I just got home from the grocery store with my two children. I know this is a blog and that I’m supposed to write about the minute details of taking small children grocery shopping because, oh the hilarity! But really? You already know, don’t you? You know that it was an experience that bordered on miserable, involved a race-car cart that the children decided they didn’t want to ride in seven minutes into the trip, and included lots of terse commands. No newsflashes here, let’s move along.
One of the tricks I pull out of my child wrangling bag of skills is to tell Carson and Ella that they have to stay behind me while I push the cart. Trust me when I say that when this works, it’s genius. The kids aren’t “helping” me push the cart, they aren’t standing beside or in front of the cart, I’m not running over them. Of course, I have to turn around every 3 seconds to be sure they haven’t been abducted, run away, or broken a jar of pickles, but otherwise, GENIUS.
“Stay behind me!” I said/chirped/yelled/blurted out/spoke through clenched teeth….about eleventy billion times.
There was one particular woman that I kept running into (not literally, but almost) in nearly every aisle I tried to navigate. We both happened to be shopping for the exact same items in the exact same aisles. I admit that I felt a tiny seed of irritation because she just always seemed to be where I wanted to be and I was already on edge (my children! were with me! while I was trying to grocery shop!). As I waited for her to choose her oatmeal so that I could choose my oatmeal, I didn’t huff or clear my throat or seem impatient at all. No, really! I was as kind and patient as one who was in my predicament could have been (my children! were with me! while I was trying to grocery shop!) I didn’t even let her beady, I’m-just-out-to-annoy you eyes affect me. Or maybe I just imagined her eyes to be mocking me, I tend to imagine that everyone is out to get me when I’m on heightened alert.
“Stay behind me!” I said for the eleventy billionth and one time, as I attempted to reign in the children. My eyebrows furrowed, my I mean business face firmly set, I made ever so slight eye contact with the woman.
“I’ll stay right here,” she said, looking slightly frightened.
It took me several minutes and aisles, free of my shopping buddy, to realize that she thought I was yelling at her to, “STAY BEHIND ME.” (In my defense, I’m not sure how she missed me saying this over and over to my kids.)
I panicked out of embarrassment. I raced the children up and down the aisles, looking for the woman just so I could yell at my children in front of her to “STAY BEHIND ME!” with an added, “I keep telling you two children (KEY WORDS right there, folks) to STAY BEHIND ME.”
Or I guess I could have just found her and explained the misunderstanding, but I’m only just now realizing that was even a possibility.
Please enjoy this completely unrelated photo!
HAHAHA! Oh, that’s too funny. I can only imagine what she was thinking about you!
I have my two kids (aged 3 and 4-1/2) hold onto the side of the cart, both on the same side, and they march. And I do a cadence. As in, “Hup, two, three, four, get your coat up off the floor. Five, six, seven, eight Cheerios will taste just great!” It’s amazing how many supermarket things rhyme with “four” and “eight.” “We love shopping at the store!” “Here are peaches for your plate.” “Please kids do not fight no more” (Grammar doesn’t count in cadences). If my kids hold on (for the most part) and don’t make me insane in the store, I get them ice cream for an after-dinner treat at the end. But I’m a total bitch about putting the ice cream back if they suck, and they know it.
People look at me like I’m nuts, but it’s fun and if it gets us through the store with 85% of the things we came for, and no bleeding, screaming, or breaking glass jars of pickles into thousands of tiny smelly pieces, I say it works for me.
.-= Amy´s last blog ..What Would You Do? =-.
I didn’t write this in my post, but I did make my children follow me with their “bubbles and ducktails.” They have to pretend to hold a bubble in their mouth (no talking!) and they hold their hands behind their backs (no touching!) It only works for a short time, but it’s fun.
Also, they didn’t get any treats yesterday at the grocery store due to their behavior and they’re still whining about that fact today.
Ha! Once I was walking through a mall, telling a story, when a woman walked in front of me, not really in my way, but causing me to slow my walk a little bit. It was right at that point in my story I relayed that I shouted “What were you thinking??” and this woman cowered and apologized. It didn’t occur to me until we had long since passed her that she thought I was talking to HER.
I am in shock you let them walk behind you! I am trying to imagine the hijinx my boys would get into out of my sight for 5 seconds in a grocery store and it is causing my brain to misfire in twenty different directions.
When I’m feeling particularly crazy, I go to Trader Joe’s and let both boys push their own carts. It’s a great game at home to see what they have decided to buy,
.-= LauraC´s last blog ..Tenth circle of hell =-.
We somehow ended up with three bottles of soy sauce after I let Ella take a kiddie cart. AT least we’re stocked up for the next year or so!
oh dear!!!! LOL. the grocery store is the WORST.
