I’m just a wee bit slap happy seeing as I’ve been up since 4am. No attack of the blogging brain here, just a mind that has no trouble dreaming up things to worry about.

Thank goodness for all the worries, both rational and irrational, to get me prepared for my upcoming sleepless nights. I woke up in a panic last night worried about what would happen if I went on bedrest. Who would care for Peanut? How would I get the house in order and ready for Petunia?

This led to worries about my lack of readiness for Petunia’s arrival. WE DON’T HAVE A CRIB MATTRESS YET! This seemed like a most pressing issue in the wee hours in the morning. Nevermind, she’ll be in a bassinet at least for a while.

Then my panic continued as I started to realize that I’ll most likely deliver NEXT MONTH. Oh holy Jesus. NEXT MONTH. What the hell were we thinking having babies 18 months apart?! How am I going to take care of both of them?

My mind wasn’t finished with it’s nighttime assault. I started really worrying about Peanut’s well-being and how he’d react with Petunia’s arrival. Oh how sad I felt for him. His world, I was sure this morning, was going to come CRASHING DOWN.

I have no idea how or when I fell back to sleep. I know it wasn’t long before I heard Peanut’s chattering over the monitor.

It’s amazing how in the light of the morning the panic that had gripped me, seemed so much less pressing. I didn’t feel paralyzed with fear and worry. Things will work out. They have to. I am calm. At least until tonight.

Tags: Mommydom, Quirky Me by Jennifer
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It happens when I least expect it. The darkness and quiet brings it out. The need to pee gets me just conscious enough. That’s when it happens.

The blogging brain attacks.

It’s not a simple little idea for a blog. Noooooooooooooooo, it’s an entire blog, complete with hilarious quips, links, and pictures.

I don’t know how to stop this menacing force in the middle of the night. I am losing my sleep, people. And I fear, a small amount of my sanity, as well.

Some of my best ideas for blogs come in the middle of night. These blog topic ideas cause me to toss and turn and giggle and edit over and over in my head. This is some absolutely genius material that I’m coming up with at 3:30 am. This is the stuff of a true blogging hero. Perfect Post Award winning material. Paid gig material. My mind races with ideas.

I thought that I had come up with a way to tackle this ever growing problem. With a pad of paper and pen on my nightstand, I thought I could quiet the blogging brain. Unfortunately, this tactic isn’t working as well as I would like. I am sleeping slightly better, but I’m not able to flesh out most of my ideas in the morning. I end up writing the same crappy drivel, day after day.

Here’s a few of my “genius” ideas from a few nights ago…
Jabberwocky??? What the hell does that mean?!? Seriously, I have NO idea what I meant by this?! I don’t like Star Trek/Star Wars stuff and this is what it sounds like to me. I’m sure it was the title to a blog, but the content? What could this have meant??? Maybe I can’t read my own writing?

Bathroom humor…did something die in there or did you forget to flush? I remember thinking of some really funny shit to go along with this one, but for the life of me, I can’t recall what was so damn funny.

My technological idiocy. Well, I remember it had something to do with the fact that I don’t own an IPod, I’ve never texted before, and my computer crashes when I try to get on yahoo to chat. There was something really funny that was cracking me up in the middle of the night, but sadly, I don’t know what it could have been.

Blogger template idea…if I knew how, I’d scan the picture of what I’ve drawn for my header ideas and share it with you. Just know that it’s a big stick figure, a door, and a small stick figure. Wow. It’s so incredible I can hardly keep myself from calling the nearest Auction House to get an estimate on it’s worth. By the way, do any of you know of a good tutorial website so I can figure out how to have a unique template???

I also think of really funny Random thoughts for which I apparently have such an affinity. But doesn’t that take away from the whole “randomness” of a random thought?

Too bad I can’t remember what it was that was so incredible about these ideas that I felt the need to write them down in the middle of the night. Either I need to start sleeping better or I need write more details (uh, like the actual funny parts).

Just as an FYI, I googled the title to this blog and there are many other people who thought of this, too. Damn, and I thought I was being so clever.

Hey, I’m feeling like an overachiever today…keep scrolling down to see my other post for today (Part IV of the blogging book-a-long).

Tags: Quirky Me by Jennifer
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Apparently we’ve been schooled enough on counting out our children. Dr. Phelan feels that it’s time for us parents to move on…to dealing with behaviors we want our little darlings to start doing. Part IV of 1-2-3 Magic gives seven strategies for encouraging good behavior.

