It’s our nightly ritual, I snuggle in beside Carson and forehead to forehead we discuss very deep topics like Mario and Dino Dan. Somehow last night we ended up on the subject of spring and our eagerness for it’s arrival.
“Carson, did you know that my birthday is on the first day of spring?” I asked him.
“It is?” he seemed impressed. “Are you going to be forty?” Well.
Later on in the evening, I was thinking about being grown up and inching closer to forty (in four years and twenty days, but I’m not counting!). By any standards, I’ve been grown up for quite some time. I have a mortgage and two kids that I feed EVERYDAY. I can actually afford to buy name brand food instead of generic at the grocery store, I burn candles instead of saving them, and I know how to improvise in the kitchen. I have regular conversations with my children about the importance of wearing clean underwear everyday, no matter what.
I look in the mirror and see wrinkles and I no longer get carded to buy wine. My feet are bigger and my hair is thicker and becoming more dry. There are kinks to be worked out of my stiff joints when I wake up every morning. Fiber is an important part of my diet.
When I think of who I am, the me on the inside, she’s not the person I imagined I’d be when I was younger. I thought that getting older would mean I would be changed from the inside out. I just knew that when I was thirty-five, I would be old, breathless, and dull. My clothes would be stiff and my hair cut in a practical bob. I thought that by now I would know things that I don’t. The only thing that separates me from that earlier version of my self is simply a checklist of things I’ve accomplished. (Well, that and sensible shoes.)
I’m still the girl who laughs with my head thrown back and mouth wide open, likes eye-liner and Led Zeppelin, loud. I do an occasional cartwheel for no reason in the middle of my living room. I still cry easily.
I’m still me.
Happy almost-birthday! This is a good reminder to not let age define us.
Sarahviz´s last [type] ..Three Children – Three Personalities
I am jealous of your cartwheel skills :O)
It’s funny how we see ourselves ending up when we are younger opposed to how we really turn out.
Domestic Extraordinaire´s last [type] ..My Friend FireMom-Alternately titled How Jenna doesnt really want the Steelers to Win Super Bowl XLV
Let me know how that cartwheel feels in 4 years and 20 days….
Headless Mom´s last [type] ..Before and After- Bedroom
Oh it’s not a pretty thing, my cartwheels now. I usually regret it as soon as I do it. Ouch.
The laughter and the kidlets are what keep you young!
Colleen – Mommy Always Wins´s last [type] ..Finding God
You can still do a cartwheel? Uh…I’m impressed.
The term “cartwheel” should be used loosely in this context.
At any age, you still feel the same inside….only with more experience!! I look in the mirror and wonder how my mother got there, I think I’m just learning what I want to be when I grow up…too bad it took me 60 years to find that out! Life is good at any age. New things, new day!!!
>The only thing that separates me from that earlier version of my self is simply a checklist of things I’ve accomplished. (Well, that and sensible shoes.)
I so agree with all of this. A writer friend of mine, on the eve of my 50th birthday – as she was turning 60 – told me her best decade was the 50s. I thought my best decade was my 30s … until I enjoyed my 40s. And my 50s are looking good. And the shoes just keep getting more comfortable. Although I did just buy some really gorgeous if slightly higher-heeled than idea for comfort boots!
Meg Waite Clayton´s last [type] ..How a Novel Gets Published- Books in Hand!
it took me by surprise too. i’m glad for it though. who wants to be a stodgy old lady, anyway?
MommyNamedApril´s last [type] ..Without Bounds
Loved this post.
I know when I was little I used to envision myself with white hair and the typical “elderly lady perm,” prune juice and a cane or something by the time I was 40. It seemed so old back then. But now? I just want that number to reflect a life spent loving, livng and learning. Happy Early Birthday to you. I’m sure it’s going to be a great one for you!
Courtney K.´s last [type] ..You must be new here…
“I’m still me.”
