So I think we’ve established two things.
1. We all pee our pants.
2. Kegels? Huh? We don’t really know how to do them.
Sarah at Ordinary Days, and fellow Indiana blogger, had a fine idea to have a kegel karnival. Maybe this will get us motivated! Go check it out and add your story!
Since many of us don’t even know how to do a kegel, I did a little research. For the betterment of all womankind, I’d like to offer you the following hoo-hatorial. I will not be checking to make sure you read and followed these instructions, just so you know. I mean, I like you, but I don’t like you THAT much. Ew. If you want to continue peeing yourself, be my guest.
I’ve also decided to include my personal thoughts on these instructions, in the form of parenthetical references and italics! Enjoy!
1. Find your PC muscle. (PC stands for Pnvboehifhaihiheifh) Your PC muscle is the one that stops your tinkle. So to find it, tinkle a bit then make it stop. That’s your PC muscle.
You can also, uh, well, stick your finger…(Nevermind. I’m SO not going there.) If you’re interested go to this link.
2. (Phew. Found the PC muscle, am I done? No? Damn.) Squeeze your PC muscles as hard as you can. (I can’t?) Squeeze for 3-5 seconds. (Riiiiiiight. That’s like a freaking eternity with these worn out muscles!)
3. Now it’s time for reps. (Reps?? Are you facking kidding me???) Start with five reps. Squeeze, hold 3-5 seconds, release.
4. Once you’re able to do this, work up to more repetitions and to holding each for longer. (Super hoo-ha , here I come!) You want to work up to 10 seconds. (10 seconds??? With my hoo-ha muscles??? Seriously, is that even possible????)
5. Do your kegels 3-4 times per day. (I’m going to do this the next time I’m I’Ming with Megan or talking on the phone with Heather. Hiiiiiii! I’m doing my hoo-ha reps RIGHT NOW!)
I hope for your sake that you’ve just spent these past few seconds aquainting yourself with your hoo-ha muscles. Kegels can be done anywhere, anytime. Nobody has to know that you’re doing them, although the very serious look of concentration and the counting might give it away. Just sayin’. Now go practice and tell your story, then link it….HERE!
********
On a completely unrelated note, catch the BOOBs tonight on BlogTalkRadio at 8:30 Eastern time as we discuss mommyblogging and branding. Pleeeeaaaaassssse call in while practicing your kegels. Pleeeeeaaaaassse.
Alison
April 3, 2008 at 6:28 am
I’m doing them right now
Alison’s last blog post..Night Terrors
The Wife
April 3, 2008 at 7:09 am
Ok, I’m doing them while reading your blog and just doing it once kind of gave me a headache. I think that means my hoo-ha is hopeless. It was probably my first baby who had the head so big it was off the charts. We had to cut a slit in the back of his baby cap that he was supposed to wear home from the hospital so that we could get it on his head.
The Wife’s last blog post..My Shawty Gets Low
Sister Honey Bunch
April 3, 2008 at 7:11 am
I can’t hear the word “kegel” without automatically doing them.
Sister Honey Bunch’s last blog post..As I Gaze Into Mah Lovah’s Eyes…
Veronica
Twitter: SleeplessNights
April 3, 2008 at 7:16 am
Yeah, now you’ve reminded me to do them. Maybe we need a button that screams ‘DO YOUR KEGELS!’ whenever you visit a participating blogger.
Also, it is weird that I can walk 2km without puffing, but doing my kegels makes me tired? Like I have run a marathon?
Veronica’s last blog post..Ducks? Mmmmmm
Devan
April 3, 2008 at 8:10 am
haha! I can actually hold for 5 seconds. go me…
Devan’s last blog post..Oh my gawd
Molly
April 3, 2008 at 8:33 am
I hate Kegels. I tried to do them during my last pregnancy but it never felt like it was helping anything. Perhaps I was too far gone!
Molly’s last blog post..Just Call Me Dear Abby
~JJ!
April 3, 2008 at 8:35 am
Will it slim down my snatch? Because my daughter told me (in the shower once again) that my vagina was soooo big.
I just need to start giving her baths again…or joining the kegel karnival!
~JJ!’s last blog post..In my quest to find a new friend…
emily
April 3, 2008 at 8:42 am
wish I could join the carnival….but I don’t piss myself. Ha! Just Kidding, I totally do. But my father-in-law reads my blog and I would die of embarrassment if he read about my leaking lady parts/…
emily’s last blog post..Ellinghouse is a toddler! – giveaway!
andi
April 3, 2008 at 9:05 am
I’m never going to be able to talk to anyone again without being completely convinced that they are doing their kegels. I’m laughing, but I’m also a little disturbed.
andi’s last blog post..Welcome to parenthood?
Connie
Twitter: connieaw
April 3, 2008 at 9:05 am
I just peed myself, spewed coffee out of my nose and am laughing my head off.
I want you to know that I started doing some kegels while I was reading your post yesterday! Like Sister Honey Bunch…I hear/read the word and start doing them. LOL!