Here’s the strategies:

1. Positive Reinforcement (Catch kids being good, verbally praise kids…)
2. Simple Requests (Don’t go into long, drawn out requests, keep tone of voice even)
3. Kitchen Timers (It’s like a game of Beat the Clock, especially useful with younger kids)
4. The Docking System (Loss of Allowance)
5. Natural Consequences (Well, it’s just allowing natural consequences of the kid’s action be the motivator, duh!)
6. Charting (Keeping track of successful completion of desired behavior)
7. Counting for Brief Start Behavior (Only used for “start” behaviors that take no more than two minutes)

The remaining chapters discuss specific strategies and situations relating to getting out of bed and ready to go in the mornings, chore completion, making mealtimes more successful (even with picky eaters), homework completion, and bedtime battles and middle of the night waking. The tips and strategies described seem very straight forward and logical. I will definitely try and remember these as Peanut gets older.

For information on the previous three parts of this book, go here, here, and here.

On a sidenote, I’ve been using a modified version of “counting”, as Peanut is only 16 months old. It has drastically reduced the red handprints on my face.

This blogging book-a-long was brought to you today with The Mom Trap’s very own Kristen and several other bloggers. Check out The Mom Trap for their links!

Tags: I Still Have the Smarts Real Good, Little Monkeys by Jennifer
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It isn’t something I thought about. I didn’t plan it. But I’ve recently become a liar.

Well, maybe calling myself a liar is a bit harsh. How about fibber? Does that sound better? But “lying” or “fibbing” has become a necessity in making my life a little less screamed filled.

I’ve been lying to Peanut. These lies have really been flowing oh so easily that I surprise myself with some of the doozies I’ve come up with.

When I turn off the computer or the TV, I tell Peanut that they have gone “night, night” and they are taking a nap. I also sometimes tell him that the computer is broken and that’s why we can’t play “mo mo” (Elmo).

I often say that the cookies are all gone. He’s gotta know I’m lying seeing as we have a giant jar of animal cookies from Sam’s in the pantry.

I don’t know if this fits into the category of lying, but I hide the books that I CANNOT READ ONE MORE TIME BECAUSE I’VE ALREADY READ IT 20 TIMES IN A ROW! I continually hide “Freight Train”, “Tootle”, “The Fire Engine Book”, and “Mighty Movers, Farm”

When I want to redirect him from splashing (or drinking) in the dog water bowl or stop him from messing with the knobs on the stereo, I tell him that I need help finding the bathroom. He loves to take me by the finger and take me to the potty.

I tell him that I can’t find the bubbles when I’m too tired to go outside.

I also tell him that his baby sister is growing in Mommy’s tummy which isn’t a lie at all, but to a sixteen month old it must seem implausible. It’s even slightly implausible to me, too, and I feel her moving around all the time.

I know I can’t get away with all this lying for long. In fact, I don’t plan on using lying as he gets older. And, he’s going to be wise to my wily ways soon. So what lies do you tell your children to keep the peace and your sanity?

By the way, I’m hiding my Mommy of the Year Crown. I know “they” are coming to get it and I’m NOT GIVING IT UP.

Tags: Little Monkeys by Jennifer
10 Comments »

Real Moms don’t always get a chance to shower, even when they really need to. (Maybe a “whore’s bath” is in order.)

Real Moms color their hair darker so that they don’t have to maintain it as often. There is no time (or money) for touch-ups every six weeks. Can you say ENGORGEMENT when you’ve been away from baby for more than 2-3 hours?

Real Moms wear stripper-esque maternity shirts when they haven’t done laundry.

[picture removed because of all of you freaks out there. Perverts. You should be ashamed.]

Real Moms. Making smelling a bit off and looking skanky the new must-have look for Spring.

I was tagged by Kristen at The Mom Trap…Here’s how it works: Put up a post “Real Moms [insert what you do here]“, followed by an explanation, a picture, and a “Real Moms. Making ….”. Then tag five people.

I tag Queen of Shake-Shake, Sara at Suburban Oblivion, Swistle, In the Trenches of Mommyhood, and Mommies Are People, Too.

