This Post Brought to You By the Makers of Poise Pads

April 2, 2008 | Filed in: I am woman, Quirky Me, my hawt body

We’re all friends here, right? I’m just going to go ahead and lay it all out for you. Due to a cough that won’t just won’t. facking. go. away, I’ve realized that I’m incontinent. Since Amy (Amalah) (whom I adore and would secretly like to marry if it weren’t for those pesky polygamy and same-sex marriage restrictions) wrote about peeing her pants, like totally PEEING HER PANTS, I feel like I can now tell you of my plight.

Her post made me feel validated. I pee MY pants, too!

Her post was about when she peed her pants when she was over 30 weeks pregnant, which alone is reason enough to pee your pants. So MY peeing my pants when I’m not even 1 day pregnant, just 11 months post birth, is pitiful. And gross.

It all started a few weeks ago when I came down with a cold, courtesy of my germ schmeared children. The cold started out in my head, then it moved to my chest, thus beginning bouts with nearly gag-inducing coughing fits. Each time I cough, I pee. Cough, pee. Cough some more, pee some more. Cough, cough, cough, pee, pee, pee. Sometimes it’s just a little pee, other times it’s not just a little pee.

I try, oh do I try, to keep from peeing myself. Whenever I start to cough, I contort my body and legs in such a way to hopefully make up for the obvious lack of musculature DOWN THERE. Even my contortionist attempts aren’t working, though. If I know I’m going to cough, I stand up so that I don’t pee all over the couch or where ever I happen to have planted my ass. In the past several weeks, I’ve changed my underwear more times each day than I change Carson’s diapers.

Am I really telling you all this?

I’ve consulted my trusty family physician (Google again) and she tells me that I should be doing kegels or that I have a bladder infection and will probably die a horribly painful, drawn-out death characterized by wiry nipple hair, tumor-like zits, and impotence at the hands of evil bladder bacteria.* So DAMN, either way I’m screwed. A painful death or more exercise, I don’t know which is worse. It’s not as if I even have time to fit more exercise into my already very full days. I mean, seriously, I have two very huge thighs and a pillowy gut that need prompt attention and can’t fit any exercise into my day. Adding kegels to my “workout routine” falls in the “unlikely as hell” category.

I did really tell you this. **head shakes in disbelief** Validation, people. Validation.

*slight exaggeration.

Share with others

*blushing* I am 15 months post partum and still do this if I sneeze really hard or laugh really hard. I blame it on pregnancy, not infection.

Toni’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Brother & Sister Love

That sucks! I hope it goes away.

As for kegels, you can do that while you’re doing something else. It’s not really exercise. You can even practice on the toilet. Good luck!

Nadine’s last blog post..The noice that brings silence at cooking time

My kids are 9 and 11 and I still have this problem. Kegels-smegels–I’ve been doing them for years. I just have to make sure I go to the bathroom every 30 seconds when I have a cold.

I would laugh..but then *I* would pee my pants, too

You aren’t alone!

This all started for me after I gave birth. It’s has gotten better but on occassion it still happens. My doc told me to do the kegels. I go the bathroom A LOT. At the slightest feeling of a full bladder……….I’m in there.

Mary’s last blog post..28

I’ve had a touch of incontinence since DC was born 10 YEARS ago. For me it mostly happens when my bladder is just slightly full (not enough to NEED to go) and I cough or sneeze or laugh really hard.

I haven’t gotten Poise yet…but my case is starting to get worse. Maybe we should make a Sam’s run, no? *lol*

Sadie’s last blog post..Terminology Tuesday

At 24 weeks pregnant with baby two, it has becoming a running joke in my house to have an extra pair of pants on hand, because inevitably, when I sneeze, I pee myself.

My daughter now says “damnit, DID IT AGAIN!” when she sneezes, it happens THAT much.

AndreAnna’s last blog post..Up your nose with a rubber hose, Mr. Rain

I have had this when I was pregnant, and maybe once since Jay was born - another rite of motherhood passage I guess.

