Tate is sick.
Need I say more? Oh, but I can’t resist.
Welcome to my own version of Hell. (Based on Dante’s Inferno.) Care to join me?
First circle: Teething
Second circle: Tantruming toddler who acts like a horse’s ass.
Third circle: Day in, day out monotony of life with children who require naps, some requiring frequent naps, and nap fighting (if they’re tired, why won’t they JUST SLEEP?)
Fourth circle: The TV show, Hi-5
Fifth circle: No showers or any sort of grooming for that matter because there is NO TIME since the rest of my time is spent getting children down for naps (heh), preparing meals, or singing the Hi-5 theme song.
Sixth circle: Noise making toys purchased by grandparents and people who don’t have children.
Seventh circle: Colic.
Eighth circle: Tate, sick. (Please note that this is the DEEPEST level of Hell, even worse than colic.)
This is only my current version of Hell. I strongly suspect that many of the circles will cease to exist only to replaced with these:
*Shit smearing children
*children who slam their doors when they don’t get their way and they are generally assholes at this pre-pubescent age
*back talking preteens
*back talking teens
*curfew breaking teens
I really could go on and on.
Tate being sick will always be the deepest level of Hell, though. Always.
beta mom
August 29, 2007 at 11:36 am
Ugh – I can’t even think of anything quippy because it sounds so tortuous.
I think it’s in these moments that we need to turn to the fine examples set by our foremothers and pop some perscription meds and have a martini.
(Oh, wait, I did think of something quippy – but I still don’t evny your torture – hang in there!)
Karen (Pediascribe)
August 29, 2007 at 12:13 pm
I feel for you. I agree, sick husbands are the WORST. And mine is a doc, so not only do I get sick husband, but I get bad patient! ugh.
Kara
August 29, 2007 at 12:28 pm
oh man…I so hope it passes soon.
~JJ!
August 29, 2007 at 1:07 pm
The Pro was sick…he got Fa sick…I’m am next…But I’ll be sick on vacation…they’ll be better by then.
Put that in one of your circles of hell for me please!
Queen of Shake-Shake
August 29, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Is there ever an end to parenting hell? Or are we just trading one circle for another for ever and ever?
Sandy
August 29, 2007 at 1:51 pm
I will pray for you.
LOL
I hope he gets better soon…so you can get better soon.
Jean
August 29, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Amen Sister,I have been to hell and back again many a time.
Dana
August 29, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Ah, yes, nothing can compare to a sick man. That is the worst level of hell.
Shelly Overlook
August 29, 2007 at 2:18 pm
What have you done to anger the Circle of Hell gods so? I am so sorry for you!!
Smiling Mom
August 29, 2007 at 2:20 pm
Oh, unfortunately I totally relate, and don’t envy you right now. When Hubby is sick, it always, always, results in me begging him to go the the urgent care to get rehydrated, him saying now then finally when he is on the very far edge of my last nerve, telling me he needs to go to the emergency room…in the middle of the night.
We put caution tape on the door, and I enter with gloves, and sleep with the kids.
It is not fun to be around him. SO I totally relate about nothing being worse than a sick husband.
I’m so sorry…
andi
August 29, 2007 at 2:21 pm
You have my sympathies. Mine was sick one day last week and it nearly killed him. Oh, did I say “it”? I meant me.
What really sucks is that if we get sick, we just have to suck it up and keep on working just like every other day.
my minivan is faster than yours
August 29, 2007 at 2:28 pm
Whenever I’m sick my husband gets these “sympathy pains” and starts complaining. It seems to work well for him; maybe you should try it?!
Mommy Daisy
August 29, 2007 at 2:41 pm
I feel for you. The first sentence said IT ALL!
Bananas
August 29, 2007 at 3:02 pm
Oh the price we pay for having sex!
RWA
August 29, 2007 at 3:54 pm
At least you didn’t include UNCLES who purchase noisy toys as a circle of Hell.
I feel safe now.
The Farmers Wife
August 29, 2007 at 4:30 pm
oh man, that really sucks. Hope things improve sharpish.
Wendy
August 29, 2007 at 4:45 pm
Men are the biggest babies of all! Not fun when they are sick!
Lainey-Paney
August 29, 2007 at 4:48 pm
Hang in there!!!!
tulipmom
August 29, 2007 at 5:34 pm
You’ve got my sympathy! At least children (well, YOUNG children) don’t try to milk it for all it’s worth.
mommyof2galz
August 29, 2007 at 6:11 pm
LOL!
coffee stained laura
August 29, 2007 at 6:41 pm
I’m so sorry about your hell right now. I hope that all circles resolve themselves quickly so you can regain your sanity.
