I grew up believing in Santa Claus. Hook, line, and sinker, I believed in all of it. From the elves and the North Pole, the milk and cookies left out on Christmas Eve, to the note he left for me to find in the morning, and of course all of the presents, he was THE single biggest part of Christmas for me. The part about it being Jesus’ birthday was kind of an afterthought.
Then I grew older and learned the truth. No, he didn’t exist, but I still cherished the magical feeling the belief in Santa brought to all those Christmases. I can’t imagine my childhood without Santa! It’s a tradition I never considered NOT carrying on with my kids.
I’ll admit that I’m not really feeling Christmas this year. Santa and all his cohorts with their gifts are making me feel overwhelmed. I look around my children’s playroom (and their bedrooms, and my living room, and under the couches, and in closets, and under my feet) and can see clearly that they have too much STUFF. They’re completely spoiled.
They have no idea what it is to want for anything, let alone that other people struggle to have even the most basic of their needs met. My kids will not only wake up in a warm bed Christmas morning and have a filling breakfast while wearing brand new PJs, they’ll also have a ridiculous number of gifts to open from Tate and I, from grandparents, aunts and uncles, and because he’s a part of our tradition, there will be gifts from Santa. We are so incredibly blessed that this is the case, that we can provide their basic needs and much, MUCH more. But the part of this that isn’t sitting well with me is that they EXPECT these gifts and in their innocent, age-appropriate way, they feel ENTITLED to these gifts.
Santa really is just a metaphor for “On Christmas, we get TOO MANY PRESENTS,” to the extent that Christmas seems like it’s just about gifts and that’s it. And WE DID THIS, my husband and I. We are the ones who have allowed Christmas to get out of control and haven’t showed them that Christmas is about giving and the celebration of Jesus’ birth. I get that Carson and Ella are just little kids and we have just wanted to fill them with magic and wonder, but I feel we’ve done a huge disservice to them by showering them with more STUFF and by perpetuating the myth of Santa. Last year in an effort to put a limit on MORE! STUFF!, my husband and I decided that Santa would only be bringing one gift, he and I would give them two more for a total of three. The thought process behind this idea was that Jesus got three gifts, so that’s what they would get, too.
But that doesn’t include the truckloads of gifts that will arrive from extended family. Which? I don’t want to deprive our family from the joy of giving either.
Then there’s this whole idea of Santa. I’m mean, I simply can’t imagine Christmas without Santa, but I also feel like the whole idea of Santa is like an out of control car that we can’t jump off of. It’s too late now to take Santa out of Christmas, and really, that’s not what I want at all. In my heart, though, I feel really conflicted. I’m trying to get my children to love and believe in Jesus, but here in a few years they’ll find out that Santa isn’t real, but oh, that other guy, Jesus? The one you can’t see either? Well, HE is real. Yes, I know I lied about Santa, but I’m not lying about Jesus. You should just trust me on this. Really??
I’m struggling with how to make Christmas magical for my children without giving up Santa, but also stressing the Jesus part. (Or even if I were not Christian, I’d still want it to be more than just about STUFF, you know?) What does the middle ground look like where Santa visits and Jesus is front and center and the kids get a few gifts and they APPRECIATE each one? How do we jump off the runaway car?
We are struggling to help our girls reconcile Santa with charity. They know Santa brings gifts to all the kids so they want to know why we need to buy gifts for those less fortunate. So we’ve tried to explain that Santa needs help, he can only bring so much, and kids who don’t have a lot deserve more than just one or two gifts under the tree.
We do a pretty good job of keeping things sane on our side of Christmas but everyone else in our world overwhelm our girls with STUFF. I tried to talk to the grandparents but they basically said they enjoy this and will do what they want. How do I fight that? Sigh.
I was especially bothered when I asked my 5 year old (who circled 75% of the Target toy catalog as her Christmas list but rarely plays with the things she has) what 1 thing she REALLY wanted and she couldn’t name a single thing. She just kept saying she circled the things but none of it was important enough or exciting enough for her to remember the name and really desire it. Shouldn’t all kids want for something enough that they wish for it with all of their might for Christmas? I’m bothered that she wants for nothing.
Michelle Smiles´s last [type] ..Thankful
Every year we make a Christmas fun list that includes all the things we want to do TOGETHER as a family. Pretty much NONE of it revolves around opening presents, it is all experiences. This year we added a ton of giving items to the list, half of items are giving to others. Simple things like paying for someone’s coffee and grabbing a wish list item from the angel tree at school, but I want the kids to think about that as an integral part of the holiday.
LauraC´s last [type] ..A Christmas wish list conversation
After writing this yesterday, and reading your comment, and all the other comments, I made a simple Advent calendar filled with activities to do together with the family. GREAT idea. Thank you!
