Babysitter Anxiety
In the two and a half years that we’ve been parents, we have only used a babysitter once. Sure we’ve left the kids with my in-laws on several occasions, but haven’t really used the services of a real live-zitty-braces wearing-angst ridden-sexual experimenting-text messaging-teenage babysitter. I think that living far from family and never really having any help with the kids has made me skiddish when it comes to trusting other people to care for my kids.
To be honest, I’m scared to death to leave my kids with someone. Some of my fears are valid. What if something bad happens while I’m gone? What if she hurt my children? What if she wasn’t paying attention while the kids were eating and one of them choked? What if, what if, what if…? My brain could explode from all the what ifs.
Some of my fears aren’t really fears at all, but rather my controlling personality taking over. I honestly feel like I’m irreplaceable and that no one else can do my “job” like I can. A babysitter couldn’t possibly know how I hold Ella just so before laying her in her bed to go to sleep. A babysitter won’t know what Carson is asking for and he’ll end up crying for three hours because she didn’t read the penants on his wall before he went to bed.
Writing that OUTLOUD makes me realize I need to get over myself. I also realize that I need time away from my kids, and not just on the weekends when Tate is home. An opportunity to go on a date with my husband would be wonderful, too.
I’ve been given the numbers of two potential and highly recommended babysitters. Actually, I’ve had their numbers for weeks and have yet to work up the nerve to call either one. I’m not sure what to even say if I were to work up my nerve. “Um, hi. Could you come over so that I can meet you and reassure me that you’re not going to inappropriately touch my child or shoot up heroine in my bathroom? Maybe you come over at 10:30 so we could meet? No? Why? Is that the time you’re meeting your dealer or your pimp??”
I do think that interviewing a potential babysitter is necessary, but the thought makes me even more nervous than calling and ordering a pizza. I really don’t know what to ask (and my cynical side tells me that they aren’t going to be exactly forthcoming with the sketchy details about their upbringings or slimy boyfriends.) Also, what is the going rate for a babysitter? We paid our one attempt babysitter $10/hour which I thought was excessive, but also a sort of insurance policy.
Please help. Mommy going crazy. In need of alone time. Got spoiled on Mother’s Day.
You gotta get out of that house - and fast! You definitely need mommy and daddy time - though I can completely relate to your feelings. As we live overseas, finding reliable babysitters (particularly ones who can speak English) has be daunting.
Our first time we left our then 6 month old (she’s now 5), we went just down the street for dinner. We were gone for 2 hours, and I called twice. She was fine, yet I cried.
When she was 1 1/2, we just left the house for a “date” when the dog bumped into her and she fell eye first into the marble floor board - splitting open the corner of her eye. We quickly rushed home, I freaked out, but it was actually worse for me than for her.
Fast forward to now - when we leave her, she’s such a great tattle tale, that I get the entire play by play of her night w/o us.
Bite the bullet - call the sitter - tell her your expectations (I make lists) - and enjoy yourself.
One quick funny story. When my parents left me with a sitter in the early 1970’s (in rural Ohio..), they came home to find the sitter AND her boyfriend smoking pot in the bathroom. Yeah, that one didn’t go over too well…
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We’ve only had a babysitter once and it when we had 2 kids…about 4 years ago. I’m of no help whatso. For the record, I would feel exactly, EX ACT LY like you!!
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First of all, you have to get over it and venture out. Date nights are so important. You and your husband’s relationship is the foundation for the whole family. Second, YES you should interview your babysitter. In fact, I’m not really a fan of using the “neighbor’s best friend’s teenage niece” to watch my little ones. Teenagers are fine when you have older kids, but not when you have little ones. If the kids can’t call you when there’s a problem, then you should have an adult there. I have no problem leaving my kids with qualified people, so long as they are grown-ups, with experience, CPR training, and references. If you’re having trouble finding this you can try your church or local babysitter agencies. Good luck, and go have some fun!
dooooooooo it.
seriously, you need some time for you and for you-and-tate.
dooooooooo it!
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It’s funny, here in Oz I don’t know anyone who has babysitted as a teen (besides family) or has used one. It all seems to be a you scratch my back thing. You know girlfriend comes over to watch the kids so you and spouse can go out and vice versa. That hasn’t happened since Boo came along. We occasionally get respite for him and could potentially get our 16 yr old to look after him, but we haven’t. You know why?
Of course you do, cause no one can do it like me.
But reading this makes me realise how completely ridiculous I am being. I will go get a babysitter if you do. Indian food sounds goooood!
