My poor girl Ella has Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease.
I mean, it’s bad enough that she’s sick and cranky and fevery, but really! The name of this illness? It’s the WORST NAME EVER! I swear it sounds like she was diagnosed by a veterinarian and not a pediatrician.
Tate, of course, being TATE, keeps joking that she has “hoof and mouth disease.” Hmph. Not funny. At least it’s not funny when you have a kid who’s been a BEAR for three days (and nights) straight. Also not funny after googling “hand, foot, and mouth disease” and getting hits for the the animal equivalent.
Since I’m going to be stuck at home for the next week with my HIGHLY contagious daughter and biding my time until Carson is also struck with the DISEASE, I’m going to start a letter writing campaign to change the name of this illness.
Dear People in charge of naming childhood illnesses,
I’m writing to let you know that the name “Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease” is atrocious and it MUST be changed IMMEDIATELY. It sounds too much like a barnyard ailment and I don’t wish for my daughter or any child to be thought of as a cow or pig. Think of the stigma! Also, the word “disease” being a part of the name is clearly a LOT frightening and wholy unnecessary.
Because I’m SO helpful, here are a few suggestions for a new and improved name:
1. My kid’s so freaking cranky I want to pull my hair out-itis (please note how I refrained from using the word “DISEASE.”)
2. Ouchy blisters on the throat, spreading to the hands and feet illness
3. Or the simplest…Hand, foot, and mouth ILLNESS (see? the word illness is much…softer, less scary. also this suggestion shows how well I can compromise.)
Your prompt attention to this very pressing matter would be most appreciated. So, I’ll be hearing about this name change on the news within a day or two, I presume?
Word from a mutha,
Ella’s less than thrilled mommy