If you like spewing your superior parenting practices, THIS! is the post for you! Keep reading!
We are having mealtime issues. Possibly I should say Carson is having mealtime issues, as in: He never eats. Possibly I should say I am having mealtime issues because my son doesn’t eat the meals I lovingly prepare and toil over. Oh and they’re the meal he specifically asked for.
Here’s how a typical day goes down.
“Carson would you like waffles or cereal for breakfast?”
Note how I offered him two choices, rather than just saying “What do you want for breakfast.” This should count for some points in my favor as far as good parenting is concerned. I’m just sayin’.
“Waffles! Blueberry waffles!” he says, so convincingly that I’m certain that despite past behavior, TODAY he’s actually going to eat those gosh darn waffles!
Note that I’m aware of the definition of insanity…”doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Um. Yeah.
Once the waffles are served, Carson REFUSES TO EAT THE GOSH DARN WAFFLES *spoken thru clenched teeth, with a firm scowl*. Sonuvabitch.
I calmly (yeah, right) explain to Carson that this is breakfast and if he chooses not to eat, that’s fine, but there will be nothing else to eat until lunch time.
Twenty DAMN minutes after breakfast, he starts begging for a snack and continues to beg until lunchtime when I serve him his requested lunch of PB&J and peaches.
Which he doesn’t eat. Instead he drinks his milk, in one giant gulp and pronounces lunchtime over.
Twenty DAMN minutes after lunch, he starts the snack begging AGAIN.
Dinner: see also Breakfast and Lunch.
I KNOW that he’s not going to starve and that he’ll eat when he’s hungry. I also know that he’s filling up on milk and then not feeling hungry, so I’ve already banned liquids from mealtimes. I’ve also considered just putting his breakfast/lunch/dinner in the fridge and giving that to him when he asks for a snack.
I’m torn as to whether I should continue to be firm in not giving him a snack when he hasn’t eaten even one bite of his meal, or giving him his uneaten meal as a snack, not letting him drink milk with his meal, or if I should lock my doors and wait for Child Services to come a-knockin’.
Also, I’m trying really, really hard not to let this be a power struggle. But FRICKITY FRACK, I’m not his personal restaurant and he cannot survive on milk and snacks alone! Certainly Dr. Sears or Dr. Brazelton or Dr. Whothefrickever wouldn’t approve of a diet rich in milk and John Deere fruit snacks.
Help?
Put on your best assvice thinking caps and let your vast parenting knowledge flow. Carson’s future depends on it.
They will eat..eventually. If he’s anything like mine they will finally get to a age where they eat all their dinner, plus seconds, plus possible thirds and then whatevers left on their brothers plate. An hour later their ready for dessert. Their 8 and 9. I can’t even imagine when they become teens.
Jean@workingmomma247´s lastest post..I May Not Need Regular T.V. After All
Ugh. I have this same problem with d, 3.5. He usually eats breakfast and lunch fine because he gets a choice, but for dinner I choose and he rarely even tries it. So, he doesn’t get snacks after dinner, nor does he get dessert if he doesn’t at least TRY dinner. ONE bite is all I’m asking. He is never asked to clean his plate.
O is not picky at all, so I don’t know why d is. He could survive on fruit, milk and goldfish.
Devan´s lastest post..Fluffy Pumpkin Cookies
I still have this issue, mostly at dinner now though. I think I would just put whatever he doesn’t eat in the fridge and then when he wants a snack get it back out. Then you’re only fixing one thing and he gets the message that that is what he is eating until it’s gone. I have threatened to make him eat his dinner for breakfast the next morning and the threat usually does the trick. I did it once so now he believes me and will eat.
How long do you have to do this? Only one time longer than he refuses to eat!
Headless Mom´s lastest post..Recipes!
