Dear Mother-in-Law and Father-in-Law,
Thank you for offering to watch my two darling children today and allowing me a little alone time with the laptop. Your thoughfulness will never be forgotten.
Dear Indiana BMV,
B? MV? That should have been my first clue that you’re a stupidhead. Shouldn’t you be the DMV?? Anyway, I’m not writing to bitch about your name, but rather the fact that you’re closed on Mondays. Screw you.
Jennifer “The Pulverizer” Playgroupie
You still suck.
You know who the hell this is because I keep calling you and you keep NOT calling me back.
Dear Manufacturers of Digital SLR Cameras,
Hi! I’m a blogger with respectable enough traffic. I’d like to review your camera(s) on my blog. All you have to do is send me one for review. I promise to only say nice things about your camera on my blog if you pretty please send me a camera. I’m willing to sell you my soul. Please send me a camera.
Thank you in advance!
Sincerely, REALLY, REALLY Sincerely,
PS. I’d also like a free trip somewhere. Anywhere. For free! Kthnxbai!
Stop eating so much. Throw away the cake and the leftovers. Have you noticed your flabby arms? Of course you have.
I’m your mommy. I gave birth to you and suffered through your colic. I will continue to suffer through many stages of your life and yet I still love you. I will always love you. All I want is for you to kiss me goodnight. It hurts my feelings when you laugh in my face and scream “NO!!!” when I ask for a goodnight kiss.
If you don’t give me goodnight kisses, I’ll be forced to take away your John Deere tractors. I’m not kidding.
Big wet kisses,