I recently had a conversation with a friend who complained about having family so close-by.
“They just show up! Unannounced! They overstep their boundaries and discipline my kids, they never even give me a chance to correct them,” she lamented. Her list of grievances also included being dragged into family drama, feeling obligated to always participate in family functions, and never having weekends to themselves.
I smiled and nodded sympathetically in all the right places as I listened to her story. Probably, if we lived close to family, I might even feel the same way. I’d likely even need an anonymous blog to complain about those kooky people with whom Tate and I share history and DNA. Yet it’s hard to relate to these family “horror” stories since I don’t have family that is closer than an eight hour drive away.
I do not want to play the “who has it worse” game, because that’s unfair. Family that’s too close and family that’s too far away each have their fair share of pitfalls and annoyances. But last Friday night, my dad had a heart attack and I was 650 miles away. My mom waited in the hospital completely alone and I couldn’t be there to hold her hand and tell her that her husband of almost 40 years was going to be fine. I couldn’t just be there.
On Saturday morning, my mom called and told me the news about my dad. She assured me that he was fine, that he’d even driven himself to the emergency room. Early Saturday morning he received a stent in his heart and was recovering in ICU.
“You don’t need to come,” she assured me, “he’s really fine. He’ll be going home within a day or two.”
At 5:00 Sunday morning, Tate, the kids, and I set out for my hometown. Simply hearing, “he’s really fine,” was not enough. It’s not that I didn’t believe my mom, but I needed to see my dad and KNOW that he really was okay. I also knew that I needed to be there for my mom.
Maybe the fact that we live so far from our extended family makes me appreciate the time we do spend together all the more. But I’d give just about anything to be that person who could complain about having family too close. In these times of family crisis, too close would be a blessing.
Headless Mom
Twitter: HeadlessMom
November 12, 2009 at 12:49 am
Oh Jenn, I so understand what you mean. My father recently had knee surgery and I couldn’t be there to help my mom when he came home from the hospital. 1,000 miles is a little far for a day or two, in the middle of the school year. I hate it.
I’d much rather be in the camp of ‘too close’.
I’m glad your dad is going to be ok. I’ll keep praying for him.
Headless Mom´s last blog ..Veteran’s Day
Devilish Southern Belle
November 12, 2009 at 1:00 am
Glad your dad is doing better! I feel like I have the best of both worls…my family is four or so hours away. Sure, I can’t be there right away should an emergency arise. But it’s not like they can just drop in unannounced whenever they want, either. Gah. That sounded mean, even to me.
Devilish Southern Belle´s last blog ..Better late than never, right?
Krista
Twitter: marriedlife
November 12, 2009 at 1:41 am
Yeah… after finally training my parents to call when they leave home (half an hour) rather than when they are 2 minutes away, I’m pretty glad they live close. Mostly I’m glad for my son, knowing how much they mutually adore each other and now seeing what I missed growing up living at least a 10 hour drive from one set of grandparents.
I loathe the day when we will have to move away…
I hope your dad’s okay soon!
Chelsie
Twitter: Sophomoric1
November 12, 2009 at 3:58 am
I know what you mean, When my uncle passed away a few weeks ago it just wasn’t in the budget for me to spend $500 on the plane ticket home. It means that sometimes I can’t be there when I need to. I understand your pain. Glad to hear that your father is doing well.
Michelle
November 12, 2009 at 5:46 am
I know what you mean, though my family is 4 1/2 hours away, on the other side of the world and about 2 hours away (parents/one brother and family, one brother and family, one brother). I especially appreciate the internet and phones, and the fact that my two children (now teens) can spend a week each school holidays at the farm with their grandparents and cousins. So good.
It’s always good to have the loving in person.
Marylin
November 12, 2009 at 7:16 am
I have, until very recently, had the same problem as you. My mum is the one with heart problems and she’s always been too far away for me to visit. It was horrible.
Luckily I’ve recently been able to move to the same town and I am loving it so far, although having them drop in unannounced is interesting at times! lol
((hugs)) I know how hard it is to be so far from your family xx
Marylin´s last blog ..Today was a good day…
Annie
November 12, 2009 at 7:22 am
I totally understand this. Thankfully I haven’t faced any crises within my own family – but my husband did – his father had a heart attack and needed quadruple by pass surgery. He flew home and was at the hospital when his Dad came out of surgery. It’s just what you have to do, like you say – just ‘hearing’ isn’t quite good enough – you have to be there.
Glad your Dad is on the mend.
jen
November 12, 2009 at 7:58 am
after not having close family … i welcome the fact that both of my parents and my husband’s parents live within 20 minute drives.
they are incredibly present in the lives of my children and i would have it no other way.
i’m so glad you took the time to head home. sometimes when we say, “don’t worry, we’ll be fine.” we are really asking for someone to help us and just be there.
glad to hear that he’s ok.
jen´s last blog ..too far away … today.
