I am a rule follower.
One time, in 5th grade, I got kicked out of Spencer’s in the mall for shoplifting. It’s been a few years, so I feel safe in admitting that I DID NOT SHOPLIFT FROM SPENCER’S! I was wrongly accused.
In college, on my 22nd birthday, I got accused of smoking pot in the bathroom of the Burgundy Room (anyone remember that place in Springfield? Art Bentley? *dreamily reminiscing*). Again, since it’s been awhile, I could confess. BUT I WAS NOT SMOKING POT IN THE BATHROOM OR ANYWHERE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER.
Since I’m all about honesty today, I will admit to stealing a very large, green thumbtack from the grocery store bulletin board when I was maybe eight years old. That is the extent of my criminal past.
Every time I leave a store that has those anti-theft sensors at the front door, I get a case of nervous tummy. This is not because I’ve stolen anything, but because I go through spurts where I set off alarms. Those alarms are SO ANNOYING. I never know exactly what to do in this situation. There’s never a soul around, well except for the priest, rabbi, and Sunday school teacher who just by happenstance are standing at the exit staring at me when I’m seeminginly leaving the store with stolen merchandise.
Usually what I do is keep on walking, trying to be as nonchalant as possible, other than quickening my pace just a skosh. I try to do my best impression of a person who’s completely unable to hear the alarm saying “Please return to the nearest cashier, we have failed to remove the merchandise control tag from your purchase.” (Which on an aside, I like how their alarm likes to pretend that it’s all THEIR fault, not mine. Well played. But I’m not falling for it.)
The entire walk/sprint to my car I’m usually braced for the come-behind attack from store security guards.
“DOWN, LADY! ON THE GROUND! WE KNOW YOU STOLE MERCHANDISE!” I wait and wait for the inevitable, that inevitably doesn’t come.
So what should I do when I set off store alarms, track down a store clerk to proclaim my innocence?
I set off alarms ALL THE TIME too. What is up with that?
Of course, the priest witnessing the whole incident is just icing on the cake. Humiliation on top of imaginary guilt.
What the heck is up with that?
.-= ClassyFabSarah´s last blog ..My Goodness! =-.
I used to always set off the alarms, too. Then I discovered it was because I kept an extra pack of batteries in my purse for my camera. When I stopped carrying them in my purse, I stopped setting off alarms. But I’m still nervous and hold my breath when I pass through the sensors.
I always set off the alarms on the way IN the store, and the greeter looks at me like I’m smuggling something in.
a couple of weeks ago, i set off the alarm at barnes and nobles. i was innocent, i tell you, innocent. the manager believed me that i didn’t do anything but, he found a sensor tag on my jacket. and cut it off. i’m SURE he thinks i stole my jacket.
Yesterday we went to a park with a small lake and ducks. There was a brand new “Do Not Feed the Ducks” sign and I had to WALK AWAY while my friends all broke the rules.
And I’m also the one who’s always setting off alarms and always panic, even though I’m INNOCENT!
.-= Mama Bub´s last blog ..Mental Spending =-.
Kohls is horrible at this…..and I set off an alarm every single time I go into a Gap….I never cut those fabric sensors off my jeans or my kids’ jeans which makes the sirens go off the second we enter the store.
I suggest you play dumb and keep walking….that is what I do
uhg, i do the exact same thing. i HATE going through the security sensors. the worst is when you set them off and haven’t bought (or stolen!) anything?!
.-= MommyNamedApril´s last blog ..Outtakes. =-.
Sometimes books or clothing have those little sensors inside, so if you tossed a book in your purse, and then sensor (usually free-floating/not attached to anything, just slipped between the pages) falls OUT of the book and stays in your purse, you will then set off sensors all over town.
OR and article of clothing has one secretly stuck somewhere (I had this on a scarf from Target once. It was hidden on the back side of the care tag, and since I don’t launder the scarf, I never noticed it…). Or on the bottom of a shoe or something.
My solution is to find out what is causing the alarms. As you can probably tell from the above two paragraphs.
Gah. Time to stop writing now.
.-= Marie Green´s last blog ..Winter Blahs =-.
