I’m not so sure about Santa

I grew up believing in Santa Claus. Hook, line, and sinker, I believed in all of it.  From the elves and the North Pole, the milk and cookies left out on Christmas Eve, to the note he left for me to find in the morning, and of course all of the presents, he was THE single biggest part of Christmas for me.  The part about it being Jesus’ birthday was kind of an afterthought.

Then I grew older and learned the truth.  No, he didn’t exist, but I still cherished the magical feeling the belief in Santa brought to all those Christmases. I can’t imagine my childhood without Santa! It’s a tradition I never considered NOT carrying on with my kids.

I’ll admit that I’m not really feeling Christmas this year.  Santa and all his cohorts with their gifts are making me feel overwhelmed. I look around my children’s playroom (and their bedrooms, and my living room, and under the couches, and in closets, and under my feet) and can see clearly that they have too much STUFF.  They’re completely spoiled.

They have no idea what it is to want for anything, let alone that other people struggle to have even the most basic of their needs met.  My kids will not only wake up in a warm bed Christmas morning and have a filling breakfast while wearing brand new PJs, they’ll also have a ridiculous number of gifts to open from Tate and I, from grandparents, aunts and uncles, and because he’s a part of our tradition, there will be gifts from Santa.  We are so incredibly blessed that this is the case, that we can provide their basic needs and much, MUCH more.  But the part of this that isn’t sitting well with me is that they EXPECT these gifts and in their innocent, age-appropriate way, they feel ENTITLED to these gifts.

Santa really is just a metaphor for “On Christmas, we get TOO MANY PRESENTS,” to the extent that Christmas seems like it’s just about gifts and that’s it.  And WE DID THIS, my husband and I.  We are the ones who have allowed Christmas to get out of control and haven’t showed them that Christmas is about giving and the celebration of Jesus’ birth.  I get that  Carson and Ella are just little kids and we have just wanted to fill them with magic and wonder, but I feel we’ve done a huge disservice to them by showering them with more STUFF and by perpetuating the myth of Santa.  Last year in an effort to put a limit on MORE! STUFF!, my husband and I decided that Santa would only be bringing one gift, he and I would give them two more for a total of three.  The thought process behind this idea was that Jesus got three gifts, so that’s what they would get, too.

But that doesn’t include the truckloads of gifts that will arrive from extended family.  Which?  I don’t want to deprive our family from the joy of giving either.

Then there’s this whole idea of Santa.  I’m mean, I simply can’t imagine Christmas without Santa, but I also feel like the whole idea of Santa is like an out of control car that we can’t jump off of.  It’s too late now to take Santa out of Christmas, and really, that’s not what I want at all.  In my heart, though, I feel really conflicted. I’m trying to get my children to love and believe in Jesus, but here in a few years they’ll find out that Santa isn’t real, but oh, that other guy, Jesus?  The one you can’t see either?  Well, HE is real. Yes, I know I lied about Santa, but I’m not lying about Jesus.  You should just trust me on this.  Really??

I’m struggling with how to make Christmas magical for my children without giving up Santa, but also stressing the Jesus part. (Or even if I were not Christian, I’d still want it to be more than just about STUFF, you know?)  What does the middle ground look like where Santa visits and Jesus is front and center and the kids get a few gifts and they APPRECIATE each one?  How do we jump off the runaway car?

 

Back when

I never kept a diary, except maybe a few angsty lines as a middle schooler who’d just made out with a boy for the first time. Five years ago this month, I opened up a Blogger account and began to write the stories of my life.  My first post, since deleted, was about my 20 week ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby I was carrying, who is now a sassy four year old sister to a six year old brother.

Tentatively I started to speak, out loud for the first time, about motherhood and it’s challenges.  I know now that there’s a fine balance between saying what needs to be said and saying too much, though I’m still learning to walk that tightrope.

My blog was my very own personal space, here’s what I said about it in February 2007,

“Nobody is leaving their dirty socks on my blog. Nobody is pointing and grunting at my blog and demanding a bite of it. My blog doesn’t have a leaky…diaper. There is NO LAUNDRY or dog hair in my blog. My blog has never told me ‘no’. “

I still treasure and feel very protective of this space, five years later.  It is still one place that is mine, all 845 posts.