And for that, we’re all thankful! Love reading your blog
Karinya @ Unlikely Origins
http://www.unlikelyorigins.blogspot.com
Sounds like our birthdays are only 5 days apart! I will be 36 on the 26th of March! Time flies when you’re havin’ fun, as they say. It’s amazing how I still feel like a “young” lady sometimes even though I’m in my mid-thirties. I think nowadays we are getting better with age. Totally.
Elaine´s last [type] ..BEES!
I always thought when I got older I would feel more confident. I would know more stuff. I would have it together. But no, all those feelings followed me up to my “adulthood” and even though I do know more stuff I still don’t feel any more confident. Lame.
I tried a somersault 6 months ago – ended up having to take muscle relaxants and as a result had the worst constipation EVER. Will never do a somersault again in this lifetime
I’ll share with you this little known secret of aging – and what “old” is. It works for any age. Everyone considers “old” to be 20 years older than themselves. SO don’t worry. You will never be old! See how that works
And trust me – being 150 years older than you – you are just a babe – a wee babe.
These words really made me smile. Thank you.
God Bless you and all of yours
I loved this post… I totally feel the same way today that I did in my early 20s.. I often think things like “I’m in charge…. right?”
Off to do a cartwheel…
-Ellie
Ellie´s last [type] ..Breathe And Wait
I marvel at this same phenomenon. How can I be getting closer and closer to 40 and still feel the same inside as when I was driving around after high school with my friends and giggling about boys? I too thought it would all change when my butt stopped looking quite as perky in a swimsuit or my years of giggling at boys started showing around my eyes…but it hasn’t.
Thank goodness.
My grandma always said that age is mental more than anything else, and it seems that she couldn’t be more right.
The Mommy Therapy´s last [type] ..The 25 Random Things About Me
I’m still figuring out who “me” is.
But I’ve been trying to do that for as long as I can remember, so I guess I *am* still me.
Bridget´s last [type] ..Sentences on SundayAnna Alden
My birthday was last week and I think I had some of these exact same thoughts. I keep waiting to feel like a grown up… and I guess sometimes I do (mostly when I wake up in the morning and I’m stiff… wtf?).
Beth´s last [type] ..What sort of title goes with lesbian teachers and big abstract flowers
Hee… I remember a million years ago, when I was blogging at Pumproom Confessions,I found your blog because of a post you wrote about generic wrinkle cream from Walmart. I ran out and got me a bottle. It is still in my medicine cabinet.
I still have it, too! I gave up. My forehead crevice is just too big!
(So funny that you remember that!)
You’re not old until you’re 98! I have a friend who died at 103. So, you has a ways to go.
And, even though my birth certificate says I turn 44 later this year, I’m only 28 inside and learned how to surf 4 years ago. So, you’ve got lots of learnin’ to do.
I feel the same way.
the cartwheel fact is pretty darn cool. I don’t know a lot of mommas doing cartwheels for no reason. your kids will look back on that when they’re older & understand the responsibilities of being an adult & they’ll smile knowing you stopped to have fun every once in awhile
I am constantly surprised by myself, too. Thirty-one seemed like someone I would never be, let alone be the same person.
laura @ hollywood housewife´s last [type] ..bridal emergency kit
I just turned 40 in February and I have so many mixed emotions about it still. It’s a combination of “How the heck am I 40 already? Where did the time go?” and “There is NO WAY I feel 40..at all.” Age is just a number, I’m realizing. So I’m going to live how I feel. I still get excited watching American Idol, going out dancing with my friends, and being a goof ball.
Pam´s last [type] ..My American Idol Favorites ’11
yes. yes. yes. yes. yes.
so many times YES
Rachel – A Southern Fairytale´s last [type] ..Weekly Winners
Your age just getting old but inside of you still young.. love your post!
you still hot momma to your family..
wow. i’ve never been able to do a cartwheel.
but i do GET this whole idea of not being who i expected but yet still being who i am.
xoxo.
jen´s last [type] ..moments