First off, Mom, Dad, any family members reading, and Jesus, you may want to not read about my lack of sex life. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
Okay, are we all clear that I’m going to talk about sex? Whew. I’m nervous and totally blushing. I can’t believe I’m so embarrassed! At least this didn’t happen to me. Snort!
Okay. Deep Breath. Here goes.
I want to get me some. And to make it really great, I’d like it to be drunk sex. You know, the uninhibited, really fun kind.
I know, I know, this is a weird thing to hear from a 3 week post-birth, breastfeeding mom to a colicky baby and tantrumy (is that a word?…well it is now) boy. My husband, sweet, dear Tate, has been so incredible these past 6 weeks (don’t forget about The Attack of the Kidney Stone) that I’m feeling all sweet on him. Actually, I’m feeling all warm and tingly for him.
There’s nothing like a “honey, what can I fix you for dinner” or “do you want the laptop?” or “here, babe, you take control of the clicker”* to get me ready for the sweet, sweet love. *Except on Wednesday nights…Modern Marvels is on. Nothing stops this man from getting his Modern Marvels fix.
Unfortunately, there’s a few hitches in my “action” plan. The size E boobies are still ever so ouchy and the, uh, girly parts down below have not fully returned to normal. Oh yeah, I also have a very unsexy, jiggly stomach with thunder thighs to match. I am HAWT! Sorry, hope I didn’t make anyone hurl with the possible visual I may have put into your head.
It doesn’t help that everywhere I turn, there are phallic symbols and sexual references. The other day at the airport there was a GIANT phallic symbol looking very happy to be welcoming all those arriving in Mobile. And Peanut’s new Elmo bathtub fishing pole looks exactly like a giant man part, except that it’s blue, yellow, and green. (I certainly hope that there aren’t any real man parts that are blue, yellow, and green…ewww.) And the Dick and Jane book that Peanut demands to be read to him 758 times a day, has way too many sexual innuendos for a kiddie book. “Dick said, Oh! Oh!” And how did I never notice before that the Volvo symbol is the male symbol?
I suspect that by the time my body is healed and available for sex, my mind will have wandered on to other obsessions.
This, too, shall pass.
Bon
May 31, 2007 at 12:23 pm
laughing, oh, laughing.
yep, it certainly passed for me, alas. hormones made me all warm and twitterpated right up until about the point when my poor battered and incised and torn bits healed. then the bastards wore off, and i got tired.
cruel, cruel nature trying to keep me from having more, i think.
maybe i need to read more Dick & Jane.
Queen Heather
May 31, 2007 at 1:12 pm
I swear it’s those hermans. I remember getting all hot for it just a couple of weeks after birth too.
Psst….I think you totally deserve to get some!
Dawn
May 31, 2007 at 1:14 pm
yeah… as you know… been there, done that… or tried like hell anyways.
good luck getting some before the whole “PSYCH! we were just kidding” hormones go back from whence they came.
heh… oops
EE
May 31, 2007 at 1:19 pm
Laughing my butt off!!!
I could never wait the entire 6 weeks…think it was because the doctor told me we shouldn’t!
kristi
May 31, 2007 at 1:55 pm
Yeah, we never waited the entire 6 weeks either. And I had 2 c-sections.
Life As I Know It
May 31, 2007 at 2:05 pm
Good God, that was the very last thing on my mind for several, several post partum weeks.
But hey, it will definitely get your mind off colic
kara
May 31, 2007 at 3:28 pm
um…yeah, I didn’t think about sex until the six week mark and even then I was like um…can we wait one more week?
You totally deserve some lovin’ though if you need it, you need it.
In the Trenches of Mommyhood
May 31, 2007 at 5:27 pm
Take it from someone with children who are only 12-1/2 months apart….you are VERY VERY fertile right now!
Lene
May 31, 2007 at 5:39 pm
HEHE Yea, mom and dad – don’t read!
I was the complete opposite. I didn’t want my DH near me after I had the baby.
Worker Mommy
May 31, 2007 at 7:26 pm
Drunk sex! I love it!
I always really want sex at times where I can’t have it . (like when I was on bedrest and the doctors told me to refrain for 4 mos…can you believe that?)
Have fun, whatever you decide to do *wink*
Shauna
May 31, 2007 at 10:30 pm
Wow. I’m amazed. I was the complete opposite.
You go, girl! Hope you get some good lovin’!
Christine
June 1, 2007 at 12:30 am
My poor husband…I was in the other camp. Well, with my second that is. After my first I was ready to go. Sadly, that didn’t last too long what with the sleepless nights and leaky boobs.
Amanda
June 1, 2007 at 1:43 am
Good for you! I too was (am) in the other camp. I laughed so hard about the sculpture at the airport. I know the old guy that made that.
Smiling Mom
June 1, 2007 at 5:15 am
Haha, very good. Baby #1 I didn’t want Hubby near me for weeks, six to be exact. But for Baby #2, we barely made it four weeks. And I must say, it was about the best, best sex I had ever had!
I think the hormones helped.
BOSSY
June 1, 2007 at 10:24 am
You are so much more an advanced life form than Bossy.
Suburban Oblivion
June 1, 2007 at 12:53 pm
Girlfriend, you sneezed out a baby the size of an apple. I can’t imagine there’s be a whole lot of healing to do? Grab some Guiness and lube and go for it!
Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom"
June 1, 2007 at 1:22 pm
I am so envious of you right now.
I do not want sex. ever. Ugh. I’m terrible… I gotta get over me.
feener
June 1, 2007 at 2:19 pm
thanks a ton for putting me on the nice to share part, i have gotten some new traffic and some good advice and support !!!
Christina
June 2, 2007 at 12:47 am
It’s only been 5 days since I gave birth, but I have to say right now I don’t think I ever want sex again. My girly parts are completely unrecognizable and I don’t even want toilet paper near them.
Dana
June 4, 2007 at 7:03 pm
My first two, I didn’t want my husband near me. The third was a completely different story.