When this blog began:

1.  I lived in Alabama.

2.  I’d never heard of Facebook because it was only for those young, whippersnapper college kids, but I did have a Myspace account, complete with flashy graphics and autoplay music.

3. I looked sort of like this, just less pregnant:

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4.  This blog was a secret.

5.  I felt very lonely and isolated.

6.  I’d gained more than just pregnancy weight.

7.  I cussed like a sailor.

8.  I never exercised because I thought I didn’t have time.  (I really didn’t have time, though.)

9.  I was in a playgroup, which is indeed why this blog got the name I gave it.

10.  I’d never heard of Google Reader, spent my days commenting on at least twenty blogs a day, and felt a real sense of community online.

11.  I didn’t have a paying job.

Since this blog began:

1.  I’ve moved twice (to Indiana, then to Tennessee) and lived in five different houses and/or apartments.

2.  I’ve started accounts on Facebook, Twitter, and about 32 million other sites that in hopes of making my blog super popular.  (Technorati, BlogLuxe, TopBlogSites, Cre8buzz, Plurk, NING groups, Alltop, StumbleUpon…)

3.  I look sort of look like this, except most of the time I’m less stylish and my children are squalling:

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4. This blog isn’t a secret.  I still wish it was a secret some days.

5.  I don’t feel lonely or isolated anymore.  Well, usually.  We all feel lonely sometimes, right?   My life is pretty great and I feel incredibly blessed. Motherhood isn’t easy, but the kids are older now and we’re not bound by a nap schedule and they don’t completely drain me of life every single minute of the day.

6. I gained even more weight then lost most of it.

7.  I don’t cuss like a sailor on the blog and I try not to cuss now except when the situation warrants it.  There are many situations that warrant a good swear word, though.

8.  I ran a 10K on Thanksgiving day in 1:01.  I am getting ready to start training to run a half marathon. I’m making the time even though I don’t really have time to do the training.

9. I’m not in a playgroup, but yet!  The blog name remains the same.  It’s too late to change it now.

10.  I adore my Google Reader, though I’m ticked they took away the Share function.  I rarely comment on blogs anymore, but I want to do better because I miss that community feeling.  I mean, the community is there, but I feel like I’m on the outskirts looking in.

11. I have jobs!  Real jobs!  And it’s all because five years ago this month, I opened a Blogger account and started writing.

 

Ketchup

I’m playing catch-up today after a weekend filled with carbohydrates and Harry Potter movie marathons.  Instead of sitting at the computer, I should probably go run off that movie marathon with a real marathon.

Anyways.

It’s not too late for a Halloween photo, is it?  No?  Good.  Presenting…a very intimidating Raphael from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and a fifteen-year-old-boy dressed as Carson, dressed as a member of Lightning McQueen’s pit crew!

We had a lousy showing of only four kids begging for candy on Halloween.  Not even one ill mannered teenager, or grown women, without costumes.  I mean, how the heck am I supposed to blog about Halloween if nobody shows up to offer fodder?!

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This is…random….but I was sent a copy of the documentary, The Sound of Mumbai: A Musical.  I’m a sucker for a good documentary, so when they asked if I wanted a copy, I said, “okay.” This documentary is currently airing on HBO2 and it’s about these kids from the slums of India that are going to perform songs from the Sound of Music at the fanciest performing arts center in Mumbai.

Documentaries this like and the radio show, This American Life, and the human interest articles in newspapers, and blogs…I LOVE those kind of things.  Learning about other people, their stories, their lives…I especially enjoy seeing how despite completely different cultures and life circumstances, people are people no matter where you go.  The little boy in the documentary, Ashish, his personality was like any ten-year-old boy you’d meet here in the US.

Sound of Mumbai was a good documentary, hopeful, sad, but realistic.

Disclaimer:  yes, they sent me a copy of this documentary, but I wasn’t really under any obligation to blog about it.  I wasn’t reimbursed in any way and these brief opinions are my own.