.-= MommyNamedApril´s last blog ..Where Do They Come Up With This Stuff? Surely Not From Me. =-.
Is it wrong that I’m laughing? I spent my ENTIRE trip to the store saying “stop talking, be quiet, SSSHHHH, please don’t touch that, please stop grabbing things”.
I say we each have a drink and toast surviving the store today!
I was soooo very happy when my son outgrew those blasted race car shopping carts!
It’s great now that he is almost 10 he is a big help fetching things I have missed on different aisles
That’s certainly one reason I had kids, to get them to be useful in those kinds of situations!
This is why I’m not going to go grocery shopping in August, when the older two will be done with school and camp. God knows what other shoppers will hear me say if I have to wrangle those 2 through the store.
.-= Jerseygirl89´s last blog ..True Confession Tuesday =-.
Oh. My. Gosh!
LOL!!!! That is TOO FUNNY!
She must have thought you were certifiable!
.-= Rachel ~ Southern Fairytale´s last blog ..Chocolate and Caramel and Pretzels, Oh My! =-.
Well, I *am* a little certifiable.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one stuff like this happens to.
I have about seventy(billion)sugary terms of endearment for my kids. One day (also at the grocery store), I was calling my son “Baby” or “Honey Bear” and the cashier thought I was talking to her (!!)
Then there are all the times when people don’t realize that I’m talking to a little person because he’s still shorter than most counter tops.
Yeah, I’ve gotten used to the crazy looks.
LOL!! Aww bless! Bet she’ll cross to the other side of the store entirely next time she sees you! hehe
.-= Marylin´s last blog ..In the Buff =-.
Oh I hope I don’t ever see her again! I’m too embarrassed!
I do the “Stay behind me!” trick too…but I say “Duckling formation!” and the girls get behind me and quack. Really, really loudly.
On the one hand, the quacking is annoying. On the other hand, I don’t intimidate the other shoppers.
I guess it’s a draw.
.-= Slacker Mama´s last blog ..(barely) alive and kicking =-.
I do a thing called “bubbles and ducktails.” They have to pretend to hold a bubble in their mouth (no talking or quacking!) and they hold their hands behind their backs (no touching!) It only works for a short time, but it’s fun.
If my kids were behind me and out of my sight for even .2 seconds they’d be gone. Whooosh! To the other end of the store! So, yeah, I’m amazed at your kids’ restraint. I’m also amazed that someone would possibly think you were telling THEM to stay behind you. That’s just… weird.
.-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..No No No Yes =-.
I just related so much to this post! Through clenched teeth, I make the kids stand behind me so other carts don’t mow them down at sams on Saturdays..then I am sweating by the time I reach check out and the cashier is asking, how I am doing today? Seriously? Observe. I am not so well. Clearly. Just say, hi.
you kill me.
.-= mandy´s last blog ..Easter fun! =-.
All the cashiers where I shop are like, fifteen. They have NO IDEA what they are asking when they ask me how I’m doing and I say, “I’d be a lot better if these two kids weren’t with me.”
Oh, the hilarity…at least, I mean, it’s funny when it is someone ELSE who unintentionally verbally assaults an innocent (albeit beady-eyed and annoying) grocery shopper.
.-= Jo@Mylestones´s last blog ..In Which They Used Their Walking Feet =-.
awesome. I have to keep my children restrained at all times because my boy is a devilchild and my girl will lag behind and whine that i’m taking too long. kudos to you for your method of genius!
.-= britt´s last blog ..OH-NO-HE- DI’N'T and something you will wish you didn’t know existed =-.
Seriously, if you had approached her, i’m pretty sure she’d have dropped to the floor and curled up into the fetal position! If she Did think you were talking to her – WHY would she fall in line? Did she think you were playing a sadistic game of “Follow the Leader”? And if so, what was she expecting if she won??
I wonder if this lady listens to strangers at the grocery store all the time. Taking kids to the market is pure torture. Not only do they touch EVERYTHING – but we also end up spending much more than we anticipated before we got there. And chances are, we don’t end up with anything on our list…
Totally giggling over what must’ve been running through that woman’s head. Did she think you needed to be first to pick out your box of cereal? Did she think you were crazy and needed to get through every aisle first? OMG, that is priceless.
.-= Fairly Odd Mother´s last blog ..Getting my double D’s =-.
That photo is precious.
I loved the post too, but oh – that photo!
: )
.-= Twenty Four At Heart´s last blog ..F*$&ing Diet Plateau! =-.
You told her! That’s hilarious!
I recently posted about grocery shopping with kids, but I couldn’t restrain myself from sharing every little detail. The race car cart is both nemesis and salvation.
.-= mep´s last blog ..Tudor for Higher, Tooter Aveilible =-.
