As part of my glamorous job as “Mom,” I was cleaning the toilet a few days ago when Carson walked in and requested to go poop on the potty.
I was so shocked and unprepared, I had to ask him if he was sure. “You want to go poop? On the potty? Really?,” I asked with a furrowed brow.
“Go poop on potty, ” he assured me as he started to attempt to pull down his pants.
Seeing as how I was certain that he was not even close to being ready for anything potty training related, I had not bothered to buy him a potty chair. So I plopped (pun intended) Carson up on the toilet, holding him really, so that he wouldn’t fall in. He was so proud of this accomplishment, of sitting on THE POTTY for the first time ever. We sat there. And sat there. And sat there. And sat there some more. Finally after I thought my arms would fall off from supporting his weight over the toilet, I decided we were all done. Carson, of course, vehemently protested, claiming he needed to “poop on the potty! POOP on the potty! Poop on the POTTY!”Â
To appease the little tyrant him, I promised a trip to buy a potty especially for him. We got that very special chair yesterday, complete with car stickers that he plastered all over it.Â
I put the potty chair in the living room encouraging him to just sit on it (pants on), per the instructions on the “Potty Train Your Child” handout I received at Carson’s two year checkup at the pediatrician. “Allow your child to get comfortable with the potty chair in a relaxed area of the home.” Check. That lasted all of 10 seconds and he demanded to “go poop on the potty.” I attempted to move the potty chair into the bathroom because pooping in the middle of the living room next to the Christmas tree somehow seemed so wrong. This move was met with great resistance, so we stripped down and sat on the potty right there. And sat there. And sat there. He pointed out all the car stickers. He pointed out the dog hair on the carpet. He pointed out his p*enis. After about 15 minutes of just sitting there, I encouraged him to move along and said we could try poop on the potty again later.
I know I’m supposed to be more patient at potty time. The handout instructions specifically stated that “you should be patient and allow your child to sit on the potty as long as necessary so as not to make your child feel rushed.” Rushed? Rushed? What? *exasperated sighs*  I have another child to care for and two dogs! I don’t have an infinite number of minutes each day to do this potty training stuff. I’m obviously not fit for being a potty trainer.
Carson has quickly figured out that when he says “potty,” Mommy listens. We only just got this damn potty chair yesterday and he’s already used the potty excuse to stall dinner time, bath time, bed time, and nap time.  I feel very conflicted, wanting to encourage pottying on the big boy potty, feeling manipulated when I know deep down that no poo is coming out of that boy and falling into that potty chair, and irritated for having to devote hours of my day to sitting on the floor next to a toddler toilet while looking at cars and a p*enis.Â
Potty training blows. I’m praying that the novelty of “going poop on the potty” wears off soon and we can return to our normal routine. A routine that does not include sitting on the floor for hours on end next to a toilet.
Diapers Rule! Goooooo Diapers! Rah! Rah! Diapers!
Bren
December 13, 2007 at 6:10 pm
You nailed it…potty training blows!
Sarcastic Mom
December 13, 2007 at 9:55 pm
Well, you could just tell him that everytime he sits on the potty and DOESN’T poop, Santa throws one of his toys away.
That should make your day a lot more enjoyable.
HAHAHA! Sorry.
Sarcastic Mom’s last blog post..I highly recommend the closet.
Tot's Mom
December 14, 2007 at 4:01 am
Got here through cre8buzz.
This is so funny. I was giggling all the way through reading it because I have a toddler myself and I know what you’re going through!
Tot’s Mom’s last blog post..The Favorite
VDog
Twitter: VDog
December 14, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Teeheehee. WOOT! for diapers!
VDog’s last blog post..Commenting Linky Love Back Up? Woot!
Marla
December 14, 2007 at 5:24 pm
My daughter did the same thing, but with needing to pee. (the stalling, etc)
2 months later it clicked and she was trained.
Just wanted to comment that I just found your blog, you are hilarious! Mind if I add you to my blogroll?
Marla’s last blog post..Is going to be a bizzy day…
Swistle
December 14, 2007 at 8:42 pm
I’m basically not even letting the twins know that the potty is a possibility, because I despair at even the THOUGHT of it.
Swistle’s last blog post..Gifts For Nice People, Too; Saving Electricity; Behind the Vent; Hired Plow
Babyamore (Trish)
December 15, 2007 at 5:49 am
Freaky coincidence – I am with Swistle I am so not looking forward to potty training my twin boys …1. I want to wear my modern cloth nappies (diapers down to the bare fabric and get my money’s worth) 2. sharing hours in toilet with 2 boys is not my idea of joy. Diapers rock !
