Drop Kicking a Four-Year-Old Bully

March 3, 2008 | Filed in: Little Monkeys, Mom Wars

The little girl looked to be about four years old. Her long blond hair was held back in pigtails with purple ribbons. She had big brown eyes and batted her long eye lashes as she asked her mother if she could please go play now that she had finished her chicken. Her mother and another woman were sitting behind us feeding a younger child. She smiled sweetly and said, “Sure Brindley*! Don’t forget to take off your shoes.”

Carson had also finished his Chick-Fil-A lunch and wanted to go and play also. He was practically pulsating he was so excited to play with the other children in the play area. I opened the door for him, returned to my seat at our booth and watched him begin his assent up the stairs toward the slide.

I noticed that Carson was talking to another child and seemed irritated . Brindley was on a step above Carson and looked to be telling him that he couldn’t come up. At this point I didn’t mind since kids argue and it’s important for them to work things out on their own. Carson was doing his best and holding his own against Brindley until she started pushing him and obviously yelling at him. (For those of you unfamiliar with Chick Fil-A, their play area is behind glass so you can’t hear the kids, but you can see them.)

My eyes caught Brindley’s and I furrowed my brow and shook my head ”no.” She returned a glare that shocked me and promptly pushed him again. I looked beside me to see if her mother was paying attention and if she was going to intervene. Her mother and her friend were deep in conversation (about being middle school teachers, but who’s eavesdropping? Not me!). Since I was afraid that Carson would fall, I went into the play area and told Brindley to stop pushing and to let him climb up.

Miss Sassy Britches told me that she didn’t have to and that he was too little to be playing there anyway.

Normally in a situation like this, I’d get Carson and we’d go play somewhere else. I typically ignore obnoxious children, unless they are acting dangerously. Unfortunately the Chick-Fil-A play area IS the slide. That’s it. There isn’t another place to go play.

As a former Speech-Language Pathologist who worked in the schools, I never hesitated to correct a child, but since her mother was just on the other side of the window, I hesitated. I didn’t want to seem like that bitchy mom that bosses everyone else’s kids around. Disciplining someone else’s child in front of their parent(s) is awkward. Since Brindley’s mom was still not paying attention, I told her again that she needed to stop pushing and to let Carson by.

I thought laser beams would shoot out of her vicious glare. And at this point I had HAD it with this little girl (I’m merely saying “girl” because calling her what I’m thinking is MEAN, but know that if you read the word “girl” in reference to her after this point, I really mean a not-so-nice word.)

I told her that if she didn’t stop, I’d go get her mother. “Do you want me to go get her RIGHT NOW, because I SO will.” As much as I really didn’t want to go get her mother, this wasn’t an idle threat. Lucky for me, she apparently didn’t want her mother to know of her evil ways, so she moved aside and let Carson continue to climb. I returned to my seat outside the play area and continued to watch.

Brindley left Carson alone for the rest of the time we were there. Every few minutes she’d look out of the window and sneer her little sneer at me, keeping one eye on her mother to make sure she didn’t get caught. I watched as this “girl” bullied and harassed just about every other child who was in there playing. She even pushed her friend down, another little girl, who promptly ran to tell her mother…the other woman sitting behind me. The women shooed her away, dismissed her wailing, and continuing their chat.

On one hand I wanted to say, “WAIT! This little “girl” Brindley pushed her! In fact she’s bullying every kid in there. Your child is a BULLY. And shut up long enough to pay attention!”

On the other hand, though, I don’t really think it’s my business. I’d taken care to see that Carson, MY CHILD, was safe. No other parents were correcting Brindley, why should I care?

The other day, Lindsay at Suburban Turmoil talked about when should we step in and say something to parents about their children’s poor behavior. She asked,

“…where do we draw the line? What is our responsibility to our children? What’s our responsibility to the children of others? Most of us have a hands-off philosophy when it comes to other kids, right? Walk a mile in their parents’ shoes first, we say with a deeply tolerant air. But we also like to say that it takes a village to raise a child. So shouldn’t we be stepping in more?”

I don’t believe for one second that Brindley’s mother isn’t already aware of her daughter being a bully. This little girl was a master bully so I’m pretty confident that this wasn’t the first time for this kind of behavior. Really, I don’t think that had I said something to the mother, anything would have changed. Brindley will be a bully whether I made myself look like an ass or not. While I was really irritated that the mom was so engrossed in conversation that she didn’t see how her daughter was behaving (and I don’t even know if I really believe that), I don’t blame her either. If I’d have had someone to talk to at Chick-Fil-A, I might not have noticed that I needed to come to Carson’s rescue.

What do you think? Where DO we draw the line? What is our responsibility, especially to the children of others? And is it worth the potential embarrassment on our part to bother saying something?

(*Not the child’s real name, but something equally ridiculous. My apologies if your child is named Brindley. I’m sure it suits her well. Or him.)

For me it’s a tough call. There will ALWAYS be bullies. We can’t stop that from happening. I think the line is crossed when there is danger to any other children. Pushing them when on a slide or steps to a slide is in the realm of danger. I also think if a kid is hitting another one, that’s another line. Basic bullying, it’s going to happen…harm, especially at that age, is a different story.