Five years post-partum and I’m right there with you! Thank you for writing about this because it’s not a topic you can really bring up at lunch with the girls. LOL

Oh, honey, I know what of you speak. My doctor (not google) told me to kegel as well. ~sigh~ Yeah, I jumped right on that idea.

Sister Honey Bunch’s last blog post..Staying Connected

my name is jen
and i pee when i cough really hard too.

kegels…are you kidding me…i can’t even remember to get to the bathroom enough so that i don’t pee myself.

thank you for validating ME.

jen’s last blog post..mamamamamamamamamama

LOL
Let’s just say I understand…

Devan’s last blog post..Baby post!

Wow, thanks for letting me know I am NOT the only one. Great timing!!!!

My youngest is approaching 3 and I still have this problem. I attribute it to 3 kids in 6 years. Who knows. All I know is that I had a nasty case of bronchitis a few weeks ago, and that horrible cough caused me to suffer this embarrassment way too many times than I care to count.

Irene’s last blog post..Look at this crazy coincidence!

Oh, I feel your pain. I had a ten day cough back in February and the incontinence was ridiculous. When I am finished having kids, I am going to figure out the surgical options ASAP. There are these corny radio commercials in Chicago that involve women talking about peeing their pants and then advertising “an easy fifteen-minute procedure.” I have no idea what such a procedure involves or what it might cost, but I want it.

I reference my own incontinence in this post:
http://nottobrag.blogspot.com/2008/02/field-trip-minute-clinic.html

By the way, I’m a new reader to your blog and loving it! Thanks for being so candid and so funny.

mep’s last blog post..I don’t think the answer is “bachelorette party.”

Oh I have this to look forward to too?

Y’all are making me rethink this wanting kids thing…good thing there’s no potential daddy at the moment or there might be problems!

Love the fact that you’re willing to write about this stuff!

CourtneyRyan’s last blog post..Alabama Update.

having two kids in a mere 16 months will do the same thing to you. I can do the contort thing and get by….MOST of time.

Is this in the “What to expect the first year” book?? Because I swear no one ever told me this!

tommie’s last blog post..home is where you hang your heart

I had the cough thing too and that is when I discovered I also pee my pants. Just a little, but a cough or sneeze and oh…

I read somewhere that in Europe postpartum moms get to go to a physical therapist where they get taught how to “exercise” and get tested to make sure its working! I’m not sure which is worse.

Anyway, not only do you get validation but you and Amy get the “you have balls award”. Before this week, I pretended it wasn’t happening and didn’t tell ANYONE.

heather’s last blog post..a new strategy to be a better person

Another lovely side effect of child birth.
For me its the sneezing that does it…

LifeAsIKnowIt’s last blog post..Going Green

I think it’s safe to say that SEVERAL people are going to validate this one! I like that Jen said it like it was an AA meeting. ha!
Here goes,
My name is Mandy, and I too pee my pants.
Oh, and Kegals, schmegals.

Kegels they do a body good.

Jean’s last blog post..Party Like Its 1999

Kegels they do a bladder good.

Jean’s last blog post..Party Like Its 1999

Eh, I do that too. Kegals always SOUND like a good idea, but I just feel weird sitting here, reading blogs, and flexing my hoo-ha muscles.

Karly’s last blog post..Cleatus Is Great And All But…PMS!

Yeaah. I know that problem. The other day I went to a yoga class and after sneezing, well just sat on the floor quietly, trying to figure out how bad it was. The instructor looked at me sympathetically and said, “pushed it a little too far that time huh?” Yes. Yes that’s my problem.

Jess’s last blog post..Because love is heroic

10 YEARS post partum + 18 months post partum and I’m still a part of the weewee brigade. And don’t believe the kegel bs- I can crack a walnut with my vajingle and I still spray like a plant mister when I sneeze. Or cough. Or pick up heavy objects. Or wear tight pants. We wont even discuss the trampoline incedent.
The Milk Maid’s last blog post..School, Part 2

Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer.

Did you learn nothing from my ben wa purchasing experience?

Seriously. I think perhaps a belated birthday gift to you from me is in order,no?

Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..Howdy Neighbor!

Hey! Me too!

