You’ve Never Heard of This Stuff, You’ve Never Heard of This Stuff

November 6, 2007 | Filed in: Men?, Quirky Me, hole-y matrimony, jennifer and tate battle

Last night Tate and I had a misunderstanding. Not a dish-throwing kind of misunderstanding, or anything like that, I just misunderstood something he was advising me to do.

See, I have this toenail malady that has resulted in the upper half of my toenail almost falling off. (Sorry, folks, no pictures, please.) Tate suggested that I put some “semen salve” on it to make it better.

Rolling my eyes and annoyed at Tate’s obviously lame attempt to get himself some action, I shot back at him, “you want me to put some sort of penis liquid…on my toe? Because this penis juice has such healing properties, right?” Seriously, how ridiculous a way to try and lure me into bed.

Tate, rolling his eyes and now annoyed with me informed that he had not said “semen salve” but rather he’d told me I needed “Sayman’s Salve.”

I was skeptical. I’d never heard of this supposed “Sayman’s Salve.” So Tate consulted with Google and found a mere 1,730 results for “Sayman’s Salve.”

Huh? I did not know of this salve advertised to be…

“a skin protectant for the temporary protection of minor cuts and burns, chapped and chafed skin. It includes petrolatum and zinc oxide as active ingredients.”

Nowhere in the list does it say anything about magically healing my toenail, but still better than my original impression of this salve as being some sort of wonky sex attempt.

Since Tate loves being right (even more than me), he told me I should “post this on my blog” where you all will surely have heard of it.

You all completely let me down on the Ovaltine disagreement, but I’m confident I’ll win this one. You’ve never heard of this stuff, right? Please tell me I’m right. I fear if I lose, I’ll have to uh, pay up (if you know what I mean.)

you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff…..

Actually, I have. The reason,though, is a) my husband is a pharmacist and b) I used to work in a pharmacy. So….sorry.

Nope, never heard of it… might have something to do with being an Australian in Singapore, but before today I had never heard of it… :o)

Never heard of it … and the part where you thought he was referring to sex is hilarious!

Nope… haven’t heard of it. (But tell him that pure lavender works better for toe issue )

Nope, I have never heard of it. Love your blog by the way!

I hate when my husband is right!

Never heard of it. Honestly, never have.

I’ve never heard of the stuff.

The wonky sex attempt sounds familiar though.

I’ve heard of a lot of crazy- sounding products since I was imported to the south, but can’t say I’ve ever heard of that stuff… Hopefully OE hasn’t either, as I’m sure he would love the pronunciation of it, and attempt, somehow, to use it to his advantage!

This was so funny! I really needed a good laugh as I have been praying to the porcelain god since Friday!

I have never heard of the stuff but I love Smith’s Rosebud Salve and use it for everything!!

Nope, never heard of it.

And he sex part …hysterical… totally a conversation that could have taken place between me and my husband!

Hope it works for you…hey, you still win out, even if you lose.

…I’ve never heard of this stuff, I’ve never heard of this stuff…

Really. I haven’t.

-HH

I really never did hear of it…you are totally winning this one.

I can honestly say that I’ve never heard of the stuff.

But the wonky sex attempt–oh yeah, I get those ALL the time at my house.

oh yeah. never EVER heard of the stuff. plus whoever named it is just ASKING for wonky sex misunderstandings. sheesh

don’t know about Sayman’s Salve…but Boudreaux’ Butt Paste will cure anything!

NEVER heard of it and I would have made the same interpretation as you.

Thanks for the laugh!

Never heard of it. I was on the wrong side of the Ovaltine dispute, but I’m with you on this one.

Nope, never heard of it. I bet he said “semen” to begin with and then it covered it up with “Sayman.” Typical man humor for ya.

I agree that the butt paste (Boudreaux’s, that is) is great for anything!

NEVER in my life have I heard of this stuff. I have heard and used Bag Balm though. Living in the Northeast during the winter can wreak havoc on your hands. I was sent to the drug store for this stuff “Helps soothe bruised, sore or injured teats of cows.”

It did help the cracks on my hands but really, it didn’t do a thing for my teats.