I used to believe that if you went through those sensors with the tag clipped on, ink would blot all over you and they’d know you’d stolen something. I used to believe that.
But since ACCIDENTALLY going through one and not realizing it until I had gotten home, I have since learned that it does not damage the clothes like I used to think!
Still, I can’t bring myself to shoplift – I keep thinking about those ink stains and how they’ll JUST KNOW it was me!
I keep walking, but I should probably check my bag. Twice this Christmas season I had to bring things BACK to the store because they forgot to take off the stupid sensor tags. I swear I was so nervous – thinking they’d think I just threw the stuff in a bag after I got there and I was trying to be clever about stealing it. But actually, Lane Bryant took off a sensor from PJs I got for Quinn at the Disney Store. So, if you want to steal something, steal, keep walking when the alarm goes off, and then go to another store and claim the first store forgot to take the sensore off.
I’m rambling. Sorry.
.-= Cathy´s last blog ..I love Mondays… =-.
DUDE STOP EATING METAL – that’s all I got…
I don’t quite understand the point of the sensors considering every time one goes off, no one in the store ever bothers to check…it’s almost become like car alarms…people just ignore it.
The way I look at it…if the alarm goes off, I know I’ve done nothing wrong, and the store doesn’t seem to care, so I walk out with no looking back and absolutely no guilt!
.-= Shannon´s last blog ..Vote for me…vote for me… =-.
Okay so this is a good one! I set off alarms at about 5 different stores during the christmas holiday rush, and it wasnt unti the 6th store that the door person, asked me if I had any tags in my clothing that were suppose to be removed! Well duh, I did have on a brand new pair of old navy jeans with that really thick tag on teh inside that says remove before washing or wearing!!!! its the anti theft device!!! I must have cracked up at myself all night behind that stupid little tag!
The longer I read your blog the more I think you’re my long lost twin.
I’m a rule follower too. To the point that it annoys even me. But I can’t help it.
A couple of years ago I was out shopping with a friend and every store we went into we managed to set the alarms off. Walking INTO the store. Talk about embarrassing.
I usually try to make eye contact with the nearest employee and shrug or something. Someone who is really stealing wouldn’t make eye contact.
.-= Joanna´s last blog ..Couple’s weekend =-.
I’m a rule follower too. When I set off the alarm, I immediately stop, turn, and look expectantly around for the nearest register. I attempt to make eye contact with a store employee, hold my bag up, and say “Do you need to check it?” 99.9% of the time, they say no and wave me on. However, you should check it asap yourself because once I went on home only to discover they really had forgotten to remove one of the large plastic tags, and you cannot get those suckers off without ripping fabric. I had to go all the way back to the store to get it removed, which was way more annoying then setting off the alarm.
.-= amy2boys´s last blog ..Weekly Winners – SnOMG! Edition =-.
I set thee dumb things off, too. All. the. time. I choose to think it’s my magnetic personality.
.-= Burgh Baby´s last blog ..It’s the Little Things That Make Me Happy =-.
Unless someone is shouting at me, I play deaf and just keep walking.
I usually turn around, and wave my bags weakly in the direction of the nearest cashier, and always get the go ahead to just keep going. Nice security system.
.-= all things BD´s last blog ..30/365 Unexpected Visitor =-.
This totally cracked me up. I just kind of look around and wait for someone to wave me through.
.-= Suzy Voices´s last blog ..Training Montage =-.
I always turn around and look/glare at the nearest clerk (assuming the checkout is nearby) and assume they are going to come check on my bag. If nobody comes after I look around, I assume they are used to it going off and just keep going (if I have clothes, I’d probably check out my bag to make sure I didn’t have a thingy attached).
My little guy is a snagger (we’re still working on the finer points of “money”), so when the alarm goes off, I’m always paranoid he’s chucked something in the cart. Even if we’re nowhere near the door.
.-= Stacia´s last blog ..What’s Up, Doc? =-.
