There’s one house in my neighborhood that has no window coverings, allowing us, when the light is just right, to peer into their home. This openness irritated me to the point of mania, obsessing every time I passed the house about the why. Why didn’t they cover their windows? Why do they allow us to look inside? Why doesn’t this bother them?
And then I realized that I live in a blog, and even though I have window coverings, they are sheer and at times wide open showing me walking around naked or unkempt. Why do I do this? Why do I want people looking inside? Why doesn’t this bother me?
There were two conversations on Twitter yesterday talking about feeling invisible and openly wondering if we packed up our blogs and disappeared tomorrow, would anyone notice? In a nutshell, the discussion revealed that a lot of us feel invisible and the majority of us feel dispensable. The answer to the age old question, When a blogger leaves in this vast and dense blogosphere forest, does anyone notice?, is no, not really. After a day or two, they’re forgotten and the Internet collectively sighs in relief at having one less person to keep track of.
I’ve been at this gig for almost three years. Three years of pimping myself out, three years of jumping up in down in front of my wide open windows yelling, “look at me!!! Look at me!! OVER HERE! See me?? Please like me!!” And yet? And yet I still often feel invisible, I still feel like I’m not part of the in crowd. Three years of still not being recognized.
“Oh hello, Jennifer. Playgroups are no place for children, you say? Nice to meet you.” says Big name blogger.
“Well actually we met last year at BlogHer, we talked for like, an hour. How do you NOT remember???” I seethe, silent in my head. But what I actually say is, “Nice to meet you, too.”
(No, I’m not talking about one situation or person, I’m referring to probably 15+ different occurrences.)
I am exhausted.
I keep telling myself that I started blogging and keep blogging because of this community. I keep telling myself that I blog because I enjoy it. It’s fun, right? When I first discovered blogs, I found so many like-minded women, struggling through the early days of motherhood, who didn’t sugar coat infancy and playdates and being a stay-at-home mom. Blogs made me feel vindicated.
Writing gave me something to do in those days when Carson was just a baby and I was so lonely, so bored, so discontent. It gave me something to occupy my mind, something to think about beyond my never ending laundry pile, what I could cook for dinner in five minutes or less, or how I was going to make it into the post office carrying a package and a carseat. In the early days, my blog was the sole place that was mine, and mine alone. Carson didn’t poop on it, Tate didn’t leave his dirty socks lying on it, I didn’t resent it like I did most everything else in my life at the time.
Here’s the kicker, though. I resent this blog now. Moreso, I resent that I don’t write the way I wished that I could.
What was once this great way to connect with others, has become this never ending loop of barely keeping my head above the social media water line. I’ve literally lost sleep over the fact that I haven’t ever visited some of the my most loyal commenters or that I didn’t answer a question left in my comments section or that I have at all times at least two or three need-to-be-answered emails. My close friends’ blogs, I hardly have time to read those and when I do, my comments often amount to “great post,” which is apparently the “wrong” way to comment.
Blogging has also become more than simply writing. There’s Twitter, that I do occasionally enjoy, but I feel so out of the loop since I can’t spend hours interacting like it seems so many others do. I talk to people, they don’t talk back. I talk to people and sometimes I don’t have time to reply. Hello vicious cycle! I cannot keep up, I feel like I’m drowning in the wake of bloggers who must have 48 hours in their days to my mere 24.
Then there’s the worry that I don’t use Twitter “correctly,” which really, is just plain STUPID. I’m so very tired of having to comment the “right” way, interact on Twitter the “right” way, always remembering to be “relevant,” when all I really want to do is connect with others because I’m lonely and bored.
In terms of writing, I’ve come to the realization that my writing isn’t, in fact, brilliant. I don’t completely suck, no, but there are millions (LITERALLY) of other women bloggers who smoke me in the writing department. This makes me feel like a very small fish in a huge, swirling vortex to nowhere. I’ve all but stopped reading some of my favorite blogs because they are such amazing writers that it makes me feel even worse when I struggle to write something witty or passionate yet what comes out is basically the same shitty post over and over. I’VE STOPPED READING PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY’RE GOOD???? That is all kinds of messed up.
(I’m not saying this to get some of you to say that you think that I’m a talented writer, because REALLY.)
You want some more brutal honesty? That little subscriber number over there in my sidebar? I have tried to take it down, but I can’t. It is too closely connected to my fragile blogger ego. I look at that number and think that when someone new that’s never been to my blog before sees that number, they’ll read my less than stellar writing and think, “but she has over 1,400 readers! She must be somebody.” The big bloggers may not recognize me, I may get very few @ replies on Twitter, I may sort of suck as a writer, but doggonit, I have subscribers!!