I step in when kids cross the line…and when parents cross the line…but that’s another post for another day

Wow…am I really first? Cool…

Sadie’s last blog post..Random Stuff…

I am not a parent, but when I have children in my care, I make sure they behave themselves around other children. And if those other kids are acting inappropriately, I never hesitate to call them on it. It may make me annoying, but the fact that I am an adult and they are a child misbehaving justifies it in my mind. I would much rather be the person that’s a little too bossy with other people’s children than be too passive and end up with someone getting hurt. Maybe this will change when I have kids of my own…

Barb’s last blog post..Good deed of the day

Oh this drives me insane! I’m all about letting the kids work things out when it’s not physical, but when there is a danger to your kid you have to step in (which you did). Hopefully, this kid will eventually learn that others don’t want to play with her sassy little self (because obviously this is a lesson her mother is not willing to teach her). How sad.

andi’s last blog post..February Perfect Post Awards

Wow. I have often thought of the same thing. But then again, I am also a meanie and would have held the door open to the play area and yelled at her through the door so not only the girl but the mom could hear me loud and clear.

Yea, she probably knew about her kid, and probably reinforced it by ignoring the girl (and the girl’s friend…poor thing). I don’t believe in telling someone how to raise their kid…but when that kid is in danger or is a danger that is something different.

As a side note, I know about the bully thing too. DH plays in a softball league and there is this girl there..ARGH. She is a few years older than Babyhead. There are always kids at the games and they all get along and play together, but this girl picks on Babyhead all the time. And she is a LIAR!!! She will push Babyhead playing and he will of course push back, then she will come to me because he pushed her…or she would run and get him to follow her to an area he isn’t allowed (like, I don’t know…the FIELD)…knowing he would get in trouble. And the dad does nothing. I got to where I just don’t go to games anymore which sucks as DH likes it when we show up. I just get tired of Babyhead being so upset.

Sandy’s last blog post..18 More Weeks….18….

It definitely is a tough call.
I would think the line should be drawn when the situation gets dangerous. I usually tell my kids to walk away and explain to them that sometimes other people are not very nice. But when it gets physical, that is where I draw the line. I am their Mother, so that gives me and only me the right to push them around. (Just kidding). Anyway, I would also tell the parent and make it very clear that the behavior is not acceptable and that I expect them to correct the situation.
Sorry, I can be a bit*H also, so I may not be any help
Val’s last blog post..Make Me Laugh Monday!

Just reading that story got my blood boiling. Eventually I would of interrupted the mom and said something. I get so stressed when I watch children acting in a way that is dangerous to others. Eventually I can’t help but open my big mouth either directly or indirectly.
That’s just me.

Amy’s last blog post..On This Day in 1997

I am angry and frustrated reading this. I try to let Logan fight his own battles. But in situations such as this, I would have definitely intervened and made sure the “girl” didn’t hurt my kid.

If a bigger and older child is bullying mine I will stand right by him and defend his swing or *whatever*, but if the big kid doesn’t back down I would step in and tell him to knock it the hell off.

Sister Honey Bunch’s last blog post..Cooking with Sistah Honey Bunch and her kid.

Ooh. Tough one. I commend you for keeping your cool. I guess if it had been me, I would have done the same thing. Too chicken to confront another parent just yet, unless the kid was actually being physical.
BTW, props to a sista in SLP–I have the C’s as well! Are you going back to it when the kiddos get older?

Ok, I know that I should comment on the dilemma, but I can’t because I had no idea you were a speech pathologist.

You.had.my.dream.job.

Most of my schooling was in opera, but became fascinated with pathology after needing therapy for muscular tension dysphonia following a car accident.

I even went back to school in the program (After over 400 credits…mainly in music) but my son and the aftermath, it was just too much.

I freaking loved it.

If I ever go back and try again, I will study that.

Loralee’s last blog post..Sideblog:Frustration…

I guess I’m just more old school and tend to deal with the other kid as if it were my own. Somehow it seems worse to let the kid get away with bad behavior than worry about offending the other parent.

Melizzard’s last blog post..Better YouTube

Oh, I am SO not looking forward to this! Peanut is 7 months now, so we don’t have much in the way of spats with peers. But my hat’s off to you for being civilized about it. I’m with Sadie, I’d probably step in at the point that it turned physical. Or I’d just be passive-aggressive and harumph around, glaring at the mother the whole time. But that’s me.
MollyDoll’s last blog post..25 Days

For me it is more about the parents. Kids are kids, but they learn from their parents, and if the parent is NOT teaching them appropriate behavior than there lies the problem. When I see a Mom who clearly is not paying attention to their child it burns me up BAD. Even if your kid is a bully and you can not control them . At least give the appearance of trying to reprimand your kid, so that the other Moms do not have to take on that responsibility. I swear some of the Moms at My Gym let their kids run around as they chat to friends. The kids are usually running into a swing or jumping off a too high slide. I want to scream…STOP TALKING AND WATCH YOUR DAMN KIDS !!!

feener’s last blog post..Are you kidding me ?

Been there and had the same dilemma. I’m usually very passive in these situations which drives me insane, but if my child were in physical harm, I would have done the same as you. My son was actually ‘bullied’ for a while at preschool. This kid left the school this year but happened to be on Punky’s hockey team. Great. Punky kept saying “OH, Bully-boy (not his real name) is my friend. It’s nice he’s on my team.” etc etc. Finally I said “Punky, people who do mean things to you aren’t your friend. He’s mean to you and you don’t need to be friends with him’. I felt much better, and know that, unfortunately, this is a hard lesson we have to teach our kids.

Teri’s last blog post..Ya-da Ya-da Blah Blah Blah

Ugh, I hate situations like that. I would have probably done just what you did and gone in and made sure that the bully left my kid alone and tried to make sure that no one else got knocked around either.