Let me preface this by saying that it is outrageous that I am going to try to give you advice on getting a child to eat. Given the state of mealtime in my own home, I mean. Ignorance and personal depravity never stopped me from dolling it out before, though, so here goes. Can snacks be little bitty portions of the would-have-been meal? Like a half of a pb&j for a snack? Or some “apple fries” (raw apples cut to look like fries)? Or even (gasp) little broccoli florets (aka Trees) with cheese dipping sauce? Also, Frannie eats so much better if I just don’t serve her, and wait until she comes to me telling me she’s hungry. So I don’t make or serve her anything (at breakfast on non-school days, and at lunch – and sometimes at dinner) until she’s so hungry she’s willing to stop what she’s doing and come to me asking for sustenance.
Sus @ wiggle rooms´s lastest post..Wordless Wednesday: Dorothy & Scarecrow Debut, Receive Critical Acclaim
I’d start offering snacks of fruit, cheerios or a pb crackers or a sandwich instead of “fun” stuff. He will eat when he gets hungry enough. PB sandwich is always the fall back meal for my son if he doesn’t like what I am serving.
paula´s lastest post..15 years and counting
I guess I’n not really a lurker any more since I’ve commented twice but I love to give some assvice when people ask
My son was a very picky eater. Being that he was my first I was determined about the ‘you’ll eat what I put in front of you’ thing. At 1 year he weighed 25 pounds at 2 years he weighed 26 pounds. My doctor told me enough already! You could literally see his ribs so he was starving himself. I don’t know that Carson is THAT stubborn but Gabe was. The doc told me to feed him whatever he wanted as much as he wanted. He would eat 4 cups of yogurt at a time. At meal times I’d always make rice or pasta (his staples)so that he’d eat something. And I used brown rice (instant boil in bag) and the Smart Taste pasta to make it more nutrient dense. The only meat he’d eat was chicken nuggets so that’s what I made him. I always had fruit, cheese, and yogurt available for snacks. He never ate a vegetable ever. He put on 5 pounds in 3 months.
He’s 5 now and is a much better eater. He fusses but he understands that if he wants to be a strong football player (or whatever his tough guy thing is at the time) he has to eat healthy food like meat and vegetables. He didn’t care one lick about that at 2 and 3. Dinner time can be a pain but it’s nothing like it used to be. And he’s still alive and not mentally deficient because he ate yogurt and apples for lunch when he was smaller. The hardest part was having to explain it over and over again to people who’s kids where good eaters. But I just had to get over that.
Good Luck!
i think everyone has been in this boat. you have to do what works for you.
that said…
things that work for me (occasionally).
1. having them help prepare the food. (stir it, etc.)
2. the phrase, “oh there’s no way that you can eat all that.”
3. the phrase, “don’t you dare eat all that.”
–i’m sure people would hark on me for those above statements…but, my kids understand that i’m teasing. and they want to make me smile.
4. the offer…”can you make all of my 5 fingers fall down with every bite?” (5 bites, obviously)
5. the modeling. they eat it if i eat it.
i just can’t get in the mindset that my kids are manipulating me. i don’t want to live my life like that.
in all honesty, i felt like we really had a picky eater…but now…i realize that she eats what she needs. and she’s realized what is healthy – and likes it. and there are weeks that she eats 1-2 bites of her meal. and weeks where she eats seconds. it depends upon her growth at the time, i’m figuring.
good luck!
jen´s lastest post..wild and precious life.
(Didn’t read other comments so I’m not sure if this has already been mentioned.)
What about location? Do you make him sit at the table every meal? For some reason, my boyz eat MORE and BETTER if I let them eat wherever (usually in front of the TV – bad mommy!) for breakfast and lunch. Dinner is definitely family table time though.
Trenches of Mommyhood´s lastest post..In the Blink of an Eye…
I need assvice on this, too, so I’m just going to read all these lovely words of wisdom!
My oldest is 6 and the minute she gets home from school it’s “I wanna a snack…I’m hungry.” I cave and usually give her two and then she’s eating barely anything at dinner.
Ugh.
Jamie´s lastest post..Smooth Operator
It’s not you. It’s these kids, man. They are freakin’ Napoleons! My son is the exact same way and it makes me crazy…
I’ll be reading the other comments, too.