[Fraud, see also Imposter, see also playgroupsarenoplaceforchildren.com]
I think every blogger/writer initially struggles to find their voice. I know that for me, I initially wanted to be very open, too open, writing about things overly personal. My windows had no coverings, and the light was always right for your peering eyes to see everything. Provocative, I remember trying to live up to that word, but all provocative turned out to for me was using the word f*ck a little too often. Now the pendulum has swung almost all the way to the other side, I’ve covered my windows with sheers and try to write watered down stories without curse words and about subjects that couldn’t possibly offend anyone. Now that I have found my middle ground voice, I don’t really like the way it sounds.
The thought crosses my mind nearly everyday that I should quit blogging, close up shop, copy my archives so that all this work is not totally gone. My memories are recorded on this blog after all. When I think of quitting, I get all panicky, though. “Who will I talk to?” “I know that as soon as I quit, I’ll have something really poignant to say.” “What will I do with my time?”
There is nothing simple about quitting. Blogging has become such a part of who I am. Most of my friends live in my laptop/iPhone. This hobby is the source of vacations and get togethers. Even though I’ve long been disillusioned with blogging, I spent a great deal of money to go to Chicago this summer for BlogHer. Without blogging, would I get a weekend away from the kids, spending time with friends?
I’ve been contemplating starting a completely different blog, a fresh start. That, too, makes me feel panicky. Or maybe it makes me feel even wearier. I remember the hours I spent commenting on other’s blogs, signing up my blog all over the place to get my name out there and to think I would have to do that again? And I’d lose my precious 1,400+ subscribers! Saying that makes me stop in my tracks, WHAT THE HELL am I doing? Starting over would be without strings attached, without the stress of “properly” interacting in the community and, dare I say it…, maybe it would be more about the writing. (HA!)
There is also the whole debate in the mommyblogging community about sponsored trips, reviews, free what the hell ever and how it reflects on us as a community. All of it, ALL OF IT, makes me overwhelmingly tired. Why yes I do have opinions on the subject, but since I can’t articulate what they are I’ll just keep my mouth shut. I only mention it because this SITUATION is part of what’s bothering me.
I feel at odds over ads on my site, too, but have justified that they have paid my hosting fees for this website and bought me some cheap shoes at Payless, in the clearance section. What bothers me about ads in general is that I have NOT posted things because I didn’t want what I was going to say to reflect poorly on an advertiser. Back in November when I did an entire month of giveaways, provided from some very generous sources, to “celebrate” my two year blogging anniversary, there were several posts that I WANTED to write, but due to their crass or controversial nature, I didn’t. Certainly that decision was good for “business,” but this blog didn’t begin as a business. How did turn into one?
I don’t really have a conclusion. There isn’t a conclusion. I do know that blogging is more often than not, no longer fun and that I just want to take a nap.
***
To clarify, this is not an announcement that I’m quitting blogging. In the event that I do quit, it will be without pomp and circumstance. I’ll quietly put up some thick, lined curtains and drive away when nobody is looking, and I won’t leave a forwarding address.
Maggie Dammit also has some thoughts, related to this very subject. You should read her post, Evolution of a Blogger.
“What was once this great way to connect with others, has become this never ending loop of barely keeping my head above the social media water line. I’ve literally lost sleep over the fact that I haven’t ever visited some of the my most loyal commenters or that I didn’t answer a question left in my comments section or that I have at all times at least two or three need-to-be-answered emails. My close friends’ blogs, I hardly have time to read those and when I do, my comments often amount to “great post,” which is apparently the “wrong” way to comment.”
YES.
I understand the resentment, I think that’s actually the perfect (and scariest, frankly) word for this. I do disagree with what you said about your writing, though. You write so well.
Please send me a memo when you figure this out for both of us.
.-= maggie, dammit´s last blog ..Evolution of a Blogger =-.
I “quit” blogging for many of the reasons you mentioned plus more of my own. I don’t regret it all. I still blog, as a journal I suppose, and a way to express myself, but I have everything set to “private.” I don’t feel any pressure to write, and write what I want without fear of judgment or privacy issues. I’ve also posted publicly a couple of times when I felt I had something “big” I wanted to share.
If you quit, I think you’ll have no problem filling that time.
It seems magically fly away too fast no matter what I’m doing.
I’ve considered quitting Twitter, and think I’m hanging onto that for the connection factor. Ironically, I often feel invisible there too though.
No easy answer, I guess, other than: we each have to find our own way.
