You would think that with just over two years of experience (and two kids), Tate and I would be on our way to being parenting experts.
Wrong.
Case in point…
We allowed Carson to have 3 chocolate milks when we went out to dinner the other night. Not the sprinkling of Ovaltine in his milk kind of chocolate milk….REAL chocolate milk. He just kept pounding them back, “oh he MUST be SO thirsty,” Tate and I said to one another. “We should get him another one.”
Wrong.
Tate and I realized our rookie parenting mistake when all of sudden Carson began to vibrate, his head spinning in cirles, eyes going in a hundred different directions, with a cackle so terrifying, we knew we were in trouble. We looked at each other in horror, “Oh my God, what have we done?!”
Hopping up and down, up and down on the seat, his wild eyes searched for mischief. Silverware flew off the table, his plate of ravioli spun round and round narrowly missing the edge. While lying on the seat with his feet propped on the table, he continued to drink Satan’s spit,* finally spilling the remainder down the front of his shirt and the side of Tate’s pants.
Tate and I breathed a sigh of relief. Despite the soiled laundry, we came away surprisingly unscathed.
We will not allow Carson to drink 3 chocolate milks. We will not allow Carson to drink 3 chocolate milks. We will not allow Carson to drink 3 chocolate milks. We will not allow Carson to drink 3 chocolate milks. We will not allow Carson to drink 3 chocolate milks. We will not allow Carson to drink 3 chocolate milks. We will not allow Carson to drink 3 chocolate milks. We will not allow Carson to drink 3 chocolate milks. We will not allow Carson to drink 3 chocolate milks. We will not allow Carson to drink 3 chocolate milks. We will not allow Carson to drink 3 chocolate milks. We will not allow Carson to drink 3 chocolate milks…
Lesson learned.
*mad props to Canape for the term “Satan’s spit.”
I think that satan’s spit is one of the funniest (and most accurate) things I have ever heard.
I’m impressed that he didn’t end up running around in circles, convincing everyone else that children should be locked in cages until the age of 18 – clearly since that did not happen, you are not rookie parents after all…
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Ugh! See, if Cordy had that much milk, I’d be more worried about the poop explosion that would be coming in the next few hours. That much milk never sits well with her.
How many hours did it take for him to stop vibrating?
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My little boy is the same way with chocolate milk. If we are out and about, we ask for a glass of white milk as well. Then it is not as sugary.
BTW, did you know Hershey’s makes a sugar free chocolate syrup?
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I’m picturing Carson beginning to “vibrate, his head spinning in circles, eyes going in a hundred different directions, with a cackle so terrifying, we knew we were in trouble.” Excellent description!
That’s usually what I aim for when I take my cousins out when they’re to be returned to their parents that night. Ha. My aunt and uncle love me.
But hey, you learn.
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My son is the same way. The other night at his Granny’s house he had ONE piece of choclate candy and seconds later he was bouncing off the walls. Sugar just really affects. My daughter? Not so much.
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Satan’s spit? Heh, I love that. I so have to keep this in mind because I’d do what you did – wow he really loves chocolate milk – bottom’s up kid!
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hehe. Ooops.
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ok, seriously – ARE YOU INSANE???????????????????
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You know what Satan’s spit is full of….that would be high fructose corn syrup I bet.
Ha!
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Ha!! We had a similar experience with sugary cereal this weekend. When Onion started screeching and running in circles (it was scary) we decided it was Cheerios only from now on.
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SUCH a Rookie move. Seriously. I would NEVER do anything like that. NEVER.
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‘Fraid it’s not just a rookie mistake. We allowed my husband’s parents to babysit our then-not-yet-2 year-old for an evening. To make a long story short, we picked her up, and after the massive clean up and sheet changing at 10PM, we asked FIL in the morning just how much chocolate milk she had. Turned out during 4 hours of being “watched” they fed her nearly a full quart of chocolate milk. “But she LIKES it!” wailed my FIL. Ya, and so does my washing machine.
The best news? It was 2 days past the “best by” date as well. No wonder I had to shampoo carpets. We were furious. How did those two raise 3 boys to adulthood?
Thank you for that… I didn’t know chocolate milk (3 glasses) had that effect…That’s all Fa drinks…and water…
I may have to cut her off too.
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HAHA. I learned that lesson early on with Babyhead. Everyone asks why I only give him water 99% of the time and no juice or milk or anything…then I have to explain that Babyhead will continue to drink anything with any flavor one right after the other until it looks like his belly is going to explode…then of course if it is sweet he will ping off the walls. With water, he drinks what he needs when he needs and that is it.
But, Babyhead only gets like Satan’s Spawn if we give him chocolate chip cookies…not sure what it is about choco chip cookies…but he usually runs around like some of those things on the comcast high speed commercials.
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Wow he was mainlining the stuff.
“Satan’s spit”, ha! so true.
I’m sure you guys will never do that again.
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From experience, if you had fed him 2 bowls of mac n cheese right after all that he would have hurled all the chocolate milk up and saved you from the doom that is satan’s spit
But then you have to rent a carpet cleaner and bathe a kid at 3 am… so I guess it comes down to preference.
