As part of my glamorous job as “Mom,” I was cleaning the toilet a few days ago when Carson walked in and requested to go poop on the potty.
I was so shocked and unprepared, I had to ask him if he was sure. “You want to go poop? On the potty? Really?,” I asked with a furrowed brow.
“Go poop on potty, ” he assured me as he started to attempt to pull down his pants.
Seeing as how I was certain that he was not even close to being ready for anything potty training related, I had not bothered to buy him a potty chair. So I plopped (pun intended) Carson up on the toilet, holding him really, so that he wouldn’t fall in. He was so proud of this accomplishment, of sitting on THE POTTY for the first time ever. We sat there. And sat there. And sat there. And sat there some more. Finally after I thought my arms would fall off from supporting his weight over the toilet, I decided we were all done. Carson, of course, vehemently protested, claiming he needed to “poop on the potty! POOP on the potty! Poop on the POTTY!”
To appease the little tyrant him, I promised a trip to buy a potty especially for him. We got that very special chair yesterday, complete with car stickers that he plastered all over it.
I put the potty chair in the living room encouraging him to just sit on it (pants on), per the instructions on the “Potty Train Your Child” handout I received at Carson’s two year checkup at the pediatrician. “Allow your child to get comfortable with the potty chair in a relaxed area of the home.” Check. That lasted all of 10 seconds and he demanded to “go poop on the potty.” I attempted to move the potty chair into the bathroom because pooping in the middle of the living room next to the Christmas tree somehow seemed so wrong. This move was met with great resistance, so we stripped down and sat on the potty right there. And sat there. And sat there. He pointed out all the car stickers. He pointed out the dog hair on the carpet. He pointed out his p*enis. After about 15 minutes of just sitting there, I encouraged him to move along and said we could try poop on the potty again later.
I know I’m supposed to be more patient at potty time. The handout instructions specifically stated that “you should be patient and allow your child to sit on the potty as long as necessary so as not to make your child feel rushed.” Rushed? Rushed? What? *exasperated sighs* I have another child to care for and two dogs! I don’t have an infinite number of minutes each day to do this potty training stuff. I’m obviously not fit for being a potty trainer.
Carson has quickly figured out that when he says “potty,” Mommy listens. We only just got this damn potty chair yesterday and he’s already used the potty excuse to stall dinner time, bath time, bed time, and nap time. I feel very conflicted, wanting to encourage pottying on the big boy potty, feeling manipulated when I know deep down that no poo is coming out of that boy and falling into that potty chair, and irritated for having to devote hours of my day to sitting on the floor next to a toddler toilet while looking at cars and a p*enis.
Potty training blows. I’m praying that the novelty of “going poop on the potty” wears off soon and we can return to our normal routine. A routine that does not include sitting on the floor for hours on end next to a toilet.
Diapers Rule! Goooooo Diapers! Rah! Rah! Diapers!
Heidi Hyde
December 12, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Don’t worry. He’ll probably crap on the pot once and then be so freaked out he won’t want to do it for another year
-HH
Heidi Hyde’s last blog post..Wedding Day
nap warden
December 12, 2007 at 3:39 pm
Oh, am I there with you…potty Mommy, potty! It’s my whole day…
nap warden’s last blog post..Chillin’
mpotter
December 12, 2007 at 4:09 pm
you know, i gotta say thanks for the honesty here!!!!
i know it may come in handy one day; and really, that’s not something you ever truly think about when you’re planning a family……
hopefully he’s serious and can start figuring out when he REALLY has to go.
good luck.
mpotter’s last blog post..tis the season
Toni
December 12, 2007 at 4:15 pm
Well, my daughter is 8 and took to the potty right away. We bought two or three and set them around. She loved sitting on them and peeing in them but when it came time to poo- no go. She didn’t poo in the potty until much closer to three, despite being trained to pee right at two. Kids. There is always something going on with them.
Here’s to a quick training.
Toni’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Birthday Girl
Kathryn
December 12, 2007 at 4:19 pm
Yeah, potty training rots. I had it super easy with my boys, and it still rots.
I’m not above bribery when it comes to the potty. I gave the boys a sticker every time they peed and a hotwheel (may seem like a lot but they were terrified to poo in the potty for some reason) every time they pooped. It worked REALLY well.
Good luck!
Kathryn’s last blog post..Hump Day Hmm, An Award, And WW
Sandy
December 12, 2007 at 4:37 pm
Babyhead has his potty in the hall next to the bathroom (he likes to play in the toilet so he isnt allowed in there without us). Because it is there, it is out of the way so he gets some privacy and he can go when he wants. He does’nt always use it..but he knows it is there when he wants to go…and he sits on it with a bare butt all the time.
