Since moving to Tennessee, Tate has worked (with the exception of last weekend when I went to Nashville) seven days a week. Monday through Friday he works a minimum of 12 hours, but it usually ends up being 13 or 14 hours. Saturdays and Sundays he has been working “half days,” which in reality is a typical persons workday of about 7 hours. When he’s not at work, he answers numerous work-related phone calls.
I’m not sure if it’s that his new job here is more demanding or if Tate just feels like in order to get his job done, he has to work seven days a week. It doesn’t really matter, though, why he’s at work because what matters is that he’s always at work and we he’s not at work, he’s thinking about work.
I’m trying really hard to be supportive. I know that Tate is feeling a lot of work-related pressure and I’m trying to be mindful not to add home-related pressure as well.
But.
There’s a fine line between being supportive and allowing our family to be put on the backburner. Sometimes, or if I’m being truly honest, very often, I feel like Tate’s job takes a higher priority than our family.
Trying to be supportive means that I have to allow myself to simply accept that Tate sees the kids for an hour every night, we don’t get to make weekend plans, and our time together will be interrupted by phone calls. It means that I don’t allow my annoyance to show and that I smile and welcome Tate home when he finally arrives and cheerfully ask how his day was.
Trying to be supportive could also mean that I allow the kids to stay up well past their bedtimes so they can spend time with their dad. It could mean that we throw caution to the wind and skip naptime on the weekends so that we can plan family outings. Being the primary caregiver of our children means that I know that keeping to a schedule is best for the kids, and selfishly, for me.
But.
There is a fine line between doing what I know is best for our family and being a passive-aggressive wife who is grasping at the one, tiny thing I feel like I can control.
I’m constantly at odds with myself, trying to walk the delicate line and find the balance of being supportive, being the best mom to my kids, and trying to get Tate to understand that I cannot be the only one to fit him into our family’s routines.
There is a not-so-fine line between being the 1950′s version of the perfect housewife and being me.
yuk. i hate that… especially b/c you just uprooted your life- again!-
i hope this will be a temporary thing.
i totally get it, though. and you said it very well.
having the littlebean just 3 months ago we (i) dealt with this same exact issue. i couldn’t believe the amount of time he was spending and i felt pretty cheated.
i hope it’s resolved soon.
way to hold it together.
mpotter´s lastest post..hypocritical oath
I totally understand what you are going through. I have lived it for years. It gets old fast. I can’t tell you how many times I have wanted to throw Marks blackberry out the window while driving over a bridge. I hate long hours and work calls on days off. It sucks!
Christy´s lastest post..When did this happen?
I walk this fine line all the time with hubby’s schedule. I guess the only thing with us is that he doesn’t control when he works over and when he doesn’t. I know that after about a week of working sixes hubby is very upset about it at home.
Hopefully talking to him will help-Ella and Carson are only going to be this small once and he is going to realize he missed it.
HUGS!
Heather~Domestic Extraordinaire´s lastest post..Haiku Friday
sucks… hugs…
We’re in a similar situation here.
It’s painful and hard. It makes it soooo easy to resent them for never being there.
I can’t imagine what it feels like for them knowing how much their missing.
sam {temptingmama}´s lastest post..DreamHost and Me (Read: Why My Blog is a Hot Mess.)
I know exactly what you mean! It’s hard, and I know it’s hard on my hubby too…but mostly I wish that I have a little more time for myself to do the thousands of things I need or want to do…even just to have a little time to myself to do nothing. Feels like an age old dillema, but it’s still hard.
I grew up in a house like this. And I can honestly say that the only thing that held us together was my mom making things “normal” for us. If she had not been consistent, I’d hate to think how things would have ended up.
If it’s a temporary thing while he gets settled in, I’d let it go. BUt, if it’s consistent I think you should have a sit down. To this day I know that myself and my brothers have issues w/ our dad. He wasn’t there for games and recitals and other important things. He was always working and explained it away bc someone had to earn the money to support us. But, in the long run, all the money in the world doesn’t matter as much as the time and just showing up. Even now he acknowledges that he should’ve done differently. That he wishes he’d done differently.
Start small. One day a week be home by dinner. Then, one weekend day be home by noon, etc. Hopefully it’ll get better. Lots of hugs.
Lori´s lastest post..Making a Great First Impression
Mmm hmm.
Sorry girl.
I’m there now but crossing my fingers I’ll be out soon.
xoxo
moosh in indy.´s lastest post..From the Archives: Is your punk son missing his shoes?
First of all, thanks for the review of Stumble!
I could tell you some stories about moving around and the effect on families! As you know, it’s a tough balance to make, but I’m grateful to be in a position to work from home two days a week and spend a lot more time with my boy. It’s fantastic. Good luck to you and yours in getting the best of both worlds!
A Free Man´s lastest post..Georgia 52, LSU 38
Have I mentioned lately that you’re a much better woman than I am?
jerseygirl89´s lastest post..Update
I wish I could say I was married to a work-a-holic, but he’s really more of a volunteer-a-holic. He’s been gone 7 nights a week for the two theatre productions he’s volunteering for, and it drives me crazy.
I hope that once the newness of Tate’s job has worn off he’ll find a better work-family balance and be home more for you. Work is important, but maintaining your relationships is just as important.
Christina´s lastest post..My First, Slightly Neglected, Children
I can relate… the thing that drives me nuts is that even when he’s here, he’s not here. And like you said, you have to be mature and suck it up and make life better for everyone instead of giving your husband a hard time, but at some point it needs to stop, right?
Our husbands have the same schedules! Except mine has been on this schedule for 13 years now!
ptoall´s lastest post..The Aftermath