thought makes me even more nervous than calling and ordering a pizza. I really don’t know what to ask (and my cynical side tells me that they aren’t going to be exactly forthcoming with the sketchy details about their upbringings or slimy boyfriends.) Also, what is the going rate for a babysitter? We paid our one attempt babysitter $10/hour which I thought was excessive, but also a sort of insurance policy.
Please help. Mommy going crazy. In need of alone time. Got spoiled on Mother’s Day.
A friend and I were just having this discussion a couple of hours ago. I honestly don’t know the answer. I’ve gone with family for the most but rarely we’ve had a friend’s teenage daughter come over. It helps that we’ve known her for years and her parents are very normal, even if they are former hippies. And the sitter in question has taken a bunch of first aid type courses.
In the end, I think you just have to do what you’re comfortable with. Good luck.
Joline’s last blog post..Spring, Stairs, Socks
I suggest moving back near family to avoid all this.
Also, I don’t even want to KNOW that babysitters are making $10/hour now. Babysitting used to make LESS than minimum wage.
Swistle’s last blog post..Date
Also, I’m going to start swinging my cane around and complaining that bread used to cost 50 cents.
Swistle’s last blog post..Date
I’d be in the same boat, if I’d even consider leaving her with a sitter. Heck, there’s some family members I wouldn’t leave her with, so family doesn’t necessarily solve the dilemma…just sayin.
Becki’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen – Eleventh Edition
I am not going to help you at all because I have the same fears you do so the only people who have ever watched my kid are the day care workers where he goes to school (and so began a regimented schedule of Zoloft), and my parents. And ONE TIME my girlfriend from work watched them. That’s it. She was in college and was studying to be a preschool teacher so I figured she was safe. I gave her $40 to watch him for 2 hours. Good luck and let me know how it goes!
RubiaLala’s last blog post..Attempt to Find My Passion v.1.0
Are you kidding me? $!0 an hour? OhmiGAHD! Which I guess tells you exactly how many times we’ve used a sitter that wasn’t family because 1) I have trust issues and 2) I can’t imagine any of the tweens/teens in my neighborhood being responsible enough to make sure my kid didn’t crawl in the oven.
$10 an hour! Holy crap!
Rosie’s last blog post..These dreary halls of academia
as a babysitter myself (19, nursing student, CPR certified, absolutely without a doubt prefer the under-3 crowd….if i didn’t live all the way in missouri i’d be your babysitter for life!) I totally have to give you a warning on the whole “interview” thing. while it sounds like a great idea – get to know the girl, let her meet the kids – it is TERRIFYING. you’re sitting there thinking “does she like me? what if she doesn’t like the way i pick the baby up? what if i give him the wrong toy? which side of the sink do i put the dirty dishes in? oh god, she hates me, doesn’t she? i know she hates me!”. while you may think you’re getting a good feel of your babysitter, the way she acts talking to you and the way she acts with the kids when she’s alone are going to be totally different. i know that i even feel awkward doing the whole baby-talk thing in front of the parents
plus, the people who usually call you over beforehand are the kind who absolutely want you to do it THEIR way, no exceptions, period – the sort of control freak parents nobody wants to sit for. my two biggest nightmare jobs have been with parents who called me over to “see if i was a good fit”. i guarantee you’ll have great luck with a college student, but older high schoolers are good too (I was CPR certified for babysitting purposes starting junior year)…just get someone with their own car! ask your friends or neighbors…but i’m sad to say, the going rate is $10+, depending on age and number of kids. i wish you the best of luck in your search!
Again feeling your pain. We’ve never had a non family babysitter…and my kids are 5. I get all paranoid about the zitty pimply teenager mistreating my kids and rifling through my stuff.
I need to get over myself too.
Worker Mommy’s last blog post..The Resuscitation of WWYDW
LOL! We haven’t used teen babysitters very much either. Although we did actually let an 11-year-old babysit for a couple of hours the other evening – she lives across the street, has known our kids for 4 years, is extremely mature and reliable and (best of all) her parents were home the entire time, just in case.