If Carson wants to go, tell him to just go and let you know when you are done (and check up on him now and again) but let him get comfy with it. Before you know it he will be like Babyhead and will pee and poop and come running butt nekkid through the house to let you know he did! Just let him know he can go when he wants even if you aren’t there.
I have to tell you this though:
The one time Babyhead pooped we didn’t know it until we heard him saying “ew nasty”…DH and I looked at each other and then went to the hall way and sure enough he pooped in the potty! He was so proud and so grossed out about it though! LOL
Sandy’s last blog post..Gingerbread Projects!
LifeAsIKnowIt
December 12, 2007 at 4:57 pm
I loathe potty training. So much that I waited until son #1 was about 3 1/2 when there was little “training” to be done by that point. You see, I waited so long, that he pretty much trained himself in a few days. Voila! Instant potty training.
Yeah, I’m lazy.
LifeAsIKnowIt’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
Stephanie
December 12, 2007 at 5:01 pm
Oh, do I remember those days! I put a potty in our bathroom when Liv was 18 months so she had to sit there when I went… next thing ya know she wanted to sit on it 24/7. It does pass, I promise.
Stephanie’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday and I need one more
tommie
December 12, 2007 at 5:19 pm
I finally finished potty training the last one! M&Ms work wonders as a bribe. so do those mini Oreos.
We do still sleep with a pull-up at night…but I think we going to underwear in Jan!!
tommie’s last blog post..Wanna see how I get wild and crazy??
aradia
December 12, 2007 at 5:27 pm
I’m adding Go Poop to my next game show blog! Sigh- been there sister!
aradia’s last blog post..The Latest Game Show
OHmommy
December 12, 2007 at 5:32 pm
I quickly learned to keep a basket full of books next to their potty chairs.
OHmommy
December 12, 2007 at 5:34 pm
Sorry.
They would sit for a very long time reading books/magazines on their chairs and I had some time to myself. Worked for us.
OHmommy’s last blog post..How to Mother Children for Dummies
feener
December 12, 2007 at 5:51 pm
ahh the fond memories of sitting and waiting, all with number 2(no pun intended) in the baby bjorn. it will happen, it will take time, it will suck, you will forget how much it sucked.
feener’s last blog post..You Can Handle Anything If You Want It
janet
December 12, 2007 at 6:13 pm
oh yeah, the “let’s sit on the potty to avoid everything else” ploy!
can you leave him there unsupervised? can he take his little bare bottom to the potty chair by himself and sit himself down?
i feel your pain. it also makes me appreciate the grown status of my own children. i think my 13-year-old daughter would rather DIE than have me anywhere near her bathroom activities!!
janet’s last blog post..No lies were told in the writing of this post
Miss
December 12, 2007 at 6:26 pm
Haha… you are cheering on diapers.
Miss’s last blog post..89 Years Young
Queen of Shake Shake
December 12, 2007 at 6:46 pm
Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer. What will I do with you? Thank GOD you have me as a mentor on raising boys.
15 minutes on the jon a long time? Hello girlfriend….Carson has a p*enis, which means he is a male. And it’s a written law of the universe that no male can take a sh*t in less than 30 minutes.
Duh.
Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..The Quest for Imagination
Cathy
December 12, 2007 at 7:04 pm
Ahh. Potty training. We did that about 9 months ago – while I was about 6 months pregnant. Not a Good Time at all. And the little bugger still uses the “I gotta go potty” line at bedtime. I only fall for it the first five times, but then I get all serious and REFUSE to let him go potty. That’s right. “No potty for you. It’s time to sleep.”
Anyway, if you’re interested in our potty adventure check out this link (or address if the link doesn’t work): http://mccathy.blogspot.com/search/label/potty%20training
Cathy’s last blog post..Funny
Shelly
December 12, 2007 at 7:14 pm
Cars AND a penis to look at all at once? Duh, no wonder he’s sitting there forever. Isn’t that equal to male heaven???
I’m curious, are all potty chairs created equal? We’re aways off from potty training but I thought I might buy one just to have around so she gets used to seeing. Is there anything special I should be looking for? I know nothing about potty chairs/training (obviously).
Shelly’s last blog post..Enough already!
Veronica
December 12, 2007 at 7:31 pm
I am scared of potty training.
Veronica’s last blog post..And Soon! I’ll Be All Grown Up.
Alli ~Mrs. Fussypants
December 12, 2007 at 7:31 pm
Honestly, I let all my boys train themselves. When they got tired of poopin’ in their pants, they stopped.
