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To Whom it May Concern

Due to some paranoia (NOT my own), I’ll be changing the names of my children and husband on this blog. From here on out, my husband will be know as Tate, my son as Peanut, and my daughter as Petunia. I’ll continue to be me.

Tags: Huh?, Men? by Jennifer
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1-2-3 Magic…The First Discussion! (The Day You’ve all Been Waiting For!!!)

I couldn’t have checked out my reserved copy of 1-2-3 Magic on a better day. This was a particularly bad day with my 15 month old son, Peanut. He’s already showing signs of the terrible twos and it’s painfully obvious that I’m completely unprepared. Unprepared, as in standing and staring at him open-mouthed, trying not to laugh or cry.

Before becoming a SAHM, I worked as a Speech-Language Pathologist. I’ve worked with some pretty tough kiddos (ADHD, autistic, Oppositional Defiant, JPU (just plain unruly)). Through many an inservice, conference, and on-the-job experiences, I’ve learned A LOT about behavior management. Naively, I came into this parenting gig thinking that behavior was going to be an area at which I would excel. Turns out that comparing behavior management for your students and that of your own child is like comparing apples and orangutans.

I had several reasons as to why I wanted to be a part of this blogging book-a-long. First, all of my “expertise” is with children age three and up. My little darling is 15 months old is already giving me a run for my money. Also, when I was working, I never had to deal with any one student for longer than one hour at a time, so I have no experience with ALL DAY LONG behavior issues. Fear is another HUGE motivation for reading this book. I DO NOT want Super Nanny showing up to my house and making me look like a fool on national TV. Finally, I’m expecting another baby in May and I’m positive that after the new arrival, it will be impossible for me to have time for reading anything besides “Goodnight Moon.”

So blah, blah, blah, get to the review already! Here goes…The best part about the book so far (the first 4 chapters) is that it is so easy to read and understand. It is written in layman’s terms, which is helpful since I’m suffering from a wicked case of pregnancy brain. The book discusses the different types of behavior to modify, behaviors to stop (tantrums..yes please!) and those behaviors we’d like to see start (doing homework…a much later worry for me). I’m interested to read the following chapters where the actual “magic” ways to implement this discipline system are discussed.

One notable point that was made in these introductory chapters, was that it’s important to remember that children are not little adults. When we try to reason and offer lengthy explanations for why their behavior should stop, we are doing nothing to help the situation. Hmmm, maybe that’s why when I’ve found myself explaining to my 15 month old how why Mommy doesn’t wish to be hit in the face, I’m not seeing any behavior improvement. Actually, he had just been acting worse. In public. At home. In the car. EVERYWHERE!!!!

Finally, the most important thing that I learned was that our emotional reactions to our child’s behavior can just act to encourage more of that behavior. I’ve already tried NOT reacting when I get my daily smacks in the face and have in just two days seen some improvement. I guess that when I don’t get riled, I’m not as exciting to hit (yay!!!!!)

This book does say that it is meant for children 2-12. And yes I realize my son isn’t two yet, however, it’s worth the read just to see the results so far. I suspect that much of the information in the upcoming chapters will be a bit beyond my current reality. Doesn’t mean that I can be an overachiever and be prepared for the battle ahead. Stay tuned!

Thanks Kristen from the Mom Trap, for giving me the opportunity to participate in this blogging book-a-long!

Tags: I Still Have the Smarts Real Good, Little Monkeys, Mommydom by Jennifer
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And Now, the Truth is Revealed

I know that Tate thinks I’m nuts (he’s probably not the only one). He is befuddled (I’ve never actually written that word and I think I like it) by my blogging habit. Although he’s never come out and directly asked me why I blog, the question seems to seep from his pores whenever I’m on the computer. So, I’ll give the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me! Yes, help me.

Really folks, it’s for the fame and fortune. I long to be rich and my key to achieving this goal is through blogging. Sure some people go get jobs, but me, no way. The easy street is through advertising…you’ve seen my Google ads. And don’t think I don’t plan on adding more ads to my site. Money, money, money, I KNOW how to earn!