Wishing you all the best and much happiness in whatever your choice will be. I’ll miss reading your words and “hearing your voice” but I’ll completely understand if you “disappear.”
Namaste.
.-= PsychMamma´s last blog ..Embracing Holland =-.
I have that feeling daily. I have many thoughts in my head, but I just can’t seem to type them out. I know who you are…I’m having panic attacks for a completely other reason. I have so much drama that I want to blog about, but slowly people at work are finding out about my blog. It’s FREAKING me out. Ironically, I’m finding that I like a lot of my Blogger friends better in person than on their blogs. Is that weird? I’ve actually connected with a lot of people lately locally through my blog. I’ve made some awesome friendships. I also had another bloggy friend, locally, who said she is done with this blog thing. But, she hosts a local resource blog which is doing well. We are tired of this blogosphere giving us major A.D.D. Having to check other blogs, tweet our posts, interact on twitter, post on a daily basis, respond to e-mails, and raise our kids. So yes, I think a lot of us are experiencing this right now…….
So if you need to vent, I’m here..on that note, I’m working on a post about a squirrel..because I have nothing left.
.-= Julie @ Angry Julie Monday´s last blog ..How Facebook Messes Up Your Relationship =-.
Hmmm, I’d like to think I’m immune from this since the main reason I started was to inform far flung friends and family of our life. However, sometimes it does feel like I’m writing for nobody and it’s more of a chore than anything else.
I wish I got more comments, I wish I had more interaction. I wish I could afford to go to a blogging conference…
Then I also wonder about all the time I’m spending here and not with my immediate family. I wonder if it’s worth it at all.
But the other night I went back and read all the monthly updates I did when my son was a baby. That’s his baby book. It’s amazing to see how much he’s grown in 2 years.
I know someday I will appreciate (and I hope my kid will as well) the time I took to document our life. So I guess I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing. And when I feel the need to write something crass or vent (a lot) then I have an anonymous blog that no one knows about. And somehow it’s actually freeing to know that no one is reading it…
Good luck!
.-= Krista´s last blog ..Paper Culture Review =-.
How did blogging become stressful? Because it totally is (if you let it).
Jennifer, I love you and think you are hilariously funny.
I would miss you dearly. I think you’re doing it the right way – anyway you do it.
.-= DesignHER Momma´s last blog ..29 weeks: The Cabbage Patch =-.
I completely get this. I’m going through something very similar, I think a lot of people are. I wish you luck figuring out what’s good for you and your family. I am a lot like you, that my friends are in my email and my reader, but isn’t there something wrong with that? Or, is there? I don’t know anymore what’s “real” and what’s not, and it makes me tired.
Good luck. I’ve always loved your blog, and I would definitely miss you.
.-= Mom24@4evermom´s last blog ..Remember when??? =-.
As someone who has started and stopped too many blogs in her however many years on the internet to list, you do miss it. They’re easy quit, not so easy to stay away for good. Very few actually have, entirely. I think it’s some sort of disease. Oh no, she has “the blawg!”
With that said, I’ve been there. I’m trying to keep myself from getting there again, because I do like writing. Whether it’s for 5 people or 50 or even 500. Although I can imagine the amount of stress that may come with a larger number of readers.
.-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Just a Nosebleed =-.
I so get what you’re saying. I started reading for the community. I started writing for the community and to not write posts of my own in comments. You’re right about the ‘business’. It sometimes overwhelms and drowns me. Traffic and numbers and checks, OH MY! I want community. I smile when I get comments because that is why I started this-to make friends and have conversations.
Just do what you want to do, and the rest will fall into place and you won’t feel like you need a nap anymore!
.-= Headless Mom´s last blog ..We Interrupt Regular Posting…#2 =-.
I am a totally invisible blogger and it doesn’t bother me. I wonder why someone would WANT to be visible/big time because the pressures that brings would make blogging all wrong. The day I lose sleep over blogging is the day I have to quit because that means the fun is gone. I continue to blog for me and only me. Sure, I like to try to entertain and occasionally say something profound, but I am under no illusion that I am a fabulous writer. There is no future book to be made of my blog posts. I am just a normal every day woman with a normal every day blog. I am okay about not being exceptional.
I am sorry that you have lost the joy you once found in blogging. We’ve been blogging about the same length of time and I’ve read you since pretty close to your beginning. I would miss you terribly if you left.
.-= Shelly´s last blog ..My Poor Kid =-.
I totally get this, although I’ve never gotten to the point where I have a bunch of readers who would miss me if I stopped blogging. Most of my readers are my friends that I know from places other than the blogosphere. I think they read just to humor me.