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I keep meaning to brag on Nap Warden from NW Designs for the awesome job she did on my website, Family Friendly Knoxville.  So I’ll do that now.

Nap Warden did an awesome job on my website, Family Friendly Knoxville.  She took my ideas, some hand drawn, some poorly worded, and was able to create the look I was going for.

So if you’re looking for a blog designer or logo designer, you should look NW Designs up.

Another disclaimer!  She didn’t ask me to say anything, although she did give me a great deal with the design AND web hosting.  Nap Warden is just good at what she does and I wanted to tell you about her.

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I’ve written quite a few posts over at my Babble blog, Southern by Proxy.

A waitress yelled at Carson in a restaurant which led me to ask, “Should you reprimand another person’s child?” Several of the comments have really made me think.

I wrote about who I am, as part of the Phenomenal Women project headed up by Alli Worthington.

Now that I’ve finished Friday Night Lights (WAH!), I’m wondering what I should watch next?

This kid is six

He’s grown at least an inch and a half since he turned turned six over a week ago. I keep telling him that I’m going to put books on his head so that he can’t grow anymore. I love the way he grins when I joke with him like that.

Last year, age five seemed old and he seemed like such a kid, but six…MAN, six feels like school-age kid.  Probably because he is a kid who’s, you know, school-age, but he’s got this whole life that’s separate from the rest of the family. This school-age kid takes the bus to go on field trips and says, “easy peasy,” when he talks about school, and has conversations with friends that I’ll never know anything about.

Six.  I’m pretty sure that six is going to be a good year (and expensive as he outgrows all of his clothes).

Grade: Kindergarten

Favorite thing about school: going to computer center

Favorite TV show: Monster Jam

Favorite food: Hamburgers, pizza, macaroni and cheese, chicken nuggets, french fries, and ketchup. Edited to add per Carson’s request: Pumpkin pie and apple pie.

Favorite toy: monster trucks

Best thing about being six: I learned how to ride my bike without training wheels

Favorite book: Captain Underpants

Favorite color: Blue

Favorite thing to do: Play Monster Jam on Wii on Fridays after school.

Favorite song: Life is a Highway

Favorite sport: soccer

What he wants to be when he grows up:  Monster truck driver.

Things only his mama would tell you:  He holds my hand after school. On his field trip to the pumpkin patch, he spent more time choosing a pumpkin for Ella than his own.  He loves that little girl with all of his heart.  He’s kind and sensitive, a worrier and planner. He’s easily frustrated, but he tries hard at most everything he does. He doesn’t like it when I ask him about school, but not as much as he dislikes shampoo and going to the dentist. He doesn’t like for his hair to be fixed and he likes his shirts to have pictures of trucks or cars on them.

This kid.  I just can’t believe he went and turned six on me.

Eavesdropping

Just Write“Can I ask you a very candid question?” her voice boomed across the small seating area of the local coffee shop.  Her hair is state fair hair and I can smell her perfume all the way over here.

“Of course,” she replied tentatively.  Black suit, unassuming haircut. Quieter. She looks like she hasn’t slept well in about 13 years.

“You seem so OVER it all.”

I can’t even hear the reply, their voices are suddenly hushed.

::

I have six articles due by the end of the day.  My eye is twitching, reminding me that I really need make that eye appointment.  I forgot to buy a hula hoop for Carson’s birthday this Friday and I’ve looked at my calendar and can’t figure out how I could possibly fit in a shopping trip.

I hope I get to shower today.

::

I can hear the women talking again.

“Do you think it’s because you regret volunteering for it?”

“I felt backed into a corner.  You know how she is.  I should have said no.”

::

Ella has a fall party at school today, but I’m not going.  I feel really badly about not going, other parents will be there and I hope that she won’t feel sad when I don’t show up.

I did send in some pretzels, so there’s that.

It’s just that I can’t be in two places at once I have this long list of deadlines and…

Really? I’d just rather go to my running class than serve candy corn and pretzels to four-year-olds.

::

I’m not OVER it all, though.  Not really.  I wish that I had more to give everyone, sure, but I feel like I’m giving something to myself for a change.

