As a result of many recent eye rolling events, I, Lord and Ruler of Whatever I Feel Like, have instituted the following laws:
Law #1.1.8.08. If your
wife spouse is in the middle of folding a large basket of laundry (or any other chore that could be completed by more than one person) and you are not helping, you will suddenly be struck with a very painful charlie horse. If this rule is broken more than once, you will be struck with a case of acne, so horrific, that everyone who sees you will turn away in fear.
Law #2.1.8.08 Any adult in the household with the ability to write, is responsible for recording receipts in the checkbook register. No longer is it the sole responsibility of
the wife one spouse to spend four hours recording receipts, many of which were for $3 or less.
Law #2a.1.8.08 Debit cards cannot be used for amounts smaller than $10. You must use cash. This means you must plan ahead and have cash on your person.
Law#2b.1.8.08 Use of ATM’s that charge fees is punishable by imprisonment. This means you must plan ahead and go to non-fee ATM’s.
Law #3.1.8.08 If you choose to put your home up for sale and it has any of the following atrocities: wallpaper, green countertops, or non-beige-ish carpet, you must fix these things prior to listing the house.
Law #4.1.8.08 Those who feel the urge to spew unwanted assvice will suddenly lose their voice for a period of one week. After this week, if they attempt to give assvice again, they will get a nasty case of recurring diarrhea.
Law #5.1.8.08 Doctors are required to actually listen to their patients and take their concerns seriously. Failure to comply will result in revocation of country club memberships and recurring flat tires on their luxury vehicles. Also, large boils will appear on the foreheads of those who repeatedly break this law.
Please alert me to any other laws which need prompt consideration. Thank you.
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