One of the things I started doing last year was making donations and putting them in the kids’ stockings. One of their gifts goes to someone who needs it more than them. Last year, Santa donated books in their names to orphanages in Africa. I wasn’t sure how it would go over, but they were really excited that something they would have otherwise gotten went to someone who needed it more than they do (because they soooo don’t need more).
You might also consider Kiva or Heifer Intl gift cards. My friend gave her grandchildren Kiva cards and they had a blast picking out the project to give the loan to.
That’s a great idea, thanks! I’ve heard of both of those organizations, just haven’t done anything with them…
Thank you for your thoughtful post. I’m not feeling Christmas either.
This holiday season many families are rethinking priorities because of unemployment, high consumer debt or the desire to live simply. The problem with too much STUFF weighs on the minds of many moms but in quiet contrast to the Black Friday/Cyber Monday frenzy.
It is okay for kids to enjoy the spirit of Santa if we emphasize the spirit of Jesus, family and charity. An Xbox and iPad 2 costs money, but the important things in life don’t have a price tag.
Wendy´s last [type] ..Movie Monday: Like Crazy
We too are struggling with the same thing. I try to teach them they must go through their things and donate the old things in order to get new things – keeping just their favorites around. I’m the one who has the hardest time of this, letting go and keeping things to pass down to the next girl (we have 3).
I too LOVED Santa as a kid. But I also feel like I’m lying to my kids about all the magic. And yes we are on the train of too much stuff too. Last year my kids spent 2 full hours – hours – opening gifts on Christmas morning. So yes we put ourselves in this situation.
They already wrote letters to Santa this year and I was surprised the things they asked for were very small. I think it’s us parents that give ourselves the idea of making Christmas something BIG for them to remember.
Yesterday I made a rule to recycle all the catalogs and delete all the sale emails before even opening them. I’m trying to follow their lead and resist the temptation to have mounds of stuff for them to discover on Christmas morning. They’ll get what’s on their list, that they wrote without looking at any catalogues, all on their own time.
Then we’ll explain we’re choosing to spend time with family, on a trip to visit my brother’s family who live in a skiing destination – so it’s about each other and not the stuff.
Rebecca Simmons´s last [type] ..Every family would be lucky to have a dog like Blair
We do the same thing, the boys each get three gifts, plus a few little things in stockings. They still believe in Santa, but we stress what the season is really about. It is hard to balance, but I am hoping that in the end they will understand.
Heather´s last [type] ..Last day
What a thought-provoking post. I loved Santa and love watching my children in the wonder of Santa. But I want the focus to be the birth of Christ. So if you get any good answers, let me know!!
Stacy @
http://cardigansandcrayons.blogspot.com/
Stacy´s last [type] ..Thankfulness Days #23-30
have you heard of the birthday project? its a blog type thing that focuses on giving (with random acts of kindness) instead of receiving in really fun ways
thebdayproject.com
I will check it out, thank you!
I was so conflicted about Santa because I found out too early (my older brother was mad at me and told me). I was crushed not only because my parents built him up to be this magical person who sees all but also because Santa gave us the big gifts (like a bike for instance).
So what we do in our house is Santa only brings stocking stuffers. We explained that each house does it differently and that is what Santa does for us. I also don’t talk about Santa on a day-to-day basis (we don’t do elf on a shelf or anything like that). We read books about Christmas season in general and are concentrating this year on reading bible passages every night (we aren’t religious people but it is important for him to understand what all the hubbub is about).
And when the stories of Santa and his gifts fade away in January, you will still have bible stories to read to your children. They will understand that Christianity is a part of your everyday life not just one month a year.
We have so struggled with the same thing:) Just a few ideas on some things that have helped, but certainly we can always use more. Struggle with the family going overboard, it has become insane. So I really limit what we do at home, most, if not all is from santa. This year she is getting 3 things, and they are all activity driven:) I also encouraged my parents to try and think outside the box, get her something she can go and do (lessons, zoo membership etc) This website inspired us along a few years ago:)
http://ac.wcrossing.org/
They also have a FB page. Last year we did living water gift cards for all of her teachers and one for our family. They all loved them, being able to pick out where they wanted it to go. A donation they get to spend on a gift card basically. AC above link has more info. Also, we are really involved with Toys for Tots, our church has a huge event for it. It has helped her to see that there are kids who get ONE present and that is it, just one. From my experience the more she can “see” the more it sinks in. For her birthday (not that you asked about this, but this seems to carry over and help christmas as well) we started doing a “giveaway party” for her friends party. She gets so much from extended family and I tried doing no gifts for the friends thing but people still feel compelled to bring something anyway. So we let her pick something she wanted to give to. Last year she picked a local school in a not so hot area of town that was doing a clothing drive. People gave a new shirt/pants etc instead of a gift for her party. And then she and I took them to the school. It really hit home for her when she was able to see and give them to the kids. It still is a yearly struggle. But I hope we are at least not going to crazy and making some changes.