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IM the wrong one to ask.
we use a sitter frequently and I always OVER PAY (10.00 an hour is the going rate here)
it’s either my NEED TO BE LIKED or my wanting to pay the person watching my kid enough so that she really WATCHES her and not tv.
either way
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We used this http://www.sittercity.com/rate_calculator.html to determine a rate, though I should have just asked her. I know we’re over paying her, but I don’t care. I like her and if it means she’s nice to my kid then I’m okay with that. We’ve only used a babysitter twice and the first time I felt like an imposter, mostly because I remember BEING the babysitter. It felt weird being the responsible adult party instructing the kid on how to take care of my child when it seems like that was just me a few years ago (in reality it was many years). Am I old enough to need a babysitter? (I mean, not for me personally) Anyway, I totally get your anxiety and if our situation weren’t so specifically perfect, we wouldn’t be using one either.
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do it - do it do it, you will feel better, and you will realize - ahhh they were fine. actually they are better for other folks sometimes. we pay from 10 to 15 depending on experience. interview. i am pretty dorky at that stuff. i had them come over when the girls were up so i could see how she interacted with them. it is hard to tell right away but after you actually use them it is easier to tell. we had one who kept canceling. good luck. i would go crazy with out my one day a week sitter.
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We usually pay around 10/hour. We’ll usually round up depending on how many hours.
We also try to go out later so all the sitter has to do is put them to bed.
Even going out for a late dinner or drinks does wonders for my sanity level.
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Madness only left her children with her bestest friend from high school until the oldest child turned TWELVE and could babysit them herself. Madness does NOT recommend this as this very well could be WHY Madness *IS* Madness. Im. just. sayin.
Oh.. and yeah.. orange cake / pink cake .. I had my IT guy at work “adjust my monitor accordingly”.
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It’s like anything you do for the first time - sort of scary! But it will get easier. Call and ask her to come over so that you can meet her, and then maybe just run to the grocery store for a bit. Then you can build up to being gone for a longer time, so that you might actually be able to have dinner…eventually!
And I think that going out after the kids are in bed might be a good way to get started - especially when your kiddos go to be early enough that it wouldn’t be a midnight dinner! But I would make sure that if you go that route that the kids have at least met her — waking up to someone strange in your house would NOT be a comforting thing.
Good luck!
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However.. Madness did “babysit” when she was a teenager and is very sorry to inform you that.. um.. yeah.. if you had hired Madness to babysit you would have been a fool. *sigh* “To all the people I ever babysat for.. I am so so sorry” Amen.
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I have this wonderful babysitter. She is a former student of mine. She has been watching my kids since my son was born. She’s in college now- in Virginia. She usually comes home occasionally during the year and summer but she’s been taking extra classes to catch up and now she’s never home. I have extreme anxiety in leaving my children with anyone else- except family of course. I am convinced that no one can possibly know and care for my children the same way that she and I can!
I have to keep telling myself it will be ok. I need to get away from these mini people. It will be ok.
The going rate for sitters is so mixed! We pay our sitter around 11 or 12 an hour and I always give her extra but thats because I know her so well and I really do love her. Another sitter I’d be pretty stricti payment wise with!
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If the sitters you have the numbers for come highly recommended, I say give them a call! Perhaps the first time, a sitter could come over in the morning, you could all four hang out together for a while and then you could test the waters with a couple of errands.
I admit that we haven’t used a teenage babysitter yet, but that’s only because we have a regular two-day-a-week babysitter while I work who is a 47 year old mother of four, and I tend to ask her on weekends as well since she already knows my child.
If age of babysitter is an issue for you, what about considering a college student? Or, a teenager whose mom lives down the street and is always home! Also, I don’t know where in Indiana you live, but my friend in Indy takes her kids to a Moms Day Out that she is really happy with. Or, my sister hires a ten year old girl in her neighborhood and pays her $5 an hour to play with the kids while my sister is at home doing other stuff. It’s cute because the fifth grader is super pumped about being a babysitter and has lots of energy for playing.
Whatever you decide to do, do do something! My two days of babysitting make me a better, more patient mom. But even a few hours “off duty” can work wonders.
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Unfortunately ten dollars a hour is about the right rate. I have had all the same worries that you do but the worse thing that has ever happend is the sitter bleached my carpet by accident.
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I use a babysitter often, but mostly in the summer months when the college girls are home from school. And she is the daughter of my daughter’s caregiver, so I *know* her. I am a control freak too, but I got over it when I learned that my kid was better off for learning that mommies and daddies need breaks, Lauren is fun to play with, she is safe, and mommy and daddy always come home. I paid her 10$/hour, which does seem exorbitant, but I figure at that rate she will always be available, or at least try to be, and take good care of my kid(s). I wonder if rates go up when I add another kid into the mix.
Oh, and I never left my daughter with a babysitter until she was on a pretty good schedule and all the girl had to do was put her to bed at 730 and then watch TV.
