So I think we’ve established two things.
Since many of us don’t even know how to do a kegel, I did a little research. For the betterment of all womankind, I’d like to offer you the following hoo-hatorial. I will not be checking to make sure you read and followed these instructions, just so you know. I mean, I like you, but I don’t like you THAT much. Ew. If you want to continue peeing yourself, be my guest.
I’ve also decided to include my personal thoughts on these instructions, in the form of parenthetical references and italics! Enjoy!
1. Find your PC muscle. (PC stands for Pnvboehifhaihiheifh) Your PC muscle is the one that stops your tinkle. So to find it, tinkle a bit then make it stop. That’s your PC muscle.
You can also, uh, well, stick your finger…(Nevermind. I’m SO not going there.) If you’re interested go to this link.
2. (Phew. Found the PC muscle, am I done? No? Damn.) Squeeze your PC muscles as hard as you can. (I can’t?) Squeeze for 3-5 seconds. (Riiiiiiight. That’s like a freaking eternity with these worn out muscles!)
3. Now it’s time for reps. (Reps?? Are you facking kidding me???) Start with five reps. Squeeze, hold 3-5 seconds, release.
4. Once you’re able to do this, work up to more repetitions and to holding each for longer. (Super hoo-ha , here I come!) You want to work up to 10 seconds. (10 seconds??? With my hoo-ha muscles??? Seriously, is that even possible????)
I hope for your sake that you’ve just spent these past few seconds aquainting yourself with your hoo-ha muscles. Kegels can be done anywhere, anytime. Nobody has to know that you’re doing them, although the very serious look of concentration and the counting might give it away. Just sayin’. Now go practice and tell your story, then link it….HERE!
On a completely unrelated note, catch the BOOBs tonight on BlogTalkRadio at 8:30 Eastern time as we discuss mommyblogging and branding. Pleeeeaaaaassssse call in while practicing your kegels. Pleeeeeaaaaassse.