Jennette´s last [type] ..Filling Me
Oh, meant to say just being aware is a great first step:) Think there could be so much more of just that, “being aware”…
Jennette´s last [type] ..Filling Me
This is such a tough balance! We’ve not really done Santa in our house (although my boys are only 4 and 1) and because we know they will get so much from relatives we typically only get them one present each. Last year I think I was so lame that I just wrapped up a book that my older son was done with and the little one unwrapped it. He just loved that part!
One option might be to make Christmas Eve entirely about Jesus. Find a Christmas Eve service to go to, have a Jesus Birthday cake, etc. You could also do an advent calendar (not the paper kind with chocolates, but one that has the story of the nativity growing each day) or an advent wreath as a lead up to Christmas.
Another alternative, a friend of mine is actually not giving any gifts until Epiphany (January 6th), but I’m not sure that would go over so well!
You could also talk about the real St. Nicholas and the meaning behind his story and his generosity as that’s where we get our Santa Claus from. St. Nicholas day is traditionally on the 6th of December and you put out your shoes and get treats in the morning (fruit, nuts, candy, if you’ve been good and coal if you’ve been bad!)
We had a whole discussion this morning in Mom’s Bible study about how we can focus on Jesus at Christmas.
Krista´s last [type] ..Wordless Wednesday: Double Bump!
I do think that I want to introduce the concept and history of St. Nicholas…that’s a great idea!
I feel quite an affinity for Toys For Tots My brother is a Marine and he was assigned to sort through and deliver the toys a few years ago. He got a letter from a little boy who’d never had a pair of boots so all he wanted was snowboots so his feet wouldn’t be cold all winter. My brother and the other Marines scoured the warehouse and no boots in the little boy’s size could be found. He called and read me the letter and I (of course) bought the boots, snowpants, and socks and several other things. My brother delivered the boots to the little boy’s mom himself and said that it was one of the most amazing moments of his whole life. The relief that she felt that her little boy’s letter to santa was answered was evident in her face!
We’re not rich by any means, but we are lucky in that we have all we need and some of what we want. My daughter is too little now to uinderstand (she just turned 2) but each year, we pick out a toy for a child her age and donate it to Toys For Tots. When she is older, I plan to tell her why we’re donating the toy and I think that her picking it out makes it more meaningful.
Maybe something like this would be meaningful for Ella and Carson as well?
We did “adopt” three kids from an Angel Tree. I honestly didn’t think it made any impression on my kids, we took them shopping with us and had them help choose items for each kid.
Then last night when I was wrapping the gifts, my son started asking more about the kids and seemed like maybe it kind of clicked with him that we were helping others.
Thanks for sharing your story about your brother and the Toys for Tots. And thanks to your brother for serving our country!
i can’t help you so much with the jesus part, since we’re not christian, but i can say that in our house santa is as real as mickey mouse. that is to say, he’s a guy who dresses up in a suit to entertain us. the kids know that their gifts come from mom and dad and grandpa and grandma (and whomever else…) – it’s my feeling that they need to understand where their gifts come from and appreciate the hard money and/or work that goes into them.
christmas for us is about enjoying each others company and being a thankful family… it’s not really about the presents. (and even still, i think there are TOO MANY presents… but try telling my grandmother to stop shopping. HAH!).
my kids are still very young, so i’m hopefully that we’ll be able to keep it this way.
MommyNamedApril´s last [type] ..It’s Begining to Smell a Lot Like Christmas!
yeah i live in holland where sinterklaas (Saint Nicholas) brings presents. Its a funny story, he lives in Spain all year, but for his birthday he comes to Holland with his black Piets (borderline racist elf kind of people). Kids sing a song to Sinterklaas and put their shoe out at bedtime, and in the morning they get little cookies, candies, chocolate letters and/or a small gift in the shoe. On Dec 5th, Sinterklaas leaves a bag of toys at the front door and “knocks” when its time to open the door and find the toys (usually a neighbor friend knocks or dad hangs out a window banging on the door with a broomstick). And when the youngest kid stops believing, the presents stop, and people do something as a family (movie night, special dinner etc).
The great thing about it is that the materialism/greediness that consumes the kids for a couple weeks is over the first week of december, and Christmas is really for Jesus and family
I would LOVE to implement this tradition. It’s genius!
