Rice, Rice Baby

We were out of rice cereal so I headed up to the grocery store to get more.

I jokingly thought to myself that it would be just my luck that they’d be out of rice cereal, the lone item that I needed.  It wouldn’t be the first time the grocery store had been out of something I really needed.  In fact, they are always out of something I need.   I used to make my grocery lists from the sale ads but had to stop because I was starting to lose clumps of hair every time they would be out of EVERY SINGLE sale item I’d planned my meals around for the week.

Here’s a very brief synopsis of the repeat offenders:

Whenever I want to make Italian Beef, they are always out of pepperocinis.  It’s the MAIN ingredient!   Why is there suddenly a rush on pepperocinis the week I decide to make Italian Beef???

Purina Dog Chow.  They either have zillions of bags when I’m all stocked up on dog food or they are all flat sold out whenever my dogs must have food.  Is all of Shitty Town, AL on the same dog feeding schedule as me???

Great Value Brand black beans as opposed to the high falutin’ name brand black beans.  Why oh why must I always have to fork over the extra 30 cents a can?  It’s WAL-FART for crying out loud and GREAT VALUE is their SIGNATURE brand!

Ovaltine.  (Just kidding!  NOBODY except me and Carson even drink it!) 

Oh lawd, I could go on and on (Suave shampoo, sleek formula; Pepsi One, Clorox Anywhere Spray…) but I should stop seeing as I’m getting a little worked up here.

So back to my quest for rice cereal.  Those of you Sherlock Holmes types reading this have probably figured out that the grocery store was out of RICE CEREAL.  How is that even possible???  Did a pack of ravenously hungry six months olds come in and rob them blind?  Typically there are hundreds, if not thousands of boxes of rice cereal, but this time there was not even ONE stinkin’ box.  All that was left was the messy crumb remnants on the shelf.

I thought the vein in the side of my head was going to explode.  The one damn thing I needed and they were out of it!  AND!  It’s RICE FLIPPIN’ CEREAL!   As it would happen, one of the very young store employees passed by and could tell I was a smidgen perturbed.  This teenager asked if he could help me find anything.

“Rice.  Cereal.  You are seriously not out of it?”

“No, Ma’am.  I think it’s over here, I’ll take you to it.”

I thought to myself that this young man was awfully sweet to be taking me the the elusive rice cereal.  “Maybe they’re rearranging the store and moving baby items somewhere else,”  I silently wondered.

He led me to the cereal aisle and stopped in front of the Rice Krispies. 

“Here you go, Ma’am.  Rice cereal.”

*Sigh.*