Next time just scream, “Run, Jimmy, run! I’ll take the heat for you this time! I love you, man! Just come visit me in lock-up!”
seems like it defeats the purpose of having the alarms and then having nobody there to take care of it for you.
i’m sure you’re a rare rule-follower…whereas many people (who probably did, in fact, steal) would just leave. i mean, if it’s that easy!
i’m also a rule follower.
and my guess is that i would agitatedly (can i make up a word here?) find a clerk and give them my receipt. all the while juggling whatever (baby, package, bag) just so i could schlepp it over to them.
that way, i could feel all self-righteous as i walk out the door. probably setting off yet a different alarm.
—-oh, and wendi? hilarious!
.-= mpotter´s last blog ..language =-.
Do you often buy things from the Gap or Old Navy? They have those annoying fabric tags sewn in that you need to cut off before you wear them. Otherwise, it’s alarms for you!
.-= Lauren @ In Her Two Shoes´s last blog ..Radiating Engergetic Florals and Sandalwood No More =-.
i am completely a rule follower too.
and i’m dying to figure out how my parents did it so that all of my kids can be guilted into being exactly the same way.
and for the record … i totally go and search someone out to proclaim my innocence. i’m pretty sure they roll their eyes at me behind my back.
.-= jen´s last blog ..public service announcement. =-.
I’d keep on walking, too! At the store where I work, EVERYTHING sets those alarms off, from key rings to cell phones to who knows what (and stolen merchandise, hehe). The cashiers that are close to the doors usually *just* saw a customer pay for their purchases, so they usually just get waved on.
.-= Belle´s last blog ..Today is the day =-.
He he. I would call myself a rebellious rule follower. I like to bend the rules to the extent that I can especially when I think the rule is dumb…but I will never take it too far because I was much to much of the 4.0 student-type to really go for it and be a true rebel.
I hate those store alarms. I used to get nervous too. Come to think of it, I buy most things online or from non-door-alarm stores so I haven’t had that happen in awhile.
I set off alarms too. Sometimes if you ask, the store clerk will run your purse over the magnetic thing-a-ma-bob and it makes it stop happening for a while. Then it all starts over again. I have learned to look like I too wonder who set off the darn alarms and continue walking….
I usually look around for a second with an innocent, confused look on my face, then shrug and walk out.
I bought my daughter a dress the other week and when we got home we found the dye tag was still on it – you know the one where if you steal the dress and then try to remove the tag, dye will go all over it, ruining the garment? Anyway, no worries, I had the receipt, so we went back and the lady at the customer service counter took the tag out without any worry – but she didn’t even ask for the receipt! Amazing!
.-= Mia, childcare lady´s last blog ..Sunkids and courtroom shadows =-.
See, you’re lucky…it seems there’s ALWAYS someone nearby when that happens to me. Store employees. A crowd. And if I’m with my kids when it happens, my first thought is that they’ve picked up something that I forgot to have them put on the counter so we could pay for it. Guilt times 3!
.-= Jennifer H´s last blog ..The way back =-.
For some reason, my Blackberry ALWAYS sets off those alarms. So now, I just walk through. But? The last time I did that? Turns out the cashier had forgotten to take the ink tag off my new Gap hoodie. So when I went to put it on? Yup. Ink tag still attached. So I had to go back. Annoying.
.-= Trenches of Mommyhood´s last blog ..Update on the Jewelry Sitch =-.
I always keep walking unless there is a security guard right there or I think there might be a security tag that I won’t be able to remove myself. I figure if they’re going to accuse me of stealing, they should at least be willing to chase me down.
.-= Stimey´s last blog ..What’s New With You? =-.
I’m 36 and I still get nervous in liquor stores like I’m trying to get away with something. I always think they’ll card me. It’s so weird. I’m waiting for the day when I’ll just get over it. I mean I don’t look 18 so why do I feel this way??
.-= Melodie´s last blog ..When Not Breastfeeding Breaks Your Heart A Little =-.
Stumbled to your website via Postcards from Insanity, and guess where I am! Springfield! And I remember the Burgundy Room and Art Bentley! Small world.
You are really a rule follower and I adore you to that. There’s nothing to worry about if you really know to yourself that you didn’t stole anything.
Wireless Security Alarms´s last [type] ..Security Alarms System for Businesses