Me sitting by a potty chair -ugh, I don’t think so.
~Go ahead & give me that mother of thr year award!~
Mrs. Chicken
December 12, 2007 at 7:43 pm
Lady, be careful what you wish for! I was like that, too, and now The Poo is almost three and she refuses to even have potty time.
ps – you don’t have to sit there with him, goose!
Mrs. Chicken’s last blog post..O The Pathos
Jean
December 12, 2007 at 7:47 pm
I say good for him for having interset. : ) He’ll get bored with it in a few days. Give him a book to read and let him sit on his on for a bit. You’ll eventually get to the stage where your’re begging and bribing for him to sit and poo.
Jean’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday Christmas ‘06
Maggie
December 12, 2007 at 8:01 pm
I am SO with you. I would change diapers forever – or at least for a while longer – if it meant that I didn’t have to sit on the bathroom floor and read “Once Upon A Potty” about five hundred times a day.
Maggie’s last blog post..Ice, Illness, and Snow Days
MH
December 12, 2007 at 8:08 pm
If I hadn’t already told you, potty training is highly overrated.
Victoria
December 12, 2007 at 8:12 pm
Potty training stinks! My son “trained” (hate that word) pretty easy at 2.5 in the summer with lots of naked time (and lots of paper towels and 409). My second, a girl, trained at 18 months. (Go on, hate me!)
Secret weapon – the older child. We gave *him* a treat whenever his sister went on the potty. *evil giggle*
Good luck!
Victoria’s last blog post..Give
Mommi Tutu
December 12, 2007 at 8:20 pm
We have this thing in our family called “Grandma’s Bootcamp”. My sister is a firm believer and I will put the program to the test when my babies are old enough to enlist. Thank God for shrugging off ass wiping detail to my Mom
Mommi Tutu’s last blog post..Now I Know Everything . . .
Brianne
December 12, 2007 at 8:52 pm
I’m so with you singing the diaper song! I remember when I traveled across country with my little one (then two, nearly 2 1/2) and every mother hen stranger we ran across felt it was their business to ‘tut tut’ me and ask why she wasn’t potty trained yet. Hello? Airports? You think I want to voluntarily let a kid run around a bathroom THERE?!?! With a diaper, I happily was able to change at my convenience, not at the whim of a control-freak toddler.
Yes, it was all she was about for about a week once we started, then *poof* the novelty wore off.
andi
December 12, 2007 at 9:18 pm
Oh, I do not miss those days! In the beginning of potty training, I used to long to go back to the conveniences of diapers. Just wait until you’re somewhere huge, like Wal-Mart or a large supermarket and your monkey wants to hang out in the bathroom (which will be on the other side of the world from where you are) the entire freakin’ time you’re trying to shop. Good times.
andi’s last blog post..On fearing the worst
Stimey
December 12, 2007 at 9:22 pm
Yeah, when my oldest was potty training and we put him in timeout, that was somehow always when he needed to go potty. Because he learned very quickly that no matter what, we’d put him on the potty.
Stimey’s last blog post..They’re Here, They’re Here!
melissa
December 12, 2007 at 9:26 pm
i can honestly say, i’ve never potty trained a child and, i’ve given birth to 3 of them. my oldest…he potty trained himself because he had the stomach flu and it was running down his legs…so, he decided, then and there…no more buzz lightyear pull ups…toilet only…but, he was 4 1/2! then, my husband potty trained my daughter and my youngest son. so…hahahahaha…er…good luck!
Mrs. Flinger
December 12, 2007 at 9:29 pm
YES. STAY IN DIAPERS. FOR EVER> Oh, god. Seriously. It’s been nothing but “I have to go POOPOO!” in all sorts of not convenient places.
Wish I had diapers.
Mrs. Flinger’s last blog post..boobie mail
Jenny
December 12, 2007 at 9:32 pm
Potty training totally sucks. My daughter announce the need to pee on the potty, strip down and sit on the toilet for a half an hour while watching TV or reading books to herself. Then she’ll decide that she’s done with the potty, climb up in the chair with me and make a nice little puddle there. Diapers are the greatest!! When it’s time to transition from diapers to potty, can’t we just do it in one or two days’ time?
Jenny’s last blog post..Not-So-Wordless Wednesday
Christina
December 12, 2007 at 10:13 pm
I will join you in the diapers cheer. Go diapers, yay diapers! They are so much easier. I feel like I spend half my day in that bathroom. And while she always says she’s going to go poopy, it’s yet to happen. She does potty on there a few times a day, tho.