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I’m the same way!! DC is ten and I’ve never used a sitter outside of parental units for him. The girls most frequent babysitter is another mom in my playgroup!! I haven’t even FOUND a sitter, nor do I have a potential sitter in the wings. So you’re at least one step ahead of me with fewer years behind you *lol*
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I would “interview” your potential sitters by having them over to play with the kids while you were there. Pay her for her time. Once the kiddies get comfortable with her, maybe you could leave the room to, oh I don’t know, clean the bathroom…. or something to give her some time alone with the kids. 2-3 hours max for that first interview. You will get a good idea of her comfort level with kids in that time.
Good luck!
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In highschool I did my share of babysitting, but parents were very comfortable with me because a) they knew my parents, b) I have a sister that is 14 years younger than me, and c) many of them had babysat me at one time or another! (Plus I was that responsible kid who wanted to please everyone…)
I don’t want to tell you what I made babysitting in college, BUT most of the kids I was watching were from swimming lessons at the Y where I worked. Their moms loved that “Miss Courtney” already had a relationship with them (and the kids!), was safety consious, had already taught some of slightly older kids CPR skills, yaddah yaddah yaddah. This translated into some serious cash and I only had 4 families that I worked for - sometimes a couple of us would be hired together and take on all 10 kids at once.
Check with a local YMCA/JCC or a college (early ed majors are great for this…) if there’s one nearby. Lifeguards/swim instructors/camp counselors make excellent babysitters!
Plus side if the kids are in some sort of program at a Y or JCC (etc)? You’ll meet other Moms in your area that might be willing to trade kids for a few hours.
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I want a confession from Madness! he he
i can totally relate to this post. But you know what, they are better for people that are not their parents. And they won’t really have the same expectations of them, like reading pennants.
It does get easier. I’ve only left my kids with my in laws. I think it also gets easier when they are older. I still can’t leave J with my in laws. When D was a baby I’d leave L with them and take D with us. My excuse is nursing but I’m sure the kid would do fine without me for 2 hours. Just the THOUGHT.
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We pay $10 per hour here for 2 kids. I LOVE our sitter. She was the first non-family member to watch the kids and Princess was 5, so don’t feel too bad. We’ve had her for a year now and she’s like part of our family now.
We did try a sitter that we didn’t like. Luckily, it was when I was working from home, so I was here to monitor the time. She was more interested in texting and actually pulled out her laptop and turned on the TV for BamBam. HELLO, I can do that…in fact, I am right now;)
Good luck. Take a deep breathe and GO OUT ALREADY!
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I usually go with college-age girls, and I insist they have their own car. Also, I find that you will just get a vibe. If the sitter feels wrong, then she is.
Another thing I do is have her come over and hang with the kids while I am in the house. I make myself scarce, but I still watch her interact.
I’ve had four sitters since The Poo was born, and we loved all of them. I can’t recommend it enough. If you are concerned about the teen-age thing, go to whatever university or college is nearest you and ask about posting a job. I got my latest girl from the UIUC job board, and we had four good candidates. I chose the one we have because she was able to continue on into fall, when the baby is born.
Email me if you want more info and good luck!!
Just surfed over from the TSB site.
It’s funny, looking back, at how many families I babysat for. I didn’t have a job til I graduated from high school because I made mroe than enough just babysitting for all the people I regularly say for. Honestly, there were times that I had to turn down more than one family because someone else had already booked me for a specific date. I didn’t think about it at the time, but that kind of demand really was a compliment when you consider any parent’s anxiety over leaving their child with someone they aren’t related to.
I started sitting when I was 13. At that age, I sat for two families, both with 3 kids each. (In one family, they were ages 10, 7 & 3; in the other, 6, 2 & 10 months.) I have sat for kids from newborn right up to 12 years old (when there were younger siblings involved & late nights out for parents). I have sat for relatives, neighbors, family friends, people from church, my high school drama director and families that I was recommended to by other families I sat for. I later went on to major in child development and worked in a daycare setting for 5 years, working with the age groups of 6 weeks up to 3 years old. I even sat for one of my daycare families (although at that point they were the only people I sat for because I had a full time job & I did like my free time on weekends).
I think what I am trying to say is that there *are* good babysitters out there. I know that everyone I sat for either already knew me or I came recommended by someone whose opinion they trusted. I know that they asked my dad first if he would be ok with them potentially using me as their sitter, even before they officially “interviewed” me. I know that most families that didn’t already know me would have me over on an afternoon to ask me some questions (I can’t even remember now what they were) and then have me play with the kids while they were getting some housework done or whatever or they would go out for about an hour, as a “test drive” of sorts. On sitting nights, I always had detailed lists to go by: schedules, play by play routines, lots of phone numbers, approved snacks, movies, tv, games, etc. And they would often call to check in at some point. If things were going well, I wouldn’t hear from them again until they returned home. If things were a little crazy (unhappy child, freshness, tantrums, etc) they would call back again a little later, just to check, which I think made us *both* feel better.
