Last week I had this whole post written in my head! Somehow, despite my excitement (SQUEE!!!!), I just never got around to writing down the GOOD NEWS!
I was going to tell you about my magical new Levi’s. Finally, I had found another pair of my beloved Levi 515′s, the lone pair of jeans that I actually wear. I was going to implore you all to go RIGHT NOW to JC Penney, I was even going to call it Jacque Penn-nay to make it more chic! “Buy yourself some jeans!” I was set to declare, because OBVIOUSLY some goober at the Levi’s factory had MISMARKED the sizes on their jeans.
Instead of buying a size 10, I was able to buy a size 8! I know for a fact that I am most certainly NOT a size 8, truthfully, I’m not really a size 10, but more like a size almost-12. This was a RED-LETTER DAY!!
Oh how I loved those jeans. My ass! It looked so good because we all know that even if your ass is really a size 10 ass, if the label on the jeans say size 8, then your ass looks 1000 times better. It’s like the 11th commandment, or something.
Nice size 8 ass, huh? I’m even smiling. This NEVER happens when I’m looking at my ass.
Well, this little Levi love fest was all before I washed the jeans. For, lo! When I washed the jeans, they not longer fit. No! And they were not suddenly too small, THEY WERE TOO BIG!
“How could this be!” I bellowed. Certainly I had not lost ten pounds while my jeans were in the wash. Scowling, I came to the realization that I had broken my #1 rule in jeans purchasing. I had failed to look to see what the jeans were made of…
The most eeeeee-vil combination in jeans. Stretchy jeans be damned! My closet is FILLED with pair after pair these hooligan jeans.
That stupid little number 8 on the tag had completely blinded me and made me forget my rule. Instead of having another perfect pair of jeans, I now have yet another pair of jeans that sags on my butt, are about 3 inches too long, and are so big through the waist that I need to wear a belt. **gritted teeth** And I HATE wearing a belt.