Getting Through to Those Who Are Social Niceties Impaired
We have met every single person in our neighborhood. It truly isn’t much of a feat considering there are only six other homes so far in my neighborhood. Every person we’ve met is extraordinarily friendly (and I’m not just saying that because several of them know about this blog and might be reading…**Hi neighbors!**)
Although that good for nothing Mother Nature didn’t bless us with the promised nice weather this past weekend, she has attempted to make up for it with the most perfect weather imaginable these past three days. With this good weather, our family and most of my neighbors have taken every opportunity to get outside. We wave at one another as we go for walks, or pedal by on a bicycles, or are outside watering the newly planted flowers.
We are a jovial bunch, me and the peeps in mah ‘hood.
I mention all of this because of ONE woman who lives in an adjoining neighborhood who has also been riding her bike in our neighborhood. I certainly don’t mind if she rides in our neighborhood, it’s not as if we are a gated community trying to keep people out. In fact there are lots of folks who meander into our neighborhood, waving and smiling as they walk past.
Except for that ONE woman. I have said “hello” to her every evening, waved, and made eye contact. Her response?
Nothing.
She just keeps pedaling away, without so much as a head nod to acknowledge my greeting.
The first time I thought that perhaps she didn’t hear me, possibly due to some sort of hearing impairment and NOT some sort of asshattery. The second time, when I’m certain we were looking at one another, and she ignorned me yet again, I considered the possibility that she was blind and hearing impaired. Seeing as how she was riding a bike and avoiding all the construction debris in the road, I feel confident that she is not blind. I suppose it’s still a possibility that she’s hearing impaired, but my suspicion is that she’s social niceties impaired. Or in other words some sort of asshattery is indeed at play here.
The next time she smugly pedals past my house, I’m tempted to yell at her, “Didn’t your mother teach you manners?!” or “What’s your PROBLEM, HUH!?” or “HEEEELLLLOOOO!!!!!” Of course, all of these sentences would be preceded by the always attention getting “Hey LAAAADDDY!”
But that would make me as obnoxious as her.
My goal is to get her to reciprocate a greeting. I’d be happy with a nod, happier with a slight wave of the hand, and downright gleeful if she spoke back. It’s a lofty goal, I know. But, I won’t give up. I’ll wave and say hello every. single. time. I see her until I get that coveted response.
Stick around for updates! I’ll go make a pitcher of lemonade while you wait to show off my really awesome neighborly skills.
I always turn to my husband in those scenarios and announce it is time for OKHWK (operation kill her with kindness)
if nothing else the op cracks me the hell up.
people
are
odd
(come live in my ‘hood! we quirky but we friendly :))
MizFit’s last blog post..Guest Chef Time!
LOL
This reminds me of the time when we first moved into our friendly neighborhood and the house across the street was for sale by the realtor who lived three doors down from me. I would wave and speak to her every time she walked down to show that house until finally one morning, she got in her car and drove the fifty or so yards to show that house to avoid my attempts at niceness.
Of course, now she likes to fill my mailbox with postcards of her smiling, friendly self wanting to list my house each and every week. But I remember her.
Keep on waving. Maybe she can’t ride with one hand?
Andria’s last blog post..Party Like It’s Your Birthday
Seriously, what would cause her to not respond? Even with just a smile. Very strange.
Sister Honey Bunch’s last blog post..Mean Kids Suck
ok, this totally sounds like a plot point in a sitcom. LOL
Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You’s last blog post..Seriously, I’m ready for a break
I think you should put on a track suit and sneakers and next time she rides by, run right along next to her, but don’t say anything.
Or wear a shoddy bathrobe, cover yourself in ketchup and go throw yourself in front of her path next time she rides past
AndreAnna’s last blog post..Happy Birthday
AssHattery.. I love it. Jennifer, youre awsome.
CauseImThaMommaThatsWhy’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
This sounds like it could be an awesome Seinfel or Friends episode.
But seriously WTH? WAVE WOMAN! I hate when people are freaks like that.
Marti’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
What is this, Alabama?
AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..It’s Your Lucky Day!
That’s so weird. We had an across-the-street neighbor that ignored the heck out of us until he back out of his driveway and hit out truck and then he was all superfriendly b/c we didn’t ask him for any money. I don’t know what’s worse - bad manners or fake nice. You sound like a nice neighbor - when we buy our island you may visit.