And I pee myself. But I can’t do the kegel karnival. My family reads my blog, at least I think they do. I had to force them all to subscribe, perhaps this would be a good way to find out if they are really reading it. HA!
Thanks for the great start to my day!! As usual!
Connie’s last blog post..The One About Easter!
Mama DB
April 3, 2008 at 9:17 am
This is why I come here. I get me some learning whilst I sip me some coffee.
Mama DB’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Ballet Girl
Edge
April 3, 2008 at 9:26 am
They make a kegel “barbell” that you … uhhh … insert and leave in all day to strengthen the muscles. Stainless steel.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kegel_exerciser
Don’t ask me how I know this. Please … just accept it.
I’ve heard a good way to remember to do them is when you come to a stop light do the exercise for as long as the light lasts.
As a man, I’ll just say men appreciate the exercise.
~Jef
Edge’s last blog post..What’s On Jef’s Cell Phone And On Jef’s Mind
Teri
April 3, 2008 at 9:29 am
And one and two and three, repeat.
I heard somewhere that trying to remember to do them is hard – so the suggestion was everytime you’re at a red light. Not a bad idea….(see it’s already been suggested….)
Teri’s last blog post..Knitting in Action
ImpostorMom
April 3, 2008 at 9:44 am
Practicing right this very moment.
And YAY the BOOBS are back, can’t wait to listen.
ImpostorMom’s last blog post..The family drama
CourtneyRyan
April 3, 2008 at 9:46 am
Thank you for the instructions and commentary!
I’ll do them when I get bored in a meeting later or on the plane to GA tomorrow. You know I’ll be sharing this with the girls…after all, Supergirl is coming with me!
CourtneyRyan’s last blog post..Tonights the night we’re gonna make it happen…
Sandy
April 3, 2008 at 10:03 am
You guys are too funny! LOL See…I can’t really tell my story as I have been doing them off and on since my 20s when I read they could lead to better sex. I really don’t know it if helped bc at the time I was in a bad marriage anyway…but I can say DH loves it.
Sandy’s last blog post..I think there is a basketball in there…
Maggie
April 3, 2008 at 10:29 am
Ha ha ha! That is too funny!
Maggie’s last blog post..Pregnant Man
Rosie
April 3, 2008 at 10:38 am
I am so in. The last time I was at my ob he tested out my muscles. “Now squeeze,” he said. “I am,” said I. Not at all embarrassing.
Rosie’s last blog post..A Confession
OHmommy
Twitter: OHmommy
April 3, 2008 at 10:55 am
puffy heart your title… nearly peed, again, from laughing so hard!
OHmommy’s last blog post..The Sensitive Child: Nature or Nurture?
Sarah
April 3, 2008 at 11:04 am
Hey, I call it a hoo-ha too! In fact, that’s the official title in our house. No proper body part names around here- they’re called pee-pees and hoo-has and that’s that!
Also, I’m still catching up on my reader and didn’t see you had given me an award! I am so freaking excited! Mwah! Thank you!
Sarah’s last blog post..Some Stuff
(the other) Maggie
April 3, 2008 at 11:06 am
Do these burn calories? If I do them, I want a treat. A treat other than no pee pants, I mean. Like something chocolate. Or salty/crunchy/greasy.
(the other) Maggie’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen 4/3/08
ali
April 3, 2008 at 11:48 am
well, now i’ve just gone and turned sitting on my ass into a productive activity. awesome. maybe i’m not lazy after all! hahahaha!
ali’s last blog post..this post is about glasses, wallets and make-up…it sure makes me sound fashionable, doesn’t it??! ha!
Loralee
April 3, 2008 at 11:55 am
I think that has to be one of the best blog photos ever created.
Like, EVER.
Loralee’s last blog post..A flash from the past and discussion of soundtracks
Mrs. Mustard
April 3, 2008 at 12:29 pm
That Keegel Karnival photo is awesome. And although I do know how to do them, I find it a waste of time, as I still pee my pants in spite of them.
Mrs. Mustard’s last blog post..Why I caca’d on Earth Hour
High-LARIOUS… « Mommy and the Marine
April 3, 2008 at 12:59 pm
[...] This post not only made me work out my hoo-ha, but made me laugh while doing it… and that, my friends, IS A WORKOUT. And as a public service announcement, DO YOUR KEGELS. The end. [...]
Queen of Shake Shake
April 3, 2008 at 1:18 pm
I’m not doing them.
I’m just going to stick some balls up there instead.
Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..Howdy Neighbor!
tommie
April 3, 2008 at 1:22 pm
I think I will start doing them when I visit your blog. I could never post about them because my in-laws and my mom read my blog! They just don’t need to know some things.
tommie’s last blog post..Thursday 13…..#34….the letter N
Maria
Twitter: maria0305
April 3, 2008 at 2:32 pm
I hate kegels. They feel funny. But I’ll do ‘em.