Not that it is an excuse, but sometimes kids go through phases when they are just mean, and trying to test their limits. I *hate* that icky feeling that comes over you when you’re the one responsible for the kid being ‘mean’ but I would still rather know and deal with it than find out later that people see them as some sort of terror and don’t want to say anything to me. Safety is everyone’s problem, and when some kid is being overly cruel to other kids - regardless of it being your child (on either end or not) - it is your job to step in.

Children are tricky business, but in the end I think I would still rather step in and have some other parent upset but everyone safe than have said nothing and have some kid leaving the play area with a broken arm or a bloody nose or something.

Maggie’s last blog post..Best Shot Monday - Ummmmm

First you hit the nail on the head….the mom had a few brief moments not ‘managing’ her child’s behavior but hanging out with her friend…..she chose to do that instead.

I think you did the right thing in taking care of Carson.

PS, as a former teacher, I have NO problem disciplining kids when parents aren’t watching. I often have to rein it in!

tommie’s last blog post..Weekly winners Feb 24-March1,2008

As much as I’m not a fan of Hillary, I DO believe it takes a village. I have stepped in on numerous occasions to stop another kid from hurting someone. I’ve done it with strangers and I’ve done it with my friends’ kids.

I’ve been guilty of not watching my kids at a play area. However, I’m trying to teach my kids that they can’t pull that crap when I’m not looking. There are others around who will call them out if they’re being an asshat.

I think if you do it in a way that shows you’re not judging their kid as a sociopath, but are instead just diffusing a situation, you’re cool.

all things bd’s last blog post..The Man Rules All

Funny to see another Maggie. Not a lot of us

I would have pushed Little Miss Brindle Butt flat down on her snotty little head, gotten the mom’s attention and then probably gone to jail. This is why you with the perfect response to such a situation are allowed to be a parent while I’m not. Seriously, though, that is a tough one. Once things become physically threatening, something has to be done by at least one of the adults in the situation, and I think you handled it well.

(the other) Maggie’s last blog post..Reflecting and Tagged

Yeah, I’ve seen my share of brats, that’s for sure. If they’re posing a danger to my kid, I step in. Otherwise, I just sort of kind-naturedly remind them to play nice or something equally transparent, just to let them know *I* *AM* *WATCHING*!!!!

Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You’s last blog post..Whaa???

ooooohhhhhhhh that’s a good one.
i know i never hesitated to correct other children on the playground; however i feel as tho all of us teachers helped each other in that regard.

i look at it as tho i’d like to know what i don’t see behind my back- so maybe i’d tell them.
however, i definitely see your point about looking ridiculous (cuz i’m with you…. mom knew!). i think sometimes parents ignore this behavior b/c they are sick of dealing w/ it. kids would come in for conferences and their little siblings would run amok. how annoying for ME to be the one to correct them (but this was in my classroom, so i felt as tho i had the option)

you did seem to handle it well.
it apparently worked.
i hope i won’t be a buttinsky unless it deals w/ my child personally.
man, thinking this all out makes me think i’m gonna get decked!!!! the girl had to learn the behavior somehow.

mpotter’s last blog post..nobody likes a gloater

A very good friend one time encouraged me to go help my kids out of a situation like this. She said, ” You are their ONLY advocate right now. ” While it’s good for them to work things out on their own, they need to see that they do not have to put up with behavior like this and if it takes stepping in a couple of times for them to observe how to handle it, that’s what you have to do. Put yourself in their little shoes and imagine being bullied and belittled not knowing what to do while your mom sits aside and lets it happen to you. I think you TOTALLY did the right thing. You’ve earned your balls!

I’d have done the same thing, if it were my child, but probably not tried getting the mom involved, either. I have seen firsthand how getting the offending party’s parent involved caused the bully to say she (ours was a girl, too) was only defending herself.

When my boys were younger, we’d go to a local playground some afternoons because it wasn’t good for my kids to play outside at our apartment complex. One day, a girl as tall as me kept slapping/swatting at my oldest son, who would have been head and shoulders shorter than her. I got onto her myself, because she was physically violent to him in front of me for no reason that I could see, and I wasn’t about to go looking for her mother or wait to see if her mother had seen her or would correct her.

It stopped for a quick minute, the kids all ran to different parts of the playground, and then another mom came and told me that the girl had come back around my son and punched him. My son came up about the same time, too. I told him he did the right thing by walking away and coming to me, but if she did it again to hit her back. I had really had it by then, and so had he. Long story short, she came back around in front of me, tried to hit him, and smarted off to me and told me that my son hit her first when I threatened to go find her mother. I finally walked to the park office to let them know that there was a girl harassing littler children there and that she didn’t seem to have a parent on the premises. They came back up with me, but of course the girl had split by then, and her parents along with her if one of them was ever there to begin with.

I even blogged about that, and some other parent got all appalled that I FINALLY told my son to hit this much bigger girl back after being attacked a few times, so I have been hesitant to go into it since then. When mine were younger, I definitely stepped in when I felt it was necessary.

But my point was that it is a tough call no matter what. You want to take care of what you can yourself, and you want to be able to alert the parents if you feel you need to. But then again, who knows if the parents will even do anything?