I’ve committed blogicide a few times, and each time, I come to regret it. And yet I find blogging to be tedious and anxiety-inducing. It’s a conundrum. I don’t think there’s a clear answer for any of us who feel this way. I hope you find something that works for you.
.-= Molly @ ADB´s last blog ..The longest 41 hours of my life, aka Finn’s birth story =-.
This is why I periodically take breaks from it all. TOO MUCH DAMNED PRESSURE. And as moms and women and heck, human beings! we already have enough REAL pressures in life. Blogging should be fun, it shouldn’t be pressure-packed.
Just for some perspective: I’ve been blogging since 2000. That’s like NINE YEARS. And I only have 100 or so feed subscribers and I get like 200-300 hits a day. That’s it. I know it’s because I periodically take breaks and I NEVER respond to every comment or visit everyone’s blog who comments on a post… that’s just insanity to keep up with, and I barely have any readers! I used to have a much larger audience when I blogged at my old domain (muted.com) and I write nearly every day, sometimes a couple of times a day. But that was of course in college when I was trying to avoid studying. ha.
I guess what I’m saying is, just keep blogging if you want to, you AREN’T invisible to the people who matter
and if you feel like taking a breather now & then, it’s cool. We’ll be here when you get back!
.-= Jen´s last blog ..my husband is cooler than yours =-.
If you need a nap, you should take a nap. You should be doing this for you. If it’s become a chore, back off for a bit. We’ll be here. It’s the beauty of google reader.
I do understand the resentment factor. When something you have had fun doing the way you want to do it now has all these rules around it the joy is leeched off with each new requirement. I tried for a couple of months last year on a whim to promote my blog & do all the ‘right’ things too gain readership & brad & monetize & all the rest of it. But the sheer effort of all the salemanship you have to do depressed me. I need this to be easy & fun. I need relationships not regulations. I gave it up after 2 months because I could see that it is never ending & I just can’t manage that. I’ve read your blog for a long time & I don’t comment much which is my main hindrance with relationship forming but this year that is my new goal- Comment. Talk to people I enjoy reading. Let the rest of it go. I havent’ gained readers or followers but I have lost stress. I’d miss you if you left
.-= stacey@Havoc&Mayhem´s last blog ..Powers of persuasion =-.
Something has been changing out there, I agree. I’m hoping there is a counterbalance with bloggers figuring out how to take back blogging. God if I know what that would look like. Maybe you and Maggie can work on it? In your spare time?
.-= Deb on the Rocks´s last blog ..Tim Gunn’s Secrets — It’s All in How He Makes His T’s Work =-.
At night, I keep telling my husband, “OK today I am reading blogs all night long. Returning comments. People are so good to me. I feel so bad.” And I do. The guilt. The work put into it. Somenights I look at my blog and decide that I will shut down. I say this at least 4 times a month. But in the end, I think I would miss it. BlogHer is so much fun, my one big event each year. I did feel left out, again, this year. But I also had a blast. I don’t know what Im saying. I too have no conclusion. Just know that what you are thinking… a lot of us are too.
.-= OHmommy´s last blog ..PSA: Pink plastic flashlights scare away intruders =-.
Great Post!
Ha. Couldn’t resist.
Seriously, I’m sure you remember the hope you had in the beginning in this ‘community’ when your blog was so much smaller in terms of numbers, comments, SKILL, and yet you persevered in hopes that some day you would get a compliment from someone who wasn’t a blood relative. (Maybe that’s just me.)
I don’t care how many people comment, I don’t have ads, I don’t let anything but social etiquette dictate what I write, and when I’m on twitter, I hear nothing but crickets. I don’t know why I bother to try and comment, I’m not sure why I tweet. I can guarantee that my house would be a much tidier place without the internet; but it’s my outlet. It keeps me sane. It lets me voice my humor in my own space.
But it’s definitely no way to make a living.
.-= Amo´s last blog ..What Do You Do for a Drunken Sailor? =-.
Originally, I started blogging, because I was “lonely and bored”. Yes, it has completely taken on a life of it’s own.
Sadly, I’ll admit right here and now, I have stopped reading some great blogs because they write so well, it makes me feel bad about myself. I get what you are saying:P
Right now, I’m trying to find the fun in it again. I sweat my feedburner numbers every day. I wish it didn’t matter so much…but. it. does.
I’m going to go read the other post you linked to…(I have many of your same thoughts)
.-= Nap Warden´s last blog ..Queen =-.
I’ve started and restarted this comment. I’m invisible. Unknown. I considered going to BlogHer and then just laughed at myself. Not a single person there would have recognized me or my blog name. I’m not fishing here; these are the facts.