Anyway, this long-winded comment isn’t to toot my own horn, but to assure you that good sitters do exist. I was *never* in trouble, was very responsible, got straight A’s, and loved spending time with children. If another parent you trust has a sitter recommendation, maybe that would help put your mind at ease?
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I am with you. I will only leave my son with the ILs (we are lucky enough to live 5 minutes away). What you are feeling is totally normal…I even get nervous leaving him with the ILs! For the very same reasons you list. What if something happens and I am not there…what if he gets hurt…what if NEEDS ME!!! It is especially scary because they take him out shopping sometimes…OMG what if they got into a CAR ACCIDENT!!! What if he died and I wasn’t there to let him know one last time that I loved him????
See…there are moms just as crazy as you.
I think all moms feel the same way…no one can do what you can do for your children..that is why we end up being so burned out all the time…because we aren’t willing to take a chance on our kids.
I do want to say…I am in the process of reading a book called the Mommy Myth. It is very interesting in that since 1980 the media has played a huge role in making us feel like we CAN’T do all those things and have time for ourselves…that we need to be overprotective of our kids and not give them to a sitter for a few ours…or we are lousy mothers…maybe you should pick up this book sometime…maybe it will help alleviate some of your stress?
Either way…from one babysitter-phobe to another…good luck!!! Yes, you do need a date night…and it will only be for a few hours…and you can always put in hidden cameras.
*hugs*
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I totally feel ya on this. I just don’t like calling people I don’t know in general much less to solicit them to watch my kids. I’ve been sorta lucky in that the rare time I do need a baby sitter like once a year for the office christmas party, a good friend of mines daughter will babysit. So all I have to do is call good friend.
You really really should get a babsitter. I think once you get over that hump of finding the right one and everything turns out fine, you’ll be fine.
I am SO totally with you on this. So, nothing I say is going to make you feel any better.
We met a girl at church who came highly recommended too, and we were to call her to babysit. The day before I was supposed to call her, I couldn’t sleep. Invisioning everything that COULD go wrong…I just couldn’t close my eyes! I did call her but was very relieved when she was busy and couldn’t do it. I still am. I wouldn’t leave mine with my OWN teenager and she’s 17!
Good luck. I know time alone with DH is important and I do muss it, but I can wait a few years.
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I’m kind of sunk this summer, but next fall when the students come back, I have two excellent, extremely reliable and mature young ladies who are students who watch my kids, and who would probably be happy for the referral to you. I’ve also got a lead on a couple more that I met while we were at Noodles, and they said they loved babysitting at home, but since coming to college hadn’t found a family to sit for, and they really missed it! Score! They’ll be back in the fall, too.
As for the new sitters, why not take them out for dinner, or have them come to your house for dinner, so you can get to know them a bit and watch them with your kids, without having to leave them alone together the first time? I’m sure they would understand.
Also, do you have a friend who’s a cop and could run a background check for you? I’ve been known to do that, too. And our county’s website [www.county.(countyname).(state abbreviation).us] has the local records online. Click “view court records” then click “public access.” Fill in the last name and first name, and see what pops up. It’s only for this county, and of course juvenile records won’t come up, but it may provide some peace of mind if your sitter is local and older. Just remember that there can be multiple people with the same name, and don’t spaz if your “Jane Doe” comes up as a felon - she may be a different Jane Doe.
On the other hand, if you want to save money, we could always trade babysitting. I bring my kids to you on the first Saturday, you bring your kids to me the following Saturday… etc. We’ve each got two. And, since we’re both SAHMs, we could trade during the day - you drop yours off here and go grocery shopping, I drop mine of there and head to the mall - during the week, and no one would ever know! I’m right at the top of the hill on the west side, behind the Montissori school… And we have every toy in the world, as well as a fenced back yard. What do you think?
Amy @ http://prettybabies.blogspot.com
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I completely get where you’re coming from. I’ve NEVER left my baby (almost 11months) with anyone other than family. I just don’t feel ready yet. BUT I do think I need to. I’m goign to start with the nursery at church - it’s only an hour apart and I’m in the same building. Yup, baby steps!
wright’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday - My Girl
That is why I thank my lucky stars I live clse to family. I do agree with meeting them before the night out, let them spend time with the kids and you. See how they interact together. Good luck, I think you do need some “Binky” time. And remember, kids heal quickly and forget quicker! heh!!!
justmylife’s last blog post..Updates abound and Something I learned wouldn’t kill you.
