In my recent organizing madness, I tackled my medicine cabinet. Alongside expired Benadryl and An*lpram (what? don’t pretend like you don’t have An*lpram in your medicine cabinet, especially if you’ve ever given birth), I found the pregnancy tests from both Carson and Ella.
I suspect some of you just barfed in your mouth a little because, “OMG THOSE STICKS HAD PEE ON THEM AND I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’D SAVE THEM!” Well, yes. Yes they did have pee on them, but they also were the first bearers of the best news I ever received. Finding these sticks was such a surprise, even though I knew they were in the medicine cabinet. These three peed-on sticks reminded me of what it was like, finding out that Tate and I would be welcoming a tiny, real, live HUMAN BEING into our family.
The first test I took when I “suspected” I was pregnant with Carson was only barely positive. Actually, I didn’t really suspect I was pregnant, it was more like hopeful, and I took the test earlier than they recommended. The line was so faint that I thought it was possible that there could have been a malfunction with the test. I waited a few (BRUTALLY LONG) days and took a second test that was positive immediately. Tate and I sat on our bed looking at each other and laughing and crying. We could AND we couldn’t believe it.
Then just 10 months later, another gift, another positive pregnancy test. Tate was in the shower while I paced back and forth, the stick in hand. I was almost skipping with delight, but every few seconds I would have a nagging feeling of WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, but mostly there was elation. It makes me sad that I don’t remember exactly how I told Tate, maybe I blurted it out as soon as he got out of the shower…or maybe I showed him the positive stick.
These already fading memories is exactly why I still have these peed-on, semi icky sticks. They are a tangible reminder of those two moments that announced the most amazing, frightening, best things that have or will ever happen to us.
I’m going to put them back in the medicine cabinet so that I can find them and remember all over again.