You’re totally winning this one! I’ve never heard of it.

Nope, never heard of it. But maybe you’re onto something with the semen solution. You know how some doctors (mostly in California) recommend putting breast milk on every ailment your baby may have? This could be a new trend for adults.

Nope, never heard of it. And I’m 2-for-2 on being on your side.

I bet a nice mix of semen and breastmilk could clear up anything.

I, too, have never heard of it.

My grandfather was obsessed with methyilade (or mercurachrome) sp? - he used it for everything. He was pnk from head to toe.

I can honestly say I’ve never heard of that. Is it anything like neosporine ointment? That’s what it sounds like.

NEVAH!

I’ve never heard of it or seen it in stores. And I don’t blame you for suspecting Tate of trying to get some action — I could see my hubby doing the same kind of thing.

I can honestly say….never heard of it. So far, I think you’re winning!!!

What in guttenheimel? Never heard of that stuff.

It sounds like butt paste for adults, LOL.

I’m 2-for-2 also! Whoopee!

Seems like something a longshoreman would use….

Nope. Never heard of this. I will back Tate up on the Ovaltine thing though. I had only heard of it growing up because of the Christmas Story movie. I tried it once as a teenager when I got a free sample. No offense but it was not to my liking. I’ll stick to chocolate milk.

Never heard of it….

I have heard of Semen Salve…but I think that was after too many Cosmos with my husband

Never heard of it either…some pharmacist husband probably invented it after getting into a fight with his wife over what would “cure” her.

CAN’T SAY I HAVE EVER HEARD OF SUCH A THINK… although, if I ever come across it EVER again (which is probably going to be slim to none) I’ll always remember it as “semen salve”

Thanks for the laugh!

Never heard of the stuff. But I had coffee come out my nose laughing at “penis juice”!! Oh dear God!

I have this niggling feeling that I’ve never heard of this stuff…

No, seriously, never heard of it. Seems like you might win this one!

never ever heard of it.

Me neither, never heard of it!
Although I did hear a random thing the other day… that if you have problems with foot fungus and you pee on your feet it will help… I guess it’s supposed to have something to do with the uric acid (urine) killing the bacteria…
Just another little medical tip for the day!

I’ve never heard of it. I swear.

But I HAVE heard of semen salve…my husband claims it cures a whole slew of maladies!

Not only have I never heard of it, that sounds like exactly the type of ploy my husband would use to get some action, instead of just asking, “Hey, wanna make sweet love?”

Never heard of it

I have—for reals—never heard of it.

Not only have I NEVER heard of it, but I would have heard “semen salve” too. (Because Gavin uses the same lame attempts to get me into bed whenever possible.)

Never heard of it, but I love Ovaltine.

Never heard of it either…sounds just like regular ole diaper cream though from the ingredients. Just put some diaper cream on your toe…

Never heard of you. Whoo. Thank God. I would’ve hated disappointing you twice.

I have had problem toes a lot. And, the podetrist told me to use this stuff that’s called Domeboro. It comes in packets. You climb up on a counter, turn the water as hot as humanly possible, put the packet in and soak for like 20 minutes. I don’t know why, but that stuff works.

Never heard of it…but I'm glad it didn't involve "wonky sex attempts". Hilarious! LOL~

This si another one of those yankee things isn’t it??

I’ve heard of Sayman Salve, but I am pretty sure it was something my grandmother used to use on her kids.

It isn’t event he same ingredients as the original, now it is just the (very) old name rebirthed by Lee Pharmaceuticals to sell to people like you husband that actually remember this product.

Save some money and get neosporin (same thing).

And it sure looks like you will (and should win this). Despite me being a fly in the uh… Salve.

Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ve never heard of it, either.

I most definitely have never heard of this Sayman’s Salve.

Sorry Tate, but I think that this is one that you are going to lose…

My husband would advise penis liquid, only he’d claim i needed it orally rather then topically. Damn horny husbands

ps Vicks vapor rub seems to cure lots of weird toe crap.

