In conversations with my girlfriends, we occasionally giggle about our husband’s attempts at how to get us in the mood. It’s become rather obvious that men seem to still need some assistance in this area. Since I am always trying to be helpful, I’ve devised this simple tutorial that could be handed out to men across the land.
This is merely a rough draft, so readers, your input would be greatly appreciated…
Women and Sex: A Brief Tutorial for Men
I’d like to offer my expertise as a woman to help all of you men out there with your daily “agenda.”
We women know your “agenda” typically consists of”
4) sleeping, and
Today we’re going to discuss numbers 1, 3, and 5. Sex.
(This is your cue Mom, Mother-in-law, any other family member reading to stop now. Visit one of these websites instead…
You may come back tomorrow. Bye!)
Now onto the tutorial…
I understand that many of you men out there like things in order. Think of this as a “honey do” list. I’m sure you’re used to those. I’ll offer you a list of things to remember when it comes to romance (yes this is an absolute MUST in achievement of sex), foreplay (again yes, this is a MUST), sex, and what happens afterwards.
1) Women liked being wooed. Simply saying “woo, woo” is not sufficient. We like flowers or other small, thoughtful gifts occasionally. Taking out the trash or doing the dishes without being asked can win you MAJOR bonus points in the wooing arena.
2) Dimming the lights does not, by itself, count as a romantic gesture. When coupled with words such as “can I rub your feet?” or “no, let me clean the bathroom,” adds a lot to the romance.
3) Saying “you wanna go have sex?” doesn’t count as foreplay. Simply being, how do I say this in the most appropriate way…”at attention,” most definitely does not count as foreplay.
4) Foreplay can and most importantly SHOULD last longer than 5 seconds. Several minutes, even as many as 60 minutes (or MORE if we so determine), may be necessary to qualify as foreplay.
5) Sex isn’t going to happen often with your breastfeeding, sleep-deprived, post-partum partner very often. It just isn’t. Get used to it. It might happen more often, though, if hints number 1-4 are followed.
6) Falling asleep within seconds of YOUR grand finale is rude. It’s also rude to stop before making sure that you are not the only one to have had a grand finale.
I hope these simple hints will assist you and your quest to achieve your “agenda” and understand women a bit better.
Your woman guru,
To assist with the tutorial, please leave your own helpful hints. Just think of the difference you could make in some couple’s life!!
Come tune into The B.O.O.B at 8:30 CST TONIGHT for some more sex discussion. Heather and I will have a quick discussion (15 minutes or less) of how to talk to a women to get her hhhhhhhot. Join us, won’t you?