As far as fame goes, there are many “famous” bloggers out there. What about Melissa from Suburban Bliss? Hello! She was on the Today Show. Stephanie Wilder-Taylor from Baby on Bored AND the famous author of “Sippy Cups are Not for Chardonnay” was also on the Today Show. Rockstar Mommy has had hundreds and hundreds of comments on her site, so obviously EVERYONE whose ANYONE is reading her. My name dropping could go on and on and on and on, but I’ll stop there. I run with the cool crowd, I don’t need to name anymore names.

My TREMENDOUS writing talent is sure to get ME on the Today Show soon, too. I just know it. I mean with brilliant posts such as this one and this one, there are sure to be calls coming in from Oprah and Ellen anytime!!

Maybe I should be truthful now. In all actuality, I blog for me. It’s fun. It’s all mine. I don’t have to share it. I can say what I want. I can make my page look how I want. Nobody is leaving their dirty socks on my blog. Nobody is pointing and grunting at my blog and demanding a bite of it. My blog doesn’t have a leaky, shit filled diaper. There is NO LAUNDRY or dog hair in my blog. My blog has never told me “no”. Well, my blog does wake me up in the middle of the night sometimes, but I’ll get to that another time.

Tags: Quirky Me by Jennifer
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Like, Totally, I’m Not Fourteen

Yesterday afternoon, I was invited to attend a Tastefully Simple party at the home of Jason’s boss. His wife, Terri was hosting the party along with her neighbor, Tilly Lou. Several of the women in attendance were wives of my husband’s co-workers, so I knew everyone except Tilly Lou.

You know when you meet someone for the first time and you just know that you are NOT going to like them, well this is exactly how I felt when Tilly Lou arrived. The way she dominated the conversation when she arrived just rubbed me the wrong way. She came into Terri’s house telling everyone how she and her husband had almost bought this house, but the house down the street was so much better. Her house had a pool. Her house had better views. Her house had…who knows what else, I stopped listening. Tilly Lou started introducing herself to everyone, but skipped over me when doing her introductions. Since she didn’t stop her incessant chattering long enough to breathe, I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself to her.

This is where it gets weird. She finally notices me and asks the woman next to me, Shawna, if I’m her daughter. Shawna has a FOURTEEN-year-old daughter. Laughing, Shawna said “I’m not THAT old.” I let Tilly Lou know that I’m almost 32. Also, there’s the somewhat noticeable fact that I’M PREGNANT!!! I know I look young and I’m certainly not complaining about that, but, uh, I don’t look like a pregnant teenager!! Tilly Lou replied, “well, you don’t sound like a teenager, that’s good.” Trying to be funny and possibly a smidge sassy, I said, “like, oh my gawd, like thanks, and stuff.” I guess this was the wrong move.

Tilly Lou doesn’t like me now (boo hoo). It was blatantly obvious for the rest of the party. She offered to get everyone drinks, except for me. She offered everyone refills, except for me. She gave everyone seconds of the cake, except for me. Did I mention that I’m pregnant, you don’t deprive a pregnant girl of CAKE!! When it came time to leave, she personally went to everyone and told them how nice it was to meet them. When she got to me, she said, “And what was your name again?”

I guess I didn’t make a new friend yesterday. Tilly Lou and I aren’t going to BEST FRIENDS FOREVER. I just have to laugh. Maybe I should keep my sassy self in check, but it’s so hard when you’re compared to a fourteen-year-old…the sassiest group on the planet!!!

***I changed the names of the gals in this post seeing as they probably don’t know about my blogging addiction and may not wish to be a part of it.

Tags: Huh? by Jennifer
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I Came to Revel and All I Got Was Cold

Today’s parading was not as fun as last week, durn it. Here’s a quick run-down that is likely to be as dull as the parades themselves.

I saw Jackie O. She was warm. She was on the other side of the street at the Rich People Club.

The three parading groups were small and stingy. They threw like armless baboons.

I saw Elvis. He IS alive and was picking up the junk left on the edge of road from the parades.

It was cold. And windy. Double yuck.

Heather got a rad boa. Her husband bought it for her…awwww!

Peanut gave his Daddy kisses. I’m jealous.

I drank an O’Doul’s, I am cool.