My two cents, definitely take it for what it’s worth, but maybe some things to think about…
I don’t think a handful of gifts from you and your hubby and santa (and even a truckful from relatives) is not going to ruin your children (and I know that’s not even what you’re saying, just making the point). I believe, for most children who are raised the way we would want them to be raised, that is taking for granted that they have a warm house to live in, a comfy bed to sleep in, food to fill their bellies with, etc., can’t really understand how lucky they are. Sure you want them to appreciate things, and I believe it is possible for even so-called spoiled children to appreciate things, but they truly can’t comprehend how lucky they are, and would we really want them to? My children (who are older than yours), understand that there are children in the world who do not have the basics they have, but they can’t really get that and I think that’s okay. The foundation is there. They’ll become more and more aware as they grow. My kids believe (and for the older ones, believed), in Santa wholeheartedly. It doesn’t cause any conflicts with Jesus, though I understand the concern, believe me. I think kids are capable of knowing it’s just different.
I think it’s possible to grow up over-indulged at Christmas and still turn into someone who is generous and kind and faithful and all the good things we want our kids to grow into. I have to believe that, I was completely spoiled at Christmas when I was growing up and I have a strong faith now, a strong sense of how lucky I am in this world and a strong sense of my responsibility to give back. I sense that you have all of those qualities as well and I sense that perhaps you grew up indulged at Christmas. I would work out what makes sense for you/your family, the three gifts or whatever, go with it, and try to relax. It really will be all right.
How our kids turn out is much more about how things are the other 364 days of the year than the indulgence that happens on one particular day, at least to me.
Mom24@4evermom´s last [type] ..Slow-Cooker Lemon-Garlic Chicken
This is just so wise. Thank you. I tend to…perhaps…get a little neurotic about things. Overanalyze? Me? Yeah. Thanks for getting me to look at the bigger picture and help me to realize that this one month isn’t going to ruin my children.
Deep breath.
(Thank you.)
(Really.)
I think this post is the best advice. The season it what you make it out to be. Your kids know your values and beliefs from every day of the year. Your teaching them what’s important. So if one day they get gifts from some made up Santa…so what? You know there is more to it than that. And you are teaching your kids that as well.
I don’t think there is any harm in letting them (and yourself) enjoy the childhood magic of Santa.
I grew up believing in both Santa and Jesus, and when I realized that Santa wasn’t real, I NEVER considered that Jesus also wasn’t real. I _hear_ of parents being concerned about this, but I’ve never talked to an adult that experienced it that way. Kids can and do know the difference.
We were just talking about this at our playgroup the other day (the “good” kind of playgroup where everyone is honest and true and not one-upping each other) and none of us is scarred from believing in Santa. One of my friends, who is a psychologist, said that you never hear of adults coming into therapy because their parents LIED to them about Santa. It’s just fun and magical and cozy and sweet… and not ruining anyone. Enjoy it and enjoy them!
The magic of Santa and Christmas is SO MUCH FUN. I LOVED believing.
Marie Green´s last [type] ..Tiny Prints
While I am not a mother, I am a pastor, so I often talk to families about how to keep Advent and Christmas traditions in faith-based ways. I realize and respect that it is each family’s right to determine if/how they want to “do” Santa.
One idea for limiting gifts (at least in the immediate family) that I have really fallen in love with is the following: Each child gets something you WANT, something you NEED, something to WEAR, and something to READ. I have sugggested it to several families in my parish.
Blessings to you during this holy season. No matter what you decide, I pray that you are gifted with a happy, healthy family.
I stopped my personal Christmas madness last year. I cut down on the number of presents the kids got by a lot. A LOT. And they still had a great Christmas.
You can do it!
Marinka´s last [type] ..Unusual Advice
I’m not reading the other comments, but it’s kinda the ages that they are. This year, with my boys being 10 & 12 (omg WHERE DID MY BABIES GO?) there’s definitely less commercialism and more Jesus. It isn’t totally turned around, but it’s better.
Headless Mom´s last [type] ..The Wind
I grow up believing in Santa too, than I discover the truth, too. Than some 20 years later, I become one myself! Someone had to become that too
As being a Santa I had brought presents to many kids, also to disabled kids and kids with the fewer opp, the happiness they receive with Santa, the lessons about bad habits that echo throughout the whole year, showed me the positive aspect of being a believer!
I was trying to have a conversation about this same dilemma with my hubby while driving back from our third family Christmas of the year. Our girl is only 4 months, but I can see already that she will get spoiled if we leave things status quo. My hubby’s parents are split and remarried. There are step parents, step siblings, even step grandparents for him that want to dote on Ellie with lots of stuff. Then, there is my side of the family that has the money to buy the really nice stuff. I just don’t know how we are going to tame this down. I almost want to ask that everyone contributes to her 529 account and let Rob and I do the present buying only. But I do think that would go over well.
Kate at zombie.com´s last [type] ..Blogging, the new caffeine
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