Tags: Mommydom, meme by Jennifer
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I’ve been thinking alot about Motherhood and blogging and how I think that I rarely point out the positives. To be honest, I didn’t start blogging to gush about the “good” stuff. I really needed a place to moan and groan. As Mothers we know that there are days that we wish would just end. We have had enough. We have too much on our plates.

There is a lot on our plates in terms of motherhood. The guilt, the sacrifices, the worry, questioning if we are good enough, the unreasonable standards to which we are held, and about a zillion other things that they forgot to mention in the Now That You’re a Mommy manual. (Actually my manual was written in some language from an obscure Brazilian rainforest tribe and I’ve had the damnedest time getting it translated.)

In the beginning of my new, fumbled, awkward steps into motherhood, I was angry with all Mothers out there. I felt betrayed and so unbelievably alone. Other Mothers told me that it would be “hard”. Well, making a souffle is hard. So is taking an Anatomy final. Everyone failed to mention the specifics of how hard it would be. It might have been helpful to know that I might think of sending my son back to wherever he came from during those first few weeks (alright months). A heads up on the isolation one feels would have been dandy. Maybe a little information regarding a total adjustment of your identity would have been in order. It was as if I’d been duped.

So, yes, there are negatives. There are some truly defeating days. Why then, did I want to become a Mother again? Why do I not jump off the Bayway on those bad days? It’s because there is nothing better than those great Mommy moments. Because even with all the difficulties and challenges, I would NEVER dream of giving this up. Because sometimes I feel like my heart is going to burst from all the love I have for my precious little Peanut and Petunia.

From that first moment, that moment when there were two! pink lines, I was a Mother. Then there’s the very best moment of them all, that instant when you see your baby for the very first time. YOUR baby. Nothing in this world will ever compare to that one instant.

I’m proud to belong to this exclusive club we call Motherhood. I guess the failure to mention the specifics of what happens to YOU once you become a Mother is just part of the initiation ceremony. Only Mothers can truly understand another Mother. Maybe it’s good that we tell Mothers-to-be the good stuff and selectively leave out the undesirable information. Maybe we do tell and Mothers-to-be are unable to comprehend the magnitude of our experiences.

So here I am, sixteen months into this Motherhood gig. In May, I get to do it all over again. I know that I have so much to look forward to AND I know that I have a lot to dread. But mostly I get to have those moments that I yearn to have again. I get to figure out how to keep my heart from exploding from the love of two babies. I am lucky.

Tags: Mommydom by Jennifer
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I have a love/hate relationship with “What Not to Wear.” Love the advice on right styles for my body type. Love seeing the end results. Hate that Stacy and Clinton do not have a clue what life outside of NYC is like. Hate their unrealistic expectations of how much is acceptable to spend on clothes with a very tight budget.

Peanut is learning to blow on foods when they’re hot, it’s the cutest damn thing I’ve ever seen.

I have a hair appointment tomorrow with someone new. I fear this could end badly.

There are so many blogs to read and discover, there are not nearly enough hours in the day.

We “gain” an hour this weekend. Those of us with children know that we won’t be getting this luxury.
Correction…in the middle of the night, I realized what Swistle was saying. We actually lose an hour. I’m time change impaired. Oopsy daisy.

I cannot resist macaroni and cheese.

Pampers Baby-Dry are the most irritating diapers…they make Peanut look like he has elephantitis of the balls after just one or two tinkles.

Did they really use a dunce cap for ornery rapscallions in schools in the past?

I wonder if the Dugger family is really that happy and organized.

My dog Murphy has run away several times in the past few weeks. I fear that she’s hanging with the wrong crowd, drinking, smoking, having sex… I hope I can do a better job of raising Petunia.

I said “dammit” rather loudly yesterday at Walmart due to being out of yet another necessary staple (crunchy Peanut butter for Tate, shredded swiss cheese, roasted red pepper hummus). A man overheard me and looked at me like I’d just screamed “f*ck, this shittin’ place doesn’t have what I f*cking want.” I think “dammit” is rather mild.

SPECIAL ASSIGNMENT Please tell me what Peanut is thinking in this picture. Leave your idea in the comments section!

[picture removed]

My guess is that he’s thinking “This broad calls herself a Mom?”

Please leave those ideas in the comments section! Or leave your own random thoughts! Or just leave me a comment! Or email me! Or send me some mac-n-cheese!

Tags: Randomness by Jennifer
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