It would appear that it’s never enough, right? Even if some people know you, in this infinite setting, there will always be more people who don’t. It’s just so, so much work. I don’t have all day to spend on Twitter, commenting on every blog out there. Or, I could find the time, but I choose to spend it watching Project Runway.
.-= Mama Bub´s last blog ..Do you see what I see? =-.
I get what you are saying, Jennifer. One hundred and fifty percent. All those thoughts run through my head at times.
I think, though, that I have come through the other side. I’m going to take the good from it and the friends I have from it and try not to sweat the other stuff.
Also? With 1400+ subscribers? You’re a Big blogger, in my book.
(I would never post mine. It’s nowhere near that.)
.-= Angella´s last blog ..Friday Bullets =-.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
.-= Heather´s last blog ..7 quick takes =-.
The ironic part to me is that you often make me feel as though I’m not invisible, and I love that about you.
Honestly though, I could just plagiarize this whole post. However, back when people were deciding to blog with integrity, I decided that I. Didn’t. Care. Anymore.
That’s my answer. I have no blogging goals. I just want to write and be able to go back and read it later.
Interaction is a happy bonus.
That’s not to say that I don’t still get sad when my feedburner drops from 60 to 58, or that I don’t wish that I had more readers, but I had to take it off the table as a goal. It would be hard to just let go of 1400 for sure.
I read a post today by someone who was going to limit her blogging trips to 6 per year, and another who wasn’t going to take anymore sponsored trips that didn’t include her family. My gut reaction was that it would be nice to be invited anywhere at all, but then I reminded myself of my goal. Just write. Not free shit. Not ads. Not trips. Not popularity. Just write.
It’s hard for me. My real life job puts me onstage – in front of 10,000+ people at times. I play, I sing, and I sign autographs that most likely get thrown away the next morning, but still – my point is that it’s not that I don’t like attention – I do, and lots of it. I’ve just reconciled the fact that blogging isn’t going to be the way that I get it.
And that’s alright with me.
Oh, and @Julie @Angry Julie Monday: I totally wrote a post about a squirrel a couple of weeks ago. Was even considering a follow up . . .
.-= marty´s last blog ..Excavating by Bird =-.
It seems to be a theme among bloggers…so many great writers getting tired or bored of it.
We discussed Twitter invisibility yesterday, and I came to the realization (yes, while I was trying to go to sleep, which is so, so sad…) the we aren’t invisible. Some people are just rude. Of course, it’s not possible to reply personally to everyone, and you don’t always have to follow the social media etiquette, but common courtesy and basic manners tell us to let some know we heard them, that they reached out and we were aware. Ugggh.
Anyway – you are so awesome. I know you weren’t fishing for compliments, but I hope to make people laugh with my blog the way I laugh at yours, or the way I always seem to say, “Wait…the same thing happened to me. Why the heck didn’t I write about it like that???”
I would hate hate hate it if you quit blogging, and yet, I feel the same way about it as you do. It’s just DIFFERENT now. It’s not the same and it’s more of a job than a hobby and, I dunno, I just don’t love it like I used to.
I do remember meeting you at BlogHer though, because I kind of loved you and considered kidnapping you. I even remember the pretty green dress you were wearing. See? You are memorable. And I am creepy.
.-= Karly´s last blog ..This Is What It’s Like Being Married To Cleatus. =-.
I’ve heard this a lot – maybe three years for blogging is like the 7 year itch in marriage?
I would miss your posts. You crack me up, and you’d be one of the biggies for me to meet if I ever make it to a blogging conference
But I totally understand if whatever you’re going through makes not blogging seem the right thing to do. Hang in there.
.-= Corinne´s last blog ..Softness around the edges =-.
I’ve been thinking about this lately too, when the whole social media and blogging “thing” in my life tips over the edge of fun into guilt or pressure. It has been mostly fun, but a couple of weeks I have lost sleep over getting “behind” and not responding to friends made on line.
I’ve thought often that we ought to have a “Read Only” month. Everyone (who wants to) agrees to post only four times (or less), turn off comments and not comment anywhere else for a month. See if we can all get back to enjoying reading, even if it is just in our readers!
Probably wouldn’t work. Now I’ve just given you another long email to read, no response necessary
.-= anymommy´s last blog ..My First Day of Preschool =-.
I felt like that quite a lot, and was very resentful that I didn’t have any more readers to show for the effort I was putting out there. Since BlogHer, something shifted and I just don’t care. I’m writing less and I don’t have that sense of “OMG I HAVE TO POST it’s been too long OMG” anymore. It just … pffft! Went away. Wish I knew how I got it to go! (I had a good time at Blogher, for the record.)