Ashlie- Mommycosm
November 12, 2009 at 8:26 am
I’m considering myself very blessed in this area. We have tons of family nearby when we need them, but they maintain a respectable distance and don’t just stop by unannounced. And no one tries to trump my authority with my own kids.
Thinking good thoughts for your dad – and for you.
((hugs))
Ashlie- Mommycosm´s last blog ..Fire safety: Will a smoke alarm wake your child?
Corinne
November 12, 2009 at 8:34 am
I feel the same way. My parents moved down to Florida a year before my son was born, and it’s been the hardest thing. It’s almost painful sometimes to have them so far. Birthdays, holidays, I want them here – or us there – for it all, and it’s just not possible. I’m dreading the day something happens (like your father’s heart attack). It’s inevitable, but you can bet I’ll be on the first plane out of Boston!
marty
November 12, 2009 at 9:16 am
I so get this. My parents are too far, and sometimes my father-in-law is too close. Although, I love the too close many more days than not.
I hope you get to see them soon, and that your daddy has a speedy and easy recovery.
marty´s last blog ..Thank you
amy2boys
Twitter: amy2boys
November 12, 2009 at 9:38 am
I’m so glad he’s ok!! We are not close to my family and I hate it. We are close (very) to his parents and we see my parents more. So yeah, that sucks too.
Devan
November 12, 2009 at 9:38 am
Sorry to hear about your dad!
rabbi's wife
November 12, 2009 at 9:40 am
I Completely understand having family far away. Mine is all 10,000 miles (10 time zones) away and it really hurts to miss the important things. I do feel for people who live too close to their families, but I think that has to be better than only seeing family once a year.
mep
November 12, 2009 at 9:51 am
I’m glad to hear that your dad’s procedure went well and wish him the best as he continues to recover.
We don’t live super close to my family or my husband’s. My parents are five hours away, and I miss them so much. It’s hard to imagine complaining about seeing them too often.
I think all the time about how much easier, more fun, and less lonely motherhood would be if I lived nearer to my parents and my sister (with three kids) who lives near them. Maybe someday . . .
Michelle Smiles
November 12, 2009 at 10:01 am
Sorry about your dad – I hope he is fine.
I hate being so far away from family. When we lived in the same town as he whole family, I used to have to drag him to family dinners and other functions. Now he would move back in a second – he really took it for granted. I always enjoyed it – and I would LOVE to have built in babysitters so that I could occasionally have a date with my hubby! (But I would complain about my MIL’s passive aggressive digs about my parenting. No doubts.)
Lolli @ Better in Bulk
Twitter: 1momof5
November 12, 2009 at 10:06 am
I think I do appreciate my family “more” because we’re so far away. I have a friend who would complain about her over bearing mom like that….and I would always think “But she babysits for you for free anytime you want! She takes you out to eat every week! She buys treats for your kids!” Ugh. I guess it’s easy to concentrate on the “greener grass.”
Jennifer H
November 12, 2009 at 10:47 am
Glad he’s going to be okay… and I definitely understand about being so far away from family. Sending good thoughts…
Jennifer H´s last blog ..Buttons
Sarah
November 12, 2009 at 10:53 am
Oh Jennifer, I’m really sorry. And for the record, as someone on the “sometimes our families seem TOO close” side of the fence, I still think we have it better than being too far away from them. So feel free to complain and feel a little sorry for yourself; I think it’s completely justified!
So glad your dad is gonna be ok.
Carrie
November 12, 2009 at 10:57 am
It is so hard sometimes, isn’t it. I’m glad your dad is okay! My dad lives on the opposite side of the country and is having back surgery tomorrow, so I can relate. Hope your dad is completely recovered and back to normal very soon!
Michelle
November 12, 2009 at 11:18 am
I hope your day has a speedy recovery. Thinking and praying for your family!
Michelle
November 12, 2009 at 11:18 am
Dad not day! Sorry!
Michelle´s last blog ..In Loving Memory
Trenches of Mommyhood
Twitter: sarahviz
November 12, 2009 at 11:35 am
Wishing good health for your dad.
It’s one of those “the grass is always greener” types of things, isn’t it?
(Says the gal whose MIL lives down the road and drives her cuh-razy.)
Trenches of Mommyhood´s last blog ..Why Am I Such a Moron?
Jamie
November 12, 2009 at 1:06 pm
I hope your dad is OK. I know your mom will be so happy to have you by her side. Healing vibes to your dad!!!!
My family is close (my dad and stepmom are 10 minutes away and my mom is 45 minutes away). I’ll have to admit I b*tch about it sometimes but for the most part I am thankful they are close by.
Have a safe trip Sunday!
Shelly
Twitter: shelly_overlook
November 12, 2009 at 1:51 pm
After years away from any family, I’d give anything to be annoyed by someone just dropping by. It wasn’t so bad when it was just us, but as you know, it gets exponentially harder once children are involved.
