Breakfast time around my house sometimes feels like some sort of sick and twisted psychological torture session.
Waffles! With crispy edges and dripping in gooey, delectable REAL maple syrup.
Honey Bunches of Oats! Beautiful golden flakes with crunchy clusters, crispy and simply delicious.
As I make breakfast for Carson and Ella everyday, my mouth waters. My brain and my stomach wage a vicious war against one another.
Brain: Jennifer. You are on a low carb diet and waffles and Honey Bunches of Oats are a no-no. How about a nice plate of eggs? Scrambled, maybe? Or how about over easy? No, make that over hard. Over easy eggs are just not good without some toast to mop of the yolk. And you and I both know that toast is OFF LIMITS.
Stomach: Go f*ck yourself, Brain. It’s cruel to tempt me. I am craving something CRISPY! Like waffles! Or flaky Honey Bunches of Oats! I will purge any egg you try to give me. Do YOU HEAR ME, JENNIFER?
Brain: “Craving?” “Purging?” Jennifer are we pregnant????
Of course, I’m NOT pregnant, just suffering from low-carb induced mania. When Tate and I faithfully followed a low carb diet before kids, it was far easier. We rid our house of any taunting carb-laden foods. Now with kids, though, carbs mock me from every cupboard with their evil cackles and knowing sneers.
Once I get through breakfast, the low carb diet is SO easy to stick to, though. Okay, fine, it’s not easy when we go out to lunch and rather than ordering a reuben sandwich with a side of potato salad, I order a chef salad. Boo! But the rest of the time it’s EASY.
Well maybe snack time is hard, too. I can only eat so many nuts and cheese sticks before I really just want a handful of chocolate chip cookies or some chips and salsa.
And going out to dinner is hard when I’d rather have a baked potato, french fries, or rice instead of blah, blah broccoli to accompany me and my MEAT.
But eating low carb at home is easy peasy, simple as a pimple, no problemo! Except that rather having meat with a side of meat, I crave some macaroni and cheese, especially the frozen kind from Stouffer’s with it’s creamy deliciousness and tender pasta.
So, okay, I’ll admit, a low carb diet really is hard to stick to, which I KNOW means it’s probably not a long term diet solution which means it’s probably not a weight loss solution at all and maybe I should think about making changes that I can actually live with, changes which include waffles! and Honey Bunches of Oats! and potato salad! and french fries! and cookies! and mac and cheese!
I’m screwed, aren’t I?