GHD´s lastest post..From Two to Thirteen… Overnight
Whew! There’s a lot of responses. Here’s my take. I am very similiar to you in that I stay strictly to the meal schedule.
But… Kids need 5 meals a day, according to parenting stuff I’ve read. So Carson could be offered breakfast, snack (10ish?) Lunch, Snack (after nap) and dinner.
I’m all for offering the waffles for snack too. But what I would do is eliminate the juice and milk. Those have calories and fill up kids. If he wants something other than water, he should finish his food, then get the drink. But I’ve heard that drinking juice/milk will fill up the kids and they therefore don’t always eat meals.
Hope this helps.
Oh BTW, I have problems with my son eating dinner. Read: Wont. eat. dinner. But he’s usually hungry for breakfast the next day!
Nette @ Smiling Mom´s lastest post..I voted!! Errr… At least I tried.
With my oldest, (now 7) I didn’t battle about food and let him eat what he wanted when he wanted. His choices were usually very healthy and learned the term “nutritional value” around age 3. Still? Now, at 7, he drives me bananas with how picky he is. He practically lives on chicken noodle soup and cereal. Looking back, I am not sure how I should have handled it.
My youngest does the “waffle trick” only with Bananas. He begs and begs for the banana. He gets it. He peels it and hands it back to me. “No wan’ it.”
Kill me.
Misty´s lastest post..Carnage in the Living Room
Thomas grazes all day. I offer as much healthy stuff as possible, but really, he lives on Peanut Butter and Jelly, milk and fruit. Not bad.
Karen Sugarpants´s lastest post..I Am A Rich Woman
You’re already doing everything I would do. I think just keep the snacks to fruits and veggies, and let the chips fall where they may (haha.) We have a one bite rule at dinner, and beyond that?
Some days they eat like I’m starving them, and some days they hardly eat. It all evens out. Some day Carson will need more than air to keep him alive…
Until then, hey! You can totally slack on preparing him meals!
The Other Dawn´s lastest post..The Time is Near
I noticed mine started doing something similar. I ended up not giving him breakfast until the time he wanted the “snack” and found he ate the whole thing. He just didn’t want to eat first thing in the morning.
Um, Military School?
Have the T-shirt´s lastest post..Speaking of Men Who Make Me Cry
I got nothing for you. Coincidently, go read my post I did today. weird.
I’m going to sit back and read your comments for some advice.
Darn skinny kids.
In our house some form of bread and butter is offered at every meal. Don’t like what we are eating? You can eat bread and not starve.
If you refuse to eat meals no fun snacks for you. But I never say no to fruit. I always (okay almost always) have a bowl of apples on the kitchen counter, if the girls are hungry they know they can help themselves. Oh and all snacks have to be eaten at the table, just like meals.
Also, I found “forgetting” to get my little one a drink until halfway through the meal often gets her eating quicker.
Most of all though I try not to make much fuss about food, having girls and all.
Karen´s lastest post..Who’s Feet Do I Need to Kiss?
I agree with a lot of what has been said with a little bit of a twist. I would add a bit more variety in his meals (e.g., one pancake and a fruit cup; pb&j sandwich and yogurt and pretzels) so that he has options within the meals themselves. (Ideally, one choice at a meal would be a go-to food that he normally eats.) Then, he gets to determine what off his plate he eats, and how much.
Have a normal snack time, and like meal times, you provide the snack and he can eat it (or not).
Limit his milk and liquid intake to snack and meal times (yay! no more lost sippies!)
Implementing any of these suggestions isn’t going to work over night, though. It’s the consistency that’s going to make it work.
Good luck!