Babysitter anxiety. I can sooo relate. We finally took the plunge last year and went with a teacher from my oldest daughter’s preschool. Since then we’ve used several of the teachers and we love them. Many preschool teachers and daycare workers babysit on the side and they are CPR and Emergency Training certified and have had criminal background checks as well. We’ve done the teenage sitter thing and almost always come home to chaos but now when we get home each week the toys are picked up and the girls are in bed. It is heaven! Though we do end up paying about $15 an hour for that particular slice of heaven…
The last Non Family babysitter we had was a college student studying elementary eduaction. I totally trusted her. But then she went and got married to an army guy and popped out her own kid. Yeah. So now we’re stuck.
I’m in the process of finding a full-time babysitter for the days I work next school year. This year it was grandma. Before that it was an awesome lady. So awesome that I told too many people at work and now she has more kids than I feel comfortable with. This sucks.
Good luck. I babysat in hs. I think the youngest was a 10 month old, so I would trust a teenager. So long as she comes with a recommendation and what not.
But yea, you should find a babysitter, because going out is great!
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Baby steps. Just go out for a little while. Either have her (I assume it’s a her babysitter) just fed them and you put them to bed or vice versa. That way you have only one major event to worry about. Plus if they are already recommend, that should ease you mind a little. I know it’s hard. OH, do pay high. Not to bribe them to be more responsible. But if you really like them and all the sudden they get a crazy social life, they will keep you as a job.
I haven’t found a babysitter since we moved. Like someone else said, I just swap with girlfriends. We usually come over late, either just in time to put the kids to bed or right after. You get a little husband-free time watching TV, looking at someone else’s magazines.
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I wish I could help you. My daughter is almost four and she has only been babysat by family members. We live near Chicago and the family is in Virginia and Tennessee, so we don’t get out much. Part of the issue is that any sitter would need to be comfortable with epi pens due to severe food allergies. Mostly I just don’t think I would enjoy paying that much to worry the whole time I was out. Things will change when she is older, but that is how we are doing it for now. I agree with the idea of baby steps. Sending her to preschool was hard enough!
I say go for it. We’ve used a friend of our’s daughter a few times and things have always gone well. We paid her $10 an hour and that seemed reasonable.
If you are getting great recommendations then I say pick one and give them a trial run. Have them come over for a couple of hours while you run to the store and shop in peace. That way you can see how they do before having them sign on for a longer period of time.
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We had good luck with college girls, and then if our fave wasn’t available we asked her to recommend a friend. A friend of mine and I tested and developed a dependable pool of 3 or 4 this way.
Make sure they know you expect them to straighten up the kitchen, if you do.
I wouldn’t ask the homecoming queen– she’s not going to be available when you want to go out!
I like the trial period during the day idea. We did that.
Hide the vodka.
Good luck!
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The amount you pay kinda depends on what you expect the sitter to do: put them down, just watch tv because you go out after their 7:30 bedtime, feed them & put the down…we pay $8 for our one kid and have never had a sitter put him down. We leave after he’s asleep. So, $10 an hour is probably good.
Also, it’s okay. It’s just dinner. You deserve time off now & again.
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You just saw that Dr. Phil episode where the babysitter shot up heroin, didn’t you. Ya that totally spooked me too! My babysitter keeps getting tattoos.
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I really have never used a “teenage babysitter”, but I did hire one as a part time nanny.
My family loves her.
She wears all black.
Multiple piercings.
Is going to be a mortician… yes this is NOT a joke.
Yet she has been the best sitter for my kids. She takes them to the park, she takes them swimming, she takes them to movies… You get the point. You can’t always judge someone by how they look. I trust her more than my mother-in-law.
The first time she watched my kids I stayed at home to observe. I work from home 1/2 the time so I stayed and listened how they interacted. She did wonderfully. I suggest doing something like this… like “cleaning your house.”
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I hear ya!
We have never used a babysitter, not someone we didn’t know.
Really, we are just not the most trusting people and have seen some horror stories….we watch way too much Dr Phil.
Anyway…this is what we do, and it works….
We have a group of friends, all of us have kids. Now there are three couple and 6 kids between us. Each couple chooses a night out per month and drops the kids at another couples house. And once per month one couple will have to babysit. And we rotate.
It works great…the kids love being with their friends and we all benefit.
Another thing…we try to get our parents or siblings to watch the kids, and we all go out together without them. And another night, we all get together with the kids.
Hope that helps!
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We have a girl that comes once a week to watch my 7 and 5 year old girls. We pay her $12, which is a little pricey, but she does my dishes and cleans up the girls’ rooms while she’s here, so it’s WORTH IT.