Except. I had a c-section.

Crap, I can’t blame the kid when I pee my pants.

Burgh Baby’s Mom’s last blog post..Today’s Forecast: Windy with a Chance of Daffodils

I remember thinking I was never going to be right “down there” again after giving birth. My biggest problem was when I got sick and threw up…I would pee my pants. Talk about insult to injury!!

A little exercise down there will definitely help.

My grandmother couldn’t jump on a trampoline with peeing her pants…I know, grandma’s shouldn’t jump, lol.

The things they don’t tell women about childbirth!

Rhea’s last blog post..One-Eyed Remy Longlegs

You know…when I was pregnant with Babyhead I sneezed and peed myself in the middle of the grocery store. It was’t much, but I had big package or toilet paper (talk about irony) to kinda cover myself until I could get out of there. From then on I wore at the very lest panty liners.

This pregnancy I was puking so much that I did really pee myself quite a few times…thank goodness it has been here at home, but I have a pile of laundry from all the underwear and pants/shorts I have peed on. When I was sickest I wore an actual pad so I wouldn’t have to run out of the bathroom and find more clothes.

LOL

OH, and the kegels…don’t think of it as exercises. Think of it as a way to make sex better. Yep. If you do them you strengthen not only the muscles that keep your pee from leaking, but also the pleasure muscles…you can even try them out during sex. *wink wink*.

Trust me on that one.

Sandy’s last blog post..I think there is a basketball in there…

Oh my gosh! This is so funny! The other day I was walking around and had to sneeze … so of course, I stop, cross my legs to prevent any accidents and in the process, crack up my neighbor who is over and sooo knows how it goes.

Once again you come up with something SO VERY EMBARASSING, which, happily for me, is something I would know NOTHING about. Really. That’s NEVER* happened to me. And I can’t even imagine how embarassing it must be for you.

*at least today

AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..But Is It Right For Me?

After my second pregnancy I had a moment where I considered sewing my vejayjay (spelling? probably) shut. I just figured it’d be easier than peeing myself all over town.

Deb’s last blog post..Big Blogger Bonanza (I mean that metaphorically)

Okay, I will make a little confession too, and it is that I don’t know how to do a Kegel. I’ve been taught, and I’ve heard the whole “stop peeing—that’s the muscle,” but I don’t think I’m able to FLEX that muscle, like on PURPOSE.

Swistle’s last blog post..Day Sadness

Wow I’m really late on this one. But my wife suffered with this one even after she gave birth to #3. I got a call one day that started, “Bring me a bag of underwear, I’ve peed on myself.”

Waaaay after childbirth it got worse and moved to not pooping and peeing when she sneezed. So a visit to the GYN said, “You need a vaginal hysterectomy”. Thanks be to God. TOTALLY solved the problem. I have now been replaced on the Christmas card list by the GYN.

Unless you are going to have more kids, take the uterus out.

~Jef

Edge’s last blog post..My Experiment Is Over

If you find a great personal trainer to work with on the Kegels, let me know!
Jen’s last blog post..Conversations Overheard in the Car

It was a big joke around the water cooler at work about the peeing and coughing. And at all ages and stages of motherhood. You are so not alone.

My biggest personal memory is from when I ended up in the hospital while 26 weeks pregnant with passing a kidney stone. I kept having to pee every five minutes, but only teeny tiny amounts–and then I kept vomiting, too. Of course it was while I was hooked up to the wonderous morphine IV that I felt the urge to pee AND vomit at the same time. I ran to the toilet, but I couldn’t decide which was more urgent. I finally gave in to my stomach–and ended up peeing all over myself whilst vomiting in the can. And of course the nurse walks in while I’m feverishly trying to clean myself and the floor up. NOT one of my most favorite moments–but at least I CAN laugh about it now!

Carrie’s last blog post..Random Thoughts on a Spring Birthday

You are certainly not alone. Try kegels and you can do them while doing other things (I’m doing them right now!), but they don’t work for everyone I guess. I will tell you a horribly embarrassing story to ease your mortification.

