Entries Tagged as 'Religimcal Thoughts'

Surviving a Ghost Attack and TWO Earthquakes

Have you ever seen that movie, The Entity?  That is one scary movie right there, one that I should never, ever have watched years ago.  Having a vivid imagination and being one who might occasionally overreact, I was certain that the rumbling I felt in my bed at 5:40 AM last Friday was definitely an evil ghost who’d come to get me.

Luckily for me it was JUST an earthquake

First I heard a very odd noise coming from the baby monitor, a noise that certainly wasn’t my children, but an eerie low frequency NON-HUMAN sounding something.  Obviously when I put all the facts together moments after the rumbling that fully awakened me, I positively KNEW that I was living with a ghost (or ghosts plural.)

I immediately turned on every light, running frantically away from my bedroom and the ghost or ghosts plural.  Finding my cell phone, I fumbled to find Tate’s number and call him.  He’s a man!  He could help beat the ghosts!  Or something.

When I finally got ahold of Tate seconds later, I explained the situation and my fear of our unwelcome guests ghost(s). 

“There was this rumbling that started at the bottom of the bed!  And!  I could hear it over the baby monitor!  And!!!  I could feel an energy in the room.  We have an infestation of ghosts!  I know we do, I just know it.  I’m not crazy, Tate.”

After repeating the above sentences about ten times to REALLY!  GET!  MY!  POINT!  ACROSS!, Tate asked if I had considered that it might be an earthquake.

I, obviously, thought that the possibility of an earthquake was downright WACKO.  A ghost or ghosts plural was a much more viable possibility.

But apparently, as it turns out, it was indeed an earthquake–an earthquake I BARELY survived. 

I also narrowly escaped death once before when I was woken up by an earthquake in Knoxville.  Now I can say I’ve survived TWO earthquakes and that makes me, like, really cool. 

Sorry, No Pictures

Guess who has Internet access and is gloriously happy about it!?!?!  I’ll give you three guesses, but the first two don’t count….

That’s right, genius!  ME!

(And it’s not even stolen, which makes me a little sad because that would have been a far more exciting story to tell.)

Anyway.

I would like to take this time to give myself a swift kick in the arse since I packed away my camera at the bottom of a tote and couldn’t take pictures of a few of the things I saw on the drive, because BOY OH BOY did they make me chuckle.  Sadly, this would have been a much better post with pictures.  It’s the kind of thing that it’s funny if you’re there, but maybe not so much when you are just reading about it.

Anyway.

There was a sign along I-65 in Alabama that said, and I’m NOT EVEN LYING, “Go to church or the devil will get you.”  This very helpful message was accompanied by the picture of the devil that looked suspiciously like the devil from those cans of icky deviled ham.  Um?  Can you say COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT!?  I say that copyright infringement yields a far worse fate than not going to church.  I suspect Jesus would agree with me.

Another sign that I saw on I-65, but this time in Kentucky, and I’m still NOT LYING said, “Jim Bob’s B00bie Bonanza next exit.”  Okay, it didn’t actually say “Bonanza,” but I can’t recall exactly what it did say.  That’s not even the point, though.  The word “b00bie” was on a billboard and that’s some funny stuff right there.  I was going to stop the car and have Tate take a picture of me and the kids in front of Jim Bob’s B00bie Bonanza because that would have been KLASSY.

Speaking of adult entertainment, there sure is a plethora of A*DULT BOOKSTORES! and A*DULT VIDEOS! too choose from along this nation’s interstate system.  In one particularly thick patch of A*DULT ENTERTAINMENT offerings I saw a sign on the left-hand side of the road that said, “Turn here for all your A*DULT ENTERTAINMENT needs!”  On the other side of the road, just opposite this sign was a message warning of eternal damnation, “You pay for porn in HELL.”

Wooooooooooow.  That’s quite a deterrent.

See how this post would have been much better with pictures??  Meh.  Sorry.

Exciting update….here’s a link to another blog that posted a picture of the church/devil sign!!  (Thank you Google.  I love you.)

Forgive Me Father For I’m Going to Sin

Dear Jesus,

On today, your most holy of all days, I’m so sorry for what I’m going to do. See, HBO has scheduled the last NINE episodes of The Sopranos to begin this evening. I know that it is not a very religimical show to be obsessed with watch. My most pure of hearts knows that it is a poor choice of programs to watch on Easter.

It seems wrong to be excited to find out what has been happening with a set of characters whose job it is to intimidate, murder, watch strippers, screw, and lie. The characters are supposed to be Catholic, but I doubt that they take Easter off from their crooked and evil ways. I should probably record the show and watch any day but Easter, but I DON’T THINK I CAN WAIT. It’s wrong and unholy, but I heart The Sopranos.

It’s the final season, Jesus. Please forgive me for my inability to sacrifice. I mean absolutely no disrespect to your Big Day.

I promise to pray right after the show ends. And I won’t even cuss this whole upcoming week. Well, I’ll try not to cuss this week. I definitely will try to do something really nice for someone this week. That is as long as I’m in the mood for being nice.

Amen.