I agree with other commentors that interviewing is the norm. Have her come over and meet the kids and get a feel for her. It’s expected nowadays, so it shouldn’t be awkward.
Since my kids are a little older, my standard for a successful outing is very low: if the kids are alive when I get back, it was a success. Don’t care when they got to bed or how much sugar they ate or how much TV they watched. They get spoiled once a week and therefore LOVE when I go away, mitigating any guilt I might otherwise feel.
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we are pretty lucky to have a nanny. she’s wonderful and is always looking to earn some extra cash on the side. she already knows the kids and all their routines and everything. and obviously, i trust her.
the few times she hasn’t been available and i had to hire CHILDREN, i got hives.
What if you drove three hours to meet some great ladies, then your babysitter slammed your son’s finger in the door and took the tip off? Just hypothetically…
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If they are recommended I say do a trial errand and see how it goes.
I am sure its fine!!!! We pay 10 an hour. I do that for my security. I used Bean’s daycare teacher. I figure she is certified in CPR and all that. I highly recommend getting an OLDER girl. College age. You can actually call the local college and talk to someone in the early Childhood area and get a student studying to take care of small kids.
Marti’s last blog post..The honeymoon is over
I paid 10.00 an hour the previous two times. I use a college student I know really well.
Someone Being Me’s last blog post..Road Trip…
We pay $10/hour and we have two children. Have the babysitter come and spend a couple hours while you are at home. I did that for a couple times and I felt better leaving. Do it! Date nights are a beautiful thing!!
We’re 3.5 years babysitter-free here. Let us know how it goes.
McMama’s last blog post..Way to Go, California!
Ack! Don’t ask me. I’m skeered of them too but seriously in need of couple only time. The 2 times a year my kids go visit grandma for 3 days isnt enough.
Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..Love Thy Wrinkles
We haven’t ever had a sitter in the traditional sense. Either of my parents come over from Indiana to Illinois and spend the night, or for awhile we had a mom’s coop thing. We had a group of 8 moms on an e-mail list and and we all started out with a certain number of credits. Then you earned more credits by sitting or used them up by having your own kids sat. You earned (or spent) one credit per hour for the first child. Each additional kid was 1/2 credit per hour. Serving a meal was an additional credit tacked on. It worked out pretty well except we were a lot of homebodies and hardly used the system.
Rayne of Terror’s last blog post..Trudi T.
I agree, you have to do it! It’s very, very hard, I know. In the interest of full confessions we have only done it a handfull of times. The ages our kids are, we have the luxury of built-in babysitters! However, I did not fully appreciate when I was a newer mom how important time is for just you and the hubby. I definitely agree you need to do it. My 16 year old babysits, and I occasionally have to hire a sitter for my 5 and 7 year olds, so you are getting both perspectives here. I would call one up and ask some interview type questions over the phone. If you like what you hear, arrange a time for her to come over and spend an hour or so with the kids, while they’re awake, and while you are there. Pay her! The first time I leave them, I would go out for a short time, probably in the afternoon. Come back before she’s expecting you–I wasn’t feeling well, whatever excuse. If all goes well, go for your date. Then keep hiring her. Too many people want to use my daughter once in a blue moom, and then get upset that she’s unavailable. Teens are busy creatures. If you’re a regular you’ll have an easier time getting her when you want her. If your girl is a college girl, I would pay $10/hr. I always round up to the next hour. If she’s in high school I would do $7.50-8. If she’s in middle school, I would do $6-7. Make sure you have snacks, that’s part of the pay too! Remember you’re competing for future spots. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.
Mom24’s last blog post..Slow Cooker Thursday–Beef Stew
I’m sure someone has already said this, but maybe you could start by having her over to keep an eye on the kids while you “do stuff around the house” (a.k.a. eavesdrop from the next room). I think that would give you a better feel for her than any list of questions.
Sarah @ Ordinary Days’s last blog post..HMR: “The Dooce”
A friend and I were just having this discussion a couple of hours ago. I honestly don’t know the answer. I’ve gone with family for the most but rarely we’ve had a friend’s teenage daughter come over. It helps that we’ve known her for years and her parents are very normal, even if they are former hippies. And the sitter in question has taken a bunch of first aid type courses.
In the end, I think you just have to do what you’re comfortable with. Good luck.
Joline’s last blog post..Spring, Stairs, Socks
I suggest moving back near family to avoid all this.
Also, I don’t even want to KNOW that babysitters are making $10/hour now. Babysitting used to make LESS than minimum wage.
Swistle’s last blog post..Date
Also, I’m going to start swinging my cane around and complaining that bread used to cost 50 cents.