Slacker Mama´s lastest post..weekend of festivities
My own son is only 9 months old, but a close friend has a daughter about Carson’s age and she’s going through the same thing with her. Finally, after a two-day fast, she came over and borrowed back the high chair she’d given us. (Her pediatrician recommended this method.) She told her daughter that since she couldn’t eat like a big girl with mommy and daddy, that she guessed she’d just have to put her back in the high chair and feed her like when she was a baby. When you’re a baby, mommy gets to choose what you eat and you can’t feed yourself. She fed her one meal of baby ceral and applesauce, which the little girl thought was fun. But the next morning when she wanted a pancake and her mom gave her another bowl of baby food, she declared that she was not a baby and began eating “big girl food” again. I thought this was sheer genius!
Jen L.´s lastest post..Maybe he can fix our dishwasher
being the parent of a child who eats just enough to sustain life i totally feel your pain. i think all she eats is pepperoni, hot dogs and goldfish crackers. there was a few months when all she ate was carrots and ranch.
maybe try letting him prepare his own meals. let me know if it works, i’m too lazy to try it.
I’m a geek and actually read all of the comments above mine. I have a daughter that won’t eat anything but fruit and cheese. Hates milk (except mine!)
The only conclusion I can draw from these comments is that how you handle this problem depends on how old the kids are and their individual temperment.
Jennifer S´s lastest post..Beautiful Wordle Essays
:: mooches off your comments because she has no friggin’ idea herself and these people have great assvice ::
Ahem.
Mrs. Flinger´s lastest post..33 flavors and then some
@Busy Dad I’m so glad you brought up the time limit issue! I didn’t want mealtime to turn into an decade long battle and I think the idea of setting a time limit is fantastic.
@the other dawn “chips fall where they may”…pure comic genius right there.
@karen I believe in eating meals at the table, too…we’ve fallen off the wagon here in our rental house, though. It’s gonna be hard to RE-enforce.
@Must be Motherhood I’m definitely concerned about NOT making food an issue. I think most of us have some level of “food issue” and I really want my kids growing up with a healthy relationship with food.
Our rule is that if they don’t eat a decent meal (not all of it, but at least make an effort), then no snacks, period. Like you said, they won’t starve, and it definitely gets the point across. And they’re not avoiding the healthier food just to fill up on snacks instead.
Good luck!
Deb – Mom of 3 Girls´s lastest post..Three girls. Three pumpkins. And one Daddy to carve them.
I think you’re doing all the right things. This will pass, but I know it is very frustrating.
Deb´s lastest post..Happy Birthday to me. Oh, and a letter.
my two year old doesn’t eat either … I have no assvice but I came here hoping to find some answers.
*shrugs* why does do they do it ?
Trish´s lastest post..Spoilt and assvice.
We are running into that too. He downs the milk and then wants more before even touching anything on his plate
We save the meal for as long as possible and keep offering it up.
I’m living it too with my almost 4 year old. If he doesn’t eat, I save his meal (usually breakfast) and he can have it for his snack. If it’s not in any condition to save, he must have something “breakfasty” like a Nutrigrain bar, yogurt raisins or cereal without milk for his morning snack. I try to avoid the afternoon snack like the plague so he’ll eat dinner.
I can’t say it’s always working, but some days it does.
Kristin´s lastest post..It’s inevitable of course
@Lynn Does he ever eat it when you give it as a snack/meal later?
Oh, you are brave asking for advice.
First off, you are doing things right. Keep it up. Consistency is key.
Next, I would do the same thing – give him a choice – then if he does not eat what he has chosen, keep it for a snack.
Okay, now, here’s the kicker. When he whines for a snack, tell him that he may not whine (that’s the warning) and then you figure out a punishment for if he whines again. Tell him the punishment for whining. If he whines you will HAVE to follow through, but I would suggest something immediate, like time out for 5 minutes, or throw away the snack altogether, etc.
However, if you’re blessed with an especially stubborn child (like me) you may have to do what you swore you’d never do and actually REWARD him for something he’s supposed to do anyway. Like, if he eats his breakfast he gets 3 m&m’s. Or he gets 15 extra minutes of TV. or whatever.
Kids are unique – find what motivates them (fear of punishment vs. joy of reward) and use that for motivation.