Not to add to your hell, but have the kids been watching Yo Gabba Gabba? If not, I suggest you get them hooked immediately (well at least the older one). Having Jo Jo hooked on this has been a welcome change from the hell that is Hi-5.
mama4boyz1girl
August 29, 2007 at 6:51 pm
Worse than a sick hubby? One who won't quit whining about his 2 second prostate exam! Try bearin' all for an ugly dude who keeps saying "scooch down" even as your bare ass is in mid air while he fishes around for God knows what for 20 minutes every 12 months for the rest of your life! Or as long as you have a vagina anyway.
Cyn
Oh, The Joys
August 29, 2007 at 7:08 pm
ASCEND!!!
Pregnantly Plump
August 29, 2007 at 8:28 pm
That sounds rugh, hopefully it’s just one of those 24 hour things!
Jennie
August 29, 2007 at 8:47 pm
Hope Tate feels better already!
Erin
August 29, 2007 at 9:36 pm
So very sorry that Tate isn’t feeling well.
There’s a present, of sorts, waiting for you over at my place.
tiggymooshoo
August 29, 2007 at 9:45 pm
Wow, I never knew there was an American Hi-5! I just thought it was an Australian thing.
Agreed that husbands being sick is the deepest level of hell.
pinks & blues girls
August 29, 2007 at 9:47 pm
There is nothing like a sick husband to make you reconsider your marriage vows.
Jane, Pinks & Blues Girls
Shauna Loves Chocolate
August 29, 2007 at 10:17 pm
Oy. That sucks. I just hope you don’t get it… I think that’s worse – you and Tate being sick.
Take care.
QueenMother
August 30, 2007 at 1:22 am
“NORTH SOUTH EAST AND WEST…LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!” Even the baby will stand up and dance to “Hi-5.” I disagree-I think it is an aspect of every circle.
Christy
August 30, 2007 at 2:13 am
*children who slam their doors when they don’t get their way and they are generally assholes at this pre-pubescent age
*back talking preteens
Are you reading my mind? These are my circles of hell right now!
Blue Momma
August 30, 2007 at 4:28 am
Three year old (Friday!) with chicken pox.
Does that get it’s own ring of hell or what?
hamiam
August 30, 2007 at 5:47 am
Bummer. That’s all I can say, really…hope it ends soon!
winslow1204
August 30, 2007 at 2:16 pm
Sounds horrible:) I will hope for a quick recover.. For them and for you!!
Neurotic Housewife
August 30, 2007 at 3:27 pm
I think this is probably one of the most clever analogies I’ve ever seen! I’ve been there, done that, and feel your pain!!
WhatWorksForMom
August 30, 2007 at 9:27 pm
That sounds awful.
The good news is — is that hopefully everything and everyone is on the up and up.
shauna
August 30, 2007 at 10:57 pm
This post alone explains the mid-week drinking binge. Hope some of those circles have dropped away. (And my sympathy to you regarding the sick husband. Not to the husband because if he’s like most he’s been giving himself enough sympathy…)
Me Today
August 30, 2007 at 11:02 pm
Crack me up! I clicked on “horse’s ass” I can totally relate to that right now. My almost 2-year-old is a MAJOR PAIN IN MY ASS! Great post!
justmylife
August 31, 2007 at 4:25 pm
My three wonderful children are 8,18, and 21. You have many more rings of HELL!! I’ve seen all of them and I’m not looking forward to seeing it again!!! GOOD LUCK!!!
Cate
August 31, 2007 at 6:20 pm
Oh no…I hate that 8th circle….been there….didn’t like it.
Hopefully Tate is better soon!
Mrs. Mustard
September 2, 2007 at 6:19 pm
According to DH, the 4th circle of hell is his job.
Maybe he and you should have a talk. Set his mind straight.
AGONY!!!!! « Justmylife-mygripespot’s Weblog
January 24, 2008 at 10:36 am
[...] she was just being polite by checking me out and leaving me a comment. I believe it was this one http://playgroupsarenoplaceforchildren.com/2007/08/29/forget-dantes-circles-of-hell/ I still laugh when I read it. I have had to do a little research to find it. She was so helpful. I [...]
Thank god now Healing of Kidney cancer
May 5, 2008 at 8:43 am
hey guys, no bad talks on Dr. husbands….they are cute, and you get medicine for free