Comments on: Love, honor, and obey?

By: Bridal Shower Etiquette

Bridal Shower Etiquette — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 17:04:44 +0000

Unfortunately, I think the real meaning of the term “obey” has been lost over the years of using this. I’m not even sure when these vows were first started being used. But even if “obey” does mean “do what I tell you”, how many couples actually follow this vow anyway? lol
Bridal Shower Etiquette´s last blog ..Choosing Wedding Favors – The Top 7 Common Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

By: Sabrina

Sabrina — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 21:39:14 +0000

Okay, so I'm totally late but I have to comment. We got married at a chapel with an internet-ordained reverend-slash-realtor who said something about my husband "TAKING A BULLET" for me. Yup. And I was too damn cheap to have it videotaped so I will never relive that shocking moment again. It was awesome. Needless to say, we hadn't rehearsed or anything. . . greatest thing ever! Sabrinas last blog post..With great power. . .

By: McMama

McMama — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 19:21:46 +0000

WOW you got 800 thousand comments. We (I) wrote our ceremony, down to the minister’s words and our vows. So NO, there will be no obeying. Though we did promise to meet each other again after reincarnation.

My mom and step dad are the “man is the head of the household” types. I don’t remember if their vows actually included “obey” but that’s the practicality. My mom likes it that way. I think she doesn’t have to think so hard about things when he’s in charge. She claims it’s a partnership, but he just has kind of a superdelegate vote. I guess we kind of have that, too, only it’s more even. When it comes to matters of our home & kids, I’m the superdelegate. When we’re talking about the car, he’s the superdelegate. Otherwise we try to work out a consensus.

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By: VDog

VDog — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 04:35:09 +0000

We had one of those hippy-dippy California weddings where we wrote our own vows and were married by a (Irish Catholic) lesbian friend of ours. She was a bigger "believer" than either of us! Warrior gave her one condition: absolutely NO mention of God in the ceremony. So yeah, no "obey." VDogs last blog post..Supermodel (You Better Work!)

By: andi

andi — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 03:36:09 +0000

Dude. I was at an OBEY wedding once. I think the bride saw my jaw drop to the floor. It's only slightly less moronic than a wedding my sister attended where the priest actually told the bride that she had to satisfy her husband in the bedroom or risk him going elsewhere. Seriously. So, nope. No OBEY in my wedding. Then again, I wrote the entire ceremony and vows so I guess that's not surprising. andis last blog post..Be careful what you wish for

By: justmylife

justmylife — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:27:06 +0000

I had a Baptist preacher at our wedding, I was given the choice of obey or cherish, I jokingly refused to say obey. I just really liked cherish better. justmylifes last blog post..An update and an award!

By: Rachael

Rachael — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 21:08:01 +0000

I have heard of obey, it's part of traditional vows. When we wrote our vows, we took several sets of vows I found and meshed them together, and you bet your butt the obey part was removed! Rachaels last blog post..So You Think You Can Dance: Top 16

By: Misty

Misty — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 20:38:50 +0000

We actually were married on the beach, by a secular officiant, and wrote our whole wedding ceremony (not just the vows...WHOLE THING) to avoid any dogmatic religious views we didn't agree with. I personally would never agree to "obey" my husband. And I would never expect him to "obey" me against his better judgement. We are both feminists who feel that women are equal to men and men are equal to women. When you put "obey" in a marriage, you are necessitating one partner has final authority over another. This is not equality. I feel that we are equal partners and equal people in our relationship. We work towards the same future. We honored each other by taking each other's last names, so we have a hyphenated Last-Name. I particularly relate to muslim's mom's comment about fluidity and partnership in a relationship. Mistys last blog post..Conversations

By: Dawn

Dawn — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 18:41:04 +0000

I am not going to even pretend I read 102 comments so if I am repeating someone else, I thoroughly apologize, because I am breaking about 42 blogger's etiquette rules right there. I did want to share though that as often happens when reading Scripturally-based passages, we frequently interpret the language by our current definitions and not the way they were originally intended. I remembered the homily given during my brother's wedding (we are Lutheran) and the basic focus was on the vows. I remembered the pastor covering "obey" but couldn't quite bring up the way he explained it that really changed my thinking of its use in a Christian wedding ceremony. I did a quick Google search and found this post which I will share a tiny piece of here but is worth reading if you're curious for more, especially what this whole "obey" thing also means to the husband: The root of “obey” in both New Testament Greek and in the Latin of the early Western Christian Church comes from words meaning “listen.” The somewhat old-fashioned word “harken” (as in “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing”) comes closer to the intent of Scripture-based obedience than does the concept of slavishly following a master’s every whim. Harkening means listening intently and with purpose. Christ calls His Church to hang on His every word because all He says and does is good for His bride. This ideal is the model for the wife, also — especially since her husband is charged with loving his wife “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Anyway, I found this explanation to make far more sense & be far more palatable than the connotation of "obey" that simply comes across as "I am in charge & you must bend to my will." Dawns last blog post..And I Quote: June 26, 2008

By: Alison

Alison — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 15:31:39 +0000

He had to obey me but not me obeying him! Just kidding! Absolutely no obey anywhere in our vows! My parents were married in the early 70s and they didn't have obey either! Alisons last blog post..My Heart is Full, too