Oh yes, I think I’ve written at least 3 or 4 posts IN GREAT DETAIL about grocery shopping with the kids…just figured it would be redundant for me to say it yet again!
dying of laughter here.
And if I ever grocery shop with you I will make sure to stay behind you!!
That’s a good idea, otherwise I’d give you the stinkeye!
Well, now that you’ve been out-ed as the neighborhood crazy, I guess it’s time to move again.
We have those little kid carts in our store, and I’m constantly screeching at my kids not to run, and then apologizing to whomever they’ve just rammed into.
.-= Donna´s last blog ..Tick, Tick, Tick =-.
I didn’t even think of that! Maybe I should just switch grocery stores, just in case.
Oh my gosh. I can’t imagine thinking a stranger was telling me to stay behind them and reacting with anything other than indignance. I can’t believe she was so meek and cowed! Of course, she may have thought you were CRAZY, so I guess that might have altered her reaction….
I really am impressed that your kids stay behind you voluntarily. Eli goes in the front seat of the cart and Addy must be beside me at all times, or they will be gone, gone like the wind.
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..600. Not Nearly As Awesome As The Cast Of 300. =-.
I know! If someone had told *me* to stay behind them, I probably wouldn’t have reacted meekly. Surely she thought about it later and realized that I wasn’t talking to her…I hope!
HA! I hope she quit bothering you after that. LMAO
.-= Devan´s last blog ..Dear… =-.
that.cracked.me.up.
I’m just about to go grocery shopping WITHOUT my children who are in school. Just to show you my support and adoration, I am going to yell at some random shopping woman, “Stay behind me!”
.-= dusty earth mother´s last blog ..The Kid’s a Pistol =-.
You totally should and then write a blog post about the person’s reaction!
Okay, I have to laugh at that woman. Hi, the two preschoolers should have been a hint.
.-= Issa´s last blog ..Monday rambling, because it’s what I do best =-.
You would have thought it was pretty obvious who I was talking to!
Just want to say sorry for laughing…before I continue to laugh. Actually LMAO!
.-= Susie @newdaynewlesson´s last blog ..Good Manners Makes All The Difference =-.
The fact that you waited patiently makes me love you even more. I’m soooo glad you didn’t pick up that Hoosier habit that drives me batty. Have you ever noticed that Hoosiers don’t care if you were looking at something first? They just lean all up in your space, sometimes literally nudging you out of their way, and expect that you’ll be OK with it. Drives. Me. Batty.
.-= Burgh Baby´s last blog ..Please Back Away from Audrey =-.
I don’t think I lived in Indiana long enough to have this happen to me, but I’ll check my archives…surely if it happened to me, I wrote about it? I used to write about Meijer all the time!
YES, MA’AM! And should I stay three feet behind you?
I dread the day I will have to take more than one child to the grocery store.
LMAO – that is awesome. There always seems to be someone shadowing me in the store and I hate it…partially because I hate waiting patiently when my children aren’t being patient and partially because I hate being in someone else’s way. Maybe next time I’ll yell at them.
.-= Michelle Smiles´s last blog ..Aquafina Flavor Splash =-.
Ha!! I was grocery shopping once with my then-10 month old in the front seat of the cart, quietly chatting away at him & there was a woman near us that had been talking under her breath (I assume going over a list, maybe?) and she must have thought I was mocking her because she SHOUTED “I’M JUST MAKING SURE I HAVE EVERYTHING!! I’M NOT TALKING TO MYSELF!!”
…..Did she not see the child in my shopping cart?? Wasn’t it more likely I was talking to him?
*facepalm
Oh my word this is so funny! I am serious that this would be me, completely! I mean, I’d be the woman thinking you were yelling at me….seriously. I’m that daft.
.-= Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings´s last blog ..Wil Wheaton would love this blog post. . . I think. . . =-.
You must have a very authoritative voice.
.-= feefifoto´s last blog ..A Poem To Noms – Oops – Moms =-.
I thought of you yesterday while shopping with my twins at the Wal Mart. Both wanted to help push the cart or walk on the sides which made us really wide in those skinny isles.
I kept saying “walk behind Mommy” which worked (they started chanting it too when one would stray forward) But then I had to keep my head on a swivel to make sure they didn’t get snatched up by a stranger or stop to look at something.
Can’t win.
.-= kj @ Where my boys at?´s last blog ..Mother’s Day =-.
Hahaha, it is realy funny. Your method is a really good but “Stay behind me!” eleventh billion times and turn around every 3 seconds – it must be some other way. Bye
.-= Tamara @ Miracle of Pregnancy´s last blog ..She is coming!!!-The Third Trimester Part Two =-.
Ok that cracked me up. I could just hear your voice the entire time in my head. I am sure that lady thought you were crazy. That makes me laugh even harder.
.-= Heidi´s last blog ..What was, isn’t what is… =-.