Last night Tate and I had a misunderstanding. Not a dish-throwing kind of misunderstanding, or anything like that, I just misunderstood something he was advising me to do.
See, I have this toenail malady that has resulted in the upper half of my toenail almost falling off. (Sorry, folks, no pictures, please.) Tate suggested that I put some “semen salve” on it to make it better.
Rolling my eyes and annoyed at Tate’s obviously lame attempt to get himself some action, I shot back at him, “you want me to put some sort of penis liquid…on my toe? Because this penis juice has such healing properties, right?” Seriously, how ridiculous a way to try and lure me into bed.
Tate, rolling his eyes and now annoyed with me informed that he had not said “semen salve” but rather he’d told me I needed “Sayman’s Salve.”
I was skeptical. I’d never heard of this supposed “Sayman’s Salve.” So Tate consulted with Google and found a mere 1,730 results for “Sayman’s Salve.”
Huh? I did not know of this salve advertised to be…
“a skin protectant for the temporary protection of minor cuts and burns, chapped and chafed skin. It includes petrolatum and zinc oxide as active ingredients.”
Nowhere in the list does it say anything about magically healing my toenail, but still better than my original impression of this salve as being some sort of wonky sex attempt.
Since Tate loves being right (even more than me), he told me I should “post this on my blog” where you all will surely have heard of it.
You all completely let me down on the Ovaltine disagreement, but I’m confident I’ll win this one. You’ve never heard of this stuff, right? Please tell me I’m right. I fear if I lose, I’ll have to uh, pay up (if you know what I mean.)
you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff, you’ve never heard of the stuff…..
Actually, I have. The reason,though, is a) my husband is a pharmacist and b) I used to work in a pharmacy. So….sorry.
Nope, never heard of it… might have something to do with being an Australian in Singapore, but before today I had never heard of it…
)
Never heard of it … and the part where you thought he was referring to sex is hilarious!
Nope… haven’t heard of it. (But tell him that pure lavender works better for toe issue
)
Nope, I have never heard of it. Love your blog by the way!
I hate when my husband is right!
Never heard of it. Honestly, never have.
I’ve never heard of the stuff.
The wonky sex attempt sounds familiar though.
I’ve heard of a lot of crazy- sounding products since I was imported to the south, but can’t say I’ve ever heard of that stuff… Hopefully OE hasn’t either, as I’m sure he would love the pronunciation of it, and attempt, somehow, to use it to his advantage!
This was so funny! I really needed a good laugh as I have been praying to the porcelain god since Friday!
I have never heard of the stuff but I love Smith’s Rosebud Salve and use it for everything!!
Nope, never heard of it.
And he sex part …hysterical… totally a conversation that could have taken place between me and my husband!
Hope it works for you…hey, you still win out, even if you lose.
…I’ve never heard of this stuff, I’ve never heard of this stuff…
Really. I haven’t.
-HH
I really never did hear of it…you are totally winning this one.
I can honestly say that I’ve never heard of the stuff.
But the wonky sex attempt–oh yeah, I get those ALL the time at my house.
oh yeah. never EVER heard of the stuff. plus whoever named it is just ASKING for wonky sex misunderstandings. sheesh
don’t know about Sayman’s Salve…but Boudreaux’ Butt Paste will cure anything!
NEVER heard of it and I would have made the same interpretation as you.
Thanks for the laugh!
Never heard of it. I was on the wrong side of the Ovaltine dispute, but I’m with you on this one.
Nope, never heard of it. I bet he said “semen” to begin with and then it covered it up with “Sayman.” Typical man humor for ya.
I agree that the butt paste (Boudreaux’s, that is) is great for anything!
NEVER in my life have I heard of this stuff. I have heard and used Bag Balm though. Living in the Northeast during the winter can wreak havoc on your hands. I was sent to the drug store for this stuff “Helps soothe bruised, sore or injured teats of cows.”
