As part of my glamorous job as “Mom,” I was cleaning the toilet a few days ago when Carson walked in and requested to go poop on the potty.
I was so shocked and unprepared, I had to ask him if he was sure. “You want to go poop? On the potty? Really?,” I asked with a furrowed brow.
“Go poop on potty, ” he assured me as he started to attempt to pull down his pants.
Seeing as how I was certain that he was not even close to being ready for anything potty training related, I had not bothered to buy him a potty chair. So I plopped (pun intended) Carson up on the toilet, holding him really, so that he wouldn’t fall in. He was so proud of this accomplishment, of sitting on THE POTTY for the first time ever. We sat there. And sat there. And sat there. And sat there some more. Finally after I thought my arms would fall off from supporting his weight over the toilet, I decided we were all done. Carson, of course, vehemently protested, claiming he needed to “poop on the potty! POOP on the potty! Poop on the POTTY!”
the little tyrant him, I promised a trip to buy a potty especially for him. We got that very special chair yesterday, complete with car stickers that he plastered all over it.
I put the potty chair in the living room encouraging him to just sit on it (pants on), per the instructions on the “Potty Train Your Child” handout I received at Carson’s two year checkup at the pediatrician. “Allow your child to get comfortable with the potty chair in a relaxed area of the home.” Check. That lasted all of 10 seconds and he demanded to “go poop on the potty.” I attempted to move the potty chair into the bathroom because pooping in the middle of the living room next to the Christmas tree somehow seemed so wrong. This move was met with great resistance, so we stripped down and sat on the potty right there. And sat there. And sat there. He pointed out all the car stickers. He pointed out the dog hair on the carpet. He pointed out his p*enis. After about 15 minutes of just sitting there, I encouraged him to move along and said we could try poop on the potty again later.
I know I’m supposed to be more patient at potty time. The handout instructions specifically stated that “you should be patient and allow your child to sit on the potty as long as necessary so as not to make your child feel rushed.” Rushed? Rushed? What? *exasperated sighs* I have another child to care for and two dogs! I don’t have an infinite number of minutes each day to do this potty training stuff. I’m obviously not fit for being a potty trainer.
Carson has quickly figured out that when he says “potty,” Mommy listens. We only just got this damn potty chair yesterday and he’s already used the potty excuse to stall dinner time, bath time, bed time, and nap time. I feel very conflicted, wanting to encourage pottying on the big boy potty, feeling manipulated when I know deep down that no poo is coming out of that boy and falling into that potty chair, and irritated for having to devote hours of my day to sitting on the floor next to a toddler toilet while looking at cars and a p*enis.
Potty training blows. I’m praying that the novelty of “going poop on the potty” wears off soon and we can return to our normal routine. A routine that does not include sitting on the floor for hours on end next to a toilet.
Diapers Rule! Goooooo Diapers! Rah! Rah! Diapers!