DeuceMom’s last blog post..How Deuce Got His Name
My parents have lived in the same neighborhood for 23 years and there are still neighbors that don’t say hello! 23 YEARS?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!
Alison’s last blog post..When Did This Happen?
I like AndreAnna’s suggestion of you suiting up to run alongside her bike. That is hilarious!
My suggestion is to kick your own greetings up another notch or two so that you are so over-the-top friendly that she will be forced to respond in some manner.
There is a clique of women at the park district where my son takes classes who are social niceties impaired. I have yet to garner a smile or even any acknowledgement that I am alive, breathing, and standing within three feet of them . . . one of them even goes to my church and yet never seems to “recognize” me. I’m now convinced I’d dislike her if I met her, but I am still obsessed with getting a “hi’ out of her or at least a little eye contact.
mep’s last blog post..Series of unfortunate events; or, It’s a pity party and you’re invited.
We had neighbors like that when we first moved here. Until one day, the (very intimidating) woman realized that her granddaughter was in my daughter’s class. Then, she was all smiles and chats. Who knows? She still scares the living daylights out of some of our other neigbors, but is friendly as can be with us.
Also, my husband has a knack for bringing out the best in some of our more reserved neighbors. All week, I’ll wave and smile - maybe getting the same in return, maybe not. But, when Hubby comes home, they are all, “Hey! How’s that job? Any bites on the house?” *sigh*
Keep on trying! You’re the good one. You’re the good one.
Mandy’s last blog post..Satisfaction
That’s right, Jennifer, just NICE her to death. That’s exactly what I would do.
Mommy Daisy’s last blog post..W is for Winner
Ooh, I can’t wait to see how this goes.
No matter how many times we move, I ALWAYS run into one person like that. In San Francisco, I even had someone tell me, “I am not here to make friends.” I laughed because I thought they were joking. They weren’t!
tommie’s last blog post..Thursday 13…..#37….the letter Q
You can break her down. Your will is stronger than hers.
So I went to the blogger’s choice award site, I voted for you by the way. But I noticed you have an adult content warning. Huh? Did I miss a naughty post? What’s considered adult content?
Cassey’s last blog post..Number 4
Ohhh, I HATE it when people don’t acknowledge that I’ve said something to them! Total Asshattery!
wright’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday-House Guest
When people would enter my tiny stationery shop in New Orleans and proceed to ignore my every greeting, I would tell myself that they were foreign tourists.
Then, when they said something in English at the register, I would say, “Oh, I didn’t realize you speak English.”
I’m not kidding.
I would also tell people that talked on their cell phone the entire time they were in the store, “No, that’s okay. I’ll wait until you are finished with your call. I don’t want to interrupt.” Yep. Wouldn’t ring them up.
I’m not kidding.
People.
Maybe start saying random greetings in different languages every night. Tonight, try Spanish. Tomorrow, French. The next day, Italian.
Eventually, she has to at least smile at your insanity.
Velveteen Mind - Megan’s last blog post..Who’s Afraid of the Queen of Spain?
I’m jealous. I hate all of our neighbors. Especially the ones next door. I run away when they are outside.
I want a neighborhood where everyone is nice and friendly.
Julie D.’s last blog post..Mommy is Sick
Ooooooohhhhhh, you’re like Diane Lane in Under the Tuscan Sun where she’s trying to get the old man who comes and puts flowers on the wall each day to acknowledge her. Only he’s obviously bitter from a long ago tragedy, and she’s probably just constipated.
all things BD’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: How to Lose Your Allowance in One Easy Letter
Maybe try flicking her off???
Maria’s last blog post..I’m really not that interesting…
First thank you for the new word. I love it “AssHattery” It has been added to my vocabulary to be used a minimum of 3 times today. (And the people I know? It might be more.)
Second, your readers are too smart! I was going to suggest the running shoes and track suit and jogging along with her, but they’ve beat me to the point. Also, I totally agree that killing her with kindness is the way to go. There was a miserable person at the place I used to get my coffee and I was nice to her every.single.day until one day I got a smile from her. The next day a chuckle and so on. Other people want to know why she’s so nice to me now!
You can do this. I have faith!
CourtneyRyan’s last blog post..who knew I was such a softie?
I think the nicest thing you could do is to keep smothering her with kindness. Maybe she takes her bike rides very seriously. Maybe she is going through a really bad time. Maybe she is shy. Or maybe she is an asshat. Whichever, I look forward to your updates.