Swistle’s last blog post..Date
I’d be in the same boat, if I’d even consider leaving her with a sitter. Heck, there’s some family members I wouldn’t leave her with, so family doesn’t necessarily solve the dilemma…just sayin.
Becki’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen - Eleventh Edition
I am not going to help you at all because I have the same fears you do so the only people who have ever watched my kid are the day care workers where he goes to school (and so began a regimented schedule of Zoloft), and my parents. And ONE TIME my girlfriend from work watched them. That’s it. She was in college and was studying to be a preschool teacher so I figured she was safe. I gave her $40 to watch him for 2 hours. Good luck and let me know how it goes!
RubiaLala’s last blog post..Attempt to Find My Passion v.1.0
Are you kidding me? $!0 an hour? OhmiGAHD! Which I guess tells you exactly how many times we’ve used a sitter that wasn’t family because 1) I have trust issues and 2) I can’t imagine any of the tweens/teens in my neighborhood being responsible enough to make sure my kid didn’t crawl in the oven.
$10 an hour! Holy crap!
Rosie’s last blog post..These dreary halls of academia
as a babysitter myself (19, nursing student, CPR certified, absolutely without a doubt prefer the under-3 crowd….if i didn’t live all the way in missouri i’d be your babysitter for life!) I totally have to give you a warning on the whole “interview” thing. while it sounds like a great idea - get to know the girl, let her meet the kids - it is TERRIFYING. you’re sitting there thinking “does she like me? what if she doesn’t like the way i pick the baby up? what if i give him the wrong toy? which side of the sink do i put the dirty dishes in? oh god, she hates me, doesn’t she? i know she hates me!”. while you may think you’re getting a good feel of your babysitter, the way she acts talking to you and the way she acts with the kids when she’s alone are going to be totally different. i know that i even feel awkward doing the whole baby-talk thing in front of the parents
plus, the people who usually call you over beforehand are the kind who absolutely want you to do it THEIR way, no exceptions, period - the sort of control freak parents nobody wants to sit for. my two biggest nightmare jobs have been with parents who called me over to “see if i was a good fit”. i guarantee you’ll have great luck with a college student, but older high schoolers are good too (I was CPR certified for babysitting purposes starting junior year)…just get someone with their own car! ask your friends or neighbors…but i’m sad to say, the going rate is $10+, depending on age and number of kids. i wish you the best of luck in your search!
Again feeling your pain. We’ve never had a non family babysitter…and my kids are 5. I get all paranoid about the zitty pimply teenager mistreating my kids and rifling through my stuff.
I need to get over myself too.
Worker Mommy’s last blog post..The Resuscitation of WWYDW
LOL! We haven’t used teen babysitters very much either. Although we did actually let an 11-year-old babysit for a couple of hours the other evening - she lives across the street, has known our kids for 4 years, is extremely mature and reliable and (best of all) her parents were home the entire time, just in case.
Deb - Mom of 3 Girls’s last blog post..Bloggers Unite for Human Rights - Thursday Thirteen style
I started sitting for relatives when I was 11 - at my house with my parents there. It was good practice for the teenage years when I would babysit at others houses. I knew what to do. (It helped that I was 9 when my sis was born and I helped my Mom out a lot!) Not everyone gets that chance. But also in my experience, you should try a few things. Some community centers have babysitting classes. You can get recommendations from there. Once you meet a babysitter you’re interested in, do a trial with her/him. (Yes, some boys make great sitters). I used to sit for a child where he and I would play together while his Mom was home doing whatever things she needed to do without interference. Sometimes she would just need to cook or clean. Other times she would run errands. But the key is that she could see my interaction with her son and it was easier for her to leave when she needed to, knowing that her son was being well taken care of. Good luck!
I’m glad I found your blog. You’re a very good writer and funny. I think that interviewing a baby sitter is necessary. I also think that the longer you wait to get a baby sitter, the harder it will be…but I don’t think you asked for a stranger’s opinion…
Again, I enjoyed my visit here and will return. I love supporting fellow mommy bloggers.
Becoming Me’s last blog post..Praising Him Until the Wind Runs Out of Breath
We’re in the same boat. Weirdly, both my wife and I were babysitting little kids — *infants* in her case — when we were 11 or 12! No longer, that’s for sure…
Doodaddy’s last blog post..Am I a freak or just pining for home?
There’s always the option of asking someone you know who loves children who is an older, grandmotherly type. Sometimes lonely people who have lost their spouse love helping out.
Sonja’s last blog post..Good News…
I guess babysitters are expensive in your big city. We pay $3.50 an hour for a very responsible freshman in high school (1 kid, soon to be 2 - we’ll pay her more then, probaby $5.00 an hour).
