Because I AM NOT LAUGHING.
Colic is no laughing matter. It’s especially unfunny the second time around.
In fact, I’m f*cking pissed that I’m having to deal with all this again. It makes for a spec-f*cking-tacular day when the baby is either eating, sleeping, or incessantly crying.
I know all the “remedies” for colic. Let’s see, Dr. Karp recommends the five S’s…swaddling, swinging, shushing, side-lying, and sucking. Of course, you practically pass out from all the exertion required when you ever so carefully swaddle the baby with blankets that are never big enough, getting the baby on their side at the EXACT RIGHT angle, swinging vigorously from side to side with just the right amount of head movement, and shushing in their ear, continuously without breaks, for if you stop the screaming commences. If these steps aren’t executed just so, then you can forget about quiet. As if lack of sleep doesn’t exhaust you enough!
I’ve eliminated dairy and tomatoes from my diet so far. She is wearing socks. I try to never let her get overstimulated. I try never letting her get bored. I’ve used the swing, the vibrating infant seat, the floor, the sling. I tried rides in the car and putting the car seat on top of the dryer. I manipulate her legs, do “the backwards C” and The “I Love U” on her belly to make her fart. Gripe water, gas drops, and Mylanta have all been tried. I’ve also tried putting her on a schedule.
I’ve f*cking tried everything. I. Give. Up*.
(And, no I’m not suffering from Post-Partum Depression. I personally feel fine, I just have another colicky baby. If you’ve had one, you’d understand my frequent use of the “f” word. I did my best to edit the “f” words…I couldn’t delete all of them!)
*I suspect that I haven’t actually tried everything…and I don’t really give up. Any other suggestions that you’ve tried?