She probably won’t even miss me at her fall party.

::

Booming voice lady isn’t really listening to black suit lady.  She keeps trying to convince her to keep giving.  More and more and more.

 

 

 

 

This May Be Proof that Disney Pumps Magical Pixie Dust Into Their Air. There’s Really No Other Explanation

There is no way that the words that I arrange and type here could ever convey just how magical our trip to Disney World was.  Simply, it was the trip of a lifetime.

Before I can really tell you anything specific about Disney, I need to give you a little back story on the dynamics of my family.  We are not exactly the best at getting along, particularly in slightly stressful situations (travel, crowds, trying something new…).  Tate and I snip at one another, I hate to use this word-but it’s the truth-we snip at one another CONSTANTLY when we’re stressed.  Our kids have always been the type of kids to throw tantrums, even in the tamest circumstances, let alone on an exhausting five day trip to Disney World complete with late nights and crabby parents.  You should go out to dinner with us sometime. We are SO MUCH FUN to hang around.

Then there’s my control freak tendencies.  Since I did the majority of the planning for the trip, I felt the entire weight of responsibility that everything MUST go well on the trip.  Reservation glitches, weather, the kids behavior, wait times at restaurants-all things that I can’t actually control-I knew I’d feel defensive if things weren’t going just as I’d planned.

These are things that I worried about this before the trip.  I wanted it to be perfect.  I didn’t want US to be the reason that the trip was a flop.

Something truly miraculous happened.  Maybe Disney pumps magical, calming pixie dust into the air, or they spike our drinks with xanax, I DON’T KNOW, but (almost) everything about our trip was PERFECT.  We all behaved and got along well and had the best time we’ve ever had together as a family.

Every night, the kids were visited by the Fairy Godmother, who left them a little gift.  (This idea came from my dental hygienist!  They know more than just teeth cleaning!) The kids ate this up and loved finding little gifts every morning.  Before we left, I went to the Disney store at the mall and bought a few little items and some gift cards so they’d have their own money to spend at the parks.  I wrote about how we told the kids about the trip, complete with their first visit from the Fairy Godmother at Southern By Proxy.  This part wasn’t really magical at all.

Here’s a rundown of everyday of our vacation, the FOOD! The PARADES! The FUN, all the MAGIC!  I know this is long, but I just wanted to do a one and done post, rather than a series of posts. Okay?

Saturday

We arrived at our resort, the Wilderness Lodge, and it was POURING rain.  The entire seven story lobby was filled with families playing board games, children coloring and hula hooping, families sitting in front of the large fire place, rocking back and forth in the rocking chairs.  It was like something out of a movie.

Our room had a great view of the lake and woods, the kids were SO EXCITED that our room had bunk beds.  We unpacked, then headed back to the lobby where Carson LITERALLY (yes, LITERALLY) hula hooped for two hours.  TWO HOURS.  Ella bounced from activity to activity, many led by Disney staff, coloring and playing games.  After TWO HOURS,  we finally convinced Carson to go back up to the room to relax before dinner.

We had reservations at 7:50 at our resort’s sit down restaurant, Whispering Canyon Cafe.  This was the only place that we had to wait a long time (45 minutes) to be seated. By the time we were seated the kids were exhausted (HULA HOOPING!  TWO HOURS), but our server was sweet and did her best to be quick.  The food was fabulous.  Since we got the free Disney Dining Plan promotion, we were also entitled to dessert.  They boxed up our caramel apple pies because we were too full and too tired to eat anything else.

Sunday

I checked the weather forecast for Orlando and it called for rain every single day of our trip.  100% chance.

So we bought, or rather invested in, some ponchos and boarded the bus for Magic Kingdom.

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“We’re going to have fun, it doesn’t matter if it rains,” Tate said.  This?  Coming from Tate, Mr. Pessimistic?  Proof of magical pixie dust?

