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“Fireworks Store” is Code for “Young, Hot Babes, Twenty Dolla”
Hi! Did you miss me? I mean, I didn’t post anything yesterday, veering way off course from my usual daily posting. It’s just that I’ve been a bit busy, traveling ALONE with my two children. (Yes they are both still alive and KICKING and SCREAMING, but barely.) I spent the last few days visiting my parents and in-laws back in Missouri and have just returned to Indinanna (Carson’s spin on Indiana.)
While driving home, I attempted to drown out the wailing of my children in the backseat by coming up with some really great topics to discuss here. I had hours and hours to contemplate possible subjects. Since most of my topics fall under the categories of either “lame” or “who the heck cares,” I truly wanted to come up with something that would knock your socks off and make you say, “Wow, that Jennifer came up with a topic that we will all be talking about for minutes to come.”
Luckily I was able to come up with a topic that fell into both the “lame” AND “who the heck cares” categories. It’s my little gift to you, my readers. This is what I came up with…my confusion about year-round mega fireworks stores. I’m sure you’ve all seen those, right? They are typically located along the Interstate and are huge buildings with flashy colors, advertising FIREWORKS! FIREWORKS! FIREWORKS!
This is what I wonder…How does a place like this remain open? Why do people need Black Cats and Roman Candles in April, or any days besides July 4 and New Years’ Eve*? Who shops at these places?
And then it occurred to me…maybe I’m naive. Maybe these “fireworks” places don’t sell fireworks year round at all. Maybe “Fireworks Store” is code for “Young, hot babes, twenty dolla!” Or! OR! Maybe, it’s code for “buy your illegal drugs/weapons/contraband in our basement!”
I considered not even talking about this, just in case I accidentally stumbled upon a private, underground industry and have inadvertantly outed these “fireworks stores.” It’s almost like I’m some sort of investigative journalist on Dateline NBC or 20/20. Almost.
Don’t worry, I also came up with another topic to discuss later in the week while driving, “Why I don’t like eating at places that remind me of barns or poop.”
I am clearly on my way to being a popular mommyblogger now with topics like these! (Is that my subscriber count plummeting??)
PS. Fireworks on New Year’s Eve is a very annoying southern thing.
You know, what I can’t figure out is how those places stay in business when it’s illegal to shoot off fireworks most everywhere. Heck, in some states it’s illegal to POSSESS fireworks. So what do you do? Buy them and then hide your contraband explosives under the baby’s car seat? I don’t get it. Unless, of course, they really are selling hookers and hand grenades. You might be on to something there.
Burgh Baby’s last blog post..Mother Nature, You’ve Been Warned
I have always wondered that too…since fireworks are actually illegal is most states…you can buy them but not shoot them off…so what is the point? However, during road trips I have stopped at some of these places (pee breaks) and they tend to have tons of souvenirs.
I can say though that DH found it funny and curious as well the first time he drove down South…
Sandy’s last blog post..I am grateful.
indepth fireworks expose … film at 11!
i can’t wait for the book!
the planet of janet’s last blog post..Famousosity
No way girl, we’re not going anywhere. And yes, there a couple similar places like that in DC. Except I’M PRETTY SURE they’re selling people. Seriously. Expensive real estate right next to the white house selling second hand dingy jewelry? And there’s dust in the display cases. And no one ever goes in. Yeah. I don’t even want to know.
Jess’s last blog post..I’ll take “Are you Insane?!” for 800 Alex
Ya your last line kind of spoiled it for me.
You can only buy fireworks in Texas in July and December. My in-laws always get some for the kids. My niece hates them. I enjoyed blowing up green army men as a kid. But they aren’t open all the time.
~Jef
Edge’s last blog post..You Would Think Brushing Your Teeth Wouldn’t Be A Big Deal.
I have always wondered exactly what those places are selling 11.5 months out of the year. But I’m not quite brave enough to stop and find out for myself….just in case…
Maggie’s last blog post..And we have a winner!
I shall surely be dicussing this for minutes to come
Oh, and can I just say how jealous I am that you visited by Bossy on her road trip? *sticks her tounge out at you*
Sarcasta-Mom’s last blog post..Princess of Theives
I’ll look for you on the news tonight!
Kewl..you met Bossy, and she actually commented in one of my recent posts! I’m FAMOUS now baby!
Jen’s last blog post..An Engineer & a Naked Lady Walk into a Bar…
Okay, I’ve gotta chime in on this one. I’ve recently become a Hoosier, as well, and I’m totally fascinated by the fireworks stores. Around my town, there’s a store called “School Stuff,” and it’s a combo fireworks/ school supply store. Can anyone tell me how this could possibly be a good idea?
MollyDoll’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Troublemaker
I drive to Chesteron from Chicago many times during the summer and wondered the same thing????!!! It drives me crazy!!!
Amy’s last blog post..almost may?
Our local fireworks stands pop up the week before July 4th and disappear right after. It’s a yearly ritual to pick a new “charity” to purchase fireworks from. Weird…especially if Grace Baptist Church or Allan Hancock Baseball is really a front for a prositution ring. I might have to reconsider my purchases this year. And my husband is going to feel really jipped if all he got were FIREworks and not a little sumthin’sumthin’. Know what I’m sayin?
AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..I Hate People Who Breathe…
oh…and i did miss you. I was just looking at Twitter and thinking “Where has she been lately?”…
AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..I Hate People Who Breathe…
Ummm…..we don’t have fireworks stores in my land. None. I actually have no idea where we’d even buy them (they actually might be illegal to sell here…I’m not sure…)
Teri’s last blog post..Knitalong: A Book Review
I HAVE missed you! I keep checking back for posts on a regular basis. So glad I managed to come back before the hubby got back to see you’d posted again!! YAY!!
And the fireworks stores? I really have no clue…I certainly don’t ever buy them…or go to those places…MUCH too seedy for me. You may just have stumbled upon something with the underground network thing…because those places ARE seedy.
Sadie’s last blog post..Random Bits…
Um…yeah…I posted about dog farts today.
Momo Fali’s last blog post..I Won’t Be Flicking My Bic For An Encore
Sad to admit that I know that, for the most part - these places are not, in fact, running hookers or drugs. People actually do randomly buy fireworks. I witnessed it up and down the beach in the Gulf of Mexico around the Galveston, Texas area just this weekend. It was like people said, ‘Hey - let’s camp and build a fire and set off mad fireworks at the beach tonight kids! Pass me my beer.” Also - Europeans set off fireworks on New Year’s Eve as well. Scared the heck out of me when they starting shooting them at my roof the first year we lived in Germany!!(okay, maybe they weren’t shoot them AT my roof, but the landed there, that’s for sure.) (I no likey either)
sing4joy’s last blog post..The Price Of A Mom
I lived in Guatemala for a while and the SUN RISING was a perfect occasion for fireworks there.
oh
and you are SOOOO popular up in herre.
what that counts for who can say?
MizFit’s last blog post..One Last Bike Bump.
From now on I’m sending you out to investigate all of my curiosities
(the other) Maggie’s last blog post..No Appointment Needed / 2 Kinds of 50
You might be on to something here!! Submit your theory to the local station… then you will be MORE famous!!
Miss’s last blog post..Rehab
This is a mystery to me as well, but as Teri said we don’t really have them here. I am perplexed by specialty stores like this. Like a Christmas store. It is only once a year, no? Or the ridiculous number of golf stores here when people can only golf a few months of the year.
andi’s last blog post..Keeping up appearances
Fireworks are very popular in Utah too for some crazy reason. You would think ‘things that explode and cause fires’ would be taboo. But no, just coffee and alcohol.
Connie’s last blog post..Vacation or Rehab?
Welcome back Jennifer! Oh how I missed you so. Oh.. and FYI.. the word youre looking for when referring to the “underground buy your illegal drugs/guns/contraband here” stores is Bodega (Bo-Dayga) MmmHmm … Oh.. and BTW.. Fireworks on New Years Eve is an annoying INDIANA thang too .. ha ha ha
Madness’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
We have a ski shop or two here in southeastern louisiana and I’ve never understood how they stay in business. Seriously, the closest thing we have to a snow covered mountain is a largish pile of dirt, constructed by the WPA in the 1930’s, that stands a wopping 20 ft above sea level.
And I had no idea that fireworks on New Years Eve was a southern thing, I just assumed they did that everywhere.
K’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
I’ve always wondered the same thing about Christmas tree shops. By the time Christmas is over, I need a solid year to recover and have no desire to set foot in a shop selling Santas and fake snow in July.
heather’s last blog post..out damned stuff
Now that you mention it, it is a little weird that FIREWORKS! FIREWORKS! FIREWORKS! is open year round. Hmm. I agree also with the poster who commented on Christmas stores that are opened year round.
Rosie’s last blog post..I don’t want to talk about it
I love that you point out that your kids are still kicking and screaming.
Veronica’s last blog post..How To Share Your Kitchen and NOT DIE!
Well that is something I have never thought of before! However, I do have a theory that the Taco Vans in my area actually sell drugs. Not ALL of them maybe, but there are really sketchy ones that just have “Tacos” literally spray painted on the side of them and only open up for business late at night. I’m just sayin’….
Cassie’s last blog post..Almost Wordless Wednesday
There you are! Yesterday I thought - oh - she’s taking a day off. And then this morning, since I normally find a new post before I leave for work, I didn’t find anything - I started to get worried. But not too worried, because you know, it might be nice out or maybe you were taking a break.
Those fireworks stores? For my neighbors who know it’s illegal to shoot off fireworks in Illinois, but insist on doing it not only on the 4th of July, but after random baseball games, basketball games, or heck, I don’t really know when. Just whenever they get back from a trip to Indiana, I suppose.
Cathy’s last blog post..Going Down?
I have had a very similar conversation. But my question is, how do these places afford the rent when they are only open 4 weeks out of the year. The one by our house closes completely outside of the Fourth of July and New Years.
You crack me up!
If it is some sort of code I would be the last to know.
Beth’s last blog post..when somebody loves you
OMG - what if you really are on to something and the scary Fireworks Mafia comes after you?!?