No, I’ve never heard of it! But, I did get asked, when I worked at Sear’s, if we sell Butt Salve (it was spoken by a toothless man in the worst of south-of-Springfield accents) I believe he was referring to Boudreaux’s Butt Paste. Maybe this would be a compromise between semen salve and Sayman’s…

Never heard of it. I also would have also thought as you did that his attempt to “help” you would ultimately mean a little something for him in the end.

Nope! Never heard of it, but did once think a friend told me she and her husband were trying caraway jelly. I told her I didn’t think I’d like that very much seeing how I hate caraway seeds. Um nope. K-Y Jelly.

Good luck with the toe thing.

I have never heard of it either, but I hope it works. (BTW, Hubby has actually tried the “semen salve” thing on me before, so I totally don’t blame you for thinking that)

I think you’ve won this one!! I’ve never heard of it either!

OH… and good luck with the toe “thing!”

Nope, never heard of it…

What did we ever do before Google???

Holy shit you get a lot of comments.

And no. Bag Balm, yes, but not this shit. Sorry Tate!! You might have gotten more “yes” votes with Semen Salve!

Nope, never heard of it.

Nope, never heard of this one! I just tagged you today. Hope you can play!

Nope, never heard of the stuff. We use the magic salve Bag Balm. Get some of that for your toe

Never heard of it, honestly!! I don’t blame you for the misunderstanding, husbands are always trying some lame thing to “get lucky”!!!

Holy Comments Batman!!

Nope, not here. Is it like a rash cream or something? Maybe you can use it on Ella or Carson’s diaper rash?

I hear that tea tree oil helps with toe nail fungus.

Never heard of it!

I’ve never heard of it! But that does sound like a lame attempt my husband would make!

I can honestly say that I’ve never heard of it.

And everyone knows that the best remedy for a toenail fungus is a full body massage. By a professional. Rinse and Repeat. (Wink wink)

Never heard of it!

I think you win. I have never heard of it, although I wonder what it would be like as a nappy cream?

Never heard of it.

Spray some Windex on it. It’ll leave a streak-free shine!

I am a nurse and have never heard of it……

Nope!

At 71 comments, I can’t help but notice the majority of people here haven’t heard of it. I’m glad that I’m not in the dark, because I have NEVER heard of it either. And I’m not just saying that, even though I totally would so you can win this time. I, honestly, have never seen/heard of it.

I LOVE these quizzes. I ask the same type of settlement questions of my beloved readers also.

I have never heard of the stuff.

Evah.

As usual I’m fashionably late to this party. I had to read this one out loud to hubs cause this totally sounds like us in a nutshell, from the misunderstanding to the ploy for sex. No I have absolutely never ever heard of this stuff. Hopefully your free and clear to pay the pauper on this one.

The semen salve, I’ve heard of…Sayman’s,no.

Every time I have a sore throat, my husband always says, “I’ve heard protein is good for that,” wink wink. I would have assumed exactly what you did!

Too damn funny!

absolutely have never heard of it~

Hi there! My friend Christina N. told me about your blog. She said that you just recently bought the Canon S5 IS … we did, too! How are you liking it so far? I’m Lisanne, and I have a blog over at bathtubjunkie.net. Nice to “meet” you!

I’ve never heard of it either. Looks like fancy Vaseline to me.

I’m a pharmacist - never heard of it.
(80 comments - that’s insane!!!!)

Sorry, Tate. I’d never heard of Sayman’s Salve; I’ve been using Dr. Burt’s Res-Q ointment ever since I found it for the stuff Sayman’s is good for.

Jen,

never heard of it …. BUT, I’d make him a deal. If he puts it on there, then make him massage it in …. without gloves! lol.

Tanya

nope…never heard of it!

NOpe, not here either LOL

You are TOTALLY going to win this one. I’ve never heard of it. Make sure he pays up big time! LOL

Never ever heard of it.

I’m with you on this one… totally never heard of it.

I have never heard of this stuff.
Would it be rude if I suggest some kind of anti fungal treatment?

I’ve never heard of it, either…

Never heard of it, but I shall look for it. My hands are always dry and cracked and icky. Maybe this will be my miracle cure and if it is I will post a special THANK YOU to Tate!