KEEP BELIEVING
Angie’s last blog post..Autographs, wordless wednesday
LOL Just keep saying hello. Eventually she will get guilty and nod or something.
Sandy’s last blog post..Is this week over yet?
nice. you could throw a bunch of tacks in the street and then have the lemonade and band aids waiting for her. She’d think you were so nice!
We have a crazy cyclist who frequently uses our street (a good hill) for exercise. He goes up and he comes down. He goes up and he goes down. If another biker comes up the street, he’ll shoot over to them and taunt them as they huff it up the hill.
One time I was out in the front yard with a friend and her kids. We started laughing about something just as the crazy person cycled by. He actually thought we were laughing at him and for about a month would make snide comments about me whenever he passed our house. Whether or not I was outside. Unbelievable.
Mama DB’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: lookin’ for adventure
Why do we have to have such grouchy neighbors? I think every neighborhood has one. We have a man in our neighborhood that doesn’t like kids. My son being a tween and loves to play practical jokes. All the kids in our neighborhood go around ringing the door bell and run. They are now calling it “Ding Dong Ditch”. Maybe they always called it that I just called it something else. But anyway, he did it to the wrong person! This man came to my house and told me what my son had done. I told him it would never happen again. Not 20 minutes later a sheriff shows up at my house. This man called him and had him come talk to my son. Now was that really necessary for a ding dong ditch????
April’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
Try to teach Ella to say Hi to her every time you see her. If she doesn’t say hi to the baby, then she’s an evil asshat and I’d stear clear of her.
Phoenix’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Where I want to be addition, two
Please continue fighting the good fight against asshattery in all corners (or just the Hoosier corners - I’ll continue to take care of the Pacific Northwest) because people who don’t know how (or know how and just refuse to be the kind of asshat you described) to just show common courtesy niceties really just annoy the snot out of me. I would say her mother was probably an inconsiderate whore, but last time I said that, I offended someone (true story). Go figure.
(the other) Maggie’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen 4/24/08 - 14th Edition
Can’t wait for the updates! It’s obvious it won’t end well for the woman. She’ll either be killed by kindness or she’ll have to find a different neighborhood to exercise.
Elle’s last blog post..Parenting: not for the weak of heart!
We had a neighbor that wouldn’t talk to us for the longest time and we kept trying…now she talks to us but she is such an a**hole.
I should have known:-)
I vote for yelling the “Heeeeey Laaaaady! ” at her !
*snort*
I’d plant the kids in the driveway on their bikes and when they saw her coming to ride toward her (not into her) and see if she slows, stops, or interacts!
My luck they’d run INTO her and make her crash.
Sorry never mind. Can’t wait to hear your version.
Jen’s last blog post..A Thousand Words
I was going to ask if you thought you still lived in Bama, considerind you are expecting that nice southern way to surface with this…um…lady, but since the rest of the area is so polite, maybe she is just an asshat. Kill her with kindness, maybe try….Evening Bitch! Last part might at least get her to crash so you can question her and she can’t get away. heehee! Waiting for the updates.
justmylife’s last blog post..Random Chit running around my brain.
I have a daily jogger in my neighborhood who will only wave to my husband. I wave at him and he never responds. Even when we make eye contact and are a few feet away from each other. Maybe he hates women? Maybe he is still mad at me of almost backing into him… I kid. Kind of.
Megan’s last blog post..We’ve come a long way, Bubbie!
Moon her. You know you want to. Have your kids moon her, too.
The Mom Bomb’s last blog post..Now I Need To Watch My Back
“asshattery”
jennifer, i love you.
the planet of janet’s last blog post..Five years and counting …
See, told you me and the heathen gods are like *this*. Snow in spring, earthquakes. Just wait to see what we have planned next!
Let me plop out my psy degree and say she’s probably a very insecure person. You should show her how the very secure act and maybe she’d learn from you.
Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..A Well-Lived Life
That is way more than I would do. Which makes you a much nicer person than me.
Miss’s last blog post..45 more
I’m afraid I’m one of those impaired people. Not that I wouldn’t respond, but I wouldn’t be waving to people on bicycles either. Neighborhoods need more people like you. I’ll bet you bake people pies and welcome them to the neighborhood, don’t you? Or organize block parties.
