You’ve Never Heard of This Stuff, You’ve Never Heard of This Stuff

Last night Tate and I had a misunderstanding. Not a dish-throwing kind of misunderstanding, or anything like that, I just misunderstood something he was advising me to do.

See, I have this toenail malady that has resulted in the upper half of my toenail almost falling off. (Sorry, folks, no pictures, please.) Tate suggested that I put some “semen salve” on it to make it better.

Rolling my eyes and annoyed at Tate’s obviously lame attempt to get himself some action, I shot back at him, “you want me to put some sort of penis liquid…on my toe? Because this penis juice has such healing properties, right?” Seriously, how ridiculous a way to try and lure me into bed.

Tate, rolling his eyes and now annoyed with me informed that he had not said “semen salve” but rather he’d told me I needed “Sayman’s Salve.”

I was skeptical. I’d never heard of this supposed “Sayman’s Salve.” So Tate consulted with Google and found a mere 1,730 results for “Sayman’s Salve.”

Huh? I did not know of this salve advertised to be…

“a skin protectant for the temporary protection of minor cuts and burns, chapped and chafed skin. It includes petrolatum and zinc oxide as active ingredients.”

Nowhere in the list does it say anything about magically healing my toenail, but still better than my original impression of this salve as being some sort of wonky sex attempt.

Since Tate loves being right (even more than me), he told me I should “post this on my blog” where you all will surely have heard of it.

You all completely let me down on the Ovaltine disagreement, but I’m confident I’ll win this one. You’ve never heard of this stuff, right? Please tell me I’m right. I fear if I lose, I’ll have to uh, pay up (if you know what I mean.)

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