Impoverished Preppy’s last blog post..Tag - I’m It!
I am glad to hear the kids are alive and kicking and screaming. Car trip alone with the kids, it could have went either way. heh! Hope you enjoyed your visit, I missed my Binky Fix!
justmylife’s last blog post..Just sharing……
Another reason Missouri is so freaking weird, but I love it for some freaking weird reason. Since my parents retired in east-bum-f@*k rural southeast Missouri, it is our redneck custom to light fireworks ALL FREAKING SUMMER LONG BAABBYYY! Oh yeah, bottle rocket fights from Memorial Day to Labor Day. We is classy!
KEEP BELIEVING
Angie’s last blog post..Life, Interrupted, nearly wordless wednesday
I have always lived places where people set off fireworks for no reason ten months of the year. I’m letting January and July slide. I don’t know who these freaks are, but apparently they are fond of the Southeast since that’s the only area of the country I have ever lived.
Katy’s last blog post..Not That You Asked
Hey hey, watch the derogatory southern comments!
Actually, I could care less about fireworks altogether, but you may be on to something with the code/undercover thing.
You know the famous last words of every redneck male is, “Hey, watch this.” Beer and fireworks are usually involved.
HipMarye’s last blog post..Oh Dam
My husband and I think the same thing…that they must be selling drugs on the “off season”. And MAN, some of the fireworks buildings around here are HUGE! Why? Why would you need to building the size of a football field to sell sparklers?
Kristin’s last blog post..I may have jinxed it
I’ll bet you’re TOTALLY RIGHT. I have ALWAYS WONDERED how those things can be in business all the time.
Although, as an undercover operation for illegal stuff, a store selling illegal stuff is a poor choice.
Thanks for linking to that article about blogging. I REALLY liked it. As I said in her comment section, blogging is a HOBBY, like golf. Some people play golf and start actually turning it into more than a hobby. Most people just play golf. It doesn’t make sense to start playing golf thinking, “I want to be rich! and famous!”
Swistle’s last blog post..Speaking of Nuclear Crab
I am scared to death of the idea of setting off fireworks ourselves. I’ve heard way too many horror stories–yeah, I’m brave like that. Anyway, when I see those signs, I always remember the man who went into one of them and set the place on fire, eight people died. I would never go in one of those places. Anyway, I hope you had a good trip. I think it’s great that you didn’t let being alone with two little ones stop you from doing it. I bet your parents and the in-laws were really glad to see you.
http://www.cnn.com/US/9607/04/fireworks.fire.update/index.html
Mom24’s last blog post..Thoughts…
I’ve always wondered that too. I mean, how many people buy fireworks in March?
Devan’s last blog post..How is it possible
Three words: Country Weddings/Birthdays
I actually gave one of my best friends in college $250 worth of fireworks instead of a dishwasher from her registry. We made a ladies day of it - just the two of us having lunch and going to get them in PA. Also, more than once, we’ve driven to PA to buy them for birthday parties. Nothing quite tops a fireworks display from sitting in the snow bank cuddling with ski jackets, hats and mittens.
Yes, you need roughly 900 acers of land and to know all the local cops…but you’d be surprised how often that happens in Upstate NY.
Of course, its also possible they have other nefarious activities going on…
CourtneyRyan’s last blog post..yes, the whole night is this blurry…
There wass this crazy little old beauty shop where I went to college. They would wax eyebrows for $3 or something, so my best friend and I went. There was no one there, and the place looked straight out of the 70s. My friend decided all the little blue hairs working there were covering up for a drug operation. I’m pretty sure they weren’t, but we were the only customers there, and the women were really weird…
“Why I don’t like eating at places that remind me of barns or poop.”
best. topic. ever.
or how about shopping at places that remind you of barns or poop…because, seriously, who names a women’s clothing store ‘Dress Barn’???
Tell ya what, Jen, the next time I cross over the border to IN on 74 from OH I will check out “Half Price Fireworks” and let you know what is going on. I will be your Geraldo for this one. Every time I pass that place, I say “WTH? You are not supposed to shoot the damn things so why sell them?” Of course they sell fireworks at WalMart for pete’s sake around the 4th so what do I know?
And let’s not forget, firworks aren’t just for the 4th anymore! Think of all the times in the year your life can use some illegal pyrotechnics: New Year’s, Easter, Gramma got parole, Graduation, Arbor day, and hell if you live in Cincinnati or Northern Kentucky - Labor Day when you sit on the banks of the Ohio River and shout insults at each other and watch a fireworks show and shoot some off.
I have always wondered that myself! I love your blog and I am so glad I just came across it!! I have a new blog called I Overcooked My Family and I would love to hear from you
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I hate fireworks on NYE. I also hate them past 10pm anytime. I hate firecrackers especially.
I’m just a joykill, aren’t I?
VDog’s last blog post..Little Man Goes to Daddy’s Office
we were in Missouri at the same time! argh! Not that I got to do anything fun … but STILL…
Oh wait. Hee… I just remembered you don’t actually live all that far away… duh.
Dawn’s last blog post..I’m never watching “The Toy” again…