Okay, I’m not DRUNK per se, but I’ve had a little bit to drink.
3 glasses of wine. Is that more than a little bit? Yeah, anyway, you’re probably thinking, “gee it’s only Wednesday and she’s drinking?!” Um, well, see I’ve had a rough day and I thought that drinking would make me feel happier and guess what? I’m much happier with my 3 glasses of wine in me.
Yellow Tail Shiraz is my friend. Or my boyfriend. No! Wait, it’s my fiance. I want to marrrrrrry it, it’s so good.
So, moving right along…my husband is a fart machine. He brought home his CO monitor from work (carbon monoxide for those of you not married to dorky men who wear CO monitors everyday), and made the alarm go off on it over and over again. He thought he was funny to stick the monitor up to his ass and fart. But me? I did not think he was funny. I thought he was stinky. And very annoying.
Right now he is sitting next to me on the couch waving his water glass at me. He wants more water, but I’m not a maid. He’s also whining because I’m not giving him any sympathy for being sick. He’s right. I’m not.
A minute ago he asked if I wanted to go hop on our sex square. That’s right, people, he called our bed a SEX SQUARE. So, no, I will not be going with him to our sex square. I will go there later to go to bed, but that’s it. No lovin’ for a man whose idea of romance is asking me if I want to go to our SEX SQUARE.
Wow, I just read what I’ve written so far and wow. I’m rambling. Maybe you all think I’m crazy and that’s okay. I am a little crazy. Hopefully you’re laughing, too.
Guess what channel we’re watching right now? If you guessed History Channel, you’re RIGHT. What a flipping surprise, we NEVER watch History Channel. Never, ever, ever. Only EVERY DAY, that is.
At least we’re not watching Mythbusters or Future Weapons. I don’t like those shows. I DO like Alton Brown’s Feasting on Asphalt series, though. He’s really funny and smart. I’d like to hang out with him on his adventures.
Well, I should stop yammering on about God knows what. I’ll post this in the morning maybe, when I’ve had time to look at it and determine if I’m really going to post a “drunk” blog.
I probably will, though. Promise to laugh?
*********************
M,kay. It’s morning now. I’ve got a wee bit of a headache. And I’m tired, oh so tired.
Not sure why I felt the need to drink 3 glasses of wine on a Wednesday, maybe it was the incessant whining coming from my husband, or the nap fighting infant, or the really cranky toddler who demands both “choo choo” milk AND “choo choo” water with every meal.
Ahh, yes. That DOES explain my middle of the week drinking binge.
LOL Jennifer! Oh how I wish I had been with you last night. I could have used 3 glasses of wine. Suffice it to say that co-parenting SUCKS!!!!! Hope your eeety beety headache goes away.
Sex Square????? Uh, yeah, that is one sure way NOT to get lucky.
Alton is MY boyfriend..you can’t have him.
I’m thinking you’ve got some Pulitzer Prize winning stuff here. It’s crazy funny, like when your sober friends are laughing at your drunk self. I am usally the drunk self, so this is quite enlightening.
I swear our husbands are related.
Does he also think it turns you on if he says, “Give me summa that sweet thang?”
Drogging? Blunking? I’m a BIG FAN. I tend to do it from time to time myself….
You crack me up.
Sex Square? That is what my husband would consider “romance”.
Sex Square??? That is RICH. Oh I do enjoy drunken posts.
Nothing wrong with drinking on a Wednesday, especially when it’s so clearly justified. That Sex Square thing alone would have thrown me over the edge.
I love Alton Brown.
Is it bad to drink 3 glasses of wine on a Wednesday? Uh-oh.
I’m picturing this:
~Him~ standing in the middle of his sex square with his CO machine, cutting farts and laughing! Occasionally shaking his wanky, saying “you want some of this sweet thang?”
Now I’m laughing! I’d drink too … ha~
Tanya
Now I can’t get that song out of my head. And, now, a lesser understood part of the song:
Red red wine you make me feel so fine,
Monkey pack him rizla pon the sweet dep line.
(You try to figure it out – ’cause I sure can’t…) BTW, first time visitor
Please don’t tell me he did that.
hee hee he!
Sex square ranks right up there with Wamp rat.
I lurve when you’re tipsy.
LOVE the yellow tail! You’ve gotta try Smoking Loon shiraz and Fat Bastard Shiraz. Both excellent! Oh how I would love to have some right now. 6 more months to go til wine time!
Disclaimer: I’ve never bought wine that cost more than $10 a bottle so excellent is probably relative.
Ok, I missed the notice that I’m supposed to make excuses for middle of the week drinking. I did last night because otherwise I was going to lose it on the cranky toddler and the teething baby. My hubby isn’t sick, he’s just a dolt who got a 2nd degree sunburn on almost his entire body on Monday at a work “event” and now he’s all whiney and moany and “don’t touch me!” and it’s really freaking annoying! So I took the easy route and did the vodka and koolaid thing.
Sisters in occasional escapist drinking, UNITE!
I’m going to tell my husband about the sex square…love it!
Sex square!! HA!
Hop on your sex square? I will never tell my husband that line….he would use it all the time.
Ha, ha. Yep, still made me laugh at your drunk blogging.
“Sex Square,” huh? I’ve never heard that one before.
Give me a call the next time you’re considering a mid-week drinking binge. I could have used one last night.
I’ll probably not get to tomorrow. I can hear the bar calling me name already, and I’ve got a while to go.
drinking on a wedensday is perfectly acceptabloe in my book!
I want one of those CO machines! I could make it go off over and over again. Can your husband mail it to me?
Drunk blogging on a Wednesday? You might have just started something …
Ok, how come you’re drinking and nursing and I can’t??? Huh huh huH?
I want a drink, dammit! Sheeet, I even had to forgo an MRI today because of that crap they inject into you to do it – so my brain gets to wait another while … like there’s anything left anyway.
Ok, you were definitely tipsy when you wrote that!! Too funny!
Holy crap, but this was a funny post. And if I drank wine and actually had cable, I would have been right there with you, because I had a shit-ass week too.
Hahahaha, I do believe your reason for drinking is sound. Drunk blogging is the best. I love this post. Love that wine too…mmmm red wine.
Alton Brown is mine, step off hump day drinker.
I love me some Yellow Tail shiraz…that is what I switch to when I don’t have a pinot grigio chilled. Drinking on a Wed is perfectly acceptable in my book.
I hope today got better!
Sex Square? NO WAY – my husband wishes he had invented that!
i am loving the “sex square” terminology! I am with you though, no lovin with that kind of “sweep you off your feet” talk!
We need to arrange a farting contest between my husband and yours, OK? Then if my husband can truly understand just how nasty a guy fart smells, maybe he will understand that doing one in our enclosed shower when I have no escape route is not cool.
Jane, Pinks & Blues Girls
Okay…I seriously peed myself! Ha! I have days when Calgon isn’t enough to take me away…wine is always a good back up! And I’m such a cheap drunk now that I don’t have time to go out of a nice dinner and a couple of glasses of wine and have lost my alcohol tolerance, a bottle can last me a while!
Sex square…hmm….I better not mention that to Carlos…he would probably make it his new phrase!
Sex Square? So wrong but funny.
What is it with men and the History Channel? I think it has subliminal images that make our husbands even more horny.
Only 3 glasses?
And what’s wrong with drinking on a Wednesday? Afterall, it IS HUMP DAY and if hubby wants to hump you, you better have a few glasses of wine in you, am I right?