Sorry Tate, I was with you on the Ovaltine, but this time - no idea, never heard of this stuff.

91 comments? Holy sh*t girl! You have arrived! Anyway, I’ll add my name to the chorus of never having heard of it. Then again, we may not even have it up here in the Great North, so my opinion may not count.

Nopes, Nevah.

I have never heard of this, nor has MY very own know it all hubby, so there! Although had this conversation occured in my house, you can be damn sure it would have been semen he’d said LOL!
Funny stuff woman.

Nope, never heard of it.

(Wow, did it get crowded in here or WHAT? Some party you’re throwing!)

Never heard of it either.

Nope never heard of it either, might be being from overseas helps though

never ever heard of it.

Hey…bring me a slab of this stuff tomorrow. I want to put it on my toe nail.

i haven’t heard of it at all. but for a non-kinky ointment that REALLY works use this:

http://www.unbeatablesale.com/mshl2005.html?utm_source=froogle4&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=MSHL2005&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=MSHL2005

i swear by it! i recently lost my thumbnail completely in an unfortunate screendoor accident. this stuff has HEALED it completely.

so are 101 responses enough to win the issue?

Nope not me. I have NEVER heard of it, and I would have gone exactly where you did and thought the pig was trying to get some action!!

[...] mentioned something about my “moon” and my breasts I just rolled my eyes at this wonky sex attempt, as you probably guessed He retreated in defeat and went back to wrapping I finished up cleaning [...]

Sorry- Had to add the Peter-sillan tag to this! Petersillan fixes everything- supposedly :-S

aradia’s last blog post..Calling Him Out

RSS feed for comments on this post.

Comments protected by Lucia's Linky Love.

Nice to Meet You

I'm Jennifer, Mom to Carson, 3, and Ella, 2. Wife and Bossaholic to Tate. My claim to fame is that I'm the #1 search result on Google for "kids pooping in pools!!." You can follow me on Twitter, see my stumbles at StumbleUpon, view my photos on Flickr, and contact me by email.

Go shopping!

Photo calendars

No one is comfortable at the thought of his or her own death, but it's something that you have to plan for if you have loved ones who depend on you. Get help with these life insurance quotes.

Find an affordable selection of adorable baby bedding at Smarter.com.

Back in the Day

Comment policy

Flaming
An online argument that becomes nasty or derisive, where insulting a party to the discussion takes precedence over the objective merits of one side or another (Urban Dictionary).
(Do it and I'll delete it)

Ajax CommentLuv Enabled d24c3fd0704707450ed668bb38aac8d2

NetworkedBlogs

Blog:

Playgroups are No Place For Children

Topics:

parenting, motherhood, kids

Join my network

Free Subscriptions!

I take pictures

www.flickr.com

This is a Flickr badge showing public photos and videos from Jennifer Playgroupie. Make your own badge here.

Party all the ti-ime

2009 Booklist

The Given Day
Love in the Time of Cholera
Esther; It's Tough Being a Woman
~~Why is My Mother Getting a Tattoo?~~ I
~~Whitethorn Woods~~ B
~~The Five People You Meet in Heaven~~ A
~~Paula Spencer~~ B-
~~Digging to America~~ A
~~Rebecca~~ A-
~~The Friday Night Knitting Club~~ B
~~The Reader~~ B+
~~The Shack~~ B+
~~The Kite Runner~~ A
~~Three Junes~~ C-
~~Kitchen Confidential~~ A
~~A Cook's Tour~~ A
~~The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas~~ A
~~My Friend Leonard~~ A
~~Daisy Chain~~ F
~~The Gravedigger's Daughter~~ B-
~~A Girl Named Zippy~~ A-
~~Eat, Pray, Love~~ A
~~Water for Elephants~~ B+
~~The Book Thief~~ A++
~~The Poisonwood Bible~~ A+
~~The Hunger Games~~ A

playgroupsarenoplaceforchildren

Nice to Meet You

Go shopping!

Back in the Day

Comment policy

Free Subscriptions!

I take pictures

Party all the ti-ime

2009 Booklist

This site contains original content held in copyright by the author Jennifer D.

Meta Bloggy