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Pardon me while I laugh my head off. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I hope you did learn your lesson.
Funny story, though.
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EEEK!
I am revisiting the time my son and his brother got into the fridge in the middle of the night and almost drank an ENTIRE CARTON of it.
It.was.not.pretty.
:S
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*Off to make myself a chocolate milk*
You crazy parents you! Hey, at least it wasn’t Red Bull.
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hehehe… I hope he slept well!
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Hey – consider yourself lucky…..
we learned the “1 Restaurant-Quality Chocolate Milk Per Day” lesson the hard way….when Prince #1 threw up all over the table at Applebee’s.
There is just no graceful way get out of that situation, especially when no one in the restaurant will let you clean it up yourself.
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I am so glad that I’ve never made that kind of mistake. That’s like bribing your child with lots of M&Ms while on a plane trip, which I would never do.
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we’ve managed to have to re-learn that lesson with each child….the HARD way.
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Ahahaha. That is the equivalant to me giving my kid a donut.
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Elliot has a mild chocolate milk obsession. Whenever we eat out, she drinks it first and has no room for actual food.
Oh, and I once heard somewhere that the whole sugar making kids hyper thing is a myth. That “mythbuster” obviously doesn’t have children as I’ve seen the crazy, demon-possessed beast my kid becomes when she has a sugar-overdose.
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satan’s spit? bwhahahahahahaha!!!!
my kid used to react to caffeine (coke anyone?) just the same way. all that was missing was the 360 head spin and pea soup.
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I think we’ve all made that mistake at least once. Mine didn’t know what Satan’s spit was until one day I ordered some for me, me, and me at Denny’s (what else do you drink with French Toast?). My a$$hole husband snuck her a sip, and it was all over from there on out. Since I was technically sitting at the exact same table and should have noticed the shenanigans, I get to take part of the blame for the head spinning that followed.
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Satan’s spit…too funny! Yeah, my husband does not see the difference between full for-real chocolate milk (EVILE!) and a sprinkling of carnation instant breakfast which BARELY tints the milk brown. Sometime I should leave the two of them at home with a couple of “real chocolate” milks.
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I can’t believe you guys can even do restaurants with little ones. We didn’t go out to eat for almost 21/2 years (with the kids, that is) because our second was such a nightmare in public.
And chocolate milk, yeah. When I make it at home, I add about 2 drops of chocolate per glass, but that restaurant stuff is straight chocolate. Like from the brown cows.
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ah hahahaha
I will try to remember this 
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After reading that post and many of the comments, I’ve figured it out. My poor kids are neglected. Even my 12 year old wouldn’t be allowed three chocolate milks in a row. If my kids were allowed all the milk they wanted to drink two things would happen
1. I’d have to start my own dairy.
2. They’d never eat food again.
Honestly, if they have a sweet drink they won’t eat at all. They don’t get wild, they just fill their bellies with sugar and have no interest at all in food.
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Oh my! Been There, Done that! At least he just bounced, and didnt vomit after the bouncing! YAY for coming away relatively unscathed!
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When I read this sentence:
“oh he MUST be SO thirsty,”
I was screaming “NO! NO! NO!”
We can TOTALLY tell when school has given the kids candy.
TOTALLY.
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I made the same vow after two chocolate milks overturned in the car.
In the dead of summer.
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Course, I read this and think of the caffeine high & not the sugar high. This would certainly be a rookie parenting mistake, but I’m also thinking “They took a two year old to dinner?” cause around here? That is a NONO.
LMAO at Satan’s spit!
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tee hee – satan’s spit!
thanks too for the chocolate milk heads up – i need all the parenting tips i can get!
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my kid would act like that…and then he’d vomit.
in fact, he did once…at a restaurant. somehow he managed to not get it on his shirt, but it was all over his pants, so we had to take them off. he was two…still in diapers.
the waitress was kind enough to bring us a bag…and we were all but finished eating anyway. so we got it all cleaned up and left…and the people in the restaurant just stared at my bare-legged son. AS IF WE TOOK HIM IN THERE WITH NO PANTS ON.
and i stared right back at them like WHAT?! HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN A KID WITH NO PANTS ON?????
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LOL.
I forgot to check the sugar content on the soy yogurt (pre-dairy add back) I was giving Little Man…he was EATING IT UP!!! and MMMMmmmmm’ing the whole time. Then I was like, wait a second…looked at the package…19 grams of sugar. Oops.
He was high as a kite for 30 minutes after that. My 10 month old. Good one, Cracker.
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Hi there, went blog-hopping last night and found you. And you, funny lady, are going in my google reader TOOT SWEET!
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I think I figured out when we become parenting experts.
WHEN WE DIE.
Almost thirteen years of being a mom and I feel like a rookie every day.
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OK, I was laughing, I admit it! I can remember those days.
Satan’s spit, that’s funny.
I have made so many rookie mistakes lately, and I am not a rookie anymore, I have a 22 year old! We all fall back to being a rookie from time to time. Its the lack of sleep!
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