We had breakfast reservations for Crystal Palace, a character meal with Pooh, Tigger, Eeyore, and Piglet.  The food was all great, the kids LOVED their chocolate Mickey Mouse waffles that were basically brownies.  Brownies for breakfast!  It’s Disney World so it’s OKAY!  Carson and Ella were excited to meet the characters and get their autograph books signed.  They characters did a little Friendship Day dance that was a little lame, but it was sweet.

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The first thing we’d planned to do right after breakfast was to get a stroller and get a “1st visit” badge, but it was raining SO HARD.  Ella saw Cinderella’s castle and desperately wanted to go there, so we just bypassed the stroller and badges and headed through the nearly blinding rain straight for the castle.

But we were all HAPPY.  The rain was annoying, yes, but we were standing right in front of Cinderella’s castle!  And then there were all these great rides!  The carousel, It’s a Small World, and the Peter Pan ride.  I never want to forget standing in line, Tate’s hand in the small of my back, looking at each other and silently saying, “This is perfect, isn’t it?”

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We loved how most of the lines and rides were all covered so we didn’t have to stand in the rain.  As the day went on, the sun even came out a few times.  The whole day was spent riding rides and our favorite was the Buzz Lightyear ride.  We also stumbled upon a parade and got a front row view.  It was just amazing, the float and characters were so much fun to watch.

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After a mid afternoon rest back in our room, we went back to Magic Kingdom for the Electric parade (AWESOME) and fireworks show (Also, AWESOME.  What we weren’t expecting was the movie they played on the facade of the castle.  It brought tears to my eyes.  The kids were really tired so we were holding them and somehow I ended up holding Carson.  My arms and back were on fire, but during the show, he hugged me and gave me a kiss.  Aw man, that right there was worth every penny spent on the vacation.

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This was one of the very best days of my life.

Monday

Monday was Hollywood Studios day and the rain had miraculously stopped.  As directed by Shelly, our fantastic travel agent, we got there before they opened and headed straight to the Toy Story ride.  Tate didn’t really get that all those people around us, THOUSANDS of people, were all heading to the exact same place.  He kept checking the map and saying, “yes, this is the right way.”  I kept saying, “Yes, it is.  I think ALL of these people are going to the same place.”

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The Toy Story ride is part ride, part video game and was really fun.  We waited about 45 minutes to ride it, which was our longest wait for a ride during the entire trip.

We also enjoyed eating at Pizza Planet, our dessert was a GIANT chocolate cupcake that was SO GOOD.  The kids played arcade games for awhile, which wasn’t exactly how I wanted to spend time at Disney World, but they were having fun and we didn’t really feel like it was worth telling them “no.”

Other things we liked:  The Muppets 3D movie, the stunt show, and meeting Woody, Buzz, Lightning McQueen, and Mater.  Don’t tell anyone, but I was as excited as the kids to meet them.  Maybe more.  I’ll never admit to that, though.

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Hollywood Studios had a Pixar parade with lots of great characters.  We were a little disappointed that Lightning and Mater weren’t in the parade, but it was still a really great parade.

That night we had another character dinner, this time with Cinderella, Prince Charming, and her evil stepmom and stepsisters, Lady Tremaine, Druzilla, and Anastacia.  We got to go to the swanky Grande Floridian to 1900 Park Fare for the dinner.  The stepsisters were hilarious!  Cinderella and Prince Charming were sweet and gracious.  Tate is not a fan of buffets, but we both thought the food was really tasty.

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Tuesday

We got up early Tuesday to get to Animal Kingdom and go on the safari because Shelly said that morning was the best time to see the animals.  And see animals we did!  Giraffes crossing the road, rhinos, elephants, and a male lion, perched up on a hill.  We were all in awe.

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Lunch could have been a HUGE disaster, they forgot to give Ella her food, then Tate spilled a full Diet Coke all over the table, himself, and Ella.  In the real world, this would have probably ruined the rest of the day, but in Disney World, we all just shrugged our shoulders, laughed, and wiped up the mess.  Seriously, I only mention this because it was nearly as amazing at the Tree of Life at Animal Kingdom.

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Poor Carson freaked out during the Bugs Life 3D movie, but the rest of us thought it was great.  At the end, the seats felt like bugs were running underneath and behind you.  I can see why Carson freaked out a little, but it was pretty funny.