Devilish Southern Belle’s last blog post..Let’s let this be a good week.

i had my first taste of this (in relation to my own child) at a Christmas party a couple of months ago. it was hosted at a friends’ house, lots of kids, and in one hallway my little guy and another baby were trying to play with (read, dump out) the crayon bucket my friend had provided. a little girl of about 5, at least 3.5 years older than both the babies, came over, grabbed the bucket and started pushing the little guys to get them away from it. i was right there anyway, so i split the crayons in two so big girl had lots to colour with, and helped the little guys pile “their” half of the crayons back into the bucket so they could dump it out again. went to get a drink, came back and big girl had the bucket again and was sitting on it and had physically pushed the other little guy down on his bum. i looked around, as i didn’t know this little girl or who she belonged to…no sign of a parent, no nothing. so i went and asked for the bucket back and was told “no!”…blah, blah, blah. long story short, i came thisclose to calling big girl a bitch to her snotty little face and in the half hour i sat there by the two little guys (other little guy’s mom joined in so we could tagteam the bullygirl) her mom - who was eventually pointed out to me by the host when i asked - sat in the corner of another room, engrossed in conversation.

truth is, the child was unlikeable and really inappropriate in her behavior but it’s her parents’ fault, because they’re not even trying.

Bon’s last blog post..leap

I have been in this situation a few times and what I have found is parents of bullies are usually the types who think their children do no wrong. No matter how well I phrased the issue they always turned it so my child was the one to bring it on or invite the bullying. Even if the conversation went well the situation improved for a short time before the child found someone else to bully. The worst one was when a boy punched my daughter in the stomach and his dad’s excuse was that boys will be boys. I’ve learned to stick to not voicing my opinion or “stepping in” unless the parent asks for it. However I have no problem asking a child to stop a bad behavior that is affecting my child if the parent chooses to not step in.

slackermommy’s last blog post..I failed my daughter

OMG, this was my Saturday morning! I’m even posting about tomorrow!!
Of course the boy wasn’t quites and mean as Brindley but I also wasn’t as calm as you when it all went down.

Sister Sassy’s last blog post..Cooking with Sistah Honey Bunch and her kid.

I’m just guessing here, but I bet her mom is a bully too.

I don’t understand parents sometimes… we seem to be raising a generation of entitled children. And we’re all going to hating ourselves when we’re old and decrepit and our children won’t take care of us.

MammaLoves’s last blog post..Dreams, Observations and the Final Clue

This reminds me a story my Dad told me about some kids that were harassing my brother. My dad was a school bus driver when my brother was little and there was some older kids on the bus who used to pick on my brother. My dad got off the bus at their stop and whispered just loud enough for them to hear that while he couldn’t do anything to them himself, he was certain he could find some kids that were bigger than they were who’d be willing to make their lives hell for $10. They left my brother alone after that.

I’m a helicopter mom at any kind of public play space. I’m easing up as H gets older, but I have occasionally body checked a big kid in a bounce house when they didn’t take my request seriously when I asked them to be careful around the littler ones (especially when it was clearly marked 3 and under and these kids were at least 9).

K’s last blog post..Triptych #1

How you did not smack that little girl I’ll never know. Showed great restraint on your part.

But you are not the bully. I agree with what Mamma Loves said - her mom just might be. Kids learn by watching, right?

I think you did the right thing. Your child might have fallen and hurt himself. Someone had to step in and her mother obviously wasn’t that person.

Chicky Chicky Baby’s last blog post..Can I get a High Five?

Great discussion ‘mah deah’.
I can’t stand the little bullies that I see, but worse are the parents who don’t pay attention.
Short and sweet: I have been known to gently steer a child toward his or her oblivious parent and let them know about the situation in my best southern dripping with sugar and honey voice about the behavior that their little angel was displaying and how I’m sure they’d want to know because I’d want to know… blah blah.
I am all about kids figuring things out on their own, but sometimes a spade is a spade and Little B.I.T (Bitch In Training) needs to be brought to attention, you know.. Good.
Sorry you had such a trying time at the Food Heaven that is Chick Fil A

rachel’s last blog post..Weekly Winners

I would say you handled that as well as anyone could in those circumstances. I agree with Slackermommy - this lady probably thinks her kid can do no wrong - that, or she doesn’t care.

I’ve seen a kid be reprimanded by another mom for drawing all over the wall outside her classroom at pick up time - the reprimanding mom then told the kid’s mom ‘hey, your daughter is writing all over the walls here’ - and her mom shrugged and turned back to her other conversation!

Some people don’t give a shit - if it’s someone else’s property, or someone else’s kid - very sad.

All you can do is what you have to to show your own kids how to behave, keep them from harm, show them how to stand up for themselves, and I think you did those things perfectly.

That mom must be raising Brindley by my parenting tips last week.

Seriously, I will correct ANY child ANY where. I have so many, I feel entitled.

I also give free reign to other moms to ‘fuss at’ my boys.

I have one son who can be a real pain in the neck, he’s been that way since birth, and I need all the help I can get. LOL!

So anyhoo, I’m the mom drop kicking a four year old & drop kicking my own little tyrant!

Mrs. Fussypants’s last blog post..We Have a Winner!

Sorry, but I can’t help it, I will step in. I have a serious issue with bullies as I was bullied as a child and it just infuriates me.

Yeah, I would have definitely said something to that little girl, ESPECIALLY since Carson is younger than her! What a little $%^@!. I probably would have been just a bit tougher and meaner than you were. And I would most likely have said something to her mom as well even though I am sure it wouldn’t make a difference.

So sad, that little girl is going to make a lot of people’s lives miserable.