& illness on top of it? Hell no. I’ve been just where you are, sisterfriend, and it sucks. Hugs to you and your family. I’m so glad to hear your dad is doing okay.
Shelly´s last blog ..PSA #3417
Miss
November 12, 2009 at 2:38 pm
I hope your dad is really ok. I think its great that you decided to go see him too. He’ll appreciate it. <3
Miss´s last blog ..2 Good Reasons
Cathy
November 12, 2009 at 3:25 pm
I hope your dad is doing well – and recovers quickly.
The only reason we still live in this stupid state (I’m talking weather) is because of our family. So many of my friends have choose to move to different states – mostly for better weather. Sure, it would be nice to not freeze my butt off half the year, but really – we are SO lucky to be close to both of our families. I complain that my sister is too far – that’s just over an hour drive.
Cathy´s last blog ..How to throw a baby shower for someone who hates pink.
knoxvillepixie
November 12, 2009 at 4:08 pm
I totally understand. My parents are 10+ hrs away, and I frequently get concerned about something happeneing to one or both of them and feeling utterly helpless to do anything. Glad he’s doing ok, and glad you are with him as he heals.
knoxvillepixie´s last blog ..Girl Talk Thursday- My Fictional Top Five
mpotter
November 12, 2009 at 4:14 pm
i’m sorry about your dad, and glad he’s doing better.
that’s so great you wanted to be there for your mom. i am sure she knows that, too.
hope all remains well.
mpotter´s last blog ..the making of The Mr.
Abby
Twitter: Abby Reed
November 12, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Sorry to hear about your dad, glad he is going to be ok.
I have the same exact issue – we live 17 hours from both sets of parents and EVERYONE else is within 30 minutes of each other. It is hard to be so far away and miss holidays, birthdays, funerals, etc. when they never have to miss anything.
Sarah
November 12, 2009 at 5:13 pm
I have the same issue. My heart breaks about it regularly. Hope your Dad is doing well.
Sarah´s last blog ..Giving Thanks for Grouchy Babies
Maggie
November 12, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Glad your dad is doing well!
I consider myself very fortunate to have family nearby…I hope I never complain!
Maggie´s last blog ..Kindergarten…
CK
November 12, 2009 at 7:51 pm
I’m far away from family also. And like you, I’d be in the car and on my way after a call like that.
I hope your father is doing well.
CK´s last blog ..just in case
Leslie
Twitter: mymommysplace
November 12, 2009 at 10:36 pm
I understand how you feel. While my parents are close – ha, in my house! – the rest of my family is far away, which is hard. They often wait until things are said and done before they call to tell me, so as not to “bother” me, which is frustrating. It’s bad enough not having them near, but worse to have the choice of coming home taken away.
I hope your dad is feeling better. I’m glad you were able to travel to be with him and your mom.
Leslie´s last blog ..Absolutely Delicious
Katrina
November 12, 2009 at 10:41 pm
I’m glad that your dad is doing better. It is so hard to be far from family. We are on opposite coasts from ours and it kills me when something happens.
Katrina´s last blog ..Potties are fun!
Mad Woman
Twitter: MadWomanMeg
November 12, 2009 at 11:13 pm
Having had my mother too many thousands of miles away, and now right across the road, I can honestly say that those situations can suck and rock equally.
I’m sorry to hear about your dad and I hope he starts feeling better soon!!
Mad Woman´s last blog ..To Write Love On Her Arms
~Laura
November 13, 2009 at 10:43 am
So sorry to hear about your dad. I hope he’s doing well now! Family is a double edged sword. Sometimes you love them to death and don’t want to be more than a stone’s throw away and sometimes you’d be happy if they moved across the globe! It’s good that you can appreciate yours.
~Laura´s last blog ..The Showdown
Jackie Hall
November 13, 2009 at 11:28 am
There is nothing worse than that call about a loved one in the hospital. I am thankful that your dad is fine. I’ll be praying for you and your family.
Heather-Domestic Extraordinaire
Twitter: DExtraordinaire
November 14, 2009 at 8:44 am
having been on both sides of this fence-I have to say that it isn’t bad living close. I do like it a lot more than I thought I would. I just had to set up some ground rules. Like I don’t care if you are calling me from my driveway, but at least call before you come up to the door. Plus my family doesn’t get offended if I tell them now isn’t a good time.
(((hugs))) thank goodness you were able to go to your father and see him. I am sure that it helped his recovery go that much more faster.
Heather-Domestic Extraordinaire´s last blog ..Flashback Friday-The Glue that held them together
Jen
Twitter: jayesel
November 14, 2009 at 9:01 pm
oh no! I’m glad your dad is okay, but I can’t imagine not being close by when something like that happened. (We live 4 minutes away from my parents.) I’d imagine that most people who complain about intrusive relatives would feel differently during a crisis if they couldn’t be there.
Jen´s last blog ..you caption it!