I had given birth the day before and I was sharing a room with a girl. My mom and husband were there with me, too. I was in a lot of pain (duh) and had avoided getting up at all costs. Finally, I decided that I had to go to the bathroom badly enough that I would attempt getting up. I stood up with the help of my husband and then pee started to fall out of me. I had absolutely no control. So I was peeing all over myself and on the hospital room floor in front of my mother, my husband, and a complete stranger. I was like, “What do I do?” and my husband says, “Just stop!” It was the first time I truly had the urge to punch him in the face and tell him to STF up. When it was all over, and there was a lot of pee because remember I had been holding it to avoid the pain of getting up, I went to the bathroom to clean up as much as I could and my mom and husband cleaned it up. My mom explained to me why that happened and totally comforted me and tried to make me feel better. It was truly a humbling experience.

rubialala’s last blog post..Stickers From Mickey

LOL. I had to call my BF in the middle of her work day to ask her if she too peed her pants while sneezing. I guess it is normal.

Relief

OHmommy’s last blog post..terrible, horrible, no good, VERY bad day

Ok, so this isn’t funny. I can’t remember having a problem too much after the babies, but now that I’m older…well, that’s another story. Was working in the yard last week and had a couple of beers (cause that’s what you do when you do yard work). When I finally decided I couldn’t wait any longer I raced inside and danced all the time I was pulling my *wet* pants down. First time for me and very humbling. Note to self go more often lol.

Judi’s last blog post..I WON!!

I still do this…my kids are 3 and 13 months. I have a friend whose kids are 14, 11 and 8- she still does it!!

Alison’s last blog post..Night Terrors

OH yeah. I pee all the time - cough, sneeze, laugh, wait too long to go…. My daughters are 11, 9, and 3. I’ve been peeing my pants upwards of 11 years.

Sexy, no?

Rosie’s last blog post..Date Night

I’ve was told that lots of orgasms can take the place of kegels. When I explained that orgasmic sex wasn’t really a priority at that point, my friend handed me a vibrator. I’m just sayin’.

Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..Fantastic Book

I notice a total difference in bladder control from baby 2 to baby 3.

It’s horrible. ;s

Loralee’s last blog post..I HATE THAT!

Yet another thing to add to the Men Have It So Easy pile.

Shelly’s last blog post..Confession

My baby is 2 years old. And I *ahem* have this problem too. It’s not an issue most of the time, but if I get coughing (like you) it happens the same way. I just dribble most times, so I just put a little pantiliner in my panties when I know it might be an issue.

Mommy Daisy’s last blog post..A is for Ailment

HAHA. Honey, fourty-four people above me say YES WE PEE OURSELVES.

And even as a C-section, I do it, too. What’s my excuse?!

Mrs. Flinger’s last blog post..Friendships

Bring on the google search! One of my earlier posts was about wetting the bed when I had a dream about going to the bathroom. It is now my top google search. Apparently there are a lot of people who wet the bed… or pee their pants! Welcome to the club.

Megan’s last blog post..Worst. Dinner. Ever.

I’m telling ya, when Eve was punished for eating the forbidden fruit, even God didn’t realize the trickle down effects of child-bearing.

KEEP BELIEVING

Angie’s last blog post..We choose to laugh

We should have a “Kegel Carnival”! A day when we all post kegeling, when, where, and who was there but wasn’t the wiser as to what we were doing! It’ll totally beat out Works For Me Wednesday!

Sarah @ Ordinary Days’s last blog post..Why I Am Up At 4:45 AM

May I suggest some Depends?

They work. I kid, not really, just a lil’ bit.

MamaGeek’s last blog post..Testing The Waters

I have no idea how to go a kegel.
I have two kids and a vague concept of what a kegel is, but no idea how to perform one.

I did read recently that women who live in the Far East and use squat pots (Google it) don’t have to do kegels, apparently the process of peeing in a squat pot is enough to strengthen your kegel muscle. AND apparently you can purchase a squat pot conversion for your standard toilet. Maybe that’s the answer.

Amy’s last blog post..Suck On What?

