This morning while playing chase with Carson, I got injured. SEVERELY injured.
See, I was chasing him back and forth, catching him, tickling him, then sending him on his merry way for more chasing. For some unknown reason he veered from our silently agreed upon game and decided to HEAD-BUTT ME IN MY CROTCH.
Huh? Wha?? Crotch head-butting wasn’t a part of the game I was playing???
OH my aching crotch.
It was all I could do not to scream shitf*ckdamnhellc*ntf*ckf*ckf*ck!
Having a crotch wound is not only painful, but awkward to nurse back to health. Rubbing my sore, achy crotch…well, it looks weird. I can’t really go out in public, stroking my girly region now can I? Also, there’s no easy way to wrap an Ace bandage around your crotch. Trust me. I tried. Band-aids cure most ailments, but not those where HAIR and tender skin are involved. I also attempted putting ice on my crotch, but um…ice? It’s especially cold when touching your crotch.
I haven’t, uh, visually inspected my crotch to check for bruising, but I don’t think I need to SEE it. I FEEL it, thankyouverymuch. My crotch HURTS.
My crotch won’t be accepting ANY visitors any time soon (sorry Tate, talk to CARSON about that), but she is accepting sympathy cards. You can send those to:
c/o Jennifer…because it’s MY crotch, that’s why. I’m caring for it the best I can.
# of times the word “crotch” appears in this post…12. Awesome.