It did help the cracks on my hands but really, it didn’t do a thing for my teats.
You’re totally winning this one! I’ve never heard of it.
Nope, never heard of it. But maybe you’re onto something with the semen solution. You know how some doctors (mostly in California) recommend putting breast milk on every ailment your baby may have? This could be a new trend for adults.
Nope, never heard of it. And I’m 2-for-2 on being on your side.
I bet a nice mix of semen and breastmilk could clear up anything.
I, too, have never heard of it.
My grandfather was obsessed with methyilade (or mercurachrome) sp? – he used it for everything. He was pnk from head to toe.
I can honestly say I’ve never heard of that. Is it anything like neosporine ointment? That’s what it sounds like.
NEVAH!
I’ve never heard of it or seen it in stores. And I don’t blame you for suspecting Tate of trying to get some action — I could see my hubby doing the same kind of thing.
I can honestly say….never heard of it. So far, I think you’re winning!!!
What in guttenheimel? Never heard of that stuff.
It sounds like butt paste for adults, LOL.
I’m 2-for-2 also! Whoopee!
Seems like something a longshoreman would use….
Nope. Never heard of this. I will back Tate up on the Ovaltine thing though. I had only heard of it growing up because of the Christmas Story movie. I tried it once as a teenager when I got a free sample. No offense but it was not to my liking. I’ll stick to chocolate milk.
Never heard of it….
I have heard of Semen Salve…but I think that was after too many Cosmos with my husband
Never heard of it either…some pharmacist husband probably invented it after getting into a fight with his wife over what would “cure” her.
CAN’T SAY I HAVE EVER HEARD OF SUCH A THINK… although, if I ever come across it EVER again (which is probably going to be slim to none) I’ll always remember it as “semen salve”
Thanks for the laugh!
Never heard of the stuff. But I had coffee come out my nose laughing at “penis juice”!! Oh dear God!
I have this niggling feeling that I’ve never heard of this stuff…
No, seriously, never heard of it. Seems like you might win this one!
never ever heard of it.
Me neither, never heard of it!
Although I did hear a random thing the other day… that if you have problems with foot fungus and you pee on your feet it will help… I guess it’s supposed to have something to do with the uric acid (urine) killing the bacteria…
Just another little medical tip for the day!
I’ve never heard of it. I swear.
But I HAVE heard of semen salve…my husband claims it cures a whole slew of maladies!
Not only have I never heard of it, that sounds like exactly the type of ploy my husband would use to get some action, instead of just asking, “Hey, wanna make sweet love?”
Never heard of it
I have—for reals—never heard of it.
Not only have I NEVER heard of it, but I would have heard “semen salve” too. (Because Gavin uses the same lame attempts to get me into bed whenever possible.)
Never heard of it, but I love Ovaltine.
Never heard of it either…sounds just like regular ole diaper cream though from the ingredients. Just put some diaper cream on your toe…
Never heard of you. Whoo. Thank God. I would’ve hated disappointing you twice.
I have had problem toes a lot. And, the podetrist told me to use this stuff that’s called Domeboro. It comes in packets. You climb up on a counter, turn the water as hot as humanly possible, put the packet in and soak for like 20 minutes. I don’t know why, but that stuff works.
Never heard of it…but I'm glad it didn't involve "wonky sex attempts". Hilarious! LOL~
This si another one of those yankee things isn’t it??
I’ve heard of Sayman Salve, but I am pretty sure it was something my grandmother used to use on her kids.
It isn’t event he same ingredients as the original, now it is just the (very) old name rebirthed by Lee Pharmaceuticals to sell to people like you husband that actually remember this product.
Save some money and get neosporin (same thing).
And it sure looks like you will (and should win this). Despite me being a fly in the uh… Salve.
Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!
I’ve never heard of it, either.
I most definitely have never heard of this Sayman’s Salve.
Sorry Tate, but I think that this is one that you are going to lose…