3.eeekkk how do you do that fun run marathon when they both say got to go wee/poo now mummy !!! – worse when you go out how do you get two boys into the toilet cubicle -my older son (now 14yrs) had to check out every damn toilet and would time his ‘poop’ right when our dinner was arriving at the restaurant – heehee daddy had to go of course.
Babyamore (Trish)’s last blog post..There is a pair in there ,Seven Random facts and You’ve got a friend
Laura McIntyre
December 16, 2007 at 5:58 am
Rebecca asks all the time to go potty but of course never does a thing, i hate potty training and am happy with diapers for a few more months yet
Laura McIntyre’s last blog post..Tis The Season
a happier girl
December 18, 2007 at 6:50 am
I hated potty training. Felt like it took forever and squatting in public restrooms to help sucks even more than squatting in your own bathroom.
a happier girl’s last blog post..Just because the movie is called 101 Dalmations doesn’t mean you actually need that many in your yard
Julie @ the calm before the stork
December 18, 2007 at 1:19 pm
Great post! (I actually had time to read someone’s blog today! Yay for me.) I love the potty song, fear the potty training. Oy.
Julie @ the calm before the stork’s last blog post..i have to admit, it’s getting better
Kelly~Mommy and the Marine
December 18, 2007 at 5:32 pm
Oh my gosh, my child is almost the same way. He doesn’t want to POOP on the potty, but damn he has to pee ALL the time. Usually about 5-6 times at night after he is laying in bed. Mmm-hm.
By the way, I also have the CommentLuv… and I LUV it
Kelly~Mommy and the Marine’s last blog post..Ah!!!
mama's got moxie
December 18, 2007 at 10:29 pm
at least he’s interested in sitting on the potty. my son (who’s not quite 2 and a half yet) rarely mentions the potty and whenever i suggest he sit on it he politely says no. i thought that getting the musical potty would entice him to use it, but he’s learned that pouring water into the potty gets the same effect. so much for that. i need to stock up on stickers and matchbox cars as incentives. i’ve heard those work wonders for boys and he loves both.
mama’s got moxie’s last blog post..i want betty’s poncho for Christmas!!
Playgroups are No Place For Children » Yes Internets, There Really is a Santa Claus
December 20, 2007 at 7:10 am
[...] doesn’t want to poop on the potty anymore. Not that he ever actually, you know, pooped. Or peed for that matter. He won’t [...]
justmylife
December 21, 2007 at 9:40 am
My husband “helped” with potty training the boys, living in the “deep” country, he thought it would be OK to let the boys pee outside if the urge hit while outdoors. It worked until the urge hit in the parking lot of Hell Mart and we had to explain the difference between our woods and the parking lot. Pooing on the potty was a different story, it takes longer to get them to sit still for that. And the woods are no place for them to do that. Good luck, hope it goes better in the future.
justmylife’s last blog post..Wrapping, Biting, Fighting and Sex Changes!
A Diaper, Diaper, Diaper Cha-a-ange | Playgroups are No Place For Children
January 21, 2008 at 6:35 am
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Kim
May 22, 2008 at 11:49 am
Hi:
One good thing I did, though, was the “Car Potty”. I put a potty chair that happened to resemble a step stool more so than a potty chair in my mini-van. When one of the kids has to go I line it with a plastic grocery bag and a diaper; child goes; voila, grocery bag and diaper, along with the waste, are neatly tied up and disposed of at the nearest gas station trash can. I even have wipes and tissues for clean up. It’s so much easier than trying to find a clean public restroom when they have to go, and they can take their time b/c I always have things to do in my car- a couple of magazines, my to-do list to update, purse to organize, trim and file my nails, etc. so I don’t usually mind the down time.
I am absolutely the worst at potty training; I could give examples but my kids would kill me for sending evidence out into the world.
SkeeterN
May 29, 2008 at 1:09 pm
I probably have potty trained more children than anyone here. I have to date potty trained 26 children. I did daycare for years. Don’t start any child until after their 2nd birthday. Don’t start potty training any child that cannot pull up and down their own pants, a child must be able to stay dry for a good time on their own, a child also must be able to speak clearly and tell you when they have to go. Everyone must be on board, if you take your child to daycare you must be willing to work with the child and the care giver as well. No one can do this alone and you must be consistent. Don’t let them potty in their pants one day and expect them to go in the potty the next day.
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