Anyway, I hope you find the balance you need. It’s no fun if it’s not fun, you know?
.-= mayberry´s last blog ..Happy birthday to me. Kind of. =-.
I haven’t been at this blogging thing for as long as you, and I think I started for different reasons and with different goals, so it’s hard for me to comment with any kind of value. Except to say that it should make you happy, whatever you do, whatever aspects of it that you embrace . . . you can blog and ignore twitter, or comment sometimes and not worry about it others, or quit blogging, or blog privately, or just read. But you shouldn’t feel obligated to do any of it, because whatever your goal, it is for you, not for anyone else.
And also, I do hope you keep going. I don’t always comment (my own time management issues), but I am always reading.
.-= abdpbt´s last blog ..Draft created on 09.04.2009 at 5:42 pm =-.
I wish you lived a little closer so we could chat about this in person–I met you at Blissdom and have enjoyed your humor ever since.
I recently stepped away from my long time blog, with many of the same concerns you voice here. Ultimately, I knew that leaving is something I was being called to do, in order that I could stretch and grow in other areas of my life.
Does it kind of bother me that life goes on without my blog? A little. But the feeling of relief and space in return has been unexpected and wonderful.
I started over with a blog about another subject, just to keep up the self discipline of writing, but it’s harder to keep up when no one is pressuring you for new material!
.-= Meredith from Merchant Ships´s last blog .. =-.
So many of us feel this way, too. I must admit when a few of my fave bloggers quit, I’ve missed them a lot. I have not forgotten about them.
One of the reasons I didn’t go to Blogher was that I didn’t want to hear about everything I wasn’t doing. I want to remember that sitting down and writing every couple of days is doing something.
.-= Anna See´s last blog ..Kleptomom =-.
*clap, clap, clap*
I just had to add my little applause to this post. I have been struggling with the same issues – just like the majority of the blogging community, I honestly think!
I often feel invisble, like I don’t matter – sure, I take nice pictures, but so do lots of other people, and mine pale in comparrison to many of them! I constantly feel the pressure that I’m not good enough for this reason or that reason, and I’ve spend way too much time trying to keep up with the pressure of being a “good blogger.”
But when my life kinda went crazy a few months ago…I let go of the blog somewhat. It’s still a conscious struggle to not obsess over daily page hits and comments dropping, but with time blogging is starting to be less of a burden and more for ME again. And I like it that blogging is no longer such a big part of my life.
And for the record, I LOVE your blog and think you are a darn great writer.
.-= Christina´s last blog ..A Lunch Date to Remember =-.
for this invisible blogger, you are a biggie big-deal blogger.
funny, though, i think if you had a conversation with a “lesser” blogger for an hour, you would remember her.
it’s part of why i read and adore you.
.-= the planet of janet´s last blog ..If you teach a man to fish … =-.
I had almost this exact same conversation with my husband a couple of hours ago.
*sigh* I love blogging, but yeah, it becomes a chore when you are constantly chastised for not doing it ‘right’ or not commenting on EVERY SINGLE PERSONS blog.
*sigh*
Move over, I need some covers while I nap.
I’m fairly new to blogging. I am from New Zealand and have just encounted my first bad blog experience last night. I have been approached by a journalist over here to do a story on me about mummy bloggers. it ended up causing an upsetting misunderstanding between me and a fellow blogger and it really wasn’t worth it. I too started my blog as a personal thing for me and 2 of my best friends to read and I can’t help but relate to the excitement I find when I have a new follower….I begin to worry about what I post incase I start to lose any, then have to remember it’s REALLY not about that…
All the best. I hope you find happiness in blogging again, or maybe even something new in “real life”!
.-= widge´s last blog ..The Loudest Family in the World =-.
Is this where I say “great post”? heh.
Or maybe this is where I say I didn’t start blogging for the community but because I wanted attention. double heh with a heavy dash of truth.
All I know is if you quit, you’re taking me with you.
I don’t know. I know you know I don’t know either.
All I really do know (and it isn’t much) is that what keeps me hanging on to blogging is the emails I get from other moms telling me my stories about Payton have helped to change how they see their own challenging children. And maybe that should be a sign for me and the direction of my writing.
I don’t know.
(is there a broken record playing?)
.-= Heather, Queen of Shake Shake´s last blog ..I’m Stuck in an Alfred Hitchcock Movie. Help. =-.
There have been many a times that I’ve emailed you and deleted it because I wasn’t sure you’d remember who I was.