I suck.
poopsy’s last blog post..oh, go fly a kite.
Why don’t you put tacks in the road. Then when her tire pops she’ll be forced to stop. You can then run to her aid. That’ll give you a chance to determine once and for all what’s up her bike seat.
You go get the witchy woman! Make her speak to you.
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..TT: Grow Old With Me…The Best is Yet to Be.
Gah! People who don’t acknowledge others make me CRAZY! My vote is that you have Carson and Ella wave at her…because could anyone resist the cuteness of those kids? I think not!
And if she can resist, I would totally reconsider her being able to see.
Maggie’s last blog post..It’s that time….GIVEAWAY TIME!
you are a way better neighbor than i….at this point i wouldn’t be able to be nice any longer…and inner ali-bitch would come out!
My daughter Allie would continuously say hi to someone until they said hi back when she was a baby. Perhaps you should apply such ruthless tactics. haha. On a serious note, I hate when people can’t just wave or nod.
Amanda (Shamelessly Sassy)’s last blog post..Koumpounophobia:Fear of Buttons
hmm, how rude! Sometimes I don’t say anything, but I always AT LEAST smile and nod or wave…
Devan’s last blog post..35ish weeks
Why is it people can suck so much and just not care? Does she not know the internet sensation that YOU are?
We have one lady like that (who we of COURSE nicknamed like we do all the neighbors we don’t know - ‘orange lady’ cuz she fake bakes). BLECH!
MamaGeek’s last blog post..House Invaders
Wishing you success in your mission!
I hope you have better results than I did. In the townhouse we used to live in, the mom next door ignored me the whole time we were neighbors, which was impressive seeing how our front doors were only a few yards away!
Call it pragmatic language tx and take some data…lol…
Oh, I HATE that! In my neighborhood, the worst is when people are driving by, look right at me - I WAVE and smile, and they JUST. KEEP. LOOKING. No wave, no head nod, no nuthin. Annoys me to no end.
pgoodness’s last blog post..Did someone say cars?
This reminds me of the movie, Under the Tuscan Sun, where Diane Lane has a goal to get the old guy with the flowers to smile at her.
Hee.
And? I think Indiana sent her crappy weather to dump on Utah, dammit.
Loralee’s last blog post..I DID warn them…
Are you sure it’s not the Wicked Witch of the West?
Do you hear that music as she’s riding by on her bike?
Dunh dunh dunh da da da
In the Trenches of Mommyhood’s last blog post..The Nike Running Shirt Story
Is she pedaling all the way over from my neighborhood?
We’re a 30-70 bunch here. 30 percent are nice and wave and smile and act like decent human beings. The remaining 70 percent glare at you, turn their music up really loud, and let their kids run wild in the neighborhood while they throw hillbilly parties.
Christina’s last blog post..Haiku Friday: Simple Beauty
I vote set Carson up with a Lemonade stand and have him stand there and pout at her as she rides by!!
Stephanie’s last blog post..Gabe’s new do and It’s official
I can’t wait to hear how this plays out. I hate the unfriendly.
Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..For Once, I Have No Guilt
I say you throw a stick through her spokes. After she lands, she’ll probably talk to you.
Although the lemonade stand is a much NICER approach.
cyndy’s last blog post..I try to take one day at a time………
This has been my life daily for the last 18 months. We do not fit into our neighborhood and once everyone found out that we were not Mormon…they decided we were not worth their time. The head church guy (Bishop or something) came by to find out ‘what’ we were and then I think there was an announcement in church that they didn’t have to talk to us. LOL!
My new plan is to make my front yard so beautiful with flowers that they have to look at our house and I am starting a Pink Flamingo collection. Because nothing says..white trash who don’t belong here like pink flamingos!
Connie’s last blog post..Front Yard…Master Plan!
Bryan and I always ask each other if we have our “invisible belts” on.
Aimee Greeblemonkey’s last blog post..He has outside interests too.
You are hilarious! And I am loving the helpful hints your readers are giving. I especially like the ‘try different languages; and the ‘running alongside her’. Perhaps try compliments in with your niceties, such as, “I like your bike! Where did you buy it??” Or, “Man! You really know how to pedal!”
sing4joy’s last blog post..The Price Of A Mom
[...] don’t have the courtesy to wave at me? You and your crappy attitude are going on the blog. (Update: She has NEVER ridden her bike past my house again…do you think she’s read [...]