‘Twas the night before Christmas Eve Eve
And all throughout my house
Dog hair and toys had taken over
I shrugged and said, “It’s time to get soused.”
The wine glasses were filled to the brim with care
in hopes that a cleaning fairy soon would be there
With Tate wrapping presents and I frantically dusting
I suddenly yelled, “This bathroom’s disgusting.”
When over the monitor there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my duties to see what was the matter
Away to the nursery, I flew in a flash
Then realized it was nothing but that show on TV where choirs clash.
Tate mentioned something about my “moon” and my breasts
I just rolled my eyes at this wonky sex attempt, as you probably guessed
He retreated in defeat and went back to wrapping
I finished up cleaning and yearned for some napping
With an arm full of gifts, Tate came downstairs
I rummaged through the gifts to catch any spares
One for Carson, for Ella, for Tate, and for Nanny
For Papa, Uncle J, Aunt M, and for me
A calendar, a keychain, I already knew
Two more boxes, surprises!
How exciting!
Phew!
My eyes how they twinkled!
This Christmas would be merry!
Even though my butt is all dimpled
and my fat rolls are like jelly
I spoke not a word, but went straight to work
I tugged on Tate’s hand and said, “you deserve a perk!”
We went back to the bedroom, for cuddles and kisses
Tate was quite pleased to get all of his wishes
And I heard him exclaim as he drifted off to sleep,
“Merry Christmas, sweetheart. I got you surprises to keep.”
This was hysterical. Hope you slept well.
AndreAnna’s last blog post..Haiku Friday
You’re so funny.
Merry Christmas..
~JJ!’s last blog post..Haiku Happy Birthday
That? Is Brilliant
Dawn’s last blog post..Weekly Winners
I swear girl, you are hilarious.
You are destined for Bloggy Hall of Fame!
Alli ~Mrs. Fussypants’s last blog post..Fussy’s Christmas JibJab
You know being drunk and cleaning is all the rage. : )
Good job to Tate for getting extra suprise goodies. Merry Christmas girlie!
Jean’s last blog post..I’m not one to toot my horn ever…
How fun that you have a few surprise presents. And T got a surprise as well!!!
Wright’s last blog post..Those Daffy Dutch
We’re all sick this morning. Kids up with fevers last night. I have a sinus headache today. My mother is descending on us in mere hours. Oh the humanity.
Thanks for the laugh this morning. I so needed it.
Happy Christmas to you and yours.
Love,
D
Mama DB’s last blog post..I’ve missed it.
Hilarious!! Sounds a lot like last night at our house.
Sarah @ Ordinary Days’s last blog post..Three Boys+Two Arms=Something’s Missing
Hilarious!! Sounds a lot like last night at our house, minus the wine. Reminds me…I need to run to the store!
Sarah @ Ordinary Days’s last blog post..Three Boys+Two Arms=Something’s Missing
Yay for surprises! Happy Holidays to you and your family, Le Binky Bitch!
Devilish Southern Belle’s last blog post..Well….
you? are adorable.
i’m glad there are surprises for you… merry christmas!
janet’s last blog post..Z is for zatisfied
cute!
shaz’s last blog post..Merry? What did you just say to me?
Brilliant- You made my exhausted self laugh out loud…..
Amanda’s last blog post..The Christmas Spirit
You are hysterical!! Sounds like it’s going to be a very MERRY Christmas at your house!
Stephanie’s last blog post..Haiku Friday
Merry Christmas to the whole Binky Family!
tulipmom’s last blog post..The Best Laid Plans …
Ha ha ha! That is too funny – and you are so creative! Merry Christmas!
Maggie’s last blog post..100 Things About Me, Part 1
merry Chirstmas to the whole jen family…..
dang, there is a typo…..but you know, after a glass of pinot grigio I don’t care!
tommie’s last blog post..Weekly winners…..
Very cute! I hope your Christmas is wonderful!
queenmother’s last blog post..Momma said-KNOCK YOU OUT!
That’s about the funniest thing ever!
Christina’s last blog post..Christmas Eve’s Eve’s Eve
lol – brilliant! knowing when to let go of the wonky sex attempts AND surprise presents?? damn, a keeper!
jenn’s last blog post..Sunday Edition
Way too funny!
Burgh Baby’s Mom’s last blog post..A Little Tip for Y’all
Sounds like Tate knows just what button to push! I hope you guys had fun & you rock the poetry.
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..The Emergency Broadcast System
This is great! Wishing you a very Merry Christmas.
SJSFalter’s last blog post..Christmas Morning
Very cute post! Merry Christmas!
erin’s last blog post..Christmas’ Past
This was awesome! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you!!!
a life uncommon’s last blog post..Merry Christmas!
WHAT did you DO to your HEADER? Just wonderin’… ??
aradia’s last blog post..Merry Christmas Y’all!
Very funny!
I like the new look around here…
Cathy’s last blog post..Merry Christmas!
So funny! I loved reading this!! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas!!
Kelly’s last blog post..Answers to my Christmas Songs Thursday 13 and other Christmas Ramblings
Wonderful!! Best post I’ve read all day.
Hydes
Hydes Like Us’s last blog post..the day after- Wordless Wednesday
Very cute! Hope you had a good Christmas!
Miss’s last blog post..All mixed up
Love, love, love this!
Arkie Mama’s last blog post..A Christmas of Calamities
Jennifer- the header must have wigged out my computer when I saw it earlier… it was strange- stuff was garbled together and squares instead of letters! I thought you’d lost your mind. I’m glad whatever was left of that fantastic brain of yours is still intact!!
aradia’s last blog post..Merry Christmas Y’all!
Ohhhh! Can’t wait to hear about the surprises!
Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..The Lies, Hypocrisy & Sinful Play Date, Plus Fine Southern Traditions
That was so funny! How long did that take you? It was really good!
Alex Elliot’s last blog post..Merry Christmas!
I love your new header!
How did your first showing go?
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!! If it went anything like your “playdate”, then I’m sure it was a blast! Can I just say that even though you’ll soon be a fellow Hoosier, I sure wish I could join y’all down there!
Oh, you are a poet! And not just Hai Ku’s or however the hell you spell it. I’m too lazy to figure it out.
Anyway hope your Christmas was wonderful!
marie green’s last blog post..Curlie Girlies, Christmas Program, Some Thoughts On (Not) Weaning, and CHRISTMAS!!!
super post! very creative.
mpotter’s last blog post..huh??
This isn’t the first time I’ve said this – You are so talented! Excellent.
andi’s last blog post..May you be as deluded as my daughter this holiday season