Irene’s last blog post..Mother’s intuition

one bit of advice I was given from a mommy&me instructor has worked in situations like this. well, not exactly like this, since it assumes the mother is watching, but close. If you yell at some other mom’s kid at the park, she will get defensive that you are yelling at her kid. but if you whisper your admonishment to the little sh#t, I mean offender, she will get off her butt and come over to find out what the situation is!

FInd out where she lives. I’m an expert stalker.

One Tough Momma’s last blog post..Nintendo Dogs Are Evil

oh man…tough call. It’s hard because you never know how much or how the parent will react when you tell them that their child pushed yours or whatever..that’s the tricky part for me. oy. I generally leave when my kids are being harassed. WTG for stepping up to the plate and telling the brat to back off.

Kara’s last blog post..Art class

I would have handled it just like you did, although I probably would have schooled BRINDLEY (love that!) a bit more.

I also am a big believer in teaching my child how to handle people like her, so I probably would have had a chat with Declan after the incident, maybe even did a little role-playing at home to give him more practice. Declan is pretty sensitive, so the more practice dealing with “girls” like that, the better.

But you are right, unfortunately BRINDLEY is probably going to be a “girl” like that for the rest of her life, and much interaction with her or her mother is not going to change it much. Blech.

Aimee Greeblemonkey’s last blog post..March 08 Greeblemix

Sometimes, you just have to say something. Although I am impresses that you said nothing to the mom. I think I would have had to say something to the mom. It is such a hard call. You never really know what to do in a situation like that.

Christy’s last blog post..Update from appointment today.

When your child’s safety is cause for concern, that is when you step in…every time. I have no problem correcting other people’s kids if their own parents refuse to do it. These women? Should really have been paying attention. You did right. You did right.

Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..A Holly Met a Holly A Comin’ Through the Rye

You did what her mom should have done!

Jill’s last blog post..Who Says Women Aren’t Funny?

I *hate* stepping in and talking to a child when the parent is right there. I’m so good at it at work (preK teacher), but when the parents are there I feel like I’m over stepping. That being said I would have stepped in had Quinn been in danger. The other day we were at the mall play area (gotta love winter) and some girl wasn’t letting him go down the slide. He kept talking to her and she kept talking to him (I couldn’t hear) and finally she moved out of his way. Not sure what he said (or if she even understood him, since he has some articulation issues) but she moved - so I didn’t have to step in. I would have had she not moved or, my gosh, pushed my child. I know the kind of girl you’re talking about. I’ve seen plenty of them in my time.

Cathy’s last blog post..9 months

Good topic!
I am exactly like you in the way I would have handled it. I am such a wimp when it comes to (adult) confrontation, but being a former elementary teacher, I have NO problem “schooling” the little dears when they need it!
“….Or him” ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! You crack me up! So glad I checked in here before closing up for the night.
Mandy’s last blog post..4 Years Old!!

THis post struck a chord today!! Just htis morning at the gym I was waiting in line to sign my son into the Kids club when another mom came in with her obnoxious children .. They little girl went to give my boy a hug and I thought “how sweet!” then she leaned into kiss him when suddenly he yelped and I saw DEEP bite marks on his cheek right by his eye! I picked my son up and waited for the girls mother to apologize and swoon. I got NOTHING!!! She looke dat me and says “yeah.. she doesn’t give kisses.. just bites.” What the heck lady… leave your devil child home… or at least don’t let her hug other, much sweeter children. Fuming I marched up to lifting class.

Rachel’s last blog post..Anniversary

i think u did the right thing…not so sure if i would have been as calm?? i am scared that the teacher in me is going to come out the first time a bully bugs the bean. you know the teacher w the evil eye who takes away recess (just kidding about the recess - i heart recess)!

amanda’s last blog post..the truth

Guess you’d need to know the mom pretty well to communicate about this effectively.

Oh no! You had a Chick-Fil-A encounter. One of my very first blog posts was about CFA Mommies. I’m so sorry.

July 10, 2007
http://angryjuliemonday.blogspot.com/2007/07/oc-mommies-at-chick.html

My husband will never go to CFA because of my story.

Julie D.’s last blog post..Vampire Toddler

Seeing as how she probably gets it from Mommy it really isn’t worth it- unless you want a full-on momfight in the Chick-fil-a.

BTW, I’ve never seen Chick-fil-a with a playground. For that matter I’ve never seen a Chick-fil-a except in a food court. I’m learning stuff here.

Whit’s last blog post..Lazy Saturday

Another former teacher jumping in - I have no problem disciplining other people’s kids when it comes to violent behavior and I really don’t care if they’re watching or not. I don’t care if the parents of the violent child think I’m a bitch, either, because it’s not like I want to befriend anyone who lets their kid act that way.

Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..Sometimes It’s Like Living In A Foreign Country

This is such a tough call. I think you did the right thing in terms of Carson. You should step in. As far as talking to the other mother, ummm…. . no one really has an answer. I’ve been reading over the comments and we all see just as confused. It feels like we should be able to discuss these sorts of things, but in reality we can’t.

wright’s last blog post..Boobs Don’t Fail Me Now

I’ve been in situations like that, and it’s a tough call. The big problem is that kids who act like that often have parents that wouldn’t care if you did tell them their child was being a brat. In fact, they’d probably come to their child’s defense, in total denial that their little angel could do anything wrong.

Some behavior problems are inherent, but brattiness is an acquired skill. Her mother has allowed her to become that way, and unless she changes her parenting, will allow her to remain that way. Talking to the mom would likely do no good.