Deb – Mom of 3 Girls’s last blog post..Bloggers Unite for Human Rights – Thursday Thirteen style
I started sitting for relatives when I was 11 – at my house with my parents there. It was good practice for the teenage years when I would babysit at others houses. I knew what to do. (It helped that I was 9 when my sis was born and I helped my Mom out a lot!) Not everyone gets that chance. But also in my experience, you should try a few things. Some community centers have babysitting classes. You can get recommendations from there. Once you meet a babysitter you’re interested in, do a trial with her/him. (Yes, some boys make great sitters). I used to sit for a child where he and I would play together while his Mom was home doing whatever things she needed to do without interference. Sometimes she would just need to cook or clean. Other times she would run errands. But the key is that she could see my interaction with her son and it was easier for her to leave when she needed to, knowing that her son was being well taken care of. Good luck!
I’m glad I found your blog. You’re a very good writer and funny. I think that interviewing a baby sitter is necessary. I also think that the longer you wait to get a baby sitter, the harder it will be…but I don’t think you asked for a stranger’s opinion…
Again, I enjoyed my visit here and will return. I love supporting fellow mommy bloggers.
Becoming Me’s last blog post..Praising Him Until the Wind Runs Out of Breath
We’re in the same boat. Weirdly, both my wife and I were babysitting little kids — *infants* in her case — when we were 11 or 12! No longer, that’s for sure…
Doodaddy’s last blog post..Am I a freak or just pining for home?
There’s always the option of asking someone you know who loves children who is an older, grandmotherly type. Sometimes lonely people who have lost their spouse love helping out.
Sonja’s last blog post..Good News…
I guess babysitters are expensive in your big city. We pay $3.50 an hour for a very responsible freshman in high school (1 kid, soon to be 2 – we’ll pay her more then, probaby $5.00 an hour).
My two recommendations are:
Have the sitter come over to watch the kiddo’s while you are doing some cleaning or something.
Email Casey (Moosh’s mommy) for recommendations. I know this is going to sound awful, but our best sitters have come from very religious families. The bigger the family the better, and the higher in the birth order the better. Since she’s Mormon, she’s likely to know a few families that would fit the bill – and they’re normally pretty responsible.
Casey (and anyone else I may have just offended), if you’re reading this please believe me when I say that I sincerely mean no disrespect.
Good luck, and let me know how it goes!
I know there are some services that have sitters in all areas. I think one is sittercity.com and then there is nannies4hire.com… I’ve never used either so I can’t recommend them but they must have some sort of qualifications… right?
We don’t leave the house unless my mother in law or my sister offers to watch the kids. It’s been a while…
On a completely unrelated note, I tagged you on my blog.
Domestic Spaz’s last blog post..A Meme! I’ve Been Tagged!
(okay, i didn’t read all the comments before me..i admit it) i think you are not so crazy…it’s hard to find a new sitter that you can trust (especially when you’re new in town). i definitely think an interview is allowed, and you can even invite said babysitter to “shadow you” through a bedtime routine or dinner or whatever if you want (pay half-time if you feel you should).
i have been told that the best sitters in our area come from a local catholic college. the one sitter i got from there was incredibly conscientious and wonderful. (she took school way too seriously, ha ha, she couldn’t babysit that often because she was always studying. darn her!) that might be a good route…
good luck and GET OUT!!!! you have to do it…it’s worth it.
phyllis’s last blog post..Bloggers Unite for Human Rights…
Going rate around here is $2/hour per kid.
Dory’s last blog post..Which way did he go?
I can certainly empathize. It’s hard to leave and go out. I would agree with a lot of the other comments… once you find a prospective sitter, have them come over just to play with the kids while you’re there. You can mow the lawn or something…that way you’re out of ear shot, but still on the property. It helps the kids to feel more comfortable knowing you’re around, yet the potential babysitter may not be as nervous since you’re not right there.
We live in rural Iowa. We usually pay between $5 and $6 per hour for 2 kids (age 4 and 6) depending on their experience. We’ve also found that 12 to 16 year olds are the most available. It seems once they get into high school, their schedules get busy with sports, marching band, theatre, part-time jobs, etc.
Good Luck on your decision. The first time is the hardest. Once you see your kids building a relationship with a trusted babysitter, it’ll be much easier. Hope that helps.