After the parade, we rushed back to our hotel because we had dinner reservations at Downtown Disney at Fulton’s Crab House.  Ella fell asleep on the bus, so Tate carried her what seemed like a 20 mile walk to the restaurant.  Once we were seated, we learned that our Dining Plan couldn’t be used there.  Again, this is something that normally would just turn a perfectly fun evening into something NOT fun, but instead we just headed over Raglan’s.  It was an Irish pub that served Guinness, so really it was probably the perfect place for us.  We sat outside and enjoyed our dinners.

After dinner, we planned to browse all the shops at Downtown Disney, but it was ridiculously crowded.  After trying to look in a few stores, we decided to go back to the resort and watch the fireworks and the Electrical Water Parade from the dock at Wilderness Lodge.  I don’t think I care to ever go back to Downtown Disney.

Wednesday

We were so excited for Wednesday and our visit to Epcot.  While we were there, Epcot was hosting the International Food and Wine Festival and all during the week, Tate and I had been hoarding our dining plan snacks to redeem as we traveled through World Showcase.  Oh you guys, the food was AMAZING.  So were the beers, particularly those in the biergarten in Germany.  Tate and I really, really enjoyed those.

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There were a few rides that we rode, but we mostly hung out and walked around World Showcase.  The kids seemed to have fun anyway, there was a mime in Italy that was really good, even for a mime.  For dinner we ate in Germany at Biergarten restaurant.  This was another buffet that was, OH MY GOODNESS, SO good.  We really enjoyed the band and the kids and I even got out and danced.  And they had more beer, very, very large beer, so it’s a good thing that we had a bus driver for the ride back.

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IMG_8289 (please pretend you don’t see the spot in between my boobs. Sweat? Dribbling beer? I don’t know. You just can’t take me ANYWHERE.)

So that was our trip to Disney World. It seemed like there was a surprise around every corner and yes, it was truly magical. We can’t wait to go back, even though I can’t imagine that another trip could ever be as amazing as this one.  I want to thank Shelly for all of her help in planning our trip, she did such a great job guiding us in the right direction and gave really GREAT advice.  Thank you, Shelly.  I also want to thank all the people who offered advice and tips.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Mickey has a big job ahead of him

Our big trip to Disney is coming up soon. The kids still don’t have any idea what we’re doing, they know we’re going on vacation, but they don’t know where. Carson and Ella both have their own ideas about where we might be going.

Carson thinks we’re going to that place Mommy and Daddy went this summer.

“We’re going to Hilton Head, I bet. And we’re going to go to the Tiki Hut,” Carson told me. I don’t think he really knows that the Tiki Hut is not exactly for kids, but for adults on a ten year anniversary trip who are looking to get snockered and have a little fun. That sure did make me laugh, though.

“Maybe,” I told him. As much as I enjoyed the Tiki Hut, I’m certain that Disney World will be a far more exciting announcement to Carson.

Ella is sure that we’re going to St. Louis to see Bigfoot, the monster truck.  “WE ARE GOING TO SEE BIGFOOT!!!!!!” she said convincingly, slightly excited. Where she got this idea, I DON’T KNOW, but after I stopped laughing, her expectation got me a little worried.  I mean, monster trucks are her THING, Mickey Mouse and his crew have a big job ahead of them, convincing Ella that Disney World is EVEN BETTER than St. Louis and Bigfoot.

Anyway, I’m sure it’s all going to be fine.  It’s the happiest place on Earth, dammit, and dammit, we’re going to be HAPPY and have FUN!

::

In other news, I’ve been busy writing over at Southern By Proxy.

Ella still sucks her thumb.  Yeah?  And?

I talked about my top nine favorite books.  I completely left off #10, A Prayer for Owen Meany.  And I just finished a fantastic book, What Alice Forgot.  I could barely put it down. (Those links?  They’re affiliate links.  Maybe I’ll finally get to buy that pack of gum I’ve had my eye on.)

I’ve also been talking about the transition from stay at home mom to work at home mom.  All the same responsibilities and more!