This blogging world is funny. I quit almost a year ago and it was VERY hard to let go. And many times I’ve wanted to start up again to think I don’t want all that obsession again…or do I. It’s hard to spend your experiences thinking of how you’ll blog about it later and to throw the sponsors in it makes it even harder. Good luck on deciding what’s best for you. I have no real advice just that people will still want to know who you are even if your not blogging.
I think all of what you said is very true! I’d miss you so much if you drove off into the sunset.
I was going to go into a tirade how really being a no name blogger is so less stressful but I won’t. I just don’t think you should sweat the small stuff, do what you want to do and don’t worry about anything else.
.-= Jean M.´s last blog ..Riding In Cars With Senior Citizens =-.
So, I read this yesterday(Have never commented). I dreamt last night I met you at blogher conference9(although I have never been- in fact I am very new to the blogging world).
Anyway- I have enjoyed reading you. You are funny, realistic, and I like your writting style. I understand what you mean. I have a family blog and I have censor myself because, well, my family reads it and I can’t put out my honest thoughts otherwise they would make my life miserable. I also use my little blog as a writing forum as I love to write. So, mixed in with all my cute pictures I come up with a serious blog and an impressive(to me) entry. Not sure if anyone else appreciates it, or even reads it since they are all about the pics. I would love to start up a real blog, but haven’t figured out how yet. I also don’t LOVE the blogs about the perfect families- I like the real ones- those are the ones I put in google reader.
Anyway- yes, if you stopped blogging altogether I would probably miss you and spend a few moments wishing I could read you again. But I doubt I would search you out to make sure you hadn’t been hit by a bus. And I find that sad. We share our personal parts of our lives with eachother in a very non-personal way- the internet. It makes for funny social experience. I find myself telling my sister about someones blog I read and I call them my friends. Strange. Keep on going- use this as a creative outlet. If you have censor for certain issues(yours businss, mine my mother-in-law) just do it. It is still an incredible outlet for you- you are able to write and connect with people. At least I appreciate this part of blogging.
.-= megan´s last blog ..Feeding Babies =-.
First off, I would totally miss you. You are one of the first blogs that I subscribed to and read on a regular basis. Not because I have little ones, but because I can relate to your stories and you are one heck of a writer and wonderful person. I think that blogging gets us down because we see what everyone is doing/getting and the grass is always greener.
I know I had a point and this was going somewhere but I stopped mid comment to talk to Giggles about a video game she is playing about rabbits or something and the train of thought totally derailed and lost some passengers along the way.
Gah. xoxo
.-= Domestic Extraordinaire´s last blog ..TGIF with some winners!! =-.
Amazing how this topic is on everyone’s minds – mine included. I similarly wrote about this last month. Though my issues are slightly different, it’s amazing to me to read so many “high profile” bloggers feeling the same way.
Wishing you sanity as you discover your path of blogging – and hoping you stick around because silent lurkers like me occasionally enjoy coming out and commenting to let you know that we’re still around – reading what you do choose to publish.
.-= jill´s last blog ..The Devil Wears Hanna Andersson =-.
I fight the urge to shout, “FIND ME! READ ME!” When I first started, I felt like I had to. It would just get going, but then I’d realize it really didn’t matter to me. Actually, I realized that it shouldn’t matter to me. I have to repeat that mantra all the time. I really hope you don’t move for purely selfish reasons: you’re one of my must-reads; I like you.
.-= patois´s last blog ..The Weekly Wonderings #122 =-.
When I got to this spot, the spot where it all started to feel less like fun and more like constant pressure, I had to step back. I didn’t quit my blog, I didn’t make an announcement – I just stepped back. I think I posted once or twice a month this summer. I avoided my blog and blog email for weeks at a time. (I was always afraid to look at my Feedburner badge – afraid that I would see my subscriber numbers rapidly dwindling, 1300, 1200, 1100…) I stopped commenting on 95% of the blogs in my reader. I took down my ads (because the couple hundred dollars a month I was getting in ad revenue weren’t worth the network’s constant badgering to post something).
And you know what? I haven’t lost a single subscriber or follower because of it. I think people get it. They get that we have lives. And if they like reading you, they’ll still read you. They aren’t going to delete you from their Reader just because it’s been a while – in fact, the opposite seems to be true – they’re glad to hear from an “old friend.”
Sure, you might not get invited on as many trips, or get as much swag – but the readers don’t leave you (unless they were only reading for reciprocal/blog climbing reasons in the first place – and who needs that?).