It amazes me how often people will completely ignore their kids at a play area. I watch mine like a hawk, not only to make sure she doesn’t hurt another kid, but also to make sure nothing happens to her. (There have been suspicious people around play areas here before, and it always makes me nervous.)

Christina’s last blog post..I’m Sassy, Hot, and I Make People Smile

Here’s my take

#1 there will always be mean kids and asshat parents

#2 I don’t think it’s my calling to rid the world of asshat parents by showing them the parenting light.

#3 My line is when the situation becomes dangerous for the kids.

I think you handled it great. You protected your kid, you stood up for him and were the example to him that he doesn’t have to take it.

Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..Butt Hiccups

I think I would have behaved in much the same way as you did. The sad part is that Brindley’s mother is doing her child a disservice by being so nonchalant about her behavior. No one likes kids who are mean and no one wants to be friends with a bully. People will treat her differently if she’s rude, nasty little girl than if she were well behaved and considerate of others.

As for it taking a village, that may be true, but we don’t have to pretend that every stranger we encounter is a part of our village, I think of the village more as including my extended family and and friends, i.e. people whose opinions I know and respect.

Nell’s last blog post..What I Want: Part One

I think you handled it well. I often let it go if it’s a one time thing, but I feel like I have a responsibility to protect my kids and also to teach them that it’s not OK to treat people that way. I’m SO non-confrontational that it’s ridiculous, but I will step up and say something to a child that is being mean to my kids.
I totally would have done the head shake first, and then asked nicely, then not so nicely (probably while telling d that we don’t push becuase it’s not nice or whatever.)

Devan’s last blog post..I hate you blogger & Not Miserable Monday

I wish we lived in a world where it would have been OK for you to give Brindley a good fussing. Remember when we were kids how afraid we were to piss off someone else’s parents? Sad that we lost that. Now kids mock other parents knowing full well that we won’t/can’t do anything. *sigh*

Burgh Baby’s Mom’s last blog post..Best Day Ever?

Yikes, I am not looking forward to this stuff. I haven’t encountered it to such a degree yet. I am not a confrontational person, but if I saw anyone, even another kid, getting physical with one of my children in such a mean-spirited way, I would be SHAKING with the effort of not getting physical right back. It’s just the mama bear thing, I guess, even though in my head I would know that she was just a misguided little kid herself.
But seriously? Her mom should at least have been watching her child WHILE talking to her friend. That is just kind of negligent. When Addy’s playing, I have one eye on her almost all the time. I mean, I’m sure she didn’t assume her kid was being a brat, but what if her daughter had fallen or something? Would she even have noticed?

Sarah’s last blog post..Because I Know You Love The Randomosity Of My Posts

I think you handled it pretty well. If It would have continued I would have marched right over to the child’s mother and said ” hate to interupt your conversation but I’ve asked your daughter to please stop pushing my child and to let him pass but she seems to be misunderstanding me. Could you explain it to her? Thanks”

Jess’s last blog post..I am burried beneath the landslide….

That’s a difficult situation to be in and I think you absolutely did the right thing by protecting your child. It was very telling when the other child’s playmate asked her mother for help and 1) she was sent away and 2) Brindley’s mother didn’t immediately jump up and set Brindley on the right path.

I’ve shot Brindley’s mother some pretty pointed glares in my time as a parent, and I’ve said a little too loudly to my own children that “we’re just going to stay away from the little girl with purple ribbons because she’s pushing and yelling.” I’ve also asked loudly and seriously who belongs to this child because he’s making kids cry. But then I’m ballsy like that ;).

I am enjoying your blog. Definitely added it to my favorites.

Rosie’s last blog post..So, what’s Fabio been doing lately?

OMG! I cannot believe that gutsy little “girl!” How obnoxious! I never would have dreamed of talking back to an adult. Just them looking at me would be enough for me to stop whatever I was doing!

kuwaitia2’s last blog post..We cracked!

No mother is that engrossed in conversation that she doesn’t even glance once at her child.I just don’t believe it. Pushing is a no no so kudos to you for saying something!!!!! What if one of those kids fell off? Kids all have different personalities but every mother knows her child and I’m sure this mother was aware she needed to watch her kid but chose to escape her (maybe that tells the whole story right there lol)

I’m right there with Burgh’s Mom: When we were little, we viewed all grown-ups as authorities. Now, the few times I’ve intervened, I’ve heard more than once “You’re not my mother.”

I think it’s perfectly okay to step in in situations like yours. Hopefully, the little brat will take the next grownup who confronts her a little seriously.

The Mom Bomb’s last blog post..These Volumes Speak Volumes

I think you handled it well. Ideally the mother should have noticed the behavior and intervened but clearly she was otherwise involved and falling down on the job. Thus you were right to step in. Carson’s safety is your first concern.
And although it would have been awkard and a challenge should Brindley not have complied then you had every right to approach her mom and politely explain the situation and ask that she intervene.

Worker Mommy’s last blog post..This Post brought to you by the letter Pee

Great post.

On one hand, I will do what it takes to protect my kids, but on the other, they have to learn to do things for themselves too. I cannot always be there, unfortunately and bullies will always exist. But, if I am there and my kids are in danger, then, yes, I will say something or do something to stop it.

