You did not misread the title, I also did not misspell. It isn’t supposed to say SpRite and $10 glasses of wine or Spit and $10 glasses of wine. Just so we’re clear.
Let’s begin with spite, as in, cutting off my nose to spite my face. This is one aspect of my personality that makes me ever so fun to live with. Piss me off and I’ll just one up you and make myself miserable trying to punish you! God, I’m fun! And borderline asshole. Aaaaaaanyway, Tate and I had a date planned last night since my in laws are in town and we actually had babysitters. In all actuality, I had a vision of a date in my head, complete with Tate having made reservations at a swanky, non-chain restaurant, me looking tall and slender in a gorgeous new outfit, and drinking wine and laughing over conversation that did not include the words tantrum, whining, or diaper blow-outs. The problem here arose when Tate arrived home and had forgotten about our planned date (and I’m never going to look tall at 5’2″, I don’t have any new clothes, and I’m completely unable to have adult conversation.)
Before grabbing your pitchforks and torches to go on a Tate manhunt, he is not really the bad guy in this story. Yes he forgot, yes he can be an oaf at times, yes he hurt my feelings, blah, blah, blah, but he felt really, really bad when he did finally remember. Upon remembering, he suggested that we go out after the kids went to bed. Here’s where my spiteful self almost lost the proverbial nose.
I refused. I pouted. I said, “oh, but you hurt my feeeeeeelings.” “You should have remembered.” “If you had really wanted to go, you wouldn’t have forgotten.” “I will not go out to dinner with you.” See? I told you I was borderline asshole.
But Tate was relentless because he knows of my spiteful, self destructive ways. He knew I wanted to go, he knew I wanted him to grovel. He’s a good guy, forgetful at times, but good nonetheless. I relented and agreed to go out with him. Crisis averted.
Luckily I realized that just because he forgot, did not mean that we shouldn’t take full advantage of our free (and rare) babysitting services. We went to dinner and semi-enjoyed outrageously priced seafood, slow service, and 3 glasses of wine (1 for Tate, 2 for me.)
When the bill arrived, we were shocked to see that the wine was $10 a glass. A GLASS. A GLASS! Ohmyfackinggodyougottabekiddingme! Keeping with my (previously) spiteful ways, I should refuse to drink any wine for the next month as punishment for consuming such expensive cheap wine. No wine for me! One month! But really, who is that helping? Isn’t that just cutting off my nose to spite my face? I think I’ve learned my lesson.
Wine is back on my menu! Crisis averted.