So make it what you want it to be. It’s hard to let go of the goal oriented blogging – but sometimes the payoff is even better that way. It becomes something like what it used to be – fun, about community (real community – not networking – I think those two things are so different), about reading and talking to people you enjoy, instead of just feel obligated to visit.
I already barfed my long drivel at you on Face Book, but I had to come back here and state again how much I love this post.
And you
(And yes…I have been so jealous of you and other bloggity people. NEVER in a bad natured way, more like, “MAN I wish I had her talent, ability, traffic, personality, etc.”
Not that my envy is the end all be all but I have had it for you and this place of yours.
Love your guts, woman.
.-= Loralee´s last blog ..108 days =-.
I hate to read you are feeling this way Jennifer! I think every blogger goes through this at some point. Lately I am so busy at work that what down time I had to sit down and read blogs and comment has gone POOF! I just try not to stress out about it and just post for me and realize that everyone goes through those times when they just can’t keep up. I also kind of regret joining Twitter. I mean I LURV the Twitter but it’s also an incredible time waster and seems to be the new generation of social media conversation. (Hey that rhymed.)
Any time I start to get frustrated with blogging I just try to step away from it for a while and realize that 90 percent of my real life friends don’t even READ my blog regularly. That puts it into perspective.
I think that blogging should ultimately be fun and not a chore. Here’s to finding balance…I struggle with that on so many levels.
Hang in there! Your voice does matter.
I don’t want to quit, but I can relate to the part about the overly complicated etiquette being a pain in the ass, and the sponsorships/ads issue being a pain in the ass, and wanting to comment on others blogs and never having enough time. I do feel like I don’t have time to become a “big blogger” and so I’m trying to write and post what I want and visit others as I can and be at peace if I never get to 1000 subscribers.
I’m also in a sort of transistion with my blog, but it’s all in my head right now!
I hope you can find a new voice / name.
There actually are bloggers who’ve quit that I kept in my reader, and when they post I am right there – commenting and saying I miss them. Nell and Nutmeg are two.
.-= amy2boys´s last blog ..State Fair =-.
I’d read you if you moved.
I understand this completely, I think that all bloggers who are doing this for passion, love of it and as an outlet, feel this way.
I HUGS you.
I adore you
and you.
You are always in my cool column, my friends column and my must know column.
(you know, if those existed)
.-= rachel-asouthernfairytale´s last blog ..Best Part of The Day =-.
I was totally invisible on twitter – sort of – so I quit that. I don’t miss it one bit.
I know I would miss blogging – if only for me to go back in my archives and see what they said about my feet at the shoe store. Really? Who the hell else cares about that, right? But it reminded me, oh yeah, my left foot doesn’t have a good arch. Hunh. I forgot about that.
Anyway… what the hell am I talking about?
I think since I’ve started reading blogs in a reader – it would honestly take me a few weeks to notice if you stopped. But, I would notice, because yours is one of the ones I go to first if it shows a new post.
I like your writing style – and I love your pictures.
.-= Cathy´s last blog ..Greedy Me. =-.
Please, please, please find an answer and please let me know your findings. I’m drowning, too, and would love a life jacket.
.-= Scary Mommy´s last blog ..An Ode to the School Bus =-.
So don’t. Don’t let it be. Take the initiative and write what you want, for YOURSELF. Stop commenting unless it really makes you feel good. I have cut down on commenting a LOT lately (feel honored to have me commenting today! Can’t you feel the honor?!?) and while I don’t have quite as many comments, it doesn’t really matter as much. I like it when the blog is about me and my family. If others are enjoying it, that’s good. But when I start worrying about a advertiser? Not good.
It does kind of suck that my anonymity has been shot to hell. But that’s life. No good thing lasts forever or remains untouched for long. Life is change. Perpetual, constant, inescapable change….
.-= tracey´s last blog ..Scissorhands =-.
You are not alone. Most of the bloggers that I follow regularly have put up a post like this at one time or another.
I ask myself why I blog all the time. I don’t have a good answer, but for some reason I keep at it, even though I don’t have very many subscribers.
.-= Judy Haley´s last blog ..Family Man =-.
Gah, I want to comment, but nothing is coming out right.
I’m using my blog for a dumping ground. I’m grieving, I’m desperately sad and I’m writing about it. That said, my numbers are down, my comments are down and sometimes I just sit in front of the blank page going funny dammit. I need some funny.
But there is no funny and I’ve just got to accept that blogs are fluid and some months are different to others.
I blog because I’m lonely and isolated. I read blogs for the same reason. And although I don’t comment, yours was one of the first blogs I found. 2 years later, I’m still here reading.
.-= Veronica´s last blog ..On this day =-.