The very first float was filled with the Juvenile Court members. One of the pubescent girls threw an entire bag of loot to her pal in the crowd. It must have been picked up by someone else because she was waving her finger and screaming like an idiot that the bag was for her friend. Classy. Very Classy. Her Mom would have been proud.

Dontcha wish you came, too??? Hmmm, I guess you can’t win ‘em all.

Tags: Life in LA by Jennifer
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A Big Steaming Pile

Welcome to Random Thoughts Friday. A time to sit back, relax, and wonder how I get anything done during the day since I think about some pretty stupid things.

Alabama has a law against sex toys. I can’t believe my tax dollars are paying for some fat, old men to sit around and decide that I can’t buy a neon pink dildo or Ben-Wa balls. Puhlease.

The school bus comes at 6:10 in the morning and wakes Peanut up when it honks to back up out of our cul-de-sac. I want to go and shake my fist at the driver, but it’s too blasted early for fighting.

We are going to the Mardi Gras parades on Saturday. I’m insanely jealous that I can’t have a beer, it would make the experience perfect. I’ll live vicariously through Tate’s consumption.

Peanut is finally big enough to face forward in his carseat. This is a good thing, he was getting a strained neck trying to watch Elmo on the DVD player.

Tate and I are celebrating Valentine’s Day this evening after Peanut goes to bed. Please refrain from calling or visiting between 7:30 and 7:32.

I’m going to make us some scallop and mushroom risotto, salad, and strawberry trifle. The scallops were $18 for a pound, I better not screw them up.

In a moment of sheer insanity, I emailed my friends and told them about my blog. So, if you’re new here, welcome. Thanks for coming!

Peanut is emptying out my wallet as I type, probably a cue that I best be tending to the youngin’.

Please feel free to leave your own random thoughts or comments.

Tags: Randomness by Jennifer
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Strike Thee Demons

So yesterday wasn’t the greatest day recorded in history for me. I can attribute much of the craptastic events to the fact the my son quite possibly may be possessed by evil demons. He’s always been a handful, but very recently has become somewhat of a two-headed, red faced, scepter carrying child.

It started out as a regular day. Nothing out of the ordinary, the regular “how dare you remove my diaper vile woman” act and “what? you expect me to NOT put banana in my hair, I’ll show you (mwa ha ha)” at breakfast. Upon arrival at the library for storytime, the demon first appeared. And by the way, the library is so not the place for a yelling, red-faced demon to make an appearance. He DID NOT WANT THE TEACHER TO SING TWINKLE, TWINKLE LITTLE STAR. I had no idea he felt so strongly about her singing. The poor woman is way off key, but really, it’s a short song, deal with it! This was soon followed by “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’D READ MOO, BAA, LA LA LA.” Now, I do know that Carson hates this story, why, I haven’t the foggiest. This was a bad choice for today, as he squalled like a banshee throughout the story.

After storytime, the children are encouraged to explore the books while we parents chit chat amongst ourselves. There is one parent that loves to brag about the obvious genius tendencies her daughter displays (isn’t there always one in the bunch, grrr). She lets me know that her daughter has never shown any type of misbehavior and certainly not in a social situation. She went on the insinuate that it’s because of her daughter’s intellectual superiority to my son’s. Oh no she didn’t. It was all I could do not to claw her eyeballs out and to not burst out crying (I’m not sure what would have been worse).

Moving right along into the rest of the day brought more demon-like behavior from my beloved Carson. He wanted to watch Elmo, but unfortunately our On Demand wasn’t working, so this wasn’t an option. Well watch the f*ck out because this was SO NOT WHAT HE WANTED TO HEAR SO I’M GOING TO SMACK YOU IN THE FACE. Each time he was redirected the rest of the day, I ended up with a smack and he ended up in time out.

Ironically (I don’t even know if I’m using that word in the correct context, but what the hell, cut me some slack, I had a shitty day), I’m reading a book about discipline. It’s called “1-2-3 Magic” and I’m part of a blog-a-thon of this book. I’ll do the review next week. So far, however, it did help me realize that my reaction to his hitting was what was perpetuating the hitting.

Today had better be an improvement over yesterday. I really need to take him in for his 15 months shot round and so help me, I’ll take him TODAY if he’s not good. Just try me.

Tags: Little Monkeys by Jennifer
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