Christina’s last blog post..A new obsession
Wright
December 13, 2007 at 7:02 am
Poop. You said poop a million times – or Carson did. EIther way, it’s funny! I laughed the whole time.
Hope the little potty makes things easier, and that you don’t find unwanted “presents” under your tree!
Wright’s last blog post..Hump Day Hmmm – Pet Peeves
WorksForMom
December 13, 2007 at 7:32 am
You’re scaring me. You’re really scaring me.
But that visual of him just chillin’ on the potty – is absolutely all sorts of funny!
WorksForMom’s last blog post..My Celebrity Connections
Badness Jones
December 13, 2007 at 8:24 am
Did you see on “Jon and Kate plus 8″ where she had to potty train 6!!! and then she took photos of each of her kids beside their first potty poo? Eeeewww!!!
But having 8 kids would do worse than that to me, I’m sure!!
Go Carson! Let the kid poop already!
Badness Jones’s last blog post..Better than a Lump of Coal
sam
December 13, 2007 at 8:27 am
Yup, I’m still avoiding potty even though we have one, it’s currently used for a stool now that he has a tooth brushing fetish.
I swear, if I left him there he would brush for an hour (and he did on Sunday morning).
sam’s last blog post..i may show you mine. i think.
canape
December 13, 2007 at 8:53 am
That is the funniest post title I have read in ages.
canape’s last blog post..Under the same happy-sad sky
~JJ!
December 13, 2007 at 9:48 am
Man I hate potty training…Hate hate hate hate….Potty training…Hate!
~JJ!’s last blog post..You know what I keep thinking?
Anglophile Football Fanatic
December 13, 2007 at 10:04 am
hahah! Mine? Is six months older & won’t sit. We are both screwed in this process.
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..Undomesticity
jackie
December 13, 2007 at 10:55 am
My son just decided he wants his potty in the middle of the kitchen. He’s always been fine with it in the bathroom but now every time I try to put it back in there he drags it back out to the kitchen. Potty training blows big-time.
jackie’s last blog post..Christmas Photo Session 2007
RWA
December 13, 2007 at 11:04 am
Before folks start asking if this is an Alabama thing (that people put potty chairs in the living room and let kids strip down and sit on them), the answer is NO.
That is a pretty funny story, though.
RWA’s last blog post..‘Tis the season
Jenny
December 13, 2007 at 11:06 am
You’re lucky. I can’t get my son near the potty and it’s frustrating because his diaper finds a way of wetting the bed. And not his!!
Jenny’s last blog post..The Firetruck Goes VROOM!!
Devan
December 13, 2007 at 11:12 am
yah, potty training blows. d will be 3 in March and we’re so not there yet. And it’s SO time consuming, but then again the thought of 3 in diapers…
*shudder*
Devan’s last blog post..brag!
Jill
December 13, 2007 at 11:55 am
I used to sing that Eddie Murphy song to my sister “all the time” and it used to infuriate her for some reason…all the more reason for me to do it!!
By the way…how did you get the nifty little option of listing my last post when I leave a comment?
Jill’s last blog post..What’s your THING?
Emily R
December 13, 2007 at 1:34 pm
Yep. Zach potty trained at this age, too. He decided a month after Benjamin was born that he got good attention for it. Try giving him a toy catalog to look at on the potty. Worked for Zach, but now a year later he still reads catalogs on the potty.
Emily R’s last blog post..M is for Monday and Mommy and Mean
Bill
December 13, 2007 at 1:47 pm
fantastic Eddie Murphy reference in the title. Nothing like sitting in the bathroom for half an hour waiting for someone else to crap to remind us that we’re parents.
Bill’s last blog post..Kindergarten – Play Once Then Use As A Drink Coaster
Sommer
December 13, 2007 at 5:19 pm
Oh, the days of toilet training. I have a little girl who will start next year and I’m dreading it but also looking forward to it. It’s exciting when they can do it and feel proud. It’s horrible to sit in a bathroom for hours a day and flush the toilet over and over. The thrills of motherhood.
Sommer
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Jerseygirl89
December 13, 2007 at 5:40 pm
Ironflower has been sitting on her potty since before she was two (after spending quality time with an older cousin who was training). She is now three and we’re almost done training. And you know what? I miss diapers.
Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..Where Do All The Skateboarders Come From?
Beckie
December 13, 2007 at 6:09 pm
Well, if my husband is any indication, it DOES take hours for a man to poop on the potty!
Let him sit there and go about your business… He’ll quit using it for attention soon enough. It’s not like there will really be any poop in the potty right now, right?