You said that you are sure that Brindley’s mother knows she’s a bully, but maybe she doesn’t. Maybe she’s one of those mothers that doesn’t think her child can do anything wrong, much less be a bully. Perhaps if more parents stopped having that attitude and dismissing things their kids do, other kids won’t have to be bullied.

Kudos for handling the situation so well!! I agree with most of the comments. We have to step in. I teach school now and have found that there is a generation of parents who will not parent. So we have to step up and let the kid know there are repercussions to his/her actions. And if Mommy & Daddy won’t do it, the police, juvenile authorities or someone else will.

Lisa Ann’s last blog post..Help! I’m Buggin’ Out!!!

I’m sorry, but if you know your child is a bully you should not be so engrossed in conversation that you don’t see her being a mean little ‘girl’ to the other kids. I do agree that children need to know when to stick up for themselves, but there is no excuse for that mother. I think you handled the situation beautifully.

My really immature reaction would have been to tell my son we have to go because other kids weren’t playing nice, and as I walked by the mother’s table on my way out I would have loudly ‘explained’ to my son that SOME MOTHER’S need to keep a better eye on their kids. Yep, that’s me, little miss mature.

I wrote about this type thing last Monday. I took my girls to a big new indoor play facility in our town and was amazed at the moms who just ignored their kids’ bad behavior. Reading your post gives me deja vu as we stopped at a Chick-Fil-A on the way home from Florida last year and an older little girl was an absolute Master Bully (love that term….SO accurate) to my oldest daughter, who is extremely sensitive. The other moms were literally ignoring their kids and just caught up in la la mommy conversation land. Now I am known to get caught up in mommy talk myself BUT if I am out with my kids they are my responsibility! It sounds like you handled the situation with tact. That’s all you can do. I also don’t think it’s wrong to address a child as the only adult who seems to be responsible enough to monitor the play activity.

You go girl!

Jamie’s last blog post..Queen Bees and Drama Queens

I think you did a great job balancing all the issues — your kid’s safety, the out-of-line behavior of the girl, and the (apparent) obliviousness of the mom.

I definitely think giving the girl the message that it is not okay to hurt other kids and staying there to back up your word was the right thing to do. It’s a toss-up with the mom. I have known moms who would be grateful to get the heads-up about their kids and I know other moms who would be offended to hear anything from another mom about their kid…. Not having been there, it is hard to know what I would have done, but there is part of me that would want to say something to the mom, too. Something like, “It looks like your daughter needs your help. She seems frustrated and has been pushing the other kids,” or something like that. The truth is that girl DOES need her mother’s help — she needs some adult to help her behave in a safe way and based on how you described her behavior, she has developed some pretty serious and bad habits. It is sad, as another poster said, how much pain she might cause other children (including herself) as time goes on.

Stacy’s last blog post..100 Words: Generation

Oh, I forgot to say — found you through Chicken and Cheese, who I found through NaBloPoMo last year. Got ya in my reader!

Stacy’s last blog post..100 Words: Generation

Bless you for posting this.

I recently posted about an incident in which an obnoxious, horrid little girl kicked my son in the head and then smirked at me.

That word you were thinking? I thought it and many, many others.

And her mother was a twit.

Arkie Mama’s last blog post..Bad Mommy Confession No. 243

Like The Mom Bomb, I too have heard the line
“You’re not my Mother ” . SNARRRRLLLLLL !!!

I have perfected my response - I tell the hellion :

“No, I’m not your Mother - but I AM the Mommy to ( point to my munchkin ) and it’s MY reponsibility to teach him
how NOT to act when playing with other kids. ”

Delivered at whatever decibel level feels best

That little girl sounds like Nellie from Little House on The Prairie! Remembah her? You absolutely did the right thing. Your childs safety is your responsibility…if the other parent didn’t want you correcting her child, she should have been watching the little beast!

I think you were definitely justified in not letting her bully Carson on the steps up to a slide. She’s probably not that used to people sticking up to her.
A similar thing happened with Little Elvis at a nice toddler play area in our mall. He was just learning to pull up and was crawling around, and since he was so unsure of himself, I was following him everywhere. He had just pulled up on a little mushroom when (I’m guessing at the age) a 3 year old boy ran to the mushroom, stood on top of it and started trying to step on my baby’s fingers! I told him to stop that and that it wasn’t nice, while glancing around for a parent or nanny. While I did this, he looked me right in the eyes and again attempted to step on my baby. I scooped up Little Elvis and told that boy he should never step on babies’ fingers, and I said it loudly, but no adult came over to the child (I was half suspecting someone to tell me not to scold her sweet baby.) We’ve had one other instance at the play area, but it’s one of the few places designed just for little ones in our area. I’m not going to stop going.

I just have to know-what WAS that girl’s name? Because “Brindley” keeps popping in to my head and my OCD won’t leave me alone until I know
Elizabeth’s last blog post..Seeing Spots

Oh my gosh! I love you! Too funny! In my dreams, I’d drop a copy of “Mean Girls- Queen Bees and Wannabees” in the mom’s damn lap!

But, in reality, I’d have done exactly what you did.

Happy Homemaker’s last blog post..Reader Request: 1950’s Pink and Black Tile Problem

No, its hard to do, but the right thing to do is to stick your nose in.
I would have gone something like “Hi, excuse me, sorry - I’m so jealous that you guys have some one to chat with :big smile: no, no, we’re just leaving - I just needed to let you know that your little Brindley was a little out of control out there. You should probably keep an eye on her so she doesn’t hurt one of the little kids when she pushes them over. :another big very genuine smile: :leave:

(I’m very good at being very friendly and very genuine and telling people stuff in a non accusatory manner.)