I read her post - hilarious! I peed myself once preggers with #3 trying unsuccessfully to unlock the front door to get inside and PEE. And yes, you would totally think Kegels would be the one exercise we’d all do - anywhere anytime as they are - and yet, no.

amy’s last blog post..The Second Guess

You inspired me.
Come join the Kegel Karnival!!
http://methemama.blogspot.com/2008/04/impromptu-carnival-join-fun.html

Sarah @ Ordinary Days’s last blog post..An Impromptu Carnival! Join The Fun!

17 months post partum.

Peed a little during pregnancy

Peed a lot during bouts of morning sickness

Still pee a little during coughing.

Kids ruin our bodies in more ways than one. Why didn’t anyone WARN ME of this?!

ROTFL

Bellamomma’s last blog post..Babies on the brain, melting my brain

i have a different problem. i have to pee. all the friggin’ time. i used to be able to go all day….now i need to find a bathroom everywhere i go. i’m like a kid.

ali’s last blog post..a whole bunch of unrelated things. it’s how i’m rolling today.

Yeah, I had my first baby and while I was still in the recovery room, doc said “Have your babies, then we’ll talk reconstructive surgery.” Uh, gee, thanks dude. Two days of labor and that’s all you can come up with?!Love my son, but his newborn head was a bowling ball. I think I’ve had more accidents in public than my son during potty training. I’ve actually thrown away underwear in a public restroom…and when I’ve shared this with close friends, they laugh so hard, THEY nearly pee their pants…

I just saw your book list. Life of Pi is TOUGH. I seriously couldn’t finish it. And, I agree with your grades for the two you’ve finished. Water for Elephants is something I never thought I’d like & I loved it.

Pee? Ahh. We all cough/sneeze pee a little. Tell Tate Kegels are exercises for his pleasure & he needs to take the kids.

Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..Would the Real Tony Danza PLEASE Stand Up??

Oh how I love your honesty! I can’t say that I have this problem, but I didn’t have either of my kids the right way eithr. More power to you girl!

Rachel’s last blog post..Little old me

First of all, I peed my pants every single time I threw up while I was pregnant with Goose. Full on peed. Since we were living in my parents’ guest house at the time, the tiny bathroom meant that the toilet was right next to the tub… so I would hang my butt in the tub and my head over the toilet and voila! Problem solved!

Really really sad problem solved in a really really sad way.

Second of all, I have finally been taking the time to really poke around your new site here and I have to say I love the layout. I’ve been pondering a site redesign and I covet those navigation buttons below your banner. TypePad seems to be against those. Damn. I bet it has something to do with “Custom CSS.” Whatever that means.

Love you, Jennifer.

Velveteen Mind Megan’s last blog post..Who Dat?

So Kegels work? I need to start then, I’m incontinent too. You tell anyone and I’ll kill you.

Maria’s last blog post..Alright people…

Hell to the yeah on this one. I just got over that cough myself and could not go without a liner in the dra-wers, if you know what I mean. I didn’t even tell the husband about it; I was afraid of ridicule. TG this is a safe place

Obviously there are a lot of us closet pant-peers out there! Good to know I am not alone in this. I have given birth 5 times, NOTHING is quite the same down there. And my doctor told me that I was doing the flippin’ kegels wrong. So all that exercising I have been doing while blogging was for naught.

Thanks for visiting today!

Kristen’s last blog post..Monkey and my birthday

Dear, I pee myself ALL THE TIME. Ever since my first was born, I don’ t have the control I once had. Certain situations make it worse, of course (like pregnancy), but… yeah. Life sucked before we got our powder bath put in on the first floor because running upstairs is just too hard when you’re trying not to pee, ya know?

Marilyn’s last blog post..The end of a very long era

Right there with you hun…Have had that issue sine I had my oldest…and he’s 11 now.

Thank YOU for the validation

Jess’s last blog post..Not so Wordless Wednesday

My children are grown and I haven’t started shopping in the Depends aisle yet, but I have this problem as well when I have a cold. The last one I had, I was in the kitchen getting cough medicine and started coughing so hard, I peed a little bit. Isn’t it lovely being a woman?