PS every time I post a comment here, the comment luv is from a previous post on my blog, not the current one. I am registered with comment luv and everything!
Texan Mama´s lastest post..A Fellow Texan Weighs In
Oh, one more thing – at dinner/lunch, if the kids get full before the end of dinner, I tell them they can be done if they eat the veggie and protein but they may always skip the starch and I will not save it. But they have to try the starch. If they do all that, I will still give dessert. That way, they are understanding what the healthy part of the meal is.
Do you think it would help if your son felt in control of his meal time? Like if you just said something different, like (I dunno, but…) “Carson, I have waffles or cheerios. What do you want to fix for yourself today?” and if he says no, say “What are you doing to do later when you’re hungry? What will you eat?” Maybe that will make him feel more in control, like he’s deciding what to eat and whether or not he eats.
It’s just a suggestion.
Texan Mama´s lastest post..A Fellow Texan Weighs In
Just moochin’ off the assvice, too. My kids seem to barely eat and I know it’s really hard for me not to take it personally (I’m doing all this work to cook and keep you healthy!)…
I have sensible friends who always point out that my two boys are obviously growing, and my doctor says to look ove the course of a week not a day to assess their nutrient intake… but none of that seems to help me feel less vexed/anxious.
I hope you and Carson come up with something that works for you!
Stacy (mama-om)´s lastest post..Two Years
[...] Jennifer needs your best assvice on her little guy’s mealtime routine. [...]
lol KYa does the exact same thing… I think it is good to just ignore the behavior. I give her a healthy snack and just ignore it. As long as she sits down to eat I let her get up when she says she is “DONE” or “FULL” which she will say even after she hasn’t eaten a bite. LIke all other stages this too shall pass.. at least I hope LOL!!
mojavi at simple things´s lastest post..because…
he’s only three. why don’t you make eating fun? instead of cutting up his waffle into pieces, cut it into sticks and let him dunk the pieces. what about letting him eat with a toothpick? (carefully supervised of course…)
i NEVER made a big deal out of eating and my kids haven’t really been problem eaters. they eat beets, asparagus, and pork.
pretend like you don’t care. and – no snacks. you have got to stick to your guns on that. if he wants waffles, he can eat waffles. but no fruit snacks or anything else.
he has to stick to his choices. but he’s a little guy with a little stomach. my kids learned VERY quickly that if they ate their regular meals, they could almost whatever they wanted for snacks, because i worried less about their nutrition. they KNOW if they don’t eat dinner, there will be no chips/popcorn/apples later. NONE. they can eat cold or reheated dinner.
it’ll go away. pretend it’s not happening??
jess´s lastest post..Just naBLOpomo me…
Oy vey…I’m right there with ya with both my kids right now. Its enough to make me want to pull my freakin’ hair out! Just reading through some of your comments to see if there’s anything I haven’t tried yet…nope. Darn.
I figure its a stage we’ll get through like anything else, only its made worse by the fact that the little one does everything the big one does. Grrr….
Colleen – Mommy Always Wins´s lastest post..I can’t believe I’m sharing this…
Cutting down on milk helped us some time ago – if Braden doesn’t eat his food, we save it and he eats it later. I don’t hold it over his head though, it’s just the next snack or meal – I don’t think he even realizes it. That way he’s not “profiting” from refusing to eat, but it’s not a power struggle either.
I’m not excessive with it, though – if he doesn’t eat the green beans 3 times in a row (or whatever) I don’t worry about it – maybe he just doesn’t want to eat the frackin’ things. My parents made us eat everything, and it is STILL something I resent them for. I don’t eat things I think are gross, so I don’t make Braden do that either. (clearly you’re not doing that if you’re giving him choices, just sayin!)
I DO give him a kid’s multi-vitamin every day and THAT makes me feel less stressed out about whether he’s eating the right amount of good stuff every day. (They are little gummy vitamins, and he loves them.)
[...] you all so much for all the truly useful advice you all offered me a few weeks ago concerning Carson’s dismal eating habits. I’ve definitely cut down on milk and [...]