Maria’s last blog post..Alright people…
AMomTwoBoys
April 3, 2008 at 3:22 pm
I perfected the kegel after Zach was born and my uterus tried to make an escape about a week later. Kegels, Kegels, Kegels or a hysterectomy (later in life) were my options. I went with kegels.
AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..Oh, The Stories She Tells
Becki
April 3, 2008 at 4:21 pm
I practiced and posted! Thanks for the reminder
Becki’s last blog post..Oh, What Fun!!
Burgh Baby's Mom
April 3, 2008 at 5:46 pm
I love you and all, but I’m not willing to do that for you. Sorry, it just sounds like way too much work.
I shall now resume peeing my pants.
Burgh Baby’s Mom’s last blog post..I’m Asking a Widdle Favor of Y’all
the planet of janet
Twitter: planetofjanet
April 3, 2008 at 5:50 pm
this is the first time that i have felt constructive while i sit at my desk on my ever-widening arse and read blogs.
and one and two and three and four ….
the planet of janet’s last blog post..Them’s the breaks, featuring a cast of thousands
Doodaddy
April 3, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Kegels aren’t just for hoo-hoos anymore! Za-zas can do them, too! They help men with… um… can I say “longevity” here?
Doodaddy’s last blog post..Surrender Your Booty!
Jerseygirl89
April 3, 2008 at 8:49 pm
Great post, though now I have to pee.
Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..The One Where I Try To Write A Humorous, Yet Random, Post
pgoodness
Twitter: pgoodness
April 3, 2008 at 9:07 pm
uh…can’t breathe…laughing tooo hard (and peeing my pants) thanks!
LOL.
pgoodness’s last blog post..Awake
Sandy (Momisodes)
April 3, 2008 at 10:22 pm
LOL! I remember learning about this in nursing school. I think there were 75 students in a lecture hall squeezing their PC muscle all at once
A kegal symphony!
Doing these daily really saved me from incontinence after giving birth.
Sandy (Momisodes)’s last blog post..More Weirdness
Anglophile Football Fanatic
April 3, 2008 at 10:36 pm
I still say if Tate hears you are doing exercises for his pleasure, you will get some major babysitting time outta him.
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..HF: Hans & Franz?
Bren
April 4, 2008 at 8:13 am
That title is freaking hilarious!
Bren’s last blog post..Haiku Friday – Rodeo Monkey
Marye~
April 4, 2008 at 9:58 am
Cool, so now I don’t have to stop and cross my legs every time I sneeze or cough!?!
Marye~’s last blog post..Last Night’s Storm
Melody
April 4, 2008 at 3:33 pm
OMG! You are something else! I am sitting here at work trying (quite unsuccessfully) to disguise my laughs, snorts and fits as coughing.
And of course, I’ve also been kegeling the whole time I’m reading this – it’s like you never think of it until someone mentions them…
Melody’s last blog post..Friday again – You know what that means.
anne
Twitter: AnneBtweets
April 4, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Some chick in my birthing class actually raised her hand and said that she and her sister took a kegals for love-making class (I’m not making this up!) and that her coochie was now so tight she was afraid her baby wouldn’t come out. All the guys squirmed uncomfortable, the instructor didn’t know what to say, and I was thinking STFU because she was a size 2 and 8 months pregnant and I just didn’t need to know that she also had a tight cooter. biotch.
Thanks for the tips, though.
anne’s last blog post..The Baby speaks!
Devilish Southern Belle
April 4, 2008 at 8:30 pm
Heh, I can do them while I’m at work! And you can do them while the Meijer cashier bags your groceries wrong!
Devilish Southern Belle’s last blog post..No more unfun person! Exciting things galore!
Heather (Blessedw4mom)
April 5, 2008 at 8:11 pm
I laughed so hard at th title! But truly a good idea … notice how many comments you’ve got.
I’m 6 months pregnant (baby#5) so kegel, kegel, hoo-ha, hoo-ha
Heather (Blessedw4mom)’s last blog post..Haiku Friday
ImThaMommaThatsWhy
April 7, 2008 at 8:07 am
When hubby says “woah, WHAT is that youre doing?? Thats hot” .. you know the kegels WORK. Oh yeah.. they WORK.
Naturally Right
April 29, 2008 at 1:40 pm
[...] I wet my bed. This is by far my most popular hit. All I can say is it happens. I did it and told my shameful secret to all the Internets. I hope it brings all the other bed wetters comfort and maybe a little humor. But if you need more than that, try this. [...]
FYI
June 5, 2008 at 10:57 am
It’s surprising how many people find themselves incontinent at some point in their lives. Whether it is a temporary issue during an illness, or the effects of giving birth, it is said that 1 in 4 women encounter this problem at some point in their lives.
Hopefully the stigma of incontinence can be erased and more women can seek help or not feel uncomfortable about doing those activities that they love.
This was a very nice and informative post.
FYI’s last blog post..Urinary Frequence During Pregnancy