Minyo’s last blog post..Bubbles, Bubbles, Everywhere
Oh, you really just have to do it. Si is a disaster with sitters and nurseries of all kinds (still!) and we just have had to bite the bullet. I guess my need for time away trumps my worries about the sitters. Maybe you could find a college student from Butler or somewhere? If you need recs, I could probably drum up some – lots of friends with little kids in Indy. Email me – they probably would tell you the going rate, too. We pay $8 for 2 kids for college students in Bloomington. Good luck! (Although if your big kid is seriously cleaning up organic milk spills, you have raised him so well that you could probably safely leave your younger one with him!)
Sus’s last blog post..What’s Good For The Gosling
I am so glad we have family around, as I would feel nervous about hiring a sitter too. I’ve never left her with anyone but inlaws or my parents. What about another mommy friend wtih whom you could swap babysitting? That way you’d be comfortable that they’re with people you know, and you’d save.
Christina’s last blog post..Kids say the darndest things, VII
We had a sitter tonight and tomorrow night we’re going to the gym so we can put the kids in the kid’s club and have more time to ourselves. Sorry, can’t relate AT ALL!! In fact, we usually get our sitter on Saturdays at 4:00 and we come home around 9 or 10 after they’ve gone to bed. We figure if we’re paying, we’d rather really get a break. I know. We suck!
my minivan is faster than yours’s last blog post..A Personal Note of Gratitude
Right now the only babysitters we use are family or very close friends. Which is kind of limiting, honestly.
I’ve felt like I need a Mother’s Helper around the house now that I’m doing so much – someone to be here for a few hours one or two days a week to let me catch up on writing or homework or whatever I need.
But I can’t make myself call anyone. I’m too nervous to hire a complete stranger, and worried they will ignore my kids, or steal from me, or something else bad. So I know how you feel.
Christina’s last blog post..You Think I’m Strict?
I left my son with a sitter (other than family) uh…twice? He was about 6 months old and I had a quick chiropractor appointment. I left him with a teenage boy at their house. The parents (who we’ve known very well for a long time & the kids too) were home and so were their older and younger boy. So, I’m not really one to ask. But it is inconvient to have our parents come here or us take him there since they’re over an hour away.
I think $10 for two kids is perfectly reasonable for you. Even if it is a bit over, it’s good to ensure good sitters. I babysat a lot when I was in junior high/high school, and one family paid me well. I know they really apprecaited me. I was great with their kids, I communicated everything that went on to them, and I was willing to come back when they needed me.
In case no one else has suggested this, here is an idea. You can check with your local YMCA, high schools, colleges, hospitals and churches to see if they have babysitter lists. Our church’s youth group recently started a “babysitter’s club”. All the kids must go through a babysitting class at the YMCA or local hospital. Some of them are even certified in infant/child CPR. They have a list of who is nearest to you and then will get you in touch with the person of your choosing. I have not used this, but it’s a great concept. You might try calling a few places around you for ideas too.
Mommy Daisy’s last blog post..I guess “complainy” isn’t a real word
I cannot tell you how with you I am on this. I need a babysitter for 5 workdays over the summer and I’m terrified of getting a nonfamily member. That said, I think it’s time.
Greta’s last blog post..Virgin Garden(er) Dirty Workout
We have an 18-month-old, and we have yet to pay for a babysitter. We swap date nights with friends with kids, which has worked out great. I go over to their house after the kids go to bed so they can go out, and they do the same for us the next week. It’s free (sweet!), and I know my kiddo is in good hands and not with a total stranger. Since he’s asleep, he doesn’t even know we’re gone, but if he did wake up a familiar face would be there. It’s a great setup for all parties!
Andi’s last blog post..Anyone want a dog?
I have the same anxiety with babysitters. So far we’ve had family members watch the girls, and the girls love them so it hasn’t been an issue. But we also have only gone out maybe 8-10 times in 4 years, and only stay out for 2 to 3 hours at the most and are home before bed time, or we let the girls stay up until we get back…
I babysat a *lot* in high school, and Im fairly sure I was responsable, but when it comes to your own kids, its hard not to freak out.
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