From Eek to Chic | Playgroups are No Place For Children

All week I’ve been intermittently high on cold medicine. One minute I’m all drippy with snot and achy in the head region, the next minute I’m dressed in skin tight faded black leggings and a too-small Callaghan’s Irish Social Club t-shirt thinking what a swell idea it would be to leave the house and been seen in public! I regrettably decided to go shopping.

Sidenote: I watch a lot of What Not to Wear and try very hard to follow Stacy and Clinton’s rules, one being not going out in public looking like a schlub and two, not wearing skin tight faded black leggings and a bar t-shirt that barely covers my gut.

Seriously. How do real drug addicts make it through the day? I can’t even make good judgments about my clothes choices with one damn dose of Tylenol Cold.

I suppose it’s no wonder that I was flagged as a potential shoplifter at Marshall’s, looking the way I did, hopped up on goofballs.

There I was, minding my own business, carrying 43 pounds of clothes around the store, talking outloud to myself about each item (should I buy this? really? is it too “young?”, is it too “old lady who’s getting increasingly larger?”). Eventually I made my way to the toddler section and was aimlessly scanning the racks while trying to remember what I had intended to buy for Carson, when I noticed a man also “browsing.”

I may have been a little off, but I could tell he just didn’t belong there. First of all, the man was totally out of place in Marshall’s at 11 AM on a Wednesday, there were no other men in the store. Secondly, he was very randomly pretending to look through racks of toddler clothes while STARING AT ME.

Since now I felt stupid AND awkward for being pegged as a shoplifter, on top of feeling loopy, I went straight to the register to PAY for my clothes.

Once my medication had worn off and I was back home, I realized that I smelled like a boy’s locker room full of sweaty gym socks AND I had mascara smudged under my eyes. So yeah, maybe I did actually fit the profile of a shoplifter. Or possibly I was just being paranoid, I hear that’s a common side effect if being high.

Then today I was totally redeemed when a kind, lovely, darling woman at Bible study told me that she just loves the way I dress and that I always look so pulled together.

(I won’t mention that my husband and children asked me if I was trying to be a superhero in my new cape.) (Assholes.)

My new “cape” WAS PURCHASED at Marshall’s. DKNY, regularly $185, I paid…a lot less. I can’t remember how much less. Did I mention I was high on cold meds at the time?

Jamie

October 8, 2009 at 9:00 pm

You look hawt! And God bless that woman. (Or bless her heart, but in a GOOD way and not the bless her #*$@ way.)

p.s. love that necklace

p.p.s. love your new blog design

Val

October 8, 2009 at 9:54 pm

Hey Jennifer! You are hilarious!!! Glad I found you. PS: I, for one, am a fan of your super hero cape.

jen

October 8, 2009 at 10:14 pm

i would just tell myself that he must have thought i was hot stuff and THAT’s why he was totally looking me up and down.
which … in it’s own right … may be just a bit creepier. considering … the location.
jen´s last blog ..bummer dude.

tracey

October 8, 2009 at 11:40 pm

Supermomma!
tracey´s last blog ..Redirecting

Mom

October 9, 2009 at 7:33 am

Love the outfit!!

Beth

October 9, 2009 at 7:52 am

I love your new cape….and beautiful necklace!

Sarah @ Ordinary Days

October 9, 2009 at 8:15 am

Sounds like a fun day. And I LOVE your ‘cape’. Looks like I need to do a little Marshalling after I pop this baby out!
Sarah @ Ordinary Days´s last blog ..Oink Oink

Devan

October 9, 2009 at 8:26 am

haha! You look great in that picture – not at all like a shoplifter.
Devan´s last blog ..Fun Fact Friday

Kara

October 9, 2009 at 8:36 am

Love the outfit and necklace!

mep

October 9, 2009 at 9:05 am

But where’s the picture of the outfit worn to Marshalls?

The cape is gorgeous!
mep´s last blog ..Brown paper packages tied up with string . . .

Shannon

October 9, 2009 at 12:23 pm

BWAAAHAHAHA! You look hot, honey! Husbands and kids ARE assholes sometimes, aren’t they?
Shannon´s last blog ..Overheard at McDonalds

Mary

October 9, 2009 at 4:56 pm

You’re so fancy!

mpotter

October 9, 2009 at 5:23 pm

you DO look well-put together. now give us a pic of how you looked on shopping day!
mpotter´s last blog ..little did i know

Ann's Rants

October 9, 2009 at 8:39 pm

I love that cape. I do.

And it is awesome for shop lifting.

Thanks for stopping by my my blogiversary. You didn’t by chance see my new suede boots, size 7.5? Can’t seem to find them.

Jen
Twitter: jayesel

October 9, 2009 at 9:02 pm

I laughed out loud at ‘hopped up on goofballs’. heee

Stimey
Twitter: Stimey

October 10, 2009 at 10:31 am

You’re preeeeettttty.

Is it wrong of me to wish you’d published the bad outfit too?

Hilarious post.
Stimey´s last blog ..Did You Hear That?

Michelle

October 10, 2009 at 10:58 am

You look cute! I love your necklace.

patois
Twitter: patois42

October 10, 2009 at 1:48 pm

Love the superhero reference! Love it!

And, wow, you don’t look like any of the meth heads I know.
patois´s last blog ..Weekly Wonderings #126

October 10, 2009 at 2:48 pm

When do we get pictures of “before?”

JennyMac

October 10, 2009 at 6:07 pm

The cape comment from the family cracked me up..can you help it if you look fabulous (and not a bit high on cold meds).
JennyMac´s last blog ..Winner Winner (and) Chicken Dinner