Validation #65 here. Over 4 years later, still do the cross the legs thing when I sneeze.

Shania’s last blog post..Dollah Dollah Bills, ya’all

I didn’t have this problem after #1, who was a vaginal birth. But after #2 which was a C-section, I pee every time I sneeze. And I am one of those people who sneeze 20 times in a row. Yeah. Not good.

I found out this week that I pee when I puke too. My husband just laughs at me because I do this leg cross bend over move every time I sneeze. And it still doesn’t help. Pantiliners are a girl’s best friend.

Robin’s last blog post..Why I’ve been gone

Sounds like you need to fire Dr. Google and find someone with a better bedside manner.

And Kegels? That’s all I heard while pregnant. I think I did, like 1, and then forgot all about it. I’m sure as hell not going to start doing them now.

andi’s last blog post..Welcome to parenthood?

i’m 13-plus years post partum, so wtf is MY excuse???????

the planet of janet’s last blog post..Them’s the breaks, featuring a cast of thousands

[...] This Post Brought to You By the Makers of Poise Pads [...]

[...] La Binky Bitch over at Playgroups are no Place for Children posted the other day about how she pees when she sneezes. Because she’s delivered children. Out of her gina (long I). To that I say, welcome to the [...]

Oh, you can fit kegels into a busy day - they are easy.
Stopping at the lights - theres two sets.
Peanut butter sandwich - another 3 sets
Nappy change - do a set while you do googoo games after…
Nooo problem.

Its not like its surprising - you pushed a watermelon through that tract (well, my 8 and 10-pounders were - maybe you lot have delicate, petite little babies ;)) - why would we expect it to close up beautifully on its own after? Force that puppy to shrink!

Okay, I wasn’t able to read all 71 (!) comments ahead of me, but I do believe they probably all say that you are not alone.

You are not alone.

Sneezing, coughing, it all makes me pee. Usually (but not always) just a little. I actually do better sitting down. But if I have to sneeze and I’m walking, I almost always stop and pretend to be preparing for the sneeze when really I’m crossing my legs so I don’t pee.

It also happens when I vomit, which was awesome for morning sickness for babies 2 and 3.

You are not alone.
Stimey’s last blog post..Lame.

Ha! I had the same problem a few weeks ago and also blogged about it.

Hope you’re feeling better now.

Bren’s last blog post..Haiku Friday - Rodeo Monkey

One time I peed my pants and had to hide it from my daughter who was struggling learning to use the toilet herself. I thought how to I expect her to pee on the toilet when I sneeze and don’t make it.

Laura’s last blog post..The sky is peeing!

This happens to me every time I get a chest cold, too. What is so terrible about it is that half the time when this happens, I don’t even feel like there is anything in my bladder!

Devilish Southern Belle’s last blog post..No more unfun person! Exciting things galore!

Almost 9 years postpartum and still wetting myself on occassion. I am glad to know I am not alone, where do I sign up for the support group?

justmylife’s last blog post..I am interrupting my facts……

dude….of course i pee my pants. i even wrote a Haiku about it!!!

http://monkeysandmarbles.wordpress.com/2007/10/19/haiku-friday-an-ode-to-pantiliners/

cate’s last blog post..poopy croup

This is why I ALWAYS cross my legs before I cough…..

Jen

Jen’s last blog post..Haiku Friday - Lazy Mom Costumes for Career Day

Part of my “other job” is to make women laugh and in turn pee themselves. Then turn around and teach them about kegels and ben wa balls. NO ONE does kegels the way they should, the only reason I do is because I inadvertantly do it while talking about it as part of my show. Don’t worry, you’re normal and when you are sick of changing underwear or when your uterus and bladder present themselves in your pants you’ll do something about it.

Kelly’s last blog post..I could just BARF

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Nice to Meet You

I'm Jennifer, Mom to Carson, 3, and Ella, 1. Wife and Bossaholic to Tate. My claim to fame is that I'm the #2 search result on Google for "kids pooping in pools!!." You can follow me on twitter, see my stumbles at StumbleUpon, view my photos on Flickr, and contact me by email.