My two recommendations are:
Have the sitter come over to watch the kiddo’s while you are doing some cleaning or something.
Email Casey (Moosh’s mommy) for recommendations. I know this is going to sound awful, but our best sitters have come from very religious families. The bigger the family the better, and the higher in the birth order the better. Since she’s Mormon, she’s likely to know a few families that would fit the bill - and they’re normally pretty responsible.
Casey (and anyone else I may have just offended), if you’re reading this please believe me when I say that I sincerely mean no disrespect.
Good luck, and let me know how it goes!
I know there are some services that have sitters in all areas. I think one is sittercity.com and then there is nannies4hire.com… I’ve never used either so I can’t recommend them but they must have some sort of qualifications… right?
We don’t leave the house unless my mother in law or my sister offers to watch the kids. It’s been a while…
On a completely unrelated note, I tagged you on my blog.
Domestic Spaz’s last blog post..A Meme! I’ve Been Tagged!
(okay, i didn’t read all the comments before me..i admit it) i think you are not so crazy…it’s hard to find a new sitter that you can trust (especially when you’re new in town). i definitely think an interview is allowed, and you can even invite said babysitter to “shadow you” through a bedtime routine or dinner or whatever if you want (pay half-time if you feel you should).
i have been told that the best sitters in our area come from a local catholic college. the one sitter i got from there was incredibly conscientious and wonderful. (she took school way too seriously, ha ha, she couldn’t babysit that often because she was always studying. darn her!) that might be a good route…
good luck and GET OUT!!!! you have to do it…it’s worth it.
phyllis’s last blog post..Bloggers Unite for Human Rights…
Going rate around here is $2/hour per kid.
Dory’s last blog post..Which way did he go?
I can certainly empathize. It’s hard to leave and go out. I would agree with a lot of the other comments… once you find a prospective sitter, have them come over just to play with the kids while you’re there. You can mow the lawn or something…that way you’re out of ear shot, but still on the property. It helps the kids to feel more comfortable knowing you’re around, yet the potential babysitter may not be as nervous since you’re not right there.
We live in rural Iowa. We usually pay between $5 and $6 per hour for 2 kids (age 4 and 6) depending on their experience. We’ve also found that 12 to 16 year olds are the most available. It seems once they get into high school, their schedules get busy with sports, marching band, theatre, part-time jobs, etc.
Good Luck on your decision. The first time is the hardest. Once you see your kids building a relationship with a trusted babysitter, it’ll be much easier. Hope that helps.
Minyo’s last blog post..Bubbles, Bubbles, Everywhere
Oh, you really just have to do it. Si is a disaster with sitters and nurseries of all kinds (still!) and we just have had to bite the bullet. I guess my need for time away trumps my worries about the sitters. Maybe you could find a college student from Butler or somewhere? If you need recs, I could probably drum up some - lots of friends with little kids in Indy. Email me - they probably would tell you the going rate, too. We pay $8 for 2 kids for college students in Bloomington. Good luck! (Although if your big kid is seriously cleaning up organic milk spills, you have raised him so well that you could probably safely leave your younger one with him!)
Sus’s last blog post..What’s Good For The Gosling
I am so glad we have family around, as I would feel nervous about hiring a sitter too. I’ve never left her with anyone but inlaws or my parents. What about another mommy friend wtih whom you could swap babysitting? That way you’d be comfortable that they’re with people you know, and you’d save.
Christina’s last blog post..Kids say the darndest things, VII
We had a sitter tonight and tomorrow night we’re going to the gym so we can put the kids in the kid’s club and have more time to ourselves. Sorry, can’t relate AT ALL!! In fact, we usually get our sitter on Saturdays at 4:00 and we come home around 9 or 10 after they’ve gone to bed. We figure if we’re paying, we’d rather really get a break. I know. We suck!
my minivan is faster than yours’s last blog post..A Personal Note of Gratitude
Right now the only babysitters we use are family or very close friends. Which is kind of limiting, honestly.
I’ve felt like I need a Mother’s Helper around the house now that I’m doing so much - someone to be here for a few hours one or two days a week to let me catch up on writing or homework or whatever I need.
But I can’t make myself call anyone. I’m too nervous to hire a complete stranger, and worried they will ignore my kids, or steal from me, or something else bad. So I know how you feel.
Christina’s last blog post..You Think I’m Strict?
I left my son with a sitter (other than family) uh…twice? He was about 6 months old and I had a quick chiropractor appointment. I left him with a teenage boy at their house. The parents (who we’ve known very well for a long time & the kids too) were home and so were their older and younger boy. So, I’m not really one to ask. But it is inconvient to have our parents come here or us take him there since they’re over an hour awa