Its so hard to be a mother of a ‘bad kid’. Mostly they are in denial that their child does anything wrong, mostly they think its ‘just normal’ because they lack perspective.
So, I think a good tactic is to give them a small feedback that there is a problem. Can you imagine if everytime she was out at a playground someone quietly mentioned her child was a problem?

I’m of the boring school of thought that we are all building the future everyday in how we let our (their) children be. If everyone ignores the fact that her child is a demon on wheels, how can she bear full responsibility for the molester and bank robber the child will grow into?

This is a tough one. Their is not much one can do in this kind of situation. You did the right thing though. You made both parties happy. our child was safe and you didn’t hurt Brindley either. It’s ultimately upto the parents to teach and discipline their children.

Auctions’s last blog post..Phyllis

I would’ve said something to the mother if I saw her bullying all the other kids. Yes you took care of your own child, but where were the mothers of all the other children? I believe it takes a village to help raise a child- this is more true than ever in today’s society.
If the mother didn’t handle her daughter, then you can complain to the Chik-Fila manager to ask them to leave. Your child (and yourself) have a right to enjoy the place without being bullied, harassed, or otherwise upset.
in my ever-humble opinion.

[...] sweet tea in her kid’s sippy cup? A little girl that I think is dressed like a tramp? A mom not watching her brat kid at Chick-Fil-A? Oh, I’ve [...]

I have been on both sides of the parenting dilemma. Usually I thank a person who steps in to say something to one of mine. And repeat what they said.

And as an umpire for 10 and 9 year olds, I have learned a voice and a look that kids will listen to. (Get close, speak with authority, treat them like adults.) “That’s enough, gentleman.” And they will know what you are talking about.

I have been also thanked by other parents as I have corrected theirs. (Little things like batting a baseball outside of the batting cages)

Lol, I can totally relate. I too, am an SLP for the schools, and cringe every time I see a situation like this. I want so badly to discipline, but bite my tongue many times (And you know how hard biting your tongue is for an SLP).

Susan’s last blog post..Super Stylish Saturday

My daughter’s name is Brynlee It seems to me as if the parents of bullies actually enjoy seeing their children act this way. I think you handled it perfectly. Where were the parents of the other children, and why didn’t they say anything?

I usually only correct children if they physically push or hurt my son. I do try and get their own parents involved. If that doesn’t work and I’m put into a situation where I have to correct someone else’s child I have no problem doin it to protect my own from physical harm.

I am a mom of a BRINDLEY…..I adopted my daughter at age 4 and it has been a constant battle for me to teach her respect and boundaries.

I know people look at my daughter’s behaviors and just figure I am not caring or trying or I’m a horrible parent…but I am doing everything I can!!!…and I appreciate DEEPLY anyone bringing it to my attention so I can handle it. I can’t always keep my eye on her every second, and she is sneaky enough to pay attention to when I am watching and when I am not. She will wait and watch for the moments when I am distracted and then take advantage of that moment.

I have even began having to go to school with her or show up there at random times just to prove I am always paying attention.

The behavior only gets worse when she is SUCCESSFUL at her manipulations and bully-ing…..PLEASE for the good of the child, STEP IN and bring it to my attention.

The “what are YOU gonna do about it” attitude comes from her experience in her first home where no one did anything about any poor behaviors…..And I cannot leave that question unanswered…I want my child to know that boundaries exist even if I’m not watching.

She’s 7 now and the bully-ing has mostly stopped….but every once in awhile it starts up again and takes me by surprise. Time-Ins work WONDERS for that behavior….I also appreciate anyone kind enough to give her the “No one will like you if you don’t learn to be nice” Lecture…The more people she hears it from the better chance it has of sinking in!

Maybe I’m just a total bitch but I would have yelled at the parent.

I have a very well-spoken British accent, which immediately makes people listen the hell up. I probably would have gone with something like “Excuse me, are you watching your child? Because he/she is bullying the other children horribly and has just hit/scratched/whatever my kid and several others.”

Then I probably would have gotten into an argument. I’m a fat chick with a shaved head, other mums generally don’t try to get physical with me.
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I'm Jennifer, Mom to Carson, 3, and Ella, 2. Wife and Bossaholic to Tate. My claim to fame is that I'm the #1 search result on Google for "kids pooping in pools!!." You can follow me on Twitter, see my stumbles at StumbleUpon, view my photos on Flickr, and contact me by email.

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The Given Day
Love in the Time of Cholera
Esther; It's Tough Being a Woman
~~Why is My Mother Getting a Tattoo?~~ I
~~Whitethorn Woods~~ B
~~The Five People You Meet in Heaven~~ A
~~Paula Spencer~~ B-
~~Digging to America~~ A
~~Rebecca~~ A-
~~The Friday Night Knitting Club~~ B
~~The Reader~~ B+
~~The Shack~~ B+
~~The Kite Runner~~ A
~~Three Junes~~ C-
~~Kitchen Confidential~~ A
~~A Cook's Tour~~ A
~~The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas~~ A
~~My Friend Leonard~~ A
~~Daisy Chain~~ F
~~The Gravedigger's Daughter~~ B-
~~A Girl Named Zippy~~ A-
~~Eat, Pray, Love~~ A
~~Water for Elephants~~ B+
~~The Book Thief~~ A++
